5 common reasons why a woman will say that:
1. She wants casual sex, but you want commitment
Sometimes, for reasons that have nothing to do with him as a person (i.e. he’s a good man), a woman just doesn’t want to settle down with him at this point in her life.
Instead, she just wants to have a fun, relaxed relationship with him where they get together from time to time, hang out, have some laughs and some casual sex , but without the hassle of being in a serious committed relationship with each other.
For example: Some of her reasons for only wanting a casual sex relationship might be…
- She’s really young and she still feels that she has a lot of things she wants to do before she finally settles down fully in a relationship with a guy.
- She currently wants to focus on her studies or career and she doesn’t want a relationship to distract her from that.
- She has some dreams that she wants to accomplish first (e.g. go traveling, write a book, enter a talent show) and she’s afraid that a serious relationship will get in the way of that.
- She’s afraid of settling down too quickly and ending up like her mom/a female relative who got married and had children really young and never got a chance to enjoy her life first.
On the other hand, the guy might feel as though he’s found the woman he wants to spend his life with and is happy to make a serious commitment to her right away.
He might then put pressure on her to move in together or even buy a house, buy a pet, get engaged/married, or start a family.
In his mind he may be thinking that he’s doing what all women want (i.e. being a serious, committed boyfriend), so naturally, when his woman breaks up with him and says something along the lines of, “I’m sorry, but we want different things from the relationship. So, I want out. I can’t be with you if it’s going to be like this” he’s left feeling hurt confused and wondering what he did wrong.
Well, to begin with, he didn’t do anything wrong, except perhaps not noticing that while he was pushing his woman for a commitment, she was pulling away.
The good news though is that he can still get what he wants (i.e. a committed relationship with her), even though she currently feels that she only wants to have casual sex with him.
How?
Firstly, by not pushing for a commitment from her.
Instead, he needs to relax and accept what she’s offering him.
Then, he needs to simply use his interactions with her to build her sexual and romantic feelings for him, to the point where she is the one who wants a commitment with him, because she’s afraid of losing him.
So, if your girl said that she wants out of the relationship because you wanted a commitment while she didn’t, don’t worry about it.
Just accept it and say something along the lines of, “Hey, I get it. I became too serious too quickly. I realize that now and I can see how it would freak you out and for that I’m sorry. So how about we just hang out as friends for a while instead? No pressure, just two friends having fun together. We can do that, right?”
She will likely agree to that because you’re taking the pressure off her and giving her what she wants (i.e. a casual relationship which can become a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship later on if you both want it).
You can then use the friendship with her to really amp up the attraction between you and her.
The more you make her feel sexually and romantically attracted to you, the more she will begin to want something deeper than a friendship or a casual sex relationship with you.
She will then likely end up pushing you for a commitment so that she can hold on to you, rather than keep things casual and risk some other woman snapping you up.
Another common reason why a woman will say that you want different things from the relationship so she wants out is…
2. She wants commitment, but not with you based on what you’ve shown to her so far
In some instances, a woman will feel ready to settle down and start a family right away.
Yet, deep down she can still fear that if she gets serious with him, they might end up breaking up somewhere along the line.
This fear can develop when there are certain aspects of his thinking and behavior that aren’t really in line with what she’s actually looking for in a man (e.g. he’s not manly enough, he’s too insecure, he gives her too much power in the relationship, he doesn’t make her feel the need to impress him much at all).
Of course, if he can change those things about himself and give her the attraction experience she really wants from him, then a woman will usually stop worrying and start committing to him.
However, if he stays the same, she doesn’t want to risk committing to him and then having to go through a divorce or a serious break up sometime in the future when they have so much more at stake (e.g. they’ve bought a house, have children together, she’s so much more emotionally attached to him).
As a result, she may decide to just cut her losses before the pain of a break up is too much for her.
So, if you suspect that your woman was ready to commit to you, but something made her run instead, it may be because she wasn’t getting the attraction experience from you that she wanted.
You can change that though.
By understanding what aspects of your attitude, thinking and behavior she felt she couldn’t live with, you can make some quick adjustments to your approach to her and get her back.
For example: Some of the things that a woman may want from her guy are that:
- He maintains his confidence regardless of what life throws at him and he doesn’t need her approval or encouragement to feel good about himself.
- He laughs at her in a loving way rather than getting upset and feeling unsure of himself and his value to her when she teases him, throws a tantrum or creates drama.
- He’s loving, caring and attentive, but he doesn’t let her push him around and get away with bad behavior or being disrespectful towards him.
- He makes her feel like she’s a sexy, desirable woman, rather than treating her like a neutral friend or a roommate.
- He has a strong purpose and direction in life and he’s motivated, focused and active in pursuing his goals, rather than being a grown man who still behaves like a teenager (e.g. immature, doesn’t take responsibility for his life, wastes his spare time by hanging out with friends and getting drunk, watching too much TV or playing video games).
- He is secure in his masculinity and doesn’t doubt that his woman would never betray him, rather than being a jealous and controlling boyfriend who constantly lives in fear that some other guy might attract her away from him.
- He leads in the relationship, rather than taking a back seat and expecting his woman to make all the decisions and carry all the responsibilities for the both of them, making her feel like she has too much power over him which turns her off as a result.
- He knows that in order for a woman to want to stay with him for life and be a good, devoted loving woman to him, the attraction between them needs to be mutual, rather than him feeling attracted to her, but not doing anything to make her feel the same way about him.
Those are just a few of the things that a woman looks out for, when in a relationship with a man.
So, the question that you should ask yourself is, “Did I do those things for her or did I unknowingly do the opposite most of the time?”
When you discover where you really went wrong, you can then quickly change your approach and easily re-attract her and get her back.
Remember: Admitting that you made a mistake doesn’t make you a bad guy, terrible boyfriend or that you can’t change and then give your ex what she really wants from you.
Instead, it actually makes you even more attractive to her for being a man of action who admits he made a mistake and does something about it.
She then naturally feels a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you and from there, getting her back becomes easy because you are now both in sync (i.e. you want the same things from the relationship).
Another common reason why a woman will say that you want different things from the relationship so she wants out is…
3. She wants to be able to see other people, but you only want her
Sometimes, a guy might feel that he’s found the perfect woman for him.
In his opinion, she’s everything he’s looking for in a woman he wants to spend his life with and no other girl compares to her.
Unfortunately, the woman might not feel the same way about him (yet).
So even though he’s a good guy and she enjoys his company and he has many qualities and behaviors that she feels attracted to (e.g. he makes her feel loved and appreciated, he’s ambitious and is working towards achieving his goals in life, he’s a responsible guy rather than being immature), she doesn’t quite feel like he’s the one she wants to settle down with for life.
There are some aspects of his thinking and behavior that she doesn’t feel are compatible with what she’s looking for in a man she wants to commit to (e.g. he’s too jealous and controlling, he doesn’t have much confidence in himself and that makes him needy and clingy, he’s too nice so she feels more emotionally dominant than him).
As a result, she prefers not to get stuck in a serious relationship with him so she can date other guys.
Essentially, she’s still looking for the perfect guy for her.
Of course, when she finds him, she will quickly settle down and do whatever it takes to hold on to him.
So, if your ex said that you and her want different things from the relationship and she wants out, it may be because you wanted her more than she wanted you.
In your opinion she was the only girl for you, but in her mind, she was likely just using you as stepping stone to finding the perfect guy.
Fortunately though, it doesn’t mean you can’t become that guy to her.
However, your approach should not be about trying to get her to commit to you exclusively.
Instead, you need to make her regret breaking up with you…
How can you do that?
By first re-sparking her sexual and romantic feelings for you during interactions (e.g. by making her laugh and smile and feel good to be around you, flirting with her to create sexual tension) and then showing her that you’re more emotionally independent now.
Yes, you still care for her and want her to be your girl, but you don’t need only her to feel happy and enjoy your life.
That means you need to get out and start having fun with other people and possibly even go out with other women.
Show your ex that you’re not desperate to hold on to her.
Naturally, it’s not about going out and dating a new woman every night, especially if you don’t want to.
Instead, it simply means you should start to move on, so she feels the pain of losing you and then realizes her mistake.
She will be thinking about you and how you now make her feel and her desire to see other people will begin to fade away and she will start to want you and only you.
Another common reason why a woman will say that you want different things from the relationship so she wants out is…
4. You want to just be boyfriend and girlfriend and not worry about the future so much
In most relationships, a couple will usually start off wanting the same things.
For example: They might be young and they agree that it’s too soon for them to settle down into a serious relationship.
Instead, they prefer to hang out together, party and have fun, without putting any pressure on each other about what will happen sometime in the future.
However, although that might be fine in the beginning, after a while, the woman might start to mature faster than her guy and suddenly, what felt okay to her before (i.e. that they just hang out as boyfriend and girlfriend and not worry so much about the future), suddenly doesn’t make her happy anymore.
Instead, she begins to feel that her guy is stuck behaving more like a teenager than a grown up man, while she is ready to settle down and take things more seriously.
At the same time, if she notices that all her friends, female family members and coworkers around her are moving forward in their relationships (e.g. getting married, starting a family) and she isn’t, she may begin to wonder if her relationship is worth holding on to.
She may then start thinking things like, “How long must I wait for my guy to take things to the next level between us? I’m not getting any younger and I don’t want to invest even more months/years of my life in a relationship that just isn’t going anywhere. If I wait too long I may miss my chance to find a man who does want the same things in a relationship that I do (move in together, get married, start a family). I don’t want to risk that. I need to get out of this relationship and find a guy who is ready to commit to me in the ways that are important to me. This relationship just isn’t going anywhere.”
Of course, because she does care for the guy, she will likely try to give him a chance first by hinting about her need to be in a more serious relationship with him.
However, if he doesn’t pick up on her needs, or brushes them off by saying things like, “Why do you want to ruin what we have? Most of my friends are jealous of our relationship, so stop being a downer. This is fun,” she will almost certainly get to the point where she feels the relationship isn’t going anywhere and decide to break up with him.
She may then say something along the lines of, “I’m sorry, but we want different things from the relationship and I want out.”
If this was the case between you and your ex and you want her back, the first thing you need to do is remain calm and not go rushing off and doing something crazy like asking her to marry you.
Instead, you need to change your approach so that when you interact with her, she can see, without you saying anything, that you’re now a more emotionally mature man than before.
For example: During conversation you can talk about your goals for the future and how you’re working towards achieving them.
You might mention in passing that you’ve stopped hanging out with some of your irresponsible, immature friends.
You may tell her about a new promotion at work, or how you’re attending night classes to improve your education so that you can get a better job.
Don’t force the conversation in that direction, just let it flow so that it seems natural to her, rather than you trying to impress her.
The more she realizes how emotionally mature you are now, the more respect and attraction for you she will feel.
Even if she initially tries to fight it, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again in a way that feels good to her.
After all, you’re now the man she always wanted you to be.
She will then naturally drop her guard and open back up to hanging out with you more to see what happens from there.
Another common reason why a woman will say that you want different things from the relationship so she wants out is…
5. She wants to be able to party with her single girlfriends, travel and not feel tied down right now
There are many reasons why a woman might get into a relationship with a guy.
Of course, the main reason is usually because she feels attracted to him and wants to explore those feelings in a relationship, but other reasons might be:
- Her family is pressuring her to settle down.
- She notices that her friends are getting into relationships and she feels left out.
- She worries that if she doesn’t find a guy soon she might end up being single for life.
- The guy keeps pushing her to be his girl and she eventually gives in to him.
In most instances, a woman may even convince herself that settling down with a good guy is exactly what she wants to do.
Of course, if the guy then builds on her feelings for him and makes her feel strong surges of respect, attraction and love for him, she will quickly go from not being sure if she wants to settle down with him for real, to holding on to him and doing whatever it takes never to lose him (i.e. being a good, loving, devoted, loyal woman to him).
On the other hand, if the guy fails to create the kind of relationship dynamic that will motivate her to be a good woman to him, she will almost certainly begin to feel unhappy in the relationship.
If she then also notices how much fun her single friends are having (e.g. going out partying, hooking up with different men, traveling), she may start thinking things like, “Here I am stuck in a boring relationship while the best years of my life are passing me by.”
When that happens, she will likely break up with her guy so that she can be free to enjoy some of the things she feels she has been missing out on.
Here’s the thing though…
If a woman is happy in her relationship with her man, nothing about the single life would be able to make her feel dissatisfied or like she’s losing out.
Instead, she would feel sorry for all the single women out there who are missing out on the joy of being in a relationship built on mutual respect, attraction and love.
So, if your girlfriend said that you want different things from the relationship mainly because she felt being single was better than being with you, it’s up to you to change how she feels. How?
By making her feel so much respect, sexual attraction and love for you again based on your approach to attraction with her (i.e. you’re now making her feel attracted in new and exciting ways), that she only wants to be in a relationship with you.
She doesn’t want to be single anymore, because what you have together is way better than anything she’s experienced by herself.
4 Mistakes to Avoid When Trying to Make Her Stick With the Relationship
Depending on your approach from this point onwards, your ex will either realize that she made a big mistake by breaking up with you and want you back, or she will feel like she made the right decision and will then focus on moving on.
This is why, it’s very important that you don’t give her any more reasons to feel happy that she broke up with you.
That means, you need to avoid making any of these mistakes…
1. Promising to accept whatever kind of relationships she wants, as long as she doesn’t leave you
To make your girl want to stay in a relationship with you, she needs to get the sense that things will be different this time around.
However, different doesn’t mean you give up everything you want to please her.
Not only is that a bad idea for you, because you will likely end up resenting her for making you do things you don’t want to do (e.g. settle down when you prefer to be more care-free, have an open relationship where you both see other people when you want only her), in the end, giving a woman whatever she wants as a way of keeping her, actually turns her off even more.
Why?
She starts to feel like she has power over you.
As a result, the relationship dynamic goes out of balance and she ends up acting like the man and being more emotionally dominant, while you fall into the more submissive role.
She then loses respect for you because she can push you around.
Without respect, she also stops feeling attracted to you and then she can’t see any reason to be in a relationship with you.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
2. Trying to make her feel okay about just being friends with benefits, when she really wants to be madly in love with her guy and building a future with him
Sometimes, a guy might try to hold on to his woman by suggesting they remain friends with benefits.
Yet, what a guy like that doesn’t realize is that regardless of what a woman says (e.g. she wants to enjoy the single life, she wants to see other people), in most instances, all it takes is for a guy to spark her sexual and romantic feelings for him and she will quickly change her mind.
Suddenly she feels motivated to be loyal, treat him well and make him feel loved and appreciated, so he only wants to be with her.
It’s just how a woman’s instincts work.
When a woman finds a man she can look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love, nothing feels more attractive to her than being in a committed relationship with him.
So, rather than offer your ex something she likely doesn’t want (e.g. to be friends with benefits), make her feel so much respect and attraction for you instead, so she wants to hold on to you and never let you go.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
3. Turning into an emotional wuss, which turns her off even more
If a woman smells desperation from a guy (e.g. he starts begging and pleading with her to give him one more chance, promises to do whatever she wants him to do to make her happy), she will automatically feel turned off, because she perceives him as being too emotionally weak and wimpy for her.
At the same time, she also starts to get a false sense of superiority over him, which makes her end up thinking that she is more valuable than him, even though she isn’t.
Then, rather than think, “Maybe we can work things out between us after all,” she instead thinks things like, “It’s so annoying to see a grown man act so desperate because he thinks that sucking up to me is the key to holding on to me. The funny thing though, is that if I had any doubts before about breaking up with him, him being such a wuss has convinced me that I made the right decision after all. I can now move on without any regrets. He’s not the one for me. He’s not man enough for a woman like me.”
Remember: A woman wants to be with a man that she can look up to and respect, not a guy that submits to her and allows her to walk all over him, just so that he can hold on to her.
So, focus on saying and doing the types of things that will spark her feelings for you, rather than turn her off even more.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
4. Never really knowing the critical, missing pieces of the attraction experience that really caused her to break up with you
Many guys go through a break up with a woman never really knowing her deep, secret reasons for leaving him.
As a result, if a guy like that tries to get his woman back, he often gets rejected, because he’s usually offering her the wrong things (e.g. she wants him to man up and take control of his life but he offers to be more romantic with her, or she wants him to relax and have more fun and he offers to work longer hours at work to be a better provider for her).
This is why, if you want your ex to change her mind about the break up, you need to understand what was missing in your relationship with her and give her that.
When you change your approach to attraction with her, everything changes.
She starts to look at you from a new perspective and then, the idea of losing you becomes something she really doesn’t want to risk anymore.
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