If your wife isn’t affectionate anymore it could mean one of the following:
1. You have slipped into being neutral around her, rather than being masculine and making her feel girly in your presence
Inside, you may feel very masculine or confident, but she’s not going to feel any desire to be affectionate if you don’t use your masculinity to make her feel feminine (rather than neutral) in comparison to you.
If you just generally behave like a confident, masculine man, but don’t put that on her (i.e. playfully tackle her onto the bed and hug her and kiss her, be a little rough with her in a loving way), then she’s not going to be feeling feminine in comparison to you.
As a result, you and her will feel more like friends, rather than a man and wife who are sexually attracted to each other and excited about being in love with each other.
2. She feels as though affection and sex no longer need to be a big part of your marriage because you’ve already done that in the past and now she just wants to grow old together
You can change how she feels about that, but you need to ensure that she is not getting the impression that you NEED affection and sex from her to feel okay about yourself.
Let any affection and sex you have come naturally, as a result of you creating a loving relationship dynamic and occasionally making her feel very feminine in comparison to your masculine approach.
3. You have done things that have caused her to lose respect and attraction for you over the past few months or years and she no longer feels that kind of spark with you
If you have been turning her off (e.g. by being too insecure, moody, argumentative, irritable, needy), you can fix that and start making her feel attracted to you from now on.
4. She doesn’t feel much excitement about the idea of getting sexual with you at the moment, because the energy you bring to the sex is too predictable
To make her enjoy the sex more, start looking at her as being a lot less dominant than you and then doing what you want with her during sex.
Let her feel as though you’re not holding back on what you really want to do to her (e.g. the way you squeeze her breasts, grab her body, move her around, kiss her neck, give it to her from behind).
You don’t have to do that all the time though.
Just mix that in, otherwise it too will become predictable.
Close up, loving, slow and intimate sex is another way of making her enjoy it. Mix that in as well as other approaches (e.g. having a quickie in a few positions, only doing one position the whole time, getting her to ride you the entire time, occasionally thrusting very slowly during the sex for a minute or two).
5. You have been too serious in your interactions with her and there is no longer enough laughter and humor between you to make her feel comfortable about being affectionate
As a result, she feels uptight around you rather than happy, positive and relaxed.
It seems as though you and her are just tolerating each other and hoping that things might improve in the future.
Yet, things pretty much remain the same because you’re doing the same things as before, or you have tried to improve or change, but have only really changed a little bit.
For example: Sometimes a man will need to become 50% more masculine in his behavior around his woman, or the way he touches her, but he will become 5% more masculine at times.
She will feel a bit more attracted to him, but not enough to get excited about.
Additionally, she may also sense that he fears being more masculine around her in case she challenges him (e.g. pretends not to like it, pretends to get angry, says that he’s acting weird, rejects his advances).
If he’s not prepared for the fact that a woman WILL challenge a man (to see if his new level of masculinity is real or not) when he starts being more masculine around her, then he will mistake her reaction as rejection or disapproval.
The reality is that women ALWAYS feel more attracted when a man is more masculine.
There is no doubt about it.
Her testing your approach to her (e.g. by her pretending not to like it) is just to check if you are being real.
It’s not a real rejection.
If you are unable to handle her challenge when she tests you, then she won’t feel more attracted and will instead feel as though you still haven’t fully grasped how to be a masculine man.
So, with the 5 possible reasons above, which of the above do you think applies to your situation the most?
Whatever the case is for you and your wife, just know this: You CAN get the spark back between you and her.
The reason why, is that the amount of attraction that your wife will feel for you on a day-to-day basis, is pretty much within your control.
Her attraction is largely based on how you behave and act around her.
Blaming Her
Sometimes, a guy who says, “My wife is not affectionate anymore,” will make the mistake of assuming that if a woman stops wanting to hug, kiss, hold hands and have sex, it’s pretty much her fault.
For example: He might say things like, “She’s turned into a plain Jane woman who isn’t interested in sex” or, “She baited me into marrying her with sex and now she’s withholding it” or, “She always seems to have a headache, be too tired or not be in the mood” or, “She used to be so loving and affectionate when we first got married, but has changed over time. I just don’t understand what’s wrong with her.”
Yes, it can sometimes be the woman’s fault, but in a relationship, it’s the man’s responsibility to lead the way to deeper feelings of love, respect and attraction over time.
A woman’s role is to react to the dynamic that a man creates.
If a man creates a dynamic where they both have equal dominance, the woman will go along with it, but she will feel as though they are more like friends and as a result, will slowly lose her desire to be affectionate or sexual with him.
If a man creates a dynamic where the woman is more dominant (in her energy, her ability to sway the mood in her direction, get her husband to bend to her will), then she will go along with it, but she will struggle to feel attracted to him because he is a weaker force than her.
If a man creates a dynamic where he is only more dominant in a subtle way, then she will feel respect and attraction for him, but won’t be jumping all over him with affection, or regularly desiring sex.
If a man creates a dynamic where is dominant in a subtle way a lot of the time, but much more obviously dominant occasionally (i.e. based on how he touches her, lovingly laughs at her when she is trying to intimidate her with her anger or tantrum, or the way he pushes up against her in a dominant, but loving way and makes his presence felt) and is a good man to her, then she will naturally feel the desire to be affectionate and to have sex.
The woman is simply reacting to the man.
So, while it’s okay to blame her for being less affectionate, you’re not really going to achieve anything by doing that.
As a man, you have to take responsibility for the dynamic of the relationship and turn it into what you want.
It might feel a bit awkward or difficult to make changes to the dynamic of your relationship, but just know that it will make both you and her so much happier now and in the long run.
She will naturally respect you more, be more affectionate and be much more into sex than she has been in a long time.
Happy Couples Who Remain Affectionate For Life
Have you ever seen one of those married couples who, after decades of being together, are still madly in love, affectionate and happy to be around each other?
If that is happening, then the husband has created and maintained a relationship dynamic where love and affection flows.
Even though the relationship is that could, it’s important to also know that he could RUIN the relationship by creating a different dynamic.
For example: If he became an insecure, needy (in terms of affection) and irritable man around her, then she would stop being as affectionate and begin to fall out of love with him.
Yet, if he maintains a dynamic where mutual love, respect and attraction flows, they will remain happy and love each other for life.
That’s how it works.
Have You Been Making Any of These Mistakes That Cause Women to Stop Being as Affectionate?
1. Have you been taking her for granted?
The love, respect and attraction that you and your wife feel for each other is something that will fade away if it isn’t taken care of, nourished and built on over the long term.
Even when life gets stressful, challenging or difficult, you have to make sure that you don’t stop making her feel loved, appreciated, valued and attracted.
Unfortunately, some guys buckle under the pressure of life and stop genuinely noticing their wife and showing interest in the efforts she makes to be a good wife, look good for her husband, keep a neat and tidy home, cook his favorite foods, take care of the children, etc.
The husband comes to expect that she should be doing that and that’s just how things are.
Yet, it isn’t 1900 anymore.
Women can leave a marriage if they want to.
Your wife might not be the type who wants to break up a marriage, but if she feels like you take her for granted, it’s only natural that she isn’t going to want to reward you with affection.
Has this ever happened to you?
Has your wife ever asked you for your opinion on an outfit she was wearing, and instead of really looking at her and taking the time to appreciate her efforts to look good, you glanced up from the TV or your phone and gave her a standard reply like, “Yeah, sure honey, that’s fine,” or “Whatever you like is fine by me.”
Although chances are high that you think she looks beautiful no matter what and that she’s a better judge of fashion than you, it’s not what she is wearing that matters to her.
What matters to her is whether you are noticing that she’s trying to please you by being physically attractive or appealing, because she knows that her appearance is what men are attracted to the most.
She also wants to know if you still feel that spark when you look at her.
You know the one.
The spark you felt around her during the first couple of years.
Do you still have that?
She wants to see that in your eyes in order to feel sexually confident around you.
She knows that you will naturally find other women attractive, but just wants to know that you still look at her as the sexiest woman on Earth.
She wants to feel as though you get a “Wow!” feeling inside of you when she puts in an effort to look good for you.
If she doesn’t get that from you, she may try to get that reaction from other men (e.g. coworkers) who are interested in her, or will simply lose her enthusiasm to be physically attractive or appealing to you.
2. Have you put her in the position of power?
Caring about your wife and her feelings doesn’t mean that you should let her walk all over you.
A woman will always test you to see how much she can get away with and to see whether or not you are still the man (i.e. the one wearing the pants) in the relationship.
If you let your wife boss you around and step all over your feelings, needs and wants, she will naturally lose respect for you as a man.
When a woman doesn’t fully respect her man, she also loses the desire to be affectionate with him.
Touching him in any way, whether it’s just to hug or kiss or hold hands, or being more intimate and having sex, will make her feel a bit uneasy and uncomfortable.
Why? Women are sexually attracted to confident men who are mentally and emotionally strong and who can, and will, continually take the lead in a relationship.
When a husband gives in to whatever his wife wants because he is fearful of losing her, she naturally loses respect for him and when that happens for long enough, she loses touch with her feelings of sexual attraction for him.
3. Have you been hiding from your true potential as a man?
A woman will marry a man even if he isn’t successful because she can see that he has the potential to succeed, or at least do fairly well in life.
In some cases, a man will talk himself up and tell her all about his big goals, dreams and ambitions in life that intends to follow through on.
Yet, if he then uses the relationship as an excuse to hide from his true potential in life (i.e. by always hanging out with her, doing little tasks around the house to keep himself busy), she will feel turned off, annoyed and disappointed with him.
She will feel as though he lured her into the marriage by pretending to be a man who would follow through to success.
When she said “I do,” he felt like he’d gotten her and she wouldn’t ever leave him, even if he didn’t follow through on his goals or ambitions.
Have you been following through on your dreams and ambitions since you married her?
Are you still rising through the levels of life with purpose, or are you making excuses about why you’re not becoming more successful or why you’ve stopped following through on your goals and ambitions?
Having setbacks along the way to success is absolutely fine and happens to everyone, but falling into a pattern of hiding from success and your true potential will cause a woman to lose respect and attraction for you.
When that happens, she won’t feel motivated to reward you with her affection.
Opening Up the Flow of Love and Affection Again
If you’ve been wondering why your wife is not affectionate anymore and wanting her to change, it is important to understand that she may need some time to change.
It can be difficult to break a habit of behaving in a certain way (i.e. not being affectionate), but it can be done.
To help speed up the process, I recommend that you begin doing the following:
1. Make an effort to notice her one a day and genuinely compliment her about how she looks, about something she has done (e.g. cooking a nice meal) or something you appreciate about her. Mean what you say, rather than just saying it without emotion or authenticity and she will feel sparks of happiness, attraction and love for you.
2. Once every few days (to begin with), stop and give her a warm, loving hug. Hold her hand for 30 seconds to a minute when you’re watching TV or at the movies, even if she initially squirms or doesn’t want to. Eventually, she’ll stop being so cold and will begin to initiate those things herself.
3. Smile and laugh more often.
Giving off positive vibes and being in a good mood will help to create a more loving environment, allowing her to become more open and interested in being more affectionate towards you.
Okay, I hope you enjoyed this article and if you need any more help, I highly recommend that you check out my program on how to have a happy, in love and affectionate relationship.
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