Here are 5 of the best tips to help ensure that you can successfully reconcile with your wife after divorce:
1. Agree to be “friends” and then use the friendship to re-attract her
In other words, let her know that you and her are just friends now, but then use any interactions you have with her to flirt with her, so she feels some sexual and romantic sparks with you.
She won’t necessarily want to get back with you in one day of course, but if you use this specific approach, you won’t get stuck in the friend zone with her and will instead, cause her to feel so attracted to you and so curious about her feelings that she will naturally go with the flow when you initiate a hug, kiss and even sex at some point.
This is why, the most important thing for you to do right now is establish that you and her are “friends,” so she feels comfortable interacting with you and you can then re-attract her and get her back.
Right now, she might be at a point where she is hoping to get over the divorce and move on without you.
Yet, if you love her and know that the marriage could be better this time around, then you owe it to yourself and to her to get the marriage back together.
Even if she says something like, “Look, I don’t want to be friends. The divorce is now final and I need some space,” you don’t have to accept it right away and just give up.
After all, a woman doesn’t always stick to her decisions.
She decided to marry you, then eventually changed her mind and likewise, she can change her mind back again, if you approach the ex back process correctly.
So, you can say something like this to her, “Hey, I know that the divorce has been difficult for you. It hasn’t been a walk in the park for me either. We loved each other and we hoped we could make a life together, but it just didn’t work out. I accept the divorce and I’m sure you do too. It’s not a nice thing to go through, but it is done. We are divorce and are never going to get back together. However, that doesn’t mean we can’t at least be friends. If we cared enough about each other once to want to spend the rest of our lives together, I’m sure we can at least be friends.”
When you say something like that to an ex wife, it automatically makes her feel a surge of respect for you for being so emotionally mature about the divorce.
Since you are accepting the divorce, she also feels like she doesn’t need to keep her guard up so much with you anymore either.
As a result, she feels less determined to cut you out of her life and opens up to interacting with you as a “friend” on a more regular basis.
That is the best way to re-attract a wife after a divorce.
It’s not too late.
The divorce has gone through, but feelings are fluid and they can change.
You can use your friendship with her to reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for you, so she naturally wants to get back together again.
Just remember: It’s totally fine to be her friend, as long as you’re not pretending to be an innocent friend who isn’t interested in her in a sexual or romantic way.
If you act like a friend (i.e. being really nice, talking to her in a neutral way like you would a female coworker, being more polite than you normally are, trying to be extra helpful), you will end up in the friend zone.
If you put yourself in the friend zone, you can get yourself out of it, but I recommend that you don’t act like a friend in the first place.
If you only act like a friend, then she might then move on with another guy who comes along and stirs feelings of romantic and sexual attraction inside of her.
Don’t let that happen.
You need to make her feel sexually and romantically attracted to you during interactions (e.g. by flirting with her to create sexual tension, being more masculine in your behavior than before, making her laugh and smile and feel good to be around you, showing her via your actions and behavior that you’ve transformed yourself into a new man).
Then, when the time is right, kiss her, hook up sexually and get the relationship back together again.
When you do that, it will feel amazing for both you and her.
It’s not just a good thing for you.
She will feel so much love, respect and attraction for you that it will be one of the best feelings she ever experiences in life.
The next tip to help you reconcile with your wife after divorce is…
2. Understand what really makes a woman feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction
Getting divorced by a woman you still love is a horrible experience.
It can really shake a man to his core and cause him to feel like a total failure as a man.
As a result, he may begin to wonder things like, “What did I do wrong? Why wasn’t I good enough for her? I did everything I could to provide for her and be a good husband. I even let her have her way a lot of the time just to make her happy. Why wasn’t it enough? Why did she have to leave me? Sure we had our arguments, but doesn’t every couple have arguments? Why did she leave me? How can I get her to want me back?”
Not knowing what else to do, a confused man might then assume that, to re-attract her, he needs to improve his physical appearance, do better at work or be even nicer to her than he ever was.
Yet, what a man like that usually doesn’t understand is that a woman’s attraction to a man is mainly based on how he makes her feel when he’s talking to her and interacting with her.
It’s in his body language, his attitude, his vibe and the way her responds to her and reacts to what she says and does (e.g. he remains calm and uses humor to make her laugh when she is being stubborn or annoying, rather than getting upset at her and starting an argument).
What is most attractive, appealing and desirable to a woman is who a man is when she’s interacting with him.
For example, in a marriage:
- Is he confident and self-assured, or has he become a bit insecure and needy?
- Is he emotionally dominant, or has he become wimpy or weak-minded in a number of ways?
- Does he make her feel like a desirable woman, or does she feel like just a friend to him now?
- Does he take the lead during conversation, or is she able to walk all over him with her dominant personality?
- Does he cause her look up to him and respect him because he is so emotionally strong, or does she feel contempt for him because of his emotional weaknesses?
- Does he attract her and turn her on with his masculine presence during interactions, or does he behave more neutral like a friend when interacting with her?
- Does he feel worthy of her sexually and as a result, feel totally confident in his approach to her sexually, or has he lost confidence in himself in the relationship to the point where he behaves like a rejected man in the bedroom?
- Is he interested in experiencing sparks with her, or has he checked out of the relationship and no longer really cares about making her feel what she used to feel for him?
- Does he feel confident around other people in social situations, or has he become a bit too insecure and unsure of himself for her liking?
- Does he make decisions with confidence and then follow through on them, or has he become too indecisive and no longer follows through like he used to?
- Is he able to maintain control of his emotions under pressure like a real man, or does he lose control of his emotions (e.g. become very angry, irritable, annoyed, insecure, upset) too easily?
Those are the types of things that really matter to a woman in terms of her actual feelings of respect, attraction and love for a man.
A lot of men don’t realize that, or don’t want to accept that because they hope that by going to the gym, doing better at work, or being nicer to her, she will suddenly feel so attracted and in love with him.
Yet, that’s just not how a woman’s attraction really works.
Attraction is a reaction to how she feels when interacting with you.
If you aren’t able to make her feel enough attraction during interactions, she’s not going to care so much about you having a better job, adding 1-2cm to your biceps or you being even nicer to her than you already were.
Yet, if you are able to make her feel attracted to you during interactions, then anything else that has improved or is better about you or your approach to her will be appreciated and valued so much more.
After many years of experiencing helping new men get women back after a divorce, I can tell you that approximately 95% of the men who get their wife back do not have to go to the gym for months, get better clothes, improve their job prospects, be extra nice and so on.
Instead, they simply need to be able to create new sparks of respect, attraction and love inside of her when interacting with her.
Always remember: Attraction is a reaction to how she feels when interacting with you.
That’s what it’s all about.
So, if you’re serious about reconciling with your ex wife, you have to improve your ability to make her feel attracted to you during interactions.
From now on, focus on making her feel rushes of sexual and romantic attraction when you interact with her, by thinking, acting and behaving in ways that are attractive to her.
Once you make her feel sparks of attraction, you can then turn it into romantic love by continuing to interact with her and attract her.
The reality is that when you make a woman feel the way she always wanted to feel when she was with you, everything changes.
She suddenly and automatically wants to get back together again.
The next tip to help you reconcile with your wife after divorce is…
3. Remember that a woman’s main motivation to be with a man comes from her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction for him
Sometimes a husband and wife will feel uncomfortable, tense and uncertain when interacting with each other after a divorce.
There will be an air of, “Don’t even start with any arguments. Don’t ask me about my life. Don’t try to flirt with me. Don’t do anything to piss me off” and so on.
It can feel very tense.
As a result, a man might end up avoiding interactions with his ex wife to not experience any of that awkwardness.
Yet, if he actually wants her back, that is the last thing he should be doing.
Why?
The reality is that if you’re not actively re-attracting your ex wife and making her feel attracted to you again, sooner or later, another man will make her feel attracted.
If she falls in love with a new man, it can make it difficult to get her back.
Difficult, but not impossible…
So, if your wife isn’t dating new men yet, or hasn’t found a man that she loves and wants to spend the rest of her life with, then focus on getting her back now.
Interact with her (preferably in person, or at the very least, on an audio or video call) and make her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you again.
When she feels attracted to the new approach you are using with her, you will then see that there is hope for you and her.
It’s not over because both of you clearly still have feelings for each other.
That is the point where broken marriages get back together, even after going through all the horror, shame and stress of a divorce.
So, focus on making her feel attracted to the new and improved you.
Some of the ways you can do that are by…
- Maintaining your confidence regardless of what she says or does to make you feel like getting her back is hopeless, (e.g. if she is being cold towards you, blaming you for the breakdown of the marriage, saying that once it’s over, it’s over, saying that she is the sort of woman who doesn’t change her mind, saying that she is happier without you).
- Showing her via your attitude, actions and behavior that you’ve already transformed yourself into an even better man than you were before, (e.g. if you weren’t responsible enough and you expected her to be the responsible one, let her see that you’re being responsible about your life and future. If you took her for granted before, let her see that you have learned from your mistakes and are now a more loving, attentive man, without being a pushover about it/sucking up to her by being extra nice).
- Reacting differently to situations than you would have in the past, (e.g. if she tries to provoke you by being hurtful or mean, rather than getting upset or losing your temper like you may have in the past, you now remain calm, confident and use some humor to diffuse the situation).
- Being more emotionally dominant and causing her to looking up to you, rather than allowing her to dominate you during conversations because of how much you want her back.
- Being more emotionally masculine around her and making her feel feminine and girly, rather than suppressing your masculinity because you feel like it’s no longer your place to turn her on anymore.
The more you reawaken her all-important feelings of sexual and romantic attraction, the more she feels drawn to the idea of getting back with you.
At the very least, feelings like that cause a woman to want to hook up with her husband again sexually to see how she feels, or to spend time with him just hanging out to see if the spark develops between them.
If any of those things happen, she will naturally want to give the relationship another chance.
If she doesn’t give the relationship another chance, you can bet that it will be on her mind all the time.
She will know that she might end up regretting it later, if she sees that you have moved on and are happy with a new woman; especially if she looks at the woman as being pretty, or worse, even prettier than her (in her opinion).
That fear causes a woman to want to reconcile now, or at least hang out and hook up with her ex husband to see how she feels afterwards.
The next tip to help you reconcile with your wife after divorce is…
4. Don’t just try to get her back based on the history you have together
There’s no doubt that you and your ex wife used to have an amazing connection and have likely been through many intense experiences together, both good and bad.
Yet, although having a unique connection, or going through many ups and downs together can bond a couple and bring them closer when in a relationship, it’s not something that keeps them together after a break up or a divorce.
If the reason why doesn’t seem so obvious, here it is…
When a woman has lost touch with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for her husband and has even gone through a divorce with him, being reminded how good things used to be between them usually only highlights to her how badly things turned out between them.
So, it’s more of a disappointing feeling for her, than a regretful feeling.
When her ex husband says things like, “Think about how happy we used to be at the beginning of our marriage. We loved each other so much and we really worked well together as a team back then. That was us and it worked. Surely that counts for something, right? Don’t forget about all the good history we have together. It’s not something that should just be thrown away like this” his ex wife won’t always see things the same way.
Instead of regretting going through with the divorce, she will feel disappointed that she wasted so much of her life in a relationship that was going downhill for so long.
She may also realize that her ex husband still doesn’t understand that what matters most, is how she feels when she interacts with him; not how she used to feel in the past.
So, if you want to reconcile with your wife, don’t waste time trying to convince her to give the marriage another chance based on your history together as a couple, or on how good things used to be.
How you make her feel right now and from now on is what really counts.
When your wife is interacting with you, she needs to be able to feel respect and attraction for you based on who you are right now, not who you used to be at the beginning of the marriage, or when things were good between you and her.
When she feels respect and attraction for the new and improved you, she will naturally start to reconnect with some of the romantic love she has for you.
When that happens, she will begin to realize that she doesn’t need to seek love elsewhere because she still has it with you.
The next tip to help you reconcile with your wife after divorce is…
5. Avoid long-winded, exhausting conversations about where the relationship went wrong
When a man wants to reconcile with his wife after divorce, he might assume that the best way to go about it is to talk, talk and talk some more about the relationship and where it went wrong.
He hopes that if they can get to the bottom of what caused them to split up, he can fix it and then things will be good again.
Yet, what a guy like that doesn’t realize is that the more he brings up the mistakes of the past, the more likely it is that they will get into arguments about who is to blame for the divorce.
If that happens, they will both end up feeling hurt, misunderstood and disappointed and the chances of a reconciliation will seem less likely.
So, what should you do instead?
Focus on turning interactions into pleasant, enjoyable experiences for both you and your ex wife.
Essentially, you want her to be thinking things like, “I can’t believe it, but I feel so happy around him now. I’m actually smiling and feeling good around him again. It’s sort of like how we used to be a long time ago. Maybe we could get back together after all we’ve been through. Who cares if we divorced? We’re allowed to get back together. We love each other. He is my husband. I don’t have to continue walking away.”
When she is thinking like that, she will naturally feel drawn to you and be opening herself up love you to see where things go.
So, how can you make interactions become a pleasant, enjoyable experience for you and her from now on?
Firstly, don’t try to get into exhausting, in depth discussions about where the marriage went wrong.
Instead, focus instead on using humor to make her laugh and smile and feel good around you.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you need to be constantly cracking jokes every time you talk to her.
Doing that would likely annoy her and make her feel as though you’re pretending that nothing went wrong.
Instead, using some humor is about taking a tense situation (i.e. your divorce) and looking for something positive to laugh about together, rather than always focusing on the negatives and becoming even more disconnected from each other as a result.
For example: The subject of eating dinners without each other comes up and the ex husband says something like, “Well, at least I don’t have to eat your horrible cooking anymore. I had to put up with your cooking for years. Throwing up in the bathroom after dinner, but hiding it from you” and smiles at her, or has a bit of a laugh.
She will either know that he’s joking right away, or she will get it when she sees him smiling or laughing.
Of course, if she doesn’t know that he’s joking, he can then say something like, “Just kidding. You know I always loved your cooking. I do miss your tasty meals. You always were a great cook.”
When you are able to make your ex wife smile and laugh, it naturally causes her drop her guard a little and interact with you like she used to when things were good.
When she does that, it becomes difficult for her to move on without you because she starts to miss what you and her used to have.
Speed Up the Reconciliation Process By Avoiding These Mistakes
With the right ex back approach, you and your wife will reconcile, get back together and remain happy.
With the wrong approach, you will remain divorced and she might then move on, leaving you behind.
So, if you want to get her back, it’s important that you focus on saying and doing the type of things that will reopen your wife’s heart to you again.
Make sure you avoid making the following mistakes that so many men make when in your situation…
1. Being nicer, more polite and reserved than is necessary
Although being on your best behavior around your ex wife might seem like the right thing to do so she will open back up to you, it’s actually a very bad idea.
Why?
Women are not attracted to desperation in men.
Additionally, if a woman feels like a man is trying hard to be really nice to hopefully be accepted by her, it gives her a false sense of superiority over him.
As a result, she ends up thinking that she is more valuable than him, even though she isn’t.
When a woman feels a lot more valuable than a man she has broken up with, it makes her feel like she made the right decision to break up with him.
The reality is that a woman wants to be with a man that she can look up to and respect, not a guy who submits to her and allows her to walk all over him, just so he can spend time with her.
So, if you want to reconcile after divorce, make sure that your ex wife doesn’t perceive you as being desperate, or less valuable than her.
Remind yourself that you and her are equals.
Then, behave like a man who is worthy of her, not like a man who is unworthy and has to try really hard to be nice, in order to be accepted by her.
The next mistake to avoid is…
2. Trying to reconcile via texts or letters
Sending a few text messages, which then lead to a phone call and then to a meet up are totally fine.
Likewise, a couple of emails if she wants to write back and forth a little is also fine in many situations.
However, using text, letters or emails as the main way to reconcile with an ex wife is usually a recipe for disaster.
Why?
It’s so easy to misunderstand each other and then have to explain away misunderstandings or frustrations, which can go on and on.
Frustrations can build very easily and can lead to a woman feeling resentful towards her ex husband.
Additionally, even though he is honestly trying his best to communicate with her, she can end up feeling as though he is being selfish and unloving in the way that he is communicating.
This is why, it’s always best to just call her or see her in person.
The next mistake to avoid is…
3. Feeling unworthy of her when the divorce is finalized
When a man feels like he is to blame for the divorce, he might fall into the trap of thinking of his ex wife as being an innocent victim who never really did anything wrong in the marriage.
He may then feel like a failure of a man and see her as being too good for him.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that feeling unworthy of his wife’s love only makes him seem less attractive to her (and to other women).
Why?
A woman wants to be in a relationship with a man who is always confident and believes in himself, no matter what happens.
In other words, he is emotionally strong and gives her a feeling of safety as a result.
The more emotionally strong and stable a man is, the more a woman is able to respect him, feel attracted to him, love him and feel proud to be with him.
So, when an ex husband is feeling sorry for himself and putting himself down, rather than making her feel happy that he feels so unworthy of her love, she feels turned off by his lack of emotional strength under pressure.
The next mistake to avoid is…
4. Spending too much time worrying about her hooking up with other men and not enough time doing what is needed to get her back
If a man spends a lot of time imagining his ex wife kissing and having sex with new men, it can cause him to lose confidence, become insecure and behave in ways that will turn her off.
For example: He might…
- Start stalking her on both social media and in real life to see what she’s up to.
- Ask mutual friends and family if she is seeing anyone.
- Leave messages on her phone warning her that other men only want her for sex.
- Regularly ask her if she is dating yet, or even hinting at the subject.
- Talk about STDs and how she needs to protect herself is she’s going to start sleeping with men.
- Ask loads of questions about any male friends she has (e.g. a coworker, a friend of a friend) to try to get some clues as to whether she is dating or sleeping with any of them.
Yet, rather than make his ex wife think something like, “Aww… he’s really having such a hard time coping with our divorce. That must mean he still loves me so much. Therefore, maybe I should forgive him and give him another chance” she feels turned off by his insecurity.
She sees that, without her, he is lost and is potentially emotionally weaker than ever before.
As a result, she doesn’t feel any desire to want to reconcile.
Instead, she feels better off without her ex husband, which makes her want to get over him and move on.
Then, the thing that he fears the most (i.e. her hooking up sexually with other men) will actually happen.
The next mistake to avoid is…
5. Trying to get her back by using the same old approach to attraction that she became bored of
If your approach to attraction in the relationship was right, then your wife wouldn’t be your ex wife right now.
That might sound harsh, but harsh truths are what’s needed when getting ready to properly reconcile a marriage after a divorce.
What you may need to come to terms with (if you haven’t already), is that, to get her back, you’re going to need to do something new.
If you use the same old approach to attraction you’ve always used (that she is no longer drawn to), then you’re not going to be able to get her back and have her be in love with you.
The way to get your wife to fall in love with you again and feel excited to be with you, is to use a brand new approach to attraction.
An approach that makes her realize how sad she will be if she doesn’t stop and give you another chance, before you move on with another woman who might steal your heart.
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