It depends on the following:
1. Did the relationship end for fairly trivial reasons?
Sometimes, a couple might break up for no apparent reason.
They still love each other and in general, they get on well and are compatible, but due to certain unusual circumstances, they are no longer together as a couple.
For example: A woman might be under a lot of pressure at work, or at university.
She feels stressed out and overwhelmed and her nerves are on edge.
Her boyfriend (or husband) might then try to make her relax by joking around, or by pushing her to take some time off and go out with him.
Initially, she might push him away by saying something along the lines of, “Please stop. I’m really busy and I don’t have time for this.”
However, if he continues to worry about her (e.g. because she’s not sleeping very well, she’s not eating, she’s always tired and in a bad mood), he might continue trying to help.
She might then blow up at him and angrily say something like, “You just don’t understand how important this is to me! You’re just acting like a clown and all you care about is yourself and what you want. I’ve had it with you. It’s over between us! I’m leaving.”
He may then feel hurt and angry with her for breaking up with him in that way, when all he was trying to do was help take all the pressure she was feeling off of her, so he might reply with something like, “Fine. Go. You’ve been a drag to be around anyway. I didn’t sign up for this.”
They then break up, even though neither one of them really wants to.
It was just a misunderstanding and in reality, they both regret it.
Unfortunately though, this kind of trivial breakup can become permanent if neither of them is willing to take the first step and start the ex back process.
So, if you and your ex broke up over something trivial and you’re wondering, “Should your ex remain your ex?” the answer is, “No. Your ex shouldn’t remain your ex.”
If you don’t take action to get her back right away, she may force herself to get over you (e.g. by hooking up with and dating other men).
She may then fall in love with another guy.
Then, by the time you realize that you made a mistake it may be too late (e.g. because she’s pregnant, engaged or married).
You could then end up regretting it and spend the rest of your life feeling as though you let ‘the one’ get away.
Don’t let that happen to you.
The truth is, even if your reasons for breaking up were serious, it still doesn’t mean you need to walk away.
You can make it work.
All it takes is for you to reactivate your ex’s sexual and romantic feelings and show her that you’re now at a different level from when you and her broke up.
The more she realizes that if she gives you another chance things really will be different this time, the more she wants to take the chance, rather than risk losing you and end up regretting it later on.
2. Did she really love you and want to be with you for life?
Sometimes a woman might get into a relationship with a guy, only to realize that she’s not ready to take on the responsibility of being a committed girlfriend who is always there for her guy.
That can happen if a woman is young, inexperienced with relationships, is at a stage in her life where she just wants to have fun without focusing too much on the future, or doesn’t feel that much attraction for her guy.
As a result, being in a serious relationship doesn’t hold that much appeal for her.
Of course, she might stick around initially (e.g. because most of her friends are in relationships and she doesn’t want to feel left out, the guy treats her well and she enjoys being spoiled and taken care of).
However, if things become a bit too boring or routine for her, or her and her guy have one too many arguments or disagreements, because she’s not that committed to him and the relationship, she won’t feel motivated to work things out.
She will then usually prefer to break up with him and move on, rather than stick in a relationship that doesn’t matter that much to her.
Of course, even in a case like that, it doesn’t mean a guy can’t get his ex back and make her fall deeply and profoundly in love with him.
He can.
All it takes is the right approach to attraction and a woman who didn’t feel committed to her relationship before, can start talking about living happily ever after.
Naturally, this applies even more to a situation where a woman was already very much in love with her ex and wanted to be with him for life.
When he reactivates her sexual and romantic feelings for him during interactions (e.g. by making her laugh, smile and feel good to be around him again, making her feel like a desirable woman in his presence, showing her via his actions, behavior and attitude that he’s leveled up as a man), getting back together again becomes something she wants.
So, if you want your ex back, don’t give up if things don’t seem idyllic.
Even if she always said that she only wanted to have fun and not get serious, you can change that.
Make her feel strong surges of sexual and romantic attraction for you and then the idea of losing you will start to feel wrong to her.
She then becomes open to talking to you over the phone and seeing you in person more often, making it easy for you to then fully reactivate her feelings for you and make her fall deeper in love than ever before.
Then getting back together happens naturally and easily, because it’s what she wants to do too.
Another question to ask yourself to help you decide if your ex should remain your ex is…
3. Are you aware of the mistakes you made and know for sure that you would approach the relationship differently now?
If you try to get your ex back without knowing what caused her to break up with you in the first place, two main things will likely happen.
Firstly, you will probably continue making the same mistakes as before and turning her off as a result.
This might cause her to think things like, “I see now there’s no point to me remaining open to him. He’s proven to me that he’s not going to change and he probably doesn’t even know what to change, even if he tried. So, rather than waste time hoping he will ever be able to give me the attraction experience I really want, it’s better if I cut him off and move on. I need to find myself another man who already knows how to make me feel the way I want to feel, not stick with someone who doesn’t yet know for sure how to be the man that I want.”
She will then close herself off and possibly even refuse to interact with you (e.g. she may block your number on her phone, refuse to answer you calls, unfriend you or block you on social media, avoid meeting up with you).
It then becomes very difficult to reactivate her feelings for you, because you’re not interacting with her.
The second thing that can happen is that you begin offering to fix things that she doesn’t really want (e.g. you promise to spend more time with her when what she really wants is for you to be more manly, you promise to be more romantic, when what she wants is for you to be more focused and have a plan for the future).
This is why it’s very important that before you decide if your ex should remain your ex or if you should get her back, you first figure out her real reasons for breaking up with you, rather than wasting time on irrelevant things.
Even if you eventually decide that you don’t want her back, by understanding what aspect of the attraction experience was missing with her, you will be able to make some adjustments to your approach to attraction and get yourself another high quality woman if you want to.
So, it’s very important that you do understand the mistakes you made and know for sure that you would approach the relationship differently now, before you decide if your ex should remain your ex or not.
By the way…
If you’re not sure about where you went wrong, here are some of the things that a woman might want from her guy in a relationship:
- He maintains his confidence with her, even when she tries to make him feel insecure and unsure of himself by saying mean things, teasing him, throwing a tantrum or creating drama.
- He is loving, caring and attentive, but he doesn’t let her push him around and get away with bad behavior or be disrespectful towards him.
- He makes her feel sexy and desirable when she’s with him, rather than letting the spark die between them so she feels more like his neutral friend, or worse, she has no feelings for him at all.
- He creates a relationship dynamic where he is a good, loving attentive man to her, making her feel motivated to be good to him too and treat him with more and more respect and affection over time, rather than turning her off and making her lose respect, attraction and love for him.
- He believes in himself and in his value to his woman and the world, rather than feeling like he’s not good enough for her, or like everyone else is better than him.
- He is more of a challenge to her, thereby making her feel like she needs to put in the effort to impress him and maintain his interest, rather than being too nice and predictable and making her feel bored.
- He uses humor to change her mood from sad, depressed or angry to happy, rather than losing control of his emotions and getting into unnecessary arguments or fights with her.
- He has a plan for his life (and by association hers) that he’s actively working towards, rather than drifting through life and behaving like a teenager (e.g. immature and childish, irresponsible).
These are just a few of the things that a woman looks out for in her relationship with a man.
So, when you understand what really turned your ex off about you, you can change your approach to attraction with her.
Then, the next time you interact with her, you will be able to show her via your attitude, actions, behavior and the way you respond to her that you’re now the man she always wanted you to be.
When that happens she automatically begins to reconnect with her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
You can then gently guide her back into a relationship with you and enjoy a deeper, more long lasting connection with her this time around.
Another question to ask yourself to help you decide if your ex should remain your ex is…
4. Would you know how to re-attract her sexually and romantically if you met up with her again?
If you’re not sure about this, here are some questions to ask yourself to help you figure it out…
- Would you be able to make her feel feminine and girly in contrast to your masculine vibe and approach, or would you essentially make her feel friendly, neutral feelings, or even worse, nothing at all when she’s with you?
- Would you maintain your confidence with her, especially when she tries to get under your skin and put you off by being cold, distant, or by pretending not to be interested in you anymore, or would you crumble and become insecure and nervous around her?
- Would you feel sure of yourself and your value to her, or would you feel as though she’s out of your league, which she would pick up on (e.g. via your body language, conversation style, the way you respond to her) and she would then have power over you?
- Would you be more of a challenge to her than you were before, causing her to feel like she needs to work to impress you and keep you interested in her, or would you be extra nice and sweet to her no matter what, thereby making her feel like she can walk all over you and get away with it?
- Would you flirt with her to create some sexual tension between you so she wants to release it with hugging, kissing and sex, or would you pretend that you only want to be her friend and end up giving her the impression that you’re not interested in her anymore so she wants to move on with another man?
These are the kinds of things that will spark your ex’s feelings for you again.
So, if you want her back, just focus on improving your ability to attract her based on who you are when you interact with her.
When she experiences the new and improved you, she will naturally begin to feel surges of sexual and romantic attraction for you again.
When that happens, it becomes easier for her to imagine herself being in a relationship with you again.
5. If you could go back in time and change one or two things you said or did, would the relationship have continued to be happy?
If that’s the case, then getting your ex back should be pretty easy.
All you need to do is apologize to her and show her via your actions, behavior and attitude that things would be different now and chances are high that she will forgive you and give you another chance.
Yet, it’s usually not that simple.
For example: Imagine a guy and woman are having an argument and he gets so angry that he starts insulting her and saying things like, “You’re so stupid! You’re always nagging me and whining about everything. I’m sick of you!”
She might then respond with something along the lines of, “If that’s how you feel, then let’s just break up. It’s over. I’m leaving you right now. Bye!”
Naturally, once his anger has cooled off and he realizes what he just did and what he just lost, he may think something like, “What did I do? We were happy and I messed things up. If I could go back to that moment and change what I said to her, we’d still be together.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Even though nasty things can be said in the heat of the moment, a woman will rarely break up with a guy over a simple argument, if the rest of her relationship with him is a happy one.
So, if you don’t want your ex to remain your ex, you need to be sure that you’re not overlooking the deeper issues between you and her.
For example: A woman might sometimes mature a lot faster than her guy (e.g. she’s ready to settle down, get married and start a family but he isn’t, she’s making progress in life, but he keeps failing at what he’s doing or procrastinating and wasting time).
When that happens, she may start feeling like they are no longer well matched.
Initially, she might hang around for a while in the hope that he will begin to grow up and mature like her.
If he doesn’t, she might then end up using something trivial that he says or does, as an excuse to end the relationship.
He might then think that if only he could take back what he said, everything would be okay, but in reality, it wouldn’t, because the problems stemmed from a deeper place than that one disagreement.
That doesn’t mean he can’t level up and improve the things that really matter to her.
He can.
Then when she sees that he’s a new and improved man, her guard will naturally come down and she will open back up to the idea of giving the relationship another chance.
Another question to ask yourself to help you decide if your ex should remain your ex is…
6. Do you believe that what you and her had is worth saving and reviving?
If the answer is “Yes,” then your ex should definitely not remain your ex.
However, that belief can’t be one sided (i.e. you believe it to be true, but your ex thinks you’re not a good match).
This is why, if you want to get her back, you can’t try to convince her that your relationship is worth saving, by saying things like, “We have to try and work things out. I just know in my heart that we’re meant to be together. Even if you’re not sure right now, I will prove to you that we were made for each other. I just need a chance. Please… I promise you won’t regret it,” because she probably won’t go for it.
Why?
The feelings have to be mutual for her to care about the relationship as much as you do.
It can’t all be about how much you believe the relationship is worth saving because it feels right for you.
It needs to feel right for her too.
The way to do that is to focus on making feel sexual and romantic attraction as you interact with her, rather than desperately trying to convince her that you were meant to be.
For example:
- Use humor to make her laugh and smile and feel happy to be talking to you again.
- Be more confident and emotionally strong than before.
- Make her feel girly and feminine in comparison to how emotionally manly you’re being.
- Flirt to create sexual tension between you.
- If you approach interactions in that way, she will naturally stop focusing on the negatives and open back up to being your girl again.
The more you actively make her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction, the sooner she’ll be giving you signs that she’s ready to get back together.
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