The idea that your ex will come back simply because you stop chasing her isn’t true.
While you shouldn’t desperately chase your ex, it doesn’t mean that you can’t pursue her in a calm, confident manner and get her back.
You can.
You can take control of the situation and get her back on your terms, rather than just giving up and hoping that she comes back.
From all of my years helping men to get women back, I’ve found that just walking away from a woman usually doesn’t work.
Why?
4 reasons why it usually doesn’t work are:
1. If a woman doesn’t feel attracted to you, she won’t feel much or any motivation to come back
Sometimes, when a guy has been unsuccessful in his attempts to get his ex woman back, he might begin to think, “Maybe if I just stop chasing her, she will come back to me by herself. The time apart will make her miss me and she will realize that breaking up was a mistake.”
Basically he’s hoping that by cutting off communication, her feelings will come rushing back when she realizes that she’s losing him.
However, in most cases it just doesn’t work.
Why?
To begin with, when a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s usually because she has lost respect and attraction for him over time.
It’s not because she wants to break up for no reason or because she is confused and needs time to figure things out.
She’s literally turned off by him and wants out of the relationship.
In her mind, she may be thinking negative things about him like, “He really stuffed up, so he can forget about us ever getting back together,” or, “I wasted so much time with him. I thought we had something special going and instead he messed everything up. Well I’m glad it’s over between us now. My heart is closed to him and nothing will make me have feelings for him again. I’m going to move on.”
So, if her ex guy ignores her and gives up, she’s much more likely to think, “This is great! He’s making it easier for me than I thought. I can now move on with my life and not worry about him making things difficult for me by trying to get me to change my mind” than to rush back to him and give him another chance.
Here’s the thing…
If a woman doesn’t feel attracted to a guy, she won’t feel much or any motivation to come back to him just because he’s no longer chasing her.
Yes, she might wonder why he is suddenly taking a back seat and no longer contacting her, but if he hasn’t re-sparked her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for him prior to cutting off contact, she’s not going to feel that bad about it at all.
Rather than call him on the phone and say something along the lines of, “I think I made a mistake. I now realize that I miss you too much to want to be apart. Do you think we can give our relationship another chance?” she will just use the time apart to completely switch off her feelings for him (e.g. by getting angry over his lack of communication, hooking up with another guy) and then move on.
The truth is, unless your ex is still in love with you and is secretly hoping that you and her will get back together again, not actively getting her back will simply give her the time she needs to get over you.
So, what should you do instead?
The best way to get a woman back is to actively re-attract her.
You need to focus on using every interaction you have with her to make her feel sparks of respect and sexual attraction for you again.
Whether you’re interacting with her via text or e-mail, on social media, over the phone and especially in person, make sure that you are making her smile, laugh and feel happy to be in contact with you again.
The more attracted you make her feel when you interact with her, the more her defenses will come down.
Then, the idea of getting back together again will begin to feel like something she wants to do because it feels right.
On the other hand, if you don’t do anything to re-spark her feelings for you and just give up, she probably won’t ever be interested in getting back together with you again.
Another reason why not chasing a woman usually doesn’t work to get her back is because…
2. Women can easily move on in today’s world
Rather than sitting around thinking, “Why isn’t he calling me?” or “Is he over me so quickly? Why isn’t he doing anything to get me back? Could he have met someone else? I miss him!” a woman will use her ex’s indifference towards her as an excuse to move on without him.
Here’s the thing…
In today’s world, a woman simply has to get on a dating app like Tinder, an online dating site, or go out to a bar or club and give out her number, kiss or even have sex with one of the many guys who will want her and she will start forgetting about her ex.
It’s pretty damn easy for her to get some action.
She knows that.
Additionally, most women have had some experience in relationships and break ups before.
So, even though a woman may be feeling sad about the break up with her ex, she will know that the pain will eventually fade away, or that she can get over the pain by hooking up with new guys.
All she needs to do is wait it out until she feels completely over him, or use another guy (or guys) to help her get over him even faster.
She knows that.
So, if you really want to get your ex back, hoping that if you stop chasing her will make it happen is not a good strategy to use if she’s not attracted to you anymore.
In fact, by ignoring her, you’re just giving her the help she needs to get over you, move on and find someone else.
Here’s an older video of mine that discusses that very topic…
If you want to get her back, you have to put in the effort to re-attract her and make her want you back now.
If you wait too long, she may end up falling in love with a new guy, getting married or getting pregnant.
Then what?
Ignore her even more?
No, no, no.
That approach doesn’t work in almost all ex back cases where a man is trying to get a woman back who no longer feels attracted to him.
If you want your ex back now, you have to actively re-attract her in a calm, confident manner.
Begin interacting with her in whatever way is possible for you (e.g. text or e-mail her, message her on social media, call her on the phone, or even better, meet up with her in person) and make her feel some respect and sexual attraction for you again.
When you do that, she will naturally begin to change how she thinks and feels about you.
She will open back up to you.
On the other hand, if she doesn’t feel anything for you, it’s not going to matter to her that you’ve stopped chasing her to make her come back.
Instead she will see that as yet another reason why she needs to move on without you (i.e. because you’re either incapable of getting her back, still don’t know what she really wants from you, are too afraid to step up to the plate and do what it takes to get her back).
The next reason why not chasing a woman doesn’t work to get her back is because…
3. She is afraid of getting rejected by you if she tries to get you back
A woman will rarely make the first move with her ex (even if she still has feelings and wants him back), because she fears that he might try to hurt her for breaking up with him by rejecting her and saying things like, “What makes you think I would ever want you back? I’m over you and I have an even better girlfriend now. Leave me alone.”
If that happens, then she will be the one who is more hurt by the break up.
She will feel as though he is dumping her, so it will be harder for her to get over him and move on.
To avoid that happening to her, she will just move on with a new guy, rather than having to deal with the potential pain of reaching out to an ex and getting rejected.
This is why it’s very important that if you want your ex back, you actively focus on getting her back, rather than leaving it all up to her.
Don’t sit around hoping that giving her space will convince her that your intentions are good and make her contact you, because chances are she won’t.
You need to interact with her in a calm, confident manner as often as you can (without being a pain in the ass or coming across as being desperate) and focus on reawakening her feelings of attraction and respect for you.
Some guys are able to do that with one interaction, whereas other guys need to interact with their ex woman 2-3 times before she feels enough attraction to drop her guard and open up again.
When she drops her guard, she starts to think things like, “Maybe we can make things work between us after all. Maybe our relationship is worth saving.”
Another reason why not chasing a woman usually doesn’t work to get her back is because…
4. Some women want to see how you handle yourself as you pursue her
How a guy handles the break up is one of the things that either makes a woman want to get back with him, or convince her even more that she made the right decision.
For example: When a woman breaks up with a guy, some of the things she looks out for are:
- Does he become desperate (e.g. he starts begging and pleading for another chance, makes promises to do anything she wants as long as she gives him another chance)?
- Does he get angry or irritated with her (e.g. he insults her, calls her names, becomes aggressive or even physically violent)?
- Does he maintain his cool (e.g. he doesn’t get upset or nervous, he believes in his value to her, even though they’re now broken up)?
- Does he remain confident no matter how much she tests him (e.g. he laughs at her when she tells him that she doesn’t have feelings for him anymore)?
- Does he actively pursue her to get her back, or does he sit back and hope she will do all the work for him?
Depending on his reaction, she will either feel a resurgence of respect and attraction for him for handling the ex back process in a confident, emotionally strong and mature way, or she will feel turned off by his immature or insecure behavior.
So, if you want your ex back, don’t just give up, walk away and leave it all up to her.
That approach rarely, if ever works for guys who have been dumped by a woman who is no longer attracted to them.
You have to do something about it.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you should harass her by calling her all the time, sending multiple texts, e-mails or messages, or try to force her into getting back together again.
Instead, you need to interact with her in a calm, confident manner and build on her feelings for you.
The more you make her feel good to be interacting with you again (e.g. by making her laugh and smile, being confident when she tests you, creating a sexual vibe between you and her), the more the idea of getting back together again will seem appealing to her.
Don’t Lose Your Chance With Her By Making These Mistakes
By now you’ve probably realized that not pursuing an ex usually doesn’t get her back.
You’ve already probably realized that I don’t recommend chasing your ex in a desperate, frantic manner.
This is about being calm, confident and in control and getting the job done (i.e. getting her back).
That is what works for men who have been dumped by a woman who no longer feels attracted or in love.
You know that now, but so many guys don’t, which is why they end up making mistakes such as…
1. Ignoring her texts or signs of interest from her to hopefully make her chase even more
Playing a little bit hard to get is good, but if you go too far with it, she will play harder to get and it will become even more difficult for you to handle.
So, don’t go overboard and try to be Mr. Cool or Mr. Aloof all of a sudden.
Be calm and confident while getting her back, but don’t go crazy and be too cold, aloof or unavailable.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t know what else to do other than extreme behaviors to hopefully get a result, so they end up ruining their chances.
For example: Sometimes, a guy might think, “I don’t want to come across as being too eager, so I’m going to play it cool. I’ll pretend that I’m not available and ignore her texts to hopefully get her to chase harder. Then, when I finally do text her back a few days or a week later, she will be so happy to be hearing from me that she will be the one asking me for a second chance.”
It sounds good in theory, but it rarely works when a woman is over her ex, knows exactly why she broke up with him (i.e. he turned her off and wasn’t able to give her the kind of attraction experience she really wanted).
She just doesn’t feel the need to rush back to a guy who she isn’t attracted to anymore.
Here’s the thing…
Some women will show interest when their ex ignores them, but not to get him back.
Instead, she will do it to get him to show interest again and reveal his true feelings (i.e. he wants her back), so she can reconfirm that she is in the position of power (i.e. he wants her back, but she doesn’t want him back).
As soon as she has confirmed that, she feels good about herself and moves on.
However, not all women approach it in that way.
In many cases, a woman will simply move on and not care about the fact that her ex isn’t pursuing her.
She doesn’t need to confirm that she is in the position of power because she already knows that she is.
So, if you are serious about getting your ex back, don’t just ignore her and hope that she comes running back.
In most cases, a woman will simply move on.
So, just pick up the phone, call her and start creating some feelings inside of her right away.
Then, meet up with her and get her back.
That’s how a real man handles the situation.
He does what it takes to get the result he wants, while being calm, confident and in control.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
2. Acting like you are happy without her when you’re not
Sometimes, a guy will say that he’s really happy and enjoying a great life without his ex as a way of making her jealous and want him back.
Yet, saying things like that almost always backfires.
All it takes for your ex to catch you out in a lie is for her to say something like, “Oh, really? That’s kind of disappointing. I have been thinking a lot about us lately and realized that I made a mistake by breaking up with you. I want to get back together. Do you?”
If you then agree, she can quickly pull her interest back to see how happy you really are without her, or to regain the position of power.
If you fall apart and start pleading with her to give you another chance, she will know that you were only faking being happy and will then feel even less respect and attraction for you for lying to her.
So, rather than pretending that you’re happy without your ex when you’re not, just focus on genuinely being happy without her.
For example: You can build on your happiness by…
- Focusing on achieving your big goals and dreams in life and beginning to follow through on them.
- Spending more time with friends and doing outdoor activities together.
- Taking up a new hobby or activity that you’ve always wanted to do, but never got around to.
- Focusing on your positive qualities and realizing how much of a better man you’ve become since the break up and how lucky your ex would be to have you back.
Then, when you interact with your ex and she sees that you really are happy and have genuinely getting on with your life without her, she will naturally feel a surge of respect and attraction for you.
You can then build on those initial feelings to make her feel intensely attracted to you again and get her back.
On the other hand, if you only fake it and she finds out, getting her back becomes even more difficult.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
3. Not improving your ability to re-attract her before you interact with her
One of the main reasons why a woman breaks up with a guy is because she loses so much respect and attraction for him (i.e. due to his behavior, attitude or actions), that she doesn’t want to be with him anymore.
For example:
- He becomes too clingy and needy in the relationship with her (e.g. stops doing anything in his life independently of her, needs her to reassure him of her love and attraction for him, tells her that he can’t live or be happy without her support).
- He allows her to get away with bad behavior (e.g., throwing tantrums, being disrespectful towards him) and emotionally dominate him in the relationship.
- He stops making her feel feminine and girly in his presence and treats her more like a neutral friend, or a roommate.
- He stops being romantic and charming and the relationship becomes boring.
- He takes her for granted and just starts treating her however he wants.
- He doesn’t know why she is becoming increasingly frustrated or unhappy with him, so he begins to accuse her of being crazy, wanting to cheat, being selfish or not being as loving and warm as she used to be.
A woman doesn’t want to have to spend her life fixing her guy and hopefully trying to get him to understand what women want.
She wants to relax into being his woman and just love and adore him, rather than having to endlessly work on him.
If he can’t step up to the plate and be the kind of man she wants, she will eventually decide to leave him.
To get her back, a guy needs to make sure that he improves his ability to attract her (i.e. by improving on the things that caused her to break up with him in the first place) before he interacts with her again.
If he attempts to get her back without first giving her what she really wants (e.g. for him to be more confident and believe in himself, to make her feel like a real woman when she’s with him, not to put up with her nonsense and get her to respect him more) she will feel that he still doesn’t understand her and she will remain closed off.
In the same way, if you try to get your ex back while you’re still making the same old attraction mistakes you made before (e.g. you give her too much power over you, you feel unworthy of her, you’re afraid to stand up to her when she’s out of line), she isn’t going to feel motivated to want to get back with you.
It won’t matter if you chase her or give up; either way she isn’t going to want you back because she’s not going to be feeling attracted to you anymore.
So, if you are serious about getting your ex back, you need to focus on improving your ability to attract her based on the man you have become since the break up.
When she can see for herself that she feels differently around you now, her guard will naturally come down and she’ll be interested in seeing you more to see what happens.
So, don’t waste any more time ignoring her or playing hard to hopefully to get her to come back on her own.
If you want her back, make it happen!
Focus on making her feel attracted and in love with you again.
Take control of the situation and get her back.
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