Before your girlfriend said that she wanted to break up with you, she would have gone through the following, 3 step process:
- She lost respect for you as a man.
- She then lost touch with her feelings of attraction for you.
- She then began to fall out of love with you.
If your girlfriend wants to break up, the secret to changing her mind is to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
You can make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you by beginning to show her that the relationship between you and her is getting better and better every day.
If she can see that and feel it, she will stop wanting to break up with you and she will fall back in love with you.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
I often get emails from guys who ask me things like, “My girlfriend wants to break up. What should I do?” or “My girlfriend wants to break up, but she still loves me. How can I get her to reconsider her decision?”
Unfortunately, the majority of the guys who contact me have already made some classic mistakes that have caused their girlfriend to feel even more certain that she wants to break up with them.
So, if you are a guy who is saying, “My girlfriend wants to break up” and you want to know what you can do to convince her to change her mind, make sure that you don’t make the following classic mistakes…
1. Begging or pleading with her to change her mind.
If a girlfriend says to her boyfriend, “I want to break up” and he then says, “Okay, I love you and want to be with you, but if you want to break up, I accept that” and then gets her to leave, she is going to thinking, “What the?” but she will also be feeling respect and attraction for him at the same time.
Women naturally respect and feel attracted to men who love them, but who not need them. So, when a boyfriend makes the mistake of begging and pleading with his girlfriend to not break up with him, she naturally loses respect for him and begins to lose touch with her feelings of attraction for him.
If a boyfriend begs and pleads not to be broken up with, he is essentially revealing to his girlfriend that he needs her more than she needs him.
In some cases, the boyfriend will know that he had gotten lucky when he got into a relationship with her and he will have a difficult time finding another girl, so when she decides that she wants out, he naturally feels desperate to hang on to what he has got.
Yet, that isn’t attractive to women.
Women are naturally attracted to guys who can easily pick up other women, but who decide to devote themselves to a woman if she meets his standards and continues to treat him well in a relationship.
Unless a woman is unattractive or insecure about her attractiveness, she will not want to be with a guy who needs her more than she needs him. For an attractive woman who knows that she is attractive, she will be aware of how easy it is for her to get other guys interested.
All she has to do is put up an online dating profile and she will have 100s of matches overnight, or head out to a bar or nightclub on the weekend and she is guaranteed to get laid.
With a woman like her, no amount of begging or pleading will change the way she is feeling because she knows that she doesn’t have to settle. She knows that it will be easy for her to find a new guy, so nothing that her boyfriend can say to her will actually change her mind.
To get her to change her mind about breaking up, you need to show her by the way that you think, act and behave that you’ve learned from the mistakes you’ve made and you are now a better, more attractive and appealing man as a result.
Your behavior, body language, vibe, conversation style and attitude need to be making her feel respect and attraction for you, not pity and disgust. Unless you are focussing on making her feel what she wants to feel, she’s probably not going to change her mind unless she breaks up with you and finds it difficult to get a new guy.
The mistake of begging and pleading also includes hounding your girlfriend with calls and messages and thinking that if you just message her enough, she will eventually understand where you are coming from and change her mind.
Yet, that is not the approach that works.
To get her to change her mind about the break up, you have to understand where she is coming from and make the necessary changes to your behavior, thinking, actions, vibe, attitude and approach to her and the relationship.
If you’ve already made the mistake of begging and pleading and she has now broken up with you, don’t worry.
We all make silly mistakes in life and as long as you learn from it and don’t do that again, you’ve become a better, wiser man from making that mistake and it’s now something to laugh about.
Don’t let her make it out to be something worse than it was.
If you begged for another chance, it was simply a silly reaction that you and her can now laugh about.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Don’t take it so seriously.
Focus on what actually works: Changing your approach so you now give the attraction experience she really wants from a relationship.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Asking her to explain exactly what you need to change
A woman doesn’t want to have to take on the role of a man’s teacher in life, so while she might give her boyfriend some vague reasons for the break up (e.g. “I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship right now” or “I need time away from you to figure out what I want” etc), she won’t actually tell him what he needs to do to keep her.
For example: Many women will break up with a guy who simply isn’t enough of a man for her. He might be too neutral around her, which makes her just feel like a friend to him, or he may have become a bit too feminine and emotionally sensitive, which then robs her of the attraction that she needs to feel for a man’s masculinity.
When a girlfriend breaks up with a guy, it’s usually for very specific, deeper reasons (like the example of him not being enough of a man for her, not making her feel girly in response to his masculinity, etc) that she isn’t going to be willing to share.
So, when her boyfriend then tries to get her to change her mind by saying, “Whatever it is that you want, I promise that I will do it. Just tell me what you want. I can change. Just tell me” it rubs her the wrong way.
A woman doesn’t want to have to spell out what she needs from her man. Instead, she wants to relax into being a feminine, emotional woman and that can only truly happen when she is with a guy who knows how to be a man.
Some guys are lucky enough to grow up around male role models who can teach them how to be the type of man that women love, respect and feel attracted to. However, most guys just don’t ever get taught that type of thing and are instead told incorrect things like, “Treat her like a lady. Buy her nice things. Listen to her.”
Yes, that is great advice if she actually respects you and feels attracted to you, but if she doesn’t have those feelings for you, she’s not going to want to stay with you for life because you’re nice to her and buy her nice things.
Rather than expecting your girlfriend to teach you fundamental lessons on how to be the type of man that women want, you need to learn that stuff yourself.
What you need to understand is that you have a lot of control over how you make your girlfriend feel.
If you are saying and doing the types of things that make her feel respect and attraction for you, then she’s naturally going to feel that way towards you.
However, if you’re saying and doing things that are turning her off, then she’s naturally going to feel turned off and will want to continue with her idea to take a break and then break up with you.
The next mistake to avoid is…
3. Handing over your power in the hope that she will take pity on you.
Putting a woman in charge of the relationship isn’t what she really wants.
Sure, a woman wants you to respect her, listen to her and care about how she feels and what she wants, but she doesn’t want you to be a guy that she walks all over in a relationship.
Some guys make the mistake of thinking that they can prevent a break up with their girlfriend by giving her all the power. Essentially, he will do, say and think whatever she wants him too, in the hope that it makes her feel pity for him and want to stay.
In his mind, he feels like it is the perfect way to show how much he cares, but to her, it’s just another reason why she can’t respect him as a man.
4. Involving her friends or family in the break up.
A classic mistake that some guys make when trying to get a girlfriend to change her mind about breaking up, is to call in the help of her friends and relatives.
Guys who do this assume that by showing her friends or family how devastated he is by her desire to break up with him and what a “nice guy” he really is, they will take pity on him and try to convince her that she should reconsider and change her mind.
Yet, this is an approach that will backfire in a big way because a guy who actively seeks the pity of others is not the kind of guy that women respect or feel sexually attracted to.
How to Keep Your Relationship Together
If you want to go from saying, “My girlfriend wants to break up” to, “My girlfriend is madly in love with me and never wants to let me go,” then you need to commit to changing the things about you that have been ruining her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
When you make changes for the better and show her that you’ve now got what it takes to make her happy, she will naturally begin to change her mind about the break up.
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