Here are 5 possible reasons why a woman will break up with a man if he doesn’t try to get to know her family:
1. She sees his approach to the relationship as being selfish or immature
For a relationship to develop and become stronger over time, there needs to be a fairly even level give and take (i.e. sacrifices, compromises, contribution, caring, attentiveness) between the man and the woman.
So, if one person feels that they are always giving and the other is mostly taking, it creates an imbalance and eventually, the giver will start to feel taken for granted.
For example: In a case where a man is refusing to put in any effort to get to know his woman’s family (especially if she has been getting to know his family or friends, or has been supporting him and showing interest in things that he cares about, such as his career, hobbies or passions), she will start to feel hurt by what she perceives as his selfish behavior.
Initially, she might make excuses for him to herself by saying, “Oh, he’s probably not ready to meet them yet. That’s okay, he will feel ready soon,” or “He’s been stressed by his work lately, so getting to know my family might be extra pressure that he doesn’t need at the moment.”
She may also try to solve the problem by initiating get-togethers between her man and her family (e.g. having a BBQ, going out for dinner, inviting them over for coffee and cake).
Yet, if her man doesn’t put in an effort to interact with her family and just sees them as an annoyance, she will begin to resent him.
Likewise, if she arranges something with her (e.g. Sunday lunch, meeting up on a traditional holiday or public holiday) and he always makes an excuse like, “Oh, I’m sorry but I’m working this weekend” or, “I can’t make it this year, maybe next year” or worse, “You know that I like to stay home and relax on Sundays. It’s the only day of the week that I get to be by myself and I don’t want to waste it by hanging out with your family,” she will begin to feel annoyed.
As a result, she may begin to think, “This doesn’t look good for our future together. I mean, he’s always making excuses not to get to know my family. I’m tired of always putting in the effort for him and being nice to his friends and family, but he never does the same for me. It’s like he doesn’t even care about how it could be affecting me. If he’s being like this now, what else will he be selfish and immature about in the future? He’s just a taker in a relationship and I have to keep giving and giving. If I stick with him, I will probably wake up one morning and discover that I’m stuck in a relationship with a self-absorbed, egotistical jerk who only thinks about himself and what he wants. By then, it’ll probably be too late for me to move on and find someone else because we might be married, have children or be paying off a house together. I’ve got to get out of this relationship while I can. He’s never going to change.”
She will then break up with him and try to find a man who she perceives as being more of a giver than a taker.
Another common reason why a woman will dump a guy for not trying to get to know her family is…
2. She wants a relationship that goes to the next level and beyond, rather than just sticking to dating and there being no real plan for a future together
When a woman is in a serious relationship, she’s naturally going to start thinking about the next level and where they are headed as a couple.
For example: A couple will usually…
- Start dating.
- Get serious with each other.
- Move in together.
- Get engaged.
- Get married.
- Start a family.
Of course, not all relationships follow that exact pattern (e.g. some couples don’t move in together before they get married, others decide to live together, but not get married and others prefer to focus on their career or on having fun together, rather than having a family).
There are no rules, so whatever works for a man and a woman is perfectly fine as long as they are both in agreement with it.
Problems arise when a woman wants to start making plans for a future with her man, but he can’t even be bothered to put in the effort to get to know her family.
She looks at it as a sign that he is probably just using her for sex, or to have a girlfriend for a while, or to have someone to help pay the rent, but he isn’t interested in anything long term, especially not marriage or kids.
If she’s really in love with him, she might try to make excuses for him and hope that he will change over time.
Yet, if she notices that he doesn’t change, no matter how much she tries to get him to change, she will begin to realize that he’s probably not the one for her.
She might then think to herself, “No matter how much I push and plead with him to spend some time getting to know my family, he just isn’t interested. Maybe it’s a sign that I’m taking this relationship a lot more seriously than he is. After all…why would a man want to waste time getting to know a woman’s family, if he wasn’t going to stick with her, right? He’s probably just passing his time with me, until he can move on with some other woman. Heck, he might even cheat on me if he finds a woman who he likes more than me. Meanwhile, I will have been making plans for a future together that he clearly doesn’t want. What a fool I would be if I let that happen to me. No way! I have to break up with him first. I have to retain my dignity. I deserve a man who wants me for real.”
Another common reason why a woman will dump a guy for not trying to get to know her family is…
3. She is tired of standing up for him when her family complains about him
A woman might find herself always having to make excuses for her boyfriend’s lack of interest in getting to know her family (e.g. he mostly keeps to himself at family gatherings or doesn’t show up at all, he always seems to be busy during the holidays or when her parents come to visit her).
For example: He parents might say to her, “So, you’ve been dating this guy for a while now and we hardly know anything about him. What’s going on? Are you and him okay? Is there anything we should be worried about?”
She then has to make up an excuse and say something like, “Oh, we’re fine. It’s just that he’s been really busy with work/his studies and every time we get together, it’s simply a coincidence that it’s an inconvenient time for him. I promise that I’ll make plans for all of us to do something together soon. He wants to get to know you all as well, so it’s fine.”
Of course, she knows that she’s lying to her family and that her guy probably won’t bother trying to get to know them, regardless of what she says to him.
As a result, she may then begin feeling resentful towards him for putting her in a difficult position with her family.
She might then begin to wonder, “Why am I even bothering to cover for him? Clearly he doesn’t care enough for me to make an effort to get to know my family. Why should I ruin my relationship with them by lying to them and hurting them when they eventually find out the truth? My family is probably going to end up thinking that I’m a liar. I don’t want that to happen. I will know them for life and they will always look at me as a liar because of him.”
If she then gives him another opportunity to get to know her family and he refuses, a break up will usually happen at that point.
If the guy can convince her to give him another chance, she might do it, but it really depends on how much she loves him and how sincere he is about wanting to now get to know her family and start taking the relationship to a new level.
Another common reason why a woman will dump a guy for not trying to get to know her family is…
4. She is tired of being the one who contributes much more to the relationship and no longer wants to be taken for granted
For a woman’s feelings of respect, attraction and love to grow and strengthen over time, she needs to know that her man loves and appreciates her enough to occasionally do things for her, regardless of how uncomfortable they might be for him (and visa versa for her).
For example: A guy might really be into gaming and enjoy hanging out with his online friends on weekends playing video games.
Yet, his woman doesn’t enjoy games at all, sees them as boring and as a waste of time.
However, to show her guy that she loves him, she makes an effort to show interest in his hobby and maybe even play a little bit herself every now and then.
If he has friends over to play games, she might also prepare snacks and drinks them to make their time together more enjoyable.
In return, she may then ask him to spend a weekend away with her and her family, so he can get to know them better.
If he refuses, she will naturally begin to feel as though her commitment and dedication to him is being taken for granted.
She might then start thinking of all the other ways he’s is being selfish (e.g. he expects her to always look good while he has become a bit of a slob, she does all or most of the work around the house while he sits around watching TV or playing video games, he disrespects her and gets angry at her often, but expects her to always be nice and respectful towards him no matter what he has done).
If she realizes that while she gives 100% of herself to him and the relationship, he only contributes a small percentage of that, she will begin to feel resentful.
Gradually, she will begin to disconnect from her feelings of love for him.
Eventually, she will get to the point where she has had enough and will go through with a break up.
Another common reason why a woman will dump a guy for not trying to get to know her family is…
5. She feels like she is losing touch with her family relationships because of him
Not everyone has a close family that they want to see often.
Sometimes a woman hates her family and wants to steer clear of them, sometimes a guy feels that way about his family and sometimes, both the man and the woman feel that way.
Yet, when a guy is in a relationship with a woman who values and loves her family, he has to be aware of that and adapt, otherwise she will begin to feel like her life is getting worse as a result of the relationship, not better.
A relationship is supposed to a man and woman’s life better, not worse.
So, if a guy isn’t putting in much (or any) effort to get to know his woman’s family, she might find that she is spending less and less time with her family just so she can be with him.
Initially, she might be fine with it while the relationship is new and exciting, but over time she may start to miss her relationship with her family and start to blame her man for keeping her away from them.
She will then begin to wonder something like, “Is this how a relationship is supposed to be? Are you supposed to lose touch with your family? My girlfriends don’t have to do that because their boyfriends are happy to occasionally catch up with their family. I don’t see anyone else having this problem, so maybe the problem is with my man. Maybe he’s just not the type who will care about my relationship with my family. Maybe he doesn’t care if it’s just him and I. Maybe he prefers it that way.”
The more she realizes that her man is coming between her and her family, the more respect, attraction and love she loses for him.
When that happens, the sex between them starts to dry up because she no longer feels the desire to be affectionate and no longer feels like he is actually in love with her.
Eventually, she breaks up with him and tries to move on.
Where Guys Go Wrong After Being Dumped For Not Trying to Get to Know Their Woman’s Family
By now you’ve probably realized that not putting in the effort to get to know your ex’s family was a mistake.
Don’t worry, many guys make the same mistake and the good news is that you can recover from it.
The bad news, is that if you use the wrong approach now, you will just push your ex away even further.
So, to ensure that you get her back, avoid the following mistakes that other guys make when in a situation like yours…
1. Promising to spend lots of time and effort getting to know her family now
In an effort to get his ex back, a guy might desperately say things like, “I’m sorry! I never realized how important it was to you for me to get to know your family. I see that now and I promise, if you give me one more chance, I will spend all of my free time getting to know them. We can spend all the holidays with them and I will never miss a function, ever again. I mean it! Please, just give me a chance! I’m so sorry!”
Now, if the woman is still in love with her man and was hoping for that kind of response, then it will work.
Yet, if the woman has disconnected from her feelings of love, respect and attraction for him, she’s going to see it as too little, too late.
So, rather than making her think, “Ohhh, that’s so sweet. Maybe I overreacted when I broke up with him. He obviously cares for me if he’s willing to spend all of his free time from now on with my family,” she will think, “Whatever! He’s only saying that to get another chance with me, but I don’t believe that he genuinely cares about my family. It’s just what he thinks I want to hear to change my mind about being broken up. He isn’t truly dedicated to me. He just doesn’t want to get dumped. I bet that if I give him another chance, he will end up breaking up with me in the coming weeks or months. No thanks.”
Here’s the thing…
What a woman wants is to see that her man understands the deeper issues behind her complaints (e.g. that he’s too selfish and self-absorbed, he is a taker rather than a sharer when it comes to relationship) and has already made changes because he honestly wants to.
He honestly wants to change and become a better man, because he truly believes that he stuffed up and was being immature in his approach the relationship.
He’s not changing in a desperate attempt to get her back.
Instead, he’s changing because he realizes that he was being immature and is now glad to grow up and be more of a complete man.
He realizes that he was just hiding from the responsibilities of growing up and being in a real, mature relationship that would last for life.
So, don’t give your ex the impression that you’re only changing to trick her into giving you another chance.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Not understanding what other character traits she is turned off by, which are just as important to her
Although a woman might break up with a guy by saying something along the lines of, “It’s over because you refused to get to know my family,” it doesn’t mean that it’s her only reason for dumping him.
In fact, chances are high that his unwillingness to get to know her family only highlighted other things about him that were turning her off.
For example: A guy who can’t be bothered to get to know the family of the woman he loves, will likely also be self-centered, inconsiderate, self-absorbed and indifferent to the needs of other people.
So, to convince his ex to give him another chance, he will need to do more than promise to spend more time with her folks.
Instead, he has to show her that he has moved beyond the level that he was at when she broke up with him.
He’s no longer the selfish, inconsiderate guy he used to be.
Note: He doesn’t have to do whatever she wants and be a pushover, but he does need to use a more balanced approach with her.
Another mistake is…
3. Pleading for another chance to prove that he can be the man she wants
A guy might say things like, “Please forgive me! I know I really stuffed things up, but I promise I will make it up to you. I beg you to give me just one more chance. Let me show you that I can be the man you want me to be. I have changed so much since the break up. I promise. Just give me a chance to show that to you.”
Yet, rather than change her mind, using an approach like that just turns a woman off even more.
A woman doesn’t want to hear that a man has changed, she wants to experience it for herself as she interacts with him.
She wants to be judge of any changes he has made, rather than him trying to convince her that he has changed.
Additionally, when a man is begging and pleading with a woman, her survival instinct kick in and she starts to think, “I never realized this before, but he is so emotionally weak and sensitive. What would happen if life got really tough and I had to rely on him to take care of me? Based on his current reaction, it seems to me that I would have to take care of him instead because he’s panicking and pleading with me. If life got tough for us, he’d probably break down and get so stressed that I would have to stay strong to help him cope. That’s not what I want from a man. I want a man that I can depend on to be strong for the both of us, not an insecure, needy guy who expects me to reassure him and baby him. So, not only was he too selfish to try and get to know my family, but he’s now showing me that he’s also too emotionally weak to cope with the fallout of his actions. If I wasn’t sure about the break up before, I’m now convinced now that I made the right decision. He’s just not man enough for me at this point in his life, so I have to move on.”
So, don’t beg and plead with her for another chance.
Don’t try to explain to her that you’ve changed and hope that she will believe it and then give you another chance.
Instead, interact with her and let her experience the new and improved you for herself, so she can then come to the realization that you have leveled up as a man and are now the kind of man that she can truly feel proud to be with.
When she feels like that (even just a little bit), her guard comes down and you can then guide her back into a relationship with you.
Another mistake is…
4. Trying to get her to want a relationship, before he makes her have strong feelings for him
A guy might sometimes make the mistake of pushing for a relationship before his ex woman is even ready to accept it.
As a result, she says things like, “No. You stuffed up and I won’t forgive you for that. Please stop trying to make me want a relationship. It’s over. You have to accept that.”
What he doesn’t realize is that the main reason why his ex won’t look past his mistakes and give him another chance, is because he’s not turning her feelings back on for him first.
He is trying to get the LAST step of the ex back process (i.e. a relationship) FIRST.
The first step of the ex back process is re-attraction, not a relationship.
There are other steps after re-attraction and a relationship is the LAST step.
So, make sure that you’re not making the classic mistake of trying to get a relationship before you’ve even gone through the necessary steps to make her want one.
You can get her back very quickly, but you’ve got to approach it properly, one quick and simple step at a time.
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