When your girlfriend still wants you in her life, but doesn’t want to be in a relationship, it usually means that she will be actively trying to find a new guy behind your back, while giving you the impression that there’s still hope for you.
It’s fine to accept the friendship with her, but you must use any interaction you have with her, to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and sexual attraction for you, so that she changes her mind and wants to be with you again.
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The only way to get her to see you as being her boyfriend and lover again, is by actively making her have sexual feelings for you.
Don’t try to be an innocent friend who isn’t allowed to make her feel sexually attracted, flirt with her or contact her whenever you want.
Be an attractive friend who makes her feel some respect and attraction every time you interact with her.
Telling Her That it’s All or Nothing is a Bad Move
Many guys make the mistake of saying something like this to their girlfriend, “Well if I can’t be your boyfriend anymore, then forget about being a part of my life.”
He is essentially telling her that it’s all or nothing. She is either going to be his girlfriend or break up with him, but he can’t deal with being her friend.
The girlfriend then feels turned off by his immature, insecure, sulky approach and feels more determined to completely break up with him, so she says, “Fine…let’s stay out of each other’s lives then.”
A guy will then ignore her for weeks or months in the hopes that it make her realize that she made a big mistake.
However, if a woman doesn’t have feelings for a guy, she’s not going to feel like it’s a big deal that he’s ignoring her, and she’ll usually just shrug it off and move on with her life.
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Ignoring her is only going to work if she has strong feelings for you, can’t find a replacement guy or if she sees you hooking up with new, hot women.
If that doesn’t apply to your situation, you need to actively get her back by making her feel SOMETHING every time you interact with her.
In most cases, all it takes is one successful, attractive interaction on a phone call and the woman’s guard comes down, she opens up and meets up with her ex.
However, with really stubborn women who are determined to stick with the break up, it takes 2-3 attractive interactions before she says yes to meeting up or giving the relationship another chance.
So, if your ex currently doesn’t have much feelings for you, I don’t recommend that you ignore her and hope that she comes back because it rarely works.
The highest success rate approach is the active ex back process where you actively get her back by having attractive interactions that make her drop her guard and open back up to you.
Not all guys ignore their ex in the hopes of getting her back…
Some guys are so determined to stay in their girlfriend’s life that they accept bad treatment, bad behavior and unreasonable requests from her as long as they can still be around her.
Don’t do that either.
Your girlfriend isn’t going to respect you if you let her walk all over you and push you around.
Be good to her, but don’t be a pushover.
The Choice You Need to Make
Right now, it might seem that you only have two choices, but you actually have three.
Your first choice might be to simply give up and lose the woman that you love.
Your second choice might be to accept that she doesn’t want to be your girlfriend anymore, and simply hang around being her friend while you watch her fall in love with new guy.
Fortunately, you do have a third choice.
You can use her offer to be friends as an opportunity to secretly renew her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Whenever you talk to her via text, on the phone, or meet up with her in person, make sure that you spark some of her feelings for you (e.g. by making her laugh, smile and feel happy to be around you, turning her on by being confident and charismatic, making her feel feminine and girly).
She will then naturally start reconnecting with her feelings of love.
She won’t be able to help herself, because she will be feeling good whenever she is in your company.
Here are some other ways to attract her…
When you re-attract her in many way during interactions, she her guard will naturally come down.
She will then begin to wonder, “Why do I feel happy when I’m around him, but feel sad when I’m not? Maybe I made a mistake in saying I don’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore. Maybe I should just hook up with him again to see how I feel. Why do I miss him so much? Does this mean that we are meant to be together? Is it a sign?”
That’s what you want her thinking.
You want her to reconnect with her original feelings of respect, attraction and love for you, while also making her feel newer, more compelling feelings for you.
What you don’t want is for her to slot you into the friend zone and give you false hope that she is almost ready to get back with you, while she moves on with some other guy.
If you want to get your girlfriend back into a relationship with you, make sure that you don’t make these classic ex boyfriend friend zone mistakes:
1. Becomes a nice, helpful friend to her.
A mistake that some guys make is to think, “My girlfriend still wants me in her life, but doesn’t want to be in a relationship. I’m completely in love with her, but I don’t know how to make her feel the same way. Maybe, if I stick around long enough and be a nice, helpful friend to her, she will eventually see that I’m a good, reliable guy who she can count on, and then she will change her mind and want to be my girlfriend again. I’ve just got to show her how much I care and how willing I am to do what it takes for her to give me another chance.”
Yet, it rarely works that way.
Although there’s nothing wrong with being a part of your ex girlfriend’s life, or even being a good friend that she can turn to from time to time, the main thing to remember is that you should only be her “friend” as a way to get her back.
Don’t do it as a way to show her how nice, generous and kindhearted you are because that isn’t going to make her feel respect and sexual attraction for you.
She might think that you’re so sweet and kind, but if you’re still turning her off in the ways that caused the break up (e.g. lacking confidence, don’t know how to make her feel feminine and girly in comparison to your masculinity, don’t know how to turn her on during conversation), she’s just going to keep you in the friend zone and hook up with a guy who makes her feel attracted.
When a guy becomes available to his ex girlfriend 24/7, where he is always there when she needs him (e.g. she calls him up when she’s having problems with her latest guy, hangs out with him when she’s got nothing else going on in her life), he is usually hoping that she will realize that he’s the one for her, and begin to regret her decision to break up.
However, being a nice, sweet guy to her is not the same as making her feel sexually attracted to him.
A woman might really love and appreciate that a guy is being so mature about their break up and that he’s now such a great friend, but that’s not going to stop her from dating someone else if a guy comes along who makes her feel attracted.
It might seem like she is betraying her ex by doing that, but she’s simply following her feelings and the feeling of attraction beats all other feelings when it comes to relationships between men and women.
So, by all means be a nice friend to your ex girlfriend, as long as you remember that you are only doing it as a way to renew her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you.
2. Pretends that he’s not interested in her in a sexual way anymore.
Some guys make the mistake of thinking that just because they’ve broken up with their girlfriend, they now have to pretend that their feelings for her are suddenly gone.
A guy like this avoids doing anything to actively attract her, because deep down he hopes that this will make her change her mind.
He might be thinking, “If I behave myself around her and show her that I care about her as a person more than anything else, she will see that I respect her and she will then change her mind about us.”
Yet, that’s not how it works.
In most cases, a woman doesn’t suddenly start feeling sexually attracted to a guy if he’s not actively doing something to make her feel that way.
In fact, she loses even more respect and attraction for him for friend zoning himself and letting her treat him like he’s not attractive.
The reality is that you still love your girlfriend and you still want to be in a relationship with her.
So, pretending that you’re not interested in her sexually is being dishonest, and unfair, to both you and her.
Of course, you don’t have to go around saying things like, “I still love you so much and I’m going to do whatever it takes to make you see that we’re meant to be together,” but you do need to continue being a confident, masculine, loving man around her.
How can you do that without scaring her off?
When you interact with your girlfriend, whether by text, on a phone call or in person, make sure that your behavior, the way you talk to her and the way you interact with her is turning her on.
For example: Rather than always being on your best behavior around her and having neutral conversations that she is quickly going to forget, flirt with her, make her laugh and make her feel attracted to you in every chance you get.
Her respect and attraction for you will grow when she sees that you have the confidence to show your desire for her, even though you’re no longer together.
So, don’t fall into the trap of being a sweet, platonic friend to her.
There’s nothing wrong with flirting with her and making her feel attracted.
You’re a man and you’re going after what you really want, and that’s something that all women feel respect and attraction for.
3. Patiently waits around for her even though she is actively looking for another guy.
Many guys who say, “My girlfriend still wants me in her life, but doesn’t want to be in a relationship,” will consciously decide to wait around for their ex in the hopes that she will see how much he really cares for her, and will then give him another chance.
For example: A guy like this might stop going out, even with friends, and stay home alone at night or on the weekends in case she calls him.
Alternatively, he might also refuse to date other women, even though his ex is dating other guys.
In his mind, a guy like this is likely thinking, “If I show her that I’m willing to wait for her no matter what, and that nothing else can make me happy besides her, she will see how much I care for her and she will then give me another chance.”
Yet, in most cases, the opposite is true when it comes to women.
When a woman notices that a guy has no life without her, she begins to wonder, “Do I really want to be with a guy who has nothing else going in his life, and needs me to give him purpose? Do no other people or women like him? What did I see in him if others don’t even want to be around him? Maybe I made a mistake and was with a guy who didn’t deserve me.”
Women love to know that the guy they are with is valuable and that he can have any woman he wants, but he is choosing to be with her.
A woman doesn’t want to feel like she’s doing him a favor by being with him because no other woman out there wants him.
So, if you want to make your girlfriend feel like she will be losing out by only being friends with you, you need to show her that you’re a happy and fulfilled man with or without.
4. Lets her use him.
Sometimes a woman will tell a guy that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with him, but that she still wants him in her life because he is useful to have around.
For example: A guy might let his ex use him to do handyman jobs around her house, help her with bills, or running her errands.
Again, there’s nothing wrong with being helpful to an ex, as long as you don’t let her walk all over you.
If your ex gets into the habit of calling you up at any time of day or night, and she knows that you will drop everything to rush to her rescue, she will begin to feel like she has power over you.
Some women won’t take advantage of that, but many women will.
More importantly, when a woman feels more dominant than a man, she can’t feel feminine in contrast to his masculinity, which kills her sexual desire for him.
She also loses respect for him because he lets her push him around, which makes the idea of him being her boyfriend and lover almost impossible because she is just not attracted to that.
Here’s the thing though…
You should be helpful to your ex, because if she calls you up and invites you over to help her with some job around her house, it is the perfect opportunity for you to spark some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Just don’t be her Mr. Helper and hope that if you suck up to her enough, she will give you another chance.
Be available to help her, but when you do something for her, make sure that she is there so you can interact with her and re-attract her.
For example: If she calls you and asks you to help her with some repairs in her house, you can say something like, “Sure, no problem, but it’s going to cost you. I’m not cheap you know.”
She will then likely laugh and say, “Oh, okay, how much do you charge?”
You can say, “10 billion,” or “A pizza” and then after you get to her house, and help her out, you can say, “Okay, where’s my 10 billion?” or “Where’s my pizza?”
Again she will be laughing, smiling and enjoying your company.
You can then say, “The next time I help you with something, maybe you can cook me up some dinner or something. I always enjoyed your cooking” and you are then giving her a reason to want to ask you for more help.
If she is missing you and wishing that you could come over, she will text you or call you and ask you to help her with something.
You can then immediately ask, “What are you cooking me for dinner?” before you say anything else or agree to come over.
The main thing to remember is that every interaction you have with your girlfriend should be used a way to flick her feelings back on.
Actively Making Her Have Feelings For You is the Key to Getting Her Back
A woman’s attraction to a guy is mostly based on how he makes her feel when he interacts with her.
So, even though right now your girlfriend still wants you in her life, but doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, it doesn’t mean she will be stuck feeling that way forever.
When you make her feel the way she wants to feel when she’s with a man (e.g. she can look up to you and respect you, she feels feminine and girly in your presence, she laughs and enjoys herself when talking to you, she feels like she can be her real self and open up around you), she naturally begins to see you in a different light.
She naturally starts asking herself, “What’s changed here? Why do I feel so good when I’m with my ex now? Why am I thinking about him all the time? Maybe I should give him another chance…who cares what my friends or family think. This is my life and my heart is telling me to give him another chance.”
She feels drawn to you and from there, you just build on the attraction and let her see that things really are different now.
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