Here are 4 tips to help you rebuild yourself fast:
1. Don’t focus on the superficial things that women don’t really care that much about anyway
After a break up a guy might start thinking things like, “She said that she didn’t have feelings for me anymore. Maybe that happened when I picked up / lost a bit of weight. She lost her attraction for me and things went downhill from there. However, if I go to the gym and lose weight / put on some muscle and maybe even change my wardrobe and hairstyle, the next time she sees me, she will feel attracted to me again because I look so good. She will then want to give me another chance and we can get back together again.”
Yet, here’s the thing that guys like that don’t understand…
Making your ex feel attracted to you again has almost nothing to do with your physical appearance.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you should be a slob and not give a damn about how you look, however, it’s not the main thing that will make your ex want to be with you again.
Instead, a woman’s attraction to a guy is mostly based on how he makes her feel when she’s interacting with him.
So, go ahead and get a new gym membership, buy new clothes and get a new haircut if it’s something you want to do for yourself (e.g. because you’re ready for a change, you want to take back control of your body, it’s important to your physical and mental health), but don’t do it to impress your ex.
If she’s like most women, she won’t really care about those things.
Sure, she might say, “Wow, you’re looking great,” when she sees you, but deep down she’ll be thinking things like, “I wonder if he’s put as much attention into changing himself on the inside as he has on changing the outside. I hope he doesn’t think that just because he’s lost / picked up weight and gotten himself new clothes I’m going to suddenly forget about how he behaved in the relationship? He’s going to have to do a lot more than change his physical appearance to convince me to give him another chance.”
So, don’t make the mistake of thinking that you need to get a physical makeover to re-attract your ex.
It’s fine to pay some attention to those things, but 80% of your time and energy should be focused on what really matters to women (i.e. attracting her emotionally).
By the way…
If you’re not sure where to start, here are some questions that will help you get a clearer picture on how to re-attract your ex in the ways that are important to her:
- Are you a confident, emotionally strong man who believes in himself and in his value to his ex (and women in general), or do you feel insecure and believe that you’re not good enough for her, or for the women you really want?
- When you interact with your ex, do you make her feel feminine and girly in your presence, or does she feel more like a neutral friend or worse, like a big sister to you who always needs to hold your hand and guide you?
- Are you emotionally independent and feel happy, content and excited about your life even though she’s not with you anymore, or do you feel lost without her and like you need her back to be able to function?
- Are you more emotionally dominant than your ex, or does she easily walk all over you, get her way and control you?
- Are you living up to your true potential as a man, or have you been happy to just “go with the flow” and see where life takes you, even though you were aware that this attitude made your ex feel stressed out and uncertain about her future with you?
When you understand what your ex really wants in a relationship with you, you can quickly make some changes and improvements to yourself and then let her experience the new you during interactions.
Don’t tell her that you’ve changed.
Instead, just let her sense it and see it based on how you now talk, behave and act around her and in life.
When she can see that you now understand what she really wants, her guard starts to come down and she naturally opens back up to you.
On the other hand, if you only change superficial things about yourself (e.g. your physical appearance) and expect her to want you back, don’t be shocked when she says something along the lines of, “Sorry. I know you mean well, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you. Please accept that what we had is over and move on.”
Another tip to help you rebuild yourself after a break up is…
2. Focus on how you will make her feel attracted, so she has a reason to give you another chance
If you read the first point, you will already be aware that attraction is the most important thing to focus on if you want to get your ex back.
When you can make her feel sexually and romantically drawn to you again, her walls naturally crumble down and she opens back up to you.
So, you have to focus on that.
When you interact with your ex from now on, over the phone or in person, whatever you’re saying and doing is either going to be turning her on and making her think things like, “This is so unexpected, but I’m really feeling so good talking to him again. Maybe he really has changed after all. Maybe it’s not too late to work things out between us,” or turning her off and convincing her that you definitely are not the man for her.
By the way…
If you’re unsure of what will spark your ex’s feelings for you, here are some examples to help you out the next time you’re interacting with her on a call or at a meet up:
- Show her by the way you now think, talk, behave and respond to what she says and does, that you’ve changed and improved in some of the ways that are important to her and are now at a new level as a man.
- Use humor to take the awkwardness out of the situation and make her feel relaxed, happy and attracted to you again.
- Maintain your confidence around her regardless of what she says or does to make you feel insecure and doubtful about your chances with her (e.g. she says things like, “I will never be able to trust you again,” or “Nothing you can do will change the fact that I don’t love you anymore,” she’s cold, mean or critical towards you).
- Make her feel like a sexy desirable woman in your presence by being emotionally masculine around her, rather than being too nice, sweet or neutral and making her feel like a friend, roommate or big sister.
- Stand up to her in a loving way when she tries to dominate you during conversation, rather than letting her get her way to make her happy and turn her off instead, because she perceives you as being too emotionally weak and wimpy.
When you interact with your ex in some of those ways, she can’t stop herself from feeling attracted to you again, even if she initially doesn’t want to.
She then naturally drops her guard and opens back up to interacting with you more, so that she can explore her new, exciting feelings for you.
Another tip to help you rebuild yourself after a break up is…
3. Do new things with new people
Although it’s likely that your friends will be there for you during this difficult time and you shouldn’t neglect them, getting out and making new friends is a good way to help you rebuild yourself after a break up.
Here’s the thing…
When you only go out with old friends, you will end up feeling the same old way.
On the other hand, doing new things with new people will make you feel new emotions, get new experiences and gain new knowledge.
In every town and city, there are situations you can place yourself in where you will immediately be surrounded by new people who will welcome you.
For example a great resource you might want to look at is Meetup.com.
It’s available in most areas and it caters to people of diverse cultures, interests and tastes.
Regardless of where you are in the world, there is most likely a meet up happening near you today, tomorrow or this weekend.
For example: Some of the activities and groups you might find on this website include…
- Gaming clubs.
- Tech groups.
- Outdoors and adventure groups.
- Health and fitness groups.
- Book clubs.
- Photography clubs.
- Sci-fi clubs.
- Dance groups.
- Boxing class.
- Mixed martial arts class.
Of course if there are no meet up groups in your area, or if you don’t want to go that route, there are still many places you can go to, to meet new people in your city or town (e.g. your local community centre, gym, or even a charity group).
It all depends on you and what you’re interested in.
Whatever you’re into, chances are there are other people around you who are into it too.
By the way…
If you’re not particularly interested in anything specific, pick something that appeals to you the most and go give it a shot.
You might be surprised to discover a whole new hobby that you never even imagined you would be interested in.
At the same time, you’ll make new friends, learn new things and without even realizing you’ll also change and develop as a person.
Not only will that help rebuild your confidence and sense of worth after your break up, it will also make you more attractive to your ex when you interact with her again.
Rather than sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and staying stuck at the same level you were at when she broke up with you, you’ve taken action to become a better man.
That’s attractive to her.
As a result she begins to reconnect with her feelings of respect and attraction for you and becomes open to the idea of giving you another chance.
Another tip to help you rebuild yourself after a break up is…
4. Experiment with new attraction methods that are outside your comfort zone
If you try to get your ex back by using the same approach you used on her the first time around (e.g. sending her flowers, being really sweet and nice to her, wooing her like she’s a princess and you’re a gallant knight who never challenges her), she will most likely keep pushing you away.
Why?
She’ll take your approach as a sign that nothing else about you has changed either.
She may then think to herself something along the lines of, “I can see that he’s still stuck at the same level he was at when we broke up. He never changes or improves. I’m sure that will be enough for some other woman, but it isn’t enough for me. I need a guy who can change and evolve and make me feel excited to be around him.”
This is why it’s so important for you to use a different approach with your ex and experiment with attraction methods that you’ve never tried before.
For example:
- If you’ve always been quite serious in the past, try some playful, arrogant humor for a change.
- If you’ve been really easy-going to the point where people, and especially your ex, walked all over you, give being more ballsy a shot.
- If you’ve allowed your ex to always get her way when she’s with you, try putting her back in her place in a dominant, but loving way. Stand up for yourself when she tries to dominate you with her forceful personality, while still being a good guy to her.
- If you’ve always treated your ex like a good friend, go ahead and flirt with her now to create sparks of sexual tension between you and make her feel feminine and girly around you.
The more unpredictable you become (in a good way) when you interact with your ex, the more drawn to you she will feel.
She’ll begin thinking things like, “What’s going on here? Who is this guy? I’m sure this isn’t the guy I broke up with. He’s so different now. I actually like the new him. I want to stick around and see what he has in store for me next. It’s so exciting.”
When she starts thinking that way about you, her feelings of attraction will begin flooding back and she will begin to feel sparks of love for you again.
It’s then up to you to guide her through the final steps of attraction and get her back.
This is why it’s so important that you’re fully prepared to re-attract her in new and exciting ways.
If you don’t, there will be no motivation for her to want to give you another chance, because she will feel that she’s getting back the very thing she tried to get away from in the first place (i.e. the same old attraction experience), and she doesn’t want that.
4 Common Mistakes to Avoid When Rebuilding Yourself After a Break Up
Rebuilding yourself after a break up and getting your ex back can happen pretty quickly if you follow the right steps (i.e. change and improve some of the things that caused her to split up with you, reactivate her feelings for you during interactions, get her back).
However, if you miss out any of the steps, or make other mistakes, it will take so much longer for you to accomplish what you want.
So, be prepared and avoid making any of these mistakes:
1. Taking so long to rebuild that she moves on without you
Although preparing yourself to re-attract your ex is a vital step to getting her back (i.e. because if you try to get her back without changing she will sense it and push you away), it can’t be something you do indefinitely.
Remember: The longer you take, the more time your ex has to fully get over you, move on and find herself a new man.
Then, by the time you get around to re-attracting her, she may be in love with someone else and then it will be very difficult to get her back.
So, what should you do instead?
You need to take a few days (no more than 7) to rebuild yourself.
For example: Some of the ways to do that are…
- Focus on calming down and regaining control of your emotions.
- Come up with a clear list of reasons why your ex broke up with you.
- Start working on improving those things about yourself.
- Start learning how to re-attract her.
- Stay confident knowing that you are preparing to successfully get her back.
Then, when you feel ready, get your ex on a call with you and re-spark some of her feelings for you.
The next step is to get her to meet up with you in person and get her back for real.
Get her back now or this week, rather than thinking that you need to spend weeks, months or even years rebuilding yourself before you can do that.
The longer you wait, the more you delay your happiness and hers.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Telling her about how you are rebuilding yourself
Sometimes a guy thinks that telling his ex that he’s working on his issues and rebuilding himself, she will be impressed and decide to give him another chance.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Women don’t care to hear about that.
A woman just wants a man to figure out whatever it is that he needs to figure out and then get on with being the kind of man that she can feel respect, attraction and love for.
She doesn’t want to be expected to say, “Oh, good for you. I’m so proud of you for putting in the effort to become a better man, Well done!” especially after a break up.
So, if you’re rebuilding yourself there’s not need to share that with her.
Instead, continue changing and improving yourself and then let your ex experience the new you for herself during interactions.
When she sees that you’re now at a different level than when you and her broke up and you didn’t even ask for her help, or tell her about your process, she will naturally feel impressed with you for being such an emotionally strong, independent man.
She then opens up to you again to see how she feels and you can begin guiding her back into a relationship.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Assuming that you have to become perfect to then start the ex back process
A lot of guys never get around to re-attracting their ex, because they think that they have to change every single little thing that was turning her off about them.
Yet, that’s not actually true.
A woman doesn’t need her ex to be perfect to give him another chance.
Instead, she wants to see that he’s understood her concerns and he’s putting in the effort to become better.
She will then respect him for that and forgive him the little mistakes that he makes, because she knows that no-one is perfect, not even her.
So, don’t waste time trying to rebuild yourself into the perfect man for your ex.
Just change the things you know are important to her.
Then interact with her on the phone and more importantly in person, show her that you’ve improved the things that matter to her and watch how her feelings of respect and attraction for you come rushing back.
Her walls begin to crumble and then the idea of being your girl again starts to feel good to her.
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