Here are 5 tips to make the thank you letter be something that reawakens some of her feelings for you:
1. Keep it as brief as possible
As tempting as it may be to want to write a long letter to your ex girlfriend, listing all the things you love about her, talking about all the wonderful times you shared together and pouring out your feelings for her, don’t do it.
Why?
A woman doesn’t like getting long-winded letters (emails or texts) about her ex’s feelings when she doesn’t have feelings for him.
Instead, she just feels turned off by his neediness and emotional softness at a time when she really needs him to harden up and be more manly and in control of himself.
If you write too much, she may end up thinking something like, “Why is he being so mushy and soppy? I know we had some great times together, but it’s over now. Does he think that telling me how great I am, or how he feels about me is going to make me change my mind about breaking up? I hope not, because that’s not going to happen. I don’t have feelings for him anymore and a sweet, romantic, thank you letter isn’t going to change that.”
That’s why you need to make sure that your letter is short and sweet and interesting enough to make her want to talk to you on the phone, or meet up with you in person, where you can reactivate her feelings for you and get her back.
One of the best ways to do that is to…
2. Use humor in the email or letter to make her smile, laugh and feel good to be hearing from you
Using humor in a letter is one of the fastest ways to break down a woman’s defenses and make her feel more open towards you, so don’t be afraid to make her laugh and smile.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you should write jokes or anything like that.
Instead, while you’re thanking her for being a great person, you can then throw in a joke about something she used to do for you to make her feel good about herself.
For example: If you say something like, “I really appreciate that you were always so helpful,” you can then use some humor by adding something along the lines of, “I miss that about you… especially when I can’t remember how the vacuum cleaner works!” and then add a smiley face or an “Lol!” to let her know that you’re just teasing her.
When you use humor and get your ex smiling and laughing, it becomes a lot more difficult for her to hold on to her negative feelings about you.
Instead, she starts feeling respect and attraction for you again and she begins to think things like, “I wonder what has gotten into him? He’s being so funny and confident all of sudden. Maybe he’s changed. Maybe I should text him and see what happens from there.”
Her guard then comes down and she becomes more open to the idea of talking and interacting with you to see where things go from there.
So, don’t be afraid to use a bit of humor to break the ice when you write a letter to your ex girlfriend, especially if she’s currently being closed off and uninterested.
Of course, don’t just joke around in your letter, instead you should also…
3. Thank her for being who she is and not putting up with who you were back then
For example: You might say something like, “I just wanted to thank you for being the great person that you are. Regardless of how bad things got between us, you were always nice and I respect that about you. I’m also grateful that you had the courage to stand up to the guy I used to be back then, rather than let me get away with being a jerk.”
By saying something like that to her, you’re subtly suggesting that you are different now, without actually needing to say it.
As a result, she becomes curious about you and opens up to talking to you on the phone or meeting up with you to see for herself if it’s true, or if you were just saying that to make her drop her guard.
Then, once you’ve said everything you wanted to say in your letter, you need to…
4. End the letter with humor
Again, using humor to finish off your letter to your ex girlfriend is a great way to leave her with a “sweet taste in her mouth” (i.e. feeling good about you).
An example of that is to say something along the lines of, “Anyway… I just wanted to tell you that I’m grateful for having had you in my life. Of course, I do miss you and wish we could be together again, but on the bright side, I know I’m going to live a lot longer now that you’re no longer cooking for me! Haha!”
Finally…
5. Sign off with love
For example: “Love, your ex boyfriend, Peter.”
Quite often, a guy will be too afraid to say something like that because he doesn’t want to scare his ex off by showing her that he still has feelings for her.
In his mind he may be thinking things like, “If I sign off with love, she will know that I still care for her and then she’ll be turned off. She’ll close herself off even more than she already has and I won’t be able to get her back.”
Yet, the opposite is true.
If a guy pretends not to have feelings for his ex anymore, she’s usually going to take that as a sign that she needs to move on, rather than hang around hoping he might change his mind.
Another reason why a guy doesn’t want to sign off a letter with love is because he thinks it’s a sign of weakness (i.e. because she will know that he still cares for her and she may then have power over him).
Yet, letting your ex know that you still care for her is actually a sign of emotional strength.
The truth is, nothing that you say can make you lose any power, because you are the man.
You are the stronger one.
You’re always in the power position, because you are the man, so you can sign your letter off with love and not worry about it.
It’s just raw, honest masculinity.
Women respect that kind of confident, non-needy honesty from a man.
Where Guys Go Wrong When Writing a Thank You Letter to an Ex
Now that you know what you should do in your letter to your ex, here are 5 things you should avoid:
1. Coming across as arrogant based on how happy you say you are now that she has broken up with you
Sometimes, when a guy writes a thank you letter to his ex, he might try to sound like he’s really happy without her, so as not to come across as being needy or desperate.
He might then say things like, “I’m having such a wonderful time now that we’re broken up. I never realized how much fun my single friends were having until now. I’ve been to more clubs, bars and parties than ever before in my life. It’s fantastic!”
In his mind he may be thinking, “When she reads that she will see that I’m not sitting around at home feeling sorry for myself and that I’m having fun without her. She might then start regretting that she let me go and contact me so that we can work things out.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Although being genuinely happy and moving on with your life can impress your ex girlfriend (because women love the idea of being with a man who wants her, but doesn’t need her to be happy and content), making it sound like you’re better off now that she’s out of your life, isn’t a good idea.
Why?
Rather than be impressed by your new-found emotional independence, your ex will likely see your letter as an attempt to rub her face in it.
She will perceive you as being arrogant and full of yourself and she will then likely ignore your letter altogether and probably even unfriend you on social media and block your number on her phone too (if she hasn’t already done that), making it even more difficult for you to interact with her so that you can get her back.
Another thing you should avoid when writing a thank you letter to your ex girlfriend is…
2. Being overly nice, polite or sweet
The opposite of being arrogant in your letter is being super nice, sweet and soppy.
For example: A guy might write things like, “I just wanted to say how much I appreciate the time we had together. You’re a wonderful woman and I’m a better man because I had you in my life. I only wish you the best from now on and hope you will always be happy.”
Essentially, he thinks he’s being a perfect gentleman to his ex and that if she reads that she will be reminded that he’s actually a good guy and then open up to giving him another chance.
However, the opposite is usually true.
The truth is, women feel disgusted by that, if the feelings aren’t mutual.
Another thing you should avoid when writing a thank you letter to your ex girlfriend is…
3. Making it all about you
In most cases, when a guy decides to write a letter to his ex, it’s usually because he wants to pour his feelings out to her and let her know that he still cares about her.
However, when a woman has lost touch with her feelings of love, respect and sexual attraction for a guy, him writing to her to express his feelings doesn’t mean that much to her at all.
So, rather than think, “That’s just so amazing! He still cares about me so much. That simply melts my heart and makes me regret breaking up with him,” she instead feels turned off by his lack of understanding of her feelings.
In some cases, a woman will even take that as a sign that he is more selfish and self-absorbed than she initially thought.
She will think something like, “Me! Me! Me! That’s all he talks about in his entire letter to me. Everything is about him and how he feels! He only cares about himself. It’s like he doesn’t even realize that it takes two to make a relationship work. He thinks that just because he cares for me, I should just accept that and give him another chance. Well, I’m not going to get back with a guy based on a letter about how he feels. He’s definitely going to have to do more than that.”
So, if you want to get your ex back, just understand that your letter can’t all be about how much you care for her or how much you need her back in your life, because she won’t care about that.
What she cares about now is how she feels, not about how you feel and what you want.
So, your approach to getting her back needs to be about how you make her feel, in your letter and then when you talk to her on the phone or in person.
Another thing you should avoid when writing a thank you letter to your ex girlfriend is…
4. Wanting her back, but acting like you just want to thank her
Most women are not stupid and they can easily see through a guy’s intentions.
So, if you were upset when you and your ex broke up and tried fervently to make her change her mind, it’s likely that she’s going to know you still have feelings for her and want her back.
If she then gets a letter from you where you’re acting like you just want to thank her, she’s probably going to see through it and sense your real intentions (i.e. to make her think that you’re happy without her, that the break up was the best thing that ever happened to you and that you wouldn’t ever consider getting back with her).
She’s will then perceive you as being childish and immature and focus even more on moving on without you.
Another thing you should avoid when writing a thank you letter to your ex girlfriend is…
5. Losing confidence in your ability to get her back if she doesn’t reply or if she replies in a neutral way
The truth is, most women won’t make it easy for an ex to get her back.
Instead, she will sit back and wait to see how emotionally strong a man he really is.
For example:
- Is he going to crumble and start doubting his chances with her just because she doesn’t respond to his thank you letter, or only responds in neutral way?
- Will he give up on getting her back just because she’s being a little cold and aloof towards him?
- Will he take the next step and call her on the phone, or will he stick to letters and text messages?
If he reacts in any of those ways, it will prove to her that he’s not really the man she wants to be in a relationship with.
On the other hand, if her ex remains confident no matter how she reacts to his thank you letter and he then just calls her up and focuses on making her feel attracted again, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling a renewed sense of respect for him as a man.
When she feels respect for him, she will also start to feel attracted again and when that happens, her defenses will come down and she will open herself up to being his girl again.
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