If you really like a woman, but haven’t had sex with her, kissed her or started dating her yet, should you tell her that you have feelings for her?
Will telling a woman that you have feelings for her make her want to begin a relationship with you?
It Depends on Two Main Things
Whether or not you should tell a woman that you have feelings for her prior to having sex with her depends on two main things:
- How you say it.
- Whether or not she is sexually attracted to you.
If you are being overly sensitive when you express your feelings to her, most women will feel turned off by it. Almost all women prefer it when guys are more direct and just say that they like them, without being so sensitive and emotional about their “feelings.”
Before you tell a girl that you like her (that is different than telling her that you have “feelings” for her), you have to at least make sure that she is sexually attracted to you first. If a woman isn’t attracted to you, then telling her that you have feelings for her isn’t going to suddenly make her feel attracted to you.
Instead, she will probably give you one of the classic responses like, “I don’t want to ruin our friendship” or “You’re a nice guy, but I don’t think about you in that way.” Why? Without attraction, it’s just a friendship or a friendly interaction. You have to make her feel sexually attracted to you first and THEN she will care whether or not you like her too.
Based on my vast experience with women, I’ve found that the majority of women don’t want to hear about a guy’s “feelings” until after they’ve had sex with him.
Why it’s Usually a Bad Idea to Tell a Woman That You Have Feelings For Her, Before You’ve Had Sex With Her
If a woman is sexually attracted to you, she will be more open to hearing that you have feelings for her, but most women still prefer that you don’t become overly sensitive or emotional like that prior to having sex. If you do say that you have feelings for her, she will prefer that you do with confidence and be direct by saying that you like her.
Almost all women feel turned off and put their guard up if a guy comes on too strong about wanting a relationship, before they’ve actually had sex or at least kissed. These days, a woman wants to take you for a “test drive” first, which essentially involves kissing you, having sex with you and seeing how she feels after that.
If she develops feelings for you after sex (or at least after kissing), she will then be excited to know that you have feelings for her too.
The one exception when it’s not a bad idea to tell a woman that you have feelings her before sex, is when she is very shy and insecure. If the woman doesn’t believe in her attractiveness to you, she will be worried about getting rejected by you if she shows too much interest.
In those cases, you can just tell the shy woman, “Hey, by the way…I want to let you know…I like you…I like you more than just a friend…there’s something about you that I really like.”
Saying that to her makes it obvious that she has a chance with you. She will then feel more confident in herself because she knows that you really do have an interest in her more than just friends.
From there, what you need to do is arrange to catch up with her (e.g. go out for drinks, make some dinner at your place or her place and then get cozy on the couch/sofa) and then escalate to kissing and sex.
If she comes to your place or if she invites you over to her place and you’re sitting on the couch together (after you’ve recently told her that you like her), it is a clear signal to you that she is interested in being alone with you and potentially kissing you and having sex with you.
If you do get to that point with her, make sure you don’t start doubting whether or not she likes you. Of course she does, so just kiss her and escalate to sex.
A shy or insecure woman often needs to be reassured that you like her, otherwise she will play hard to get or act like she isn’t interested in a relationship and just wants to be friends. So, if you’re dealing with a shy girl who doesn’t believe in herself, it’s fine to tell her that you have feelings for her as long as you don’t get too sensitive about it.
With almost every other type of woman, you should avoid telling her that you have feelings for her before you’ve had sex with her.
Why?
She may feel as though you’re already sold on her and she doesn’t have to do anything else to impress you. There is no challenge, no excitement, no romance. You really like her and no matter what she says or does, you’re probably still going to want her.
If you’re a good guy and you want to treat women well, you might think that telling her how much care about her and want to be with her is the “right thing to do.” Yet, it’s boring for women because it’s so typical. It’s not what they really want.
If the woman that you like is attractive, pretty much every guy likes her immediately and then reveals his “feelings” for her. It’s boring for her because it’s so easy to get guys to like her.
Watch this video to understand why…
Revealing your feelings to a woman before sex almost always takes away the romance, the mystery, the suspense and the anticipation that she hopes to experience with a guy.
If the woman that you like is attractive, pretty much every guy in the world would be willing to have sex with her and many of those guys would also be willing to begin a relationship with her.
You’re not the only one who is interested in her. She won’t really care that you have feelings for her until you make her feel very attracted to you and then build up some sexual tension between you.
If you are going to be really nice to her and give her the best gift of all, you will keep building up the sexual tension to the point where she wants to reveal HER feelings to you.
How does it work?
Think of the sexual tension that is building up between you and this woman as being like the air in a balloon. If you add a lot of air into a balloon, it will eventually pop when it can no longer take any more pressure.
A woman’s sexual desire works in a similar way…
If you keep building up the sexual tension between you and her, she eventually gets to the point where she can’t wait any longer and begins to feel like she needs to have sex with you to release all the built up tension.
She wants it and nothing that anyone else says will make her not want it. She is feeling intense attraction for you and she wants to kiss you and feel you slide inside of her. She wants you to put it in. She can’t wait.
For a woman, the most enjoyable way to release sexual tension is with kissing and sex, not hearing about a guy’s “feelings” for her. A guy being sensitive and telling her how he feels isn’t the same as him kissing her and having sex with her when she REALLY wants it.
If you tell a woman that you have feelings for her before releasing the tension with kissing or sex, she won’t be able to tell you how she feels first. You will essentially rob her of the experience of a lifetime.
Women yearn to feel the excitement of really liking a guy and having to reveal their feelings first because they can’t hold it in any longer. Most guys can’t give that experience to a woman though because they just pop the balloon early by being sensitive and expressing their feelings.
Instead of releasing all the built up sexual tension (e.g. the air of the balloon) with an expression of your feelings, release it with a kiss and sex.
After you’ve had sex, you still don’t have to let all the air out of the balloon by telling a woman how much you like her.
You can keep the excitement alive and allow her to experience one of the rarest things that a woman will ever experience with a guy she feels attracted to: She reveals her feelings to you first. You’re actually giving a woman a GIFT by allowing her to experience that.
Most guys take that away from women because they can’t control themselves. They feel so excited that an attractive woman likes them that they just want to tell her how much they feel. He hopes that by telling her how he feels, she will say, “Wow! I really like you too” and they will live happily ever after like the characters from a Hollywood movie or fairytale.
If you feel attracted to a woman, get along well with her and then tell her that you have “feelings” for her, it’s such a boring, standard experience for her. When it happens, she then realizes that a sexual courtship with you isn’t going to be exciting and will play out in the same way as it has with all other guys who liked her.
If the woman that you like is beautiful or attractive, then she will almost certainly be bored of the standard dating approach that guys use with her. She wants to feel the rush, the excitement and the thrill of the chase.
She wants to be laying in bed at night and thinking, “Does he really like me? Is he going to kiss me? Are we going to have sex? Is this going to be a relationship? What can I do to impress him? What dress should I wear tomorrow? Maybe I should wear my hair down…I look prettier with my hair down. What lipstick should I wear though? Ohh, I’m so confused!”
She wants to go through that kind of experience because she’s a girl and it’s exciting to be all emotional and in love like that. Women enjoy the thrill of it and they love to talk to their girlfriends on the phone about a guy that they really like, but aren’t sure if he likes her in the same way.
She wants to be able to say to her girlfriends, “Hey, let me read out the texts he’s sent me. Tell me if you think that this means he likes me…” and get all excited about it.
It’s the sort of fun, enjoyable drama that women yearn to have in their dating life. They want to feel like they are lucky to be getting a particular guy, rather than just giving yet another boring guy a chance to hook up with them.
Revealing your feelings to a woman prior to sex can also make her feel like she has to lead you or guide you through the sexual courtship. When a guy says, “I have feelings for you” he is often hoping that the woman will then reassure him and say, “Oh, I have feelings for you too. Let’s start a relationship!”
Yet, that’s not the position she wants to take on.
Generally speaking, a woman wants a man to confidently lead her through a sexual courtship. She doesn’t want to have to think like a man and make plans for a date or suggest taking things to the next level. She wants the man to believe in himself and then confidently lead the way to kissing, sex and a relationship.
A woman wants you to believe in yourself and take things to next level, even if it means that you have to risk getting rejected by her.
She doesn’t want you to hand over the responsibility to her by saying something, “I have something to tell you…I have feelings for you” in the hope that she jumps all over the statement and says, “Oh, wow! Cool, well let’s go on a date then! Come to my place on Wednesday and we’ll have dinner. Let’s hang out.”
She also doesn’t want you to behave as though you are trying to get her into a serious relationship right away. Why?
The dating scene has changed…
100 years ago, a man would have to court a woman, reveal his feelings to her, be really nice to her and show that he could support her. If she accepted his romantic interest and confirmed that she would be open to marrying him, he would then have to ask her father for permission to marry her.
The couple would then get married and lose their virginity on the wedding night. That was how it worked back then and that dating process was enjoyable for a woman because she lived in a time where women were expected to become a wife and mother.
Back then, the main purpose of a woman’s life was to grow up, attract a husband who could support her, get married, have children, support her husband by cooking and cleaning and then get old and die.
Today’s world is a lot different for women.
A woman can now grow up and then do whatever she wants. She doesn’t have to become a wife or a mother at all if she doesn’t want to. The society around her essentially tells her that it’s okay to have many boyfriends before settling down. That is, if she wants to settle down at all.
She doesn’t even have to have a boyfriend if she doesn’t want to; she is allowed to do whatever she wants.
Based on the changes to the sexual courtship process, the majority of women no longer select a guy based on how nice he is, how much of a gentleman he is or how well he could support her. These days, it’s all about sexual attraction.
You have to start with sexual attraction and then everything else happens after that.
If you make a woman feel sexually attracted to you, she will then become open to kissing you, having sex with you and maybe having a relationship with you after that.
According to a recent survey, 55% of couples have sex on their first date and 70% of women admit to having experienced a one night stand. It’s no longer 1900 where sex before marriage was forbidden.
These days, a relationship is rarely discussed prior to kissing or sex. You get to kissing and sex first and then you see where it goes.
What you have to understand about today’s women is that they want to feel sexually attracted to you first. You don’t have to get to know them for a long time and then reveal your “feelings” after pretending to be a friend for months.
If the way that you talk to a woman only makes her feel nice, friendly emotions, she won’t really care that you have “feelings” for her. She might be flattered by your interest in her, but she will feel awkward about dating you or starting a relationship with you.
Here’s why…
Mistakes That Guys Make When Admitting Their Feelings to a Woman
When a guy is stuck in the friend zone with a woman that he has a crush on, he will often make the mistake of acting like a friend and then expecting her to somehow want him as a boyfriend.
Even though he thinks she is sexy and would love to kiss her and have sex with her, he will never say anything like that. Instead, he will ACT like he is just interested in her in a friendly way.
For example: If she is wearing a sexy dress or is looking particularly sexy one day, he will lie to her and say, “Oh, that’s a nice dress. You look nice today” or “I like what you’ve done with your hair today.”
If he was honest, he would tell her that he thinks she looks sexy, but he doesn’t have the balls to say something like that or he thinks it would be “wrong” or “improper” to do so.
He hasn’t yet adapted to the modern dating scene and still talks to women like a man in 1900 or 1960 would have. He wants to show women that he “respects” them and doesn’t want to seem “too forward,” so he will just pretend to be a friend and hope that something will happen.
Yet, if he does that, another guy will come along, make her feel sexually attracted right away and steal her from him. He will then feel betrayed or assume that women must like bad boys who are only interested in sex.
That’s not the case at all.
These days, women want to feel sexual attraction first and then everything else happens after that. A guy doesn’t need to pretend to want to be friends and act like he’s not interested in her in a sexual way.
Instead of lying to her by acting like an innocent friend who would NEVER think about her in a sexual way, he needs to be honest with her.
He can look at her and say in a relaxed, but confident way, “Well…you look sexy today. Look at you in the red dress…I like this.”
Being honest like that allows a woman to know for sure that you have a sexual interest in her. It also makes her feel attracted to the fact that you have the confidence and masculinity (i.e. the balls) to say something like that to her.
She feels excited about the fact that you are one of the rare modern men who’ve adapted to the modern dating scene. You know what is going on and aren’t clueless like other guys who are still acting like a friend or really nice guy and hoping to get women to “like” them as a person.
Being honest with a woman and telling her that you think she is sexy also prevents most of the mind games that women play. For example: If a woman isn’t sure that a guy likes her in a sexual way, she will often play very hard to get to make him show a lot of interest first, before she begins to feel confident enough to show interest back.
To avoid the mind games and get right into to kissing, sex and a relationship, just be honest and tell her that you find her SEXY. Not pretty, nice, beautiful, adorable, cute, etc. SEXY. Tell her that you think she is sexy.
How I Tell a Girl That I Like Her
I talk about her being sexy.
I don’t say, “Ohh…I feel like we’ve got a connection” like I’m in a romantic movie. I get straight to the point…and it works.
What is really going to happen between her and me, is that we will be having SEX. I’m not interested in becoming her friend and getting to know her for a long time first. We are going to kiss, have sex and then after that, we will consider having a relationship.
To get to the point of having sex, there has to be a sexual vibe between her and I, not just a friendly, nice vibe that friends maintain with each other.
In most romantic Hollywood movies, there will be a nervous, self-doubting male character who ends up scoring the hot girl. He will usually tell her that he has feelings for her and she will initially reject him or she will have a boyfriend who treats her badly.
After that basic storyline plays out, the nervous, self-doubting guy will save the day, save the world or save the girl from the bad guy. They will then kiss, she will reveal her feelings for him and they will live happily ever after.
In the real world, you don’t have to save the world or be a woman’s knight in shining armor to get laid or get a girlfriend.
It’s much more simple than that.
Simply make her feel attracted to you and then either escalate to a date, kiss or sex and begin a relationship that way, or attract her and build up a lot of sexual tension before moving to a kiss, sex or date.
Personally, I don’t ever say to a woman that I have “feelings” for her. How I tell a girl that I like her (that is different than saying you have “feelings” for her) is by saying that I think she is sexy. However, I only do that after making sure that she is feeling sexually attracted to me first.
So, if I’m talking to a woman and have made her feel attracted to me, I will then look at her in a subtly sexual way and say something like, “You’re sexy…”
My masculine body language, vibe and eye contact in that moment will make her feel girly. She will feel like the less dominant one because she will feel my masculine presence when I say it…and she will like it. She will feel like she is being looked at and spoken to by a masculine man who would devour her in the bedroom.
I won’t say, “You’re sexy…” in a friendly way. I will say it in a way that puts her under the spotlight of my masculine gaze. She will feel my presence in that moment and it will turn her on.
When you make a woman feel girly in response to your masculinity, it turns her on in a very deep way. Nothing that you can ever say to a woman is more powerful than making her feel girly in response to your masculinity. It’s the most fundamental, primal type of sexual attraction between men and women.
Note: If a woman is shy or self-doubting around me, I will also add ,“I like you” to that statement. So, I will say, “You’re sexy…I like you.” This allows her to feel certain that I really do like her, so she doesn’t have to be worried about getting rejected by me if she shows interest.
How to Recover if You’ve Already Messed Up
It’s pretty simple.
If you have already revealed your feelings to a girl in a sensitive way and it has turned her off, or if you’ve acted weird and nervous around her – just don’t worry about it.
The main thing that you need to do from now on is to feel as though you have NOT messed up. You need to believe that she still likes you, no matter how many mistakes you’ve made so far.
Why?
Women are mostly attracted to a guy’s confidence, so when she sees that you are still confident around her no matter what she says or does (e.g. gives you strange looks, ignores you, etc), she will begin to feel attracted to you.
If you feel like you’ve stuffed up and then begin ignoring her or avoiding her because you feel embarrassed, she will feel turned off by your lack of belief in yourself.
You have to believe in yourself. Instead of thinking like an insecure guy would, “Does she still like me?” or “Did I turn her off by saying that?” or “How can I impress her?” you have to believe that you are good enough for her.
When you have made her feel a lot of attraction for you again, you can then ask her out, kiss her or get her to come over to your place to “hang out.” However, make sure that you focus on making her feel attracted to you first.
Your “feelings” for her won’t be important until after sex, or at least until after you’ve kissed her. Even then, you should try to give her the gift of being able to reveal her feelings to you first…
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