Here are 11 of the most common reasons why a woman won’t feel happy with a man in a relationship and what you can do to get her back.
Which of the following do you think most applies to you and her?
1. The neutral dynamic of the relationship meant that she didn’t feel like she was in love
A neutral dynamic is where there’s not enough of a spark of sexual attraction between a man and a woman.
Instead, they end up feeling more like friends, business partners (e.g. they split everything 50/50), roommates or associates.
They might occasionally be affectionate with each other and have sex, but the sexual and romantic spark that makes a woman feel like she’s in love, just isn’t there.
As a result, she can also end up feeling more like his sister or buddy, rather than his woman, which then leads to her being unhappy and unfulfilled.
Here’s the thing…
For a relationship to last, the sexual and romantic attraction needs to remain alive.
For that to happen, the approach a guy uses needs to make his woman feel feminine and girly when she’s with him, rather than friendly or neutral.
If he can’t create that dynamic with her (e.g. by flirting with her, being the more dominant one, being a bit of a challenge so she doesn’t take him for granted, making her feel girly in response to his masculine approach to conversations, interactions and life in general), then her feelings will naturally start to erode because they’ll end up behaving more like friends.
A friendship in a relationship is great, but without a strong sexual spark, the woman won’t be happy and it won’t last.
2. She tried to get him to change, but he never could
Here are some examples of what a woman will sometimes try to get her man to change:
- How he seems so confident when playing video games and is proud of what he achieves in the game, but when it comes to his career or real life goals, he doesn’t ever seem to level up, or does so very slowly and without the same dedication he applies to games.
- How he doesn’t want to do anything without her and expects her to want that too (e.g. he wants to spend all of his spare time with, have the same hobbies and interests, only hang out with friends as a couple, watch TV shows together, be in the same room in the house).
- How he struggles to make decisions without her approval, say-so or support (e.g. he pretty much always asks what she wants to eat, or where she wants to go. Alternatively, he seems insecure and unsure of himself when making life decisions and needs her to be very supportive and encouraging, so he then feels confident enough to make a decision. As a result, she feels more like a mother to him, rather than his girl).
- How he fails her confidence tests (e.g. when she rolls her eyes at him, pretends to disagree with him during a conversation, creates drama over something irrelevant) and seems unsure of himself, rejected, irritated or emotionally sensitive in response.
Women usually won’t explain those things to a boyfriend, but will try to give hints, or nag.
For example: She will encourage him to spend more time with his friends without her, to make some decisions on his own, take a bigger interest in his career, or suggest that he shouldn’t take her so seriously all the time.
If he doesn’t understand what is going on, she won’t want to take on a more involved role as his instructor or teacher in life on how to be a man.
She just wants to be his girl and for him to level up and be more of a man every day.
If he doesn’t, she will naturally start to lose respect for him.
When she loses respect, she also stops feeling as attracted.
She then begins to feel unhappy because it seems as though she’s wasting her time on a guy who probably won’t ever be able to become the kind of man she wants.
3. She blamed her depression on him
According to Harvard Medical School, women are about twice as likely as men to develop major depression.
Additionally, according to a global study by the Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation, approximately 10% of people suffer from a mental health disorder of some sort.
Of those…
- 4.12% of women worldwide suffer from some form of depression, compared to only 2.73% of men.
- 4.7% or women have anxiety disorders compared to 2.8% of men.
- 0.65% or women had bipolar disorder compared to 0.55% of men.
Those numbers have increased ever since the Covid-19 pandemic began (e.g. in the USA, 10.1% of women and 6.9% of men suffered from depression before the pandemic vs. 22.2% of women and 21.9% of men after the pandemic began).
So, it’s possible that a guy will find himself in a relationship with a woman who is suffering from some sort of depression.
Unfortunately, some women don’t get the treatment they need and end up blaming their boyfriend or husband for how they feel.
This often leads to feelings of unhappiness, frustration and even result in a breakup, where the woman says that she hasn’t been happy with her guy for a long time.
4. She felt happier around men who weren’t like him
For example: A woman might initially be happy with a guy who is very nice, caring and attentive towards her.
Yet, over time, she may find herself feeling attracted to men who are almost the opposite of him (e.g. a bit selfish, more ‘bad boy’ types, arrogant, only want to use her for sex).
Why?
Although a woman does want a man to be good to her and treat her well, she doesn’t want him to be too soft, nice and gentle.
That kind of approach feels boring and predictable to a woman and isn’t very sexy at all.
Additionally, if the guy is nice, soft and gentle no matter how badly she treats him, it can also result in her feeling like she has too much power over him, or that he’s a bit too much of a wimp for her.
She then doesn’t feel motivated to treat him very well, or put much effort into the relationship because she can see that he’ll accept anything just as long as he can be with her.
As a result, she won’t be happy and will begin fantasizing about leaving him and finding a new man who treats her well, but also gets her to treat him well in return.
5. The relationship didn’t feel like it was going anywhere, despite the progress they’d made
This can happen when a woman’s friends, coworkers or family members move forward in their relationships, but her relationship remains stuck at the same old level, or hardly makes any progress.
Alternatively, it can be because they’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend for years, but haven’t moved in together, or gotten engaged to be married.
At the end of the day, a woman wants a relationship to progress to new levels and for those levels to feel right (i.e. it’s not just about a guy proposing. It has to feel right too. In other words, she has to feel attracted, in love and hopeful about their future).
6. He gave her too much, or too little attention
When a guy gives a woman too much attention (e.g. always texting her, always sitting next to her, always wanting to cuddle, always focused on her), it makes him comes across as clingy, needy and possessive.
The woman then can then feel smothered by the relationship.
She can also feel like she is responsible for his emotional well-being (i.e. he can’t be happy in life without her constant attention, love and involvement in his life).
This can result in her feeling unhappy because at the end of the day, a woman doesn’t want to feel like she has to mother a guy, or be consistent all the time to ensure he doesn’t apart.
Instead, she just wants to be in love with a man who loves her and wants to be with her, but could also be very happy without her.
That’s the perfect balance.
Unfortunately, sometimes a guy will go to the other extreme and give his woman too little attention (e.g. only see her on weekends, or if they live together, spend most of his spare time gaming, playing with his phone or watching TV without her), which makes her feel unloved, unappreciated and taken for granted.
So, when a guy gives too much or too little attention, it will usually result in the woman feeling unhappy in the relationship and eventually wanting to leave.
7. She didn’t want to explain the subtle things that were turning her off
If she did, he could say promise to change if she gives him another chance, or say that has been working on those things and she should give him a chance to prove it.
As a result, she then feels obliged to give him another chance and if she doesn’t, she seems selfish.
So, she keeps quiet and tries to break up with him by using vague reasons like, “I haven’t been happy with you for a long time” or, “I just don’t feel the same way anymore. Give me some space, so I can think about what I want.”
By saying that, he doesn’t really know what to change, or do to get her back, so she can then move on without him.
In other cases, a woman won’t tell a man about the subtle things that have been turning her off (e.g. how he seems insecure around her, how he struggles to maintain eye contact with her, how he is too hesitant, quiet or reserved during sex, how he has taken on some of her behaviors or mannerisms and no longer seems very manly to her), because she doesn’t want to be responsible for shaping him into the man he needs to become.
Instead, she’ll just say that she’s unhappy and wants to leave the relationship.
8. She lost respect for him a long time ago and he could never recover it
Here are some things that can cause a woman to lose respect for her boyfriend, or husband when in a relationship:
- He stops being the confident guy she fell in love with and becomes increasingly clingy, needy and insecure over time.
- He doesn’t take the lead in the relationship and allows her to call the shots, even though she doesn’t want to be the boss. In some cases, it’s because he’s been lazy, but in other cases, he actually thinks it will make her happy. Yet, almost all women don’t want to be in the dominant position in a relationship with a man. The woman wants to be respected, but she doesn’t want to look down on her man as being less dominant than her. It’s a sexual and romantic turn off, which results in a woman feeling unhappy at her core.
- He ends up treating her more like a friend who he gets along with really well, rather than a desirable, sexy woman that he is in love with.
- He loses his cool when faced with a difficult situation (e.g. a problem at work, a financial setback, an argument with a relative or friend) and ends up reacting like she would (i.e. becoming very emotionally, not being able to get a handle on his emotions, ranting on about the situation, expressing his emotions over and over). She wants an emotionally strong man who is able to handle situations like a real man (i.e. feel the emotion, but remain calm and focus on the solution).
BTW: If your ex lost respect for you, it is possible to get it back.
You first have to change and improve the things that turned her off in the first place.
Then, you need to interact with her and let her sense the changes in you.
When she does, she will automatically feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, which will draw her back to you.
Another reason why a woman will break up with a guy and say that she hadn’t been happy with him for a long time, is…
9. There was a lack of real communication between them
A couple who has great communication is able to:
- Get to the core of issues quickly, rather than getting into exhausting arguments that push them further apart.
Make the other person feel understood, rather than only trying to be understood by the other person. - Forgive the other person’s mistake as a result of a new understanding or realization.
- Be supportive of each other, regardless of the situation because they are in it for the long haul and have each other’s back.
If a woman isn’t like that in a relationship, a man needs to lead the way and be an example for her to follow.
He also needs to gradually encourage her to do the same, in a way that feels good to her, rather than expecting her to change within weeks, even though he took months or years to change things about himself.
Of course, it’s not always the woman who doesn’t know how to communicate well enough.
If a woman is able to communicate in the ways listed above and a man isn’t, she will usually try to help and encourage him.
If he doesn’t change, improve or adjust his communication style, it will result in her feeling unhappy and losing faith in the relationship.
10. She had to make excuses for him all the time with family and friends and got tired of it
For example: A woman made excuses for her boyfriend’s lack of interest in getting to know her family, or for his seemingly distant attitude when around them.
Alternatively, she made excuses for him not making much progress in life, by trying to convince them that he has potential, is working hard, or is working on a project that could turn out to be good, even if it wasn’t.
In other cases, a woman will come up with excuses about why her guy isn’t taking their relationship to the next level (e.g. they still haven’t moved in together, he hasn’t proposed or doesn’t plan on proposing, he isn’t interested in family).
Basically, she ended up lying to her family to avoid upsetting them and to protect her relationship.
Yet, having to cover for him all the time can result in her feeling resentful towards him for not only putting her in a difficult position with family, but also for being the kind of man she has to lie about.
11. She wasn’t able to experience the kind of love she wanted to feel
For example: She wants a guy who is confident, manly in his behavior, a bit of a challenge and emotionally independent, but he is insecure, needy, clingy, too nice or a bit wimpy.
As a result, she’s unable to feel the kind of love that she really wants.
She may like him as a person and appreciate what he has done for her, but without being able to feel the kind of romantic love she naturally yearns for, she will never be happy.
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