3 common reasons why a woman will say that to her boyfriend are:
1. She doesn’t think that he can change enough to become truly compatible with her
In a happy relationship, a woman is usually willing to overlook some of the things that she doesn’t like about her boyfriend (e.g. he’s not very confident, he gets nervous or shy in certain situations, he gives her too much power over him), because she hopes that he will change over time.
However, if she gets a sense he’s not willing or able to change and become more compatible with her, she will eventually break up with him and try to move on.
When a guy gets dumped in that situation, he will often try to get her back by explaining how much he loves her and cares for her.
Yet, that’s not what she’s concerned about.
She’s turned off by subtle things about him that he either unaware of, unwilling to put in the effort to change or simply doesn’t know how to change them.
For example: A woman might secretly want her guy to be a bit more confident and ballsy, rather than always being so nice and accommodating with her.
He might think that he’s doing the right thing by being really nice and accommodating, or he may realize that he’s being too soft, but just doesn’t know how to be more ballsy and manly in the ways she wants.
Even though he is a good guy and has good intentions, she just can’t feel properly attracted to him, so she sees them as being incompatible.
Another example is where a guy doesn’t know how to get his girlfriend out of a bad mood (e.g. when she’s throwing a tantrum, feeling irritated by him and complaining about little things) and make her smile, laugh and feel girly around him.
Instead, he gets angry at her, argues with her, or feels intimidated by her and tries to be even nicer to hopefully settle her down, but that only makes her more furious.
Women hate it when a guy gets upset, complains to her or demands that she stop throwing a tantrum.
She doesn’t want to stop because he says so.
She will stop if he has the balls to change her mood in the moment.
In other words, he doesn’t look control of his emotions (e.g. get upset) because she’s being difficult.
Instead, he has the balls to remain confident, be the man and guide the interaction back to love and laughter.
Guys who can do that are referred to as ‘real men’ by women.
It takes a lot of confidence and a good, loving heart to be able to do that when a woman is being a pain in the butt (e.g. throwing a tantrum, being unreasonable, insulting you).
So, if a guy can’t offer that to a woman, he will always disappoint her and she will never truly feel compatible with him.
Before she breaks up with him, she will try her hardest to get him to change and start being a more emotionally masculine man (i.e. a man who doesn’t sulk, seek pity or get upset when a woman is being a pain in the butt).
To push him to change, she will be disrespectful towards him in public, disregard what he says, get moody and sulky over insignificant things and generally be difficult to deal with.
If he realizes what she is really trying to do and changes, she will feel a deep respect, attraction and love for him and won’t ever want to lose him.
Women know how rare it is to find a real man.
On the other hand, if he gets angry, becomes emotional or tries to suck up to her and do whatever he can to calm her down, she will lose even more respect and attraction for him.
She will realize that he just isn’t strong enough for a woman like her.
As a result, she will say something like, “Look, you and I are just too different. I think it’s better if you find someone else who will be more in line with your personality. I’m not the girl for you. You need to forget about me.”
Of course, the guy won’t agree because he feels attracted to her.
Yet, what he doesn’t understand is that he’s not making her feel attracted to him.
He’s simply trying to get another chance with her by telling her how much she means to him and trying to get her to see his point of view about the relationship (e.g. it can work, it’s worth fighting for).
She doesn’t agree though because he has been unable to attract her in the ways she really cares about.
So, if your girlfriend is saying that you should find someone else, it’s most likely because you haven’t been able to attract her in the ways that she really cares about.
For example: Some of the ways that a guy might turn his girlfriend off are that…
- He’s too easy going and leaves all the decisions up to her. He thinks that will make her happy, but it simply makes her feel like the more dominant one, so she stops feeling like a girl and feels more like the man.
- He wants different things in life than she does (e.g. he wants to hang out with friends all the time and just have fun, whereas she wants to settle down and have a family).
- He’s too serious and lives a fairly boring lifestyle, so she doesn’t feel good about a future with him.
- He assumes that because they loved each other so much at the start, she will always stick with him. So, he then begins to take her for granted and just expect her to put up with whatever way he treats her.
- He’s too tense, anxious or stressed, so she just can’t seem to relax and feel happy around him.
- He doesn’t get along with her family and friends, who are an important part of her life.
- He gets nervous or in social situations (e.g. around her friends, family or co-workers).
- He treats her more like a friend and as a result, the sexual spark dies out and she no longer looks at him with feelings of lust.
- He’s too clingy and needy of her attention, which makes her feel smothered by the relationship.
- He’s too soft and gentle with her. She wants a guy who is more masculine in his energy, behavior and approach to her.
- He loves her way more than she loves him. That’s not the kind of relationship she wants. She want a guy that she is madly in love with and is a challenge for her to maintain the interest of.
Do any of the above apply to your relationship with her?
While reading through the list, you most likely had a few moments where you realized where you really went wrong with her.
That’s okay.
Don’t panic.
You are making progress.
You are going to get her back.
The most important thing for you to do now is to begin to make some changes, adjustments or improvements in the areas where you were turning her off.
For example: If you were too much of a romantic and became overly clingy and needy as a result, you need to start being a more well-rounded man and stop relying so much on what you can get from a relationship with her.
In other words, start making progress on your biggest goals, dreams and ambitions in life, while also getting her back.
Don’t put your entire focus on her and the relationship.
Women hate it when men do that.
A woman wants to be with a man who loves her and wants her, but doesn’t desperately need her to be with him so he can have sense of identity and purpose in this life.
It’s not about acting like you don’t care about her anymore.
No.
That’s not what it is at all.
It’s simply about being more balanced, well-rounded man, so she can naturally feel respect and attraction for, rather than having to put her guard up and keep you away from her because you need her so much.
Women sense these things.
…and it’s very important to them.
A woman doesn’t want to get stuck being a man’s purpose in life and have him become increasingly clingy, controlling and jealous over time.
She wants a balanced, well-rounded man who she can naturally feel respect, attraction and love for.
So, whatever the reasons are why your girlfriend dumped you, make sure that you are making changes, adjustments and improvements in those areas.
Then, when you interact with her again (e.g. via text, on social media, on a phone call and especially in person) you will be able to show her that you really have changed.
When she sees for herself that you are now the man she always wanted you to be, she will stop telling you to find someone else.
She will realize that letting you go will be a mistake.
She will notice that she now feels a new kind of respect and attraction for you that is more powerful than what she used to feel.
When that happens, getting her back is natural and easy.
Another reason why a woman might tell her boyfriend to find someone else is that…
2. She has lost respect for him
In a relationship, it is the man’s responsibility to maintain and build on his woman’s feelings of respect, attraction and love for him over time.
One of the ways that a man can build on his woman’s feelings over time is by being a consistent man.
He is always the kind of man that can look up to, respect and feel proud of (e.g. because he is confident, he treats her with respect, he is emotionally strong and masculine, he has a definite purpose in his life that he’s working towards, he is cool under pressure).
A man doesn’t have to be perfect, but he does need to aim to be very consistent and if he does make a mistake, he need to learn from that and improve.
If he does that, a woman will happily learn from her mistakes and improve along with him.
However, he has to go first.
He has to be the leader.
A man cannot expect a woman to be the stronger one and be a role model for him by being more consistent.
It is the man’s responsibility to be the emotionally stronger one and lead the way to a better relationship over time.
If he fails to do that (e.g. he crumbles when things become challenging, he is too emotionally sensitive, he allows her to dominate him in the relationship, he becomes insecure), she will gradually lose respect for him over time.
It doesn’t matter how good of a man he is and how good his intentions are, the relationship will begin to fall apart if she is unable to respect him.
Why?
When a woman stops respecting her guy, it becomes very difficult to feel sexually attracted to him.
As a result, her feelings will begin to fade and before long, she will stop loving him altogether.
Before getting to the point where she breaks up with him, a woman will usually try to warn her man by giving him hints about where he is going wrong.
For example: If a woman has lost respect for her guy because he is too wimpy and insecure, she might say things like, “You’re too nice. Why are you always letting other people walk all over you? You need to stand up for yourself once in a while.”
If a woman wants her guy to be more emotionally dominant than her, she might say to him, “Why don’t you make the decisions for a change? I’m tired of feeling like I have to take care of you all the time. You’re like a big baby that I have to take care of. It would be nice for me to able to relax and let you decide things for a change.”
If the guy picks up on her hints and makes some adjustments, she will naturally feel attracted to him and appreciate his efforts.
As she begins to respect him again, she will also start to feel more sexual attraction and as a result, loving him becomes easy and enjoyable for her.
Yet, if he doesn’t take the hint and just keeps doing what he had been doing, she will eventually get so sick of it that she will break up with him and try to find herself a new guy.
How about you and your girlfriend?
Is it possible that you caused your girlfriend to lose so much respect for you that she could no longer feel attracted and in love with you anymore?
For example:
- Did you stop being the confident, self-assured guy that she fell in love with initially?
- Did you become needy, insecure and clingy?
- Did you continue to make her feel loved and appreciated, or did you make the mistake of assuming that because she loved you so much in the beginning, she would put up with anything?
- Did you make her feel like a feminine, sexy woman in your presence, or did you start treating her more like a friend or roommate?
- Did you continue guiding both you and her to a better future together, or did you settle for a mediocre life because you just wanted to hang out with her and not spend time working on your goals and ambitions?
- Did she feel like she could trust you and depend on you, or did you lie to her or disappoint her too often?
- Were you too protective of her to the point where she felt smothered by the relationship and didn’t feel like she had any freedom?
- Did you always let her win arguments or get her way because you didn’t want to upset her, or because you were afraid of standing up to her and losing her?
It’s essential that you understand where you really went wrong with her, so you can begin offering her the right things.
For example: You might start trying to be even nicer to her, when what she really wants to see is you being more ballsy, having more confidence and making her feel the need to impress you.
So, make sure that you get clear on what you really need to change, adjust or improve about yourself to get her back.
If you do that, you will naturally make her feel respect and attraction for you again and she’ll stop telling you that you should fine someone else.
For example: If your girlfriend tries to test your confidence by being very cold and bitchy, don’t get upset about it.
Instead, show her the new you by remaining calm and turning her bad behavior into something you can both laugh about (e.g. “Oh, well someone is Little Miss Bitchy today, isn’t she?” and have a laugh with her).
If she tries to test whether you’re more emotionally dominant now by telling you what to do, show her you’ve changed by standing up to her in a loving way.
The more you can show her that you’re not the same guy she dumped, the less she will want to keep away from you.
Even if she tries to fight it, her heart will be saying, “Isn’t this what you always wanted? You shouldn’t keep pushing him away. He’s not the same guy anymore. You like who he is now. Explore that. Enjoy it. Give him a chance.”
Another reason why a woman might tell her boyfriend (or ex boyfriend) that he needs to find someone is that…
3. There’s no spark between them, so she feels like more of a friend to him
Sometimes, a guy becomes so comfortable in his relationship with a woman that he falls into the habit of treating her more like his best friend or roommate, rather than like a feminine, sexy woman that he finds attractive.
For example: A guy might stop noticing her efforts to look sexually attractive for him.
If she puts on a special dress to please him and he doesn’t even notice, or if she asks him, “Do you like my new dress?” and he just says, “Yes, it’s nice” she is going to feel disappointed.
What she wants to see is that he is very attracted to her physical appearance.
Women know that their physical appearance is the most attractive thing to other men, so if her own guy doesn’t feel attracted, she starts to feel unloved, unwanted and insecure.
What she would love to hear him say is something like, “Of course I like your dress….but I much prefer what’s underneath it,” or, “Sexy…I know what I want tonight” or, “Turn around…let me see your ass in that dress. Ooh yeah…I’ll be tapping later.”
Some guys just don’t feel comfortable saying that, other guys are worried that she might get angry and other guys think that women are a pain in the butt for wanting sexual compliments like that.
Whatever a guy thinks, reality is reality.
A woman wants her guy to look at her in a sexual way, appreciate her appearance and make her feel good about it.
If he doesn’t do that, she will eventually begin to seek that validation from other men by flirting with them.
A lot of guys don’t realize that until it’s too late.
For example: Many guys say things like, “She knows that I find her sexy because we have sex often. Besides, I used to tell her how beautiful she was a lot when we first met. She remembers that. I don’t need to keep telling her.”
That’s where he is wrong.
Women are a lot more insecure than men, especially about their appearance.
A woman needs the validation from her man.
If he doesn’t give it to her and she has to pressure him into giving her a compliment, it will seem forced and insincere and as a result, it will take the romance out of the moment for her.
If that keeps happening, she might then stop making the effort to please him and the initial spark that drew her to him in the first place will begin to fade away.
Eventually, she might say to him, “You should find someone else” and leave him because he just isn’t taking on his role as a man in the relationship by making her feel like a sexy, desirable woman.
Here’s the thing…
In the past, a woman had to stay with a man, even if she was unhappy, but the rules have changed now.
In today’s world, a woman doesn’t have to stick with a man if he stops making her feel the way she wants to feel in a relationship.
She can leave and find a new guy and in most cases, the people in her life will encourage her to do it because they want her to be happy.
In the past, a woman would be looked down on and people would shame her if she had more than one man.
Not these days.
In today’s world, a woman enjoys a kind of freedom that allows her to follow her heart and do whatever she wants, even if it leaves some guys brokenhearted along the way.
So, if you want your girlfriend to stop saying that you should find someone else, it’s essential that you focus on making her feel sexual and romantic feelings for you.
If you made the mistake of treating her more like a friend, then you need to change your approach immediately.
Don’t keep being the friendly, neutral guy that you’ve been in the past and expect that she will change and get back with you.
You have to face up to reality.
Sexual and romantic attraction is what makes a woman feel drawn to a guy and want to be with him, not friendly, neutral feelings.
By the way…
Even though you are her are now broken up, you shouldn’t be afraid to make her feel sexy and wanted.
You’ve got to rise up to the challenge and start being the kind of man that she can feel aroused by during conversations and interactions.
Don’t play it safe and be Mr. Friendly or Mr. Neutral.
Instead, you’ve got to sexual, charismatic and arousing to her.
One of the ways you can do that is by using flirting to create a spark between you and her and then continuing to build on the attraction to create sexual tension.
When a woman is feeling sexual tension, she will want to release it with kissing and sex.
If you do that, she won’t be telling you to find someone else because she will want you for herself.
5 Classic Mistakes That Other Guys Make When in Your Situation
When other guys are in your situation (i.e. their girlfriend breaks up with them and tells them to find someone else), they will often make one or more of the following mistakes:
1. Begging, pleading or crying to her
If a woman has already disconnected from her feelings of respect and attraction for a guy, seeing him lose emotional control of himself and start begging, pleading or crying to her will just turn her off even more.
Rather than feel flattered that he’s so desperate to get her back, she will think, “This is so un-cool. Doesn’t he realize that weak, wimpy, desperate behavior is a turn off for women? I want a man that I can look up to and respect, not an emotionally weak and needy guy who can’t even handle being broken up with.”
2. Pouring his heart out to her
Even though a guy means well when pouring his heart to a woman who is breaking up with him, it just doesn’t work.
Why?
If a woman doesn’t have much (or any) feelings for the guy she is breaking up with, him telling her how much he still loves her just isn’t going to matter to her.
Instead, she will say something like, “Look I know you mean well, but we’re just not right for each other. You need to find someone else.”
For her to care, the feelings have to be mutual.
So, if a guy is pouring his heart and hoping that it will change her mind, he will be disappointed when she keeps rejecting him and pushing him away.
3. Saying that, without her, his life just isn’t worth living anymore
Rather than feel flattered, a woman will feel smothered and turned off by his inability to cope without her in his life.
Why?
Women hate to feel responsible for a man’s emotional state in a relationship or in life.
A woman wants to be loved and appreciated by her man, but she also wants him to be happy, confident and forward moving in life whether she’s with him or not.
She doesn’t want to be his support system (e.g. like a mother, mentor, big sister).
She wants him to be able to stand on his own two feet and be someone that she can lean on when she is feeling vulnerable.
She doesn’t want a guy who needs her to keep picking him up, patting him on the back and telling him that everything will be okay.
4. Getting angry at her for leaving him at a low point in his life
He might feel angry about that and think that she is in the wrong, but that’s because he simply doesn’t understand how a woman’s attraction really works.
Women are attracted to emotionally strong men who can handle the challenges of life and keep going until they succeed.
Every man goes through low points in his life (e.g. losing a job, problems with family or friends) and a woman will stick by him if he remains emotionally strong and keeps making progress.
However, if a guy gets stuck at a certain level of life and becomes more of a burden than a benefit to her, it’s only natural that a woman will start to feel annoyed by that.
After all, she’s not his mother.
A mother will put up with that kind of thing for her child, but not a girlfriend or a wife.
In a sexual, romantic relationship with a woman, a man needs to be strong and push past problems in his life, rather than wallowing in self pity and expecting his girlfriend (or wife) to comfort him for months or years on end.
Remember: For a woman to be able to feel sexually attracted to a guy, she has to be able to respect him.
It’s totally fine to go through low points in life or experience challenges, but it’s how you deal with those that really count to a woman.
If you use the problems to make yourself stronger, wiser and more capable, a woman will naturally respect you and love all the more for it.
However, if problems in life make you become emotionally weaker and you end up expecting her to carry you and comfort you, a woman will lose respect for you.
That might suck for some guys to hear, but it’s life.
As a man, you have to be strong.
So, when a guy gets angry at a woman for leaving him at a low point in his life, she’s not going to feel like she is making a mistake if he was stuck at that level for a long time.
She will feel as though she made the right decision and now needs to find a stronger man who is more capable of dealing with life.
Finally, another mistake that guys often make in your situation is…
5. Asking her to tell him what he needs to change to make her love him like she used to
This is probably one of the biggest mistakes a guy can make.
Why?
A woman doesn’t want to be responsible for shaping a guy into the man that he needs to become, so he can eventually make her feel respect, attraction and love for him.
She just wants him to figure it out on his own, rather than leaning on her for guidance and support and making her feel stressed out in the process.
Getting Her Back
How you make your girlfriend feel from this moment onwards is what really counts.
The more respect, attraction and love you make her feel when interacting with her, the more she will want to keep you for herself.
She won’t want another girl taking you away from her and getting to enjoy the new and improved man that you now are.
She wants to enjoy being with you now because you make her feel so good.
So, don’t waste another minute.
She’s waiting for you to change how she feels.
Get her back!
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