Here is the number one thing to do to get your ex back, followed by 3 additional tips to ensure that you get her back and keep the relationship together.
1. Re-attract her sexually and romantically
When a woman breaks up with a guy, she usually doesn’t feel enough sexual or romantic attraction to want to remain in a relationship with him.
If he tries to get her back prior to re-attracting her, she will almost always reject him.
The reason why is that, in order for a boyfriend-girlfriend or husband-wife relationship to be happy, in love and something a woman doesn’t want to lose, there has to be a strong sexual and romantic spark.
If that isn’t there, then it feels more like a friendship, which isn’t what she is seeking from a man.
She wants to be in love, due to feeling sexual and romantic attraction.
If you’re not sure how to re-attract your ex sexually and romantically, here are a few examples to help you get started:
- Use humor to bring down her defenses and make her smile, laugh and feel relaxed to be around you, rather than stressing her out by having deep, emotional conversations about what went wrong in the relationship.
- Let her sense that you’ve already leveled up and are now the man she always wanted you to be (e.g. more manly in your attitude, more emotionally strong, more driven, more assertive in a loving way, more able to love her in a mature, emotionally balanced way), rather than asking her what she wants you to change before she’ll give you another chance. If you ask her, a woman usually won’t want to tell you because she fears you will fake the changes, or make them even though you don’t want to. Alternatively, she doesn’t want to be your guide or teacher on how to be attractive to women. She wants you to just figure it out and do it, rather than bugging her about it.
- Maintain your confidence, especially when she tries to make you feel insecure and unsure of yourself by being cold and aloof, or even bitchy towards you.
- Let her sense that you feel more than worthy of her, rather than giving her the sense that you now feel like an unworthy, rejected or unattractive ex boyfriend (or husband).
- Flirt with her to create sexual tension, rather than acting like just a friend and putting yourself in the friend zone. For example: Rather than asking her, “Do you miss me?” or, “Do you miss what we had?” in a sad or desperate way, or as though you’re seeking pity, flirt with her so she feels attracted and actually does feel like she misses the spark between you and her. Say, in a cheeky, confident tone of voice, “So, how much have you missed me?” If she says she hasn’t, just laugh and say, “Come on. You don’t need to shy. You’ve missed me like crazy, haven’t you?” in a confident, easygoing way and have a laugh with her.
The more you reawaken her sexual and romantic feelings, the more motivated she will feel to get back with you.
If she doesn’t get back with you right away, she will go away, realize she is missing you and then text or call you.
Either way, when her feelings are switched back on, she is going to want you.
Once you’ve reawakened her feelings…
2. Get to sex, make her love you again and then don’t push for any commitment from her
Don’t get stuck with just texting her, or having an occasional phone call.
Move things along by inviting her over to your place, or going to her place.
If you and her don’t hug and kiss right away when you meet up, don’t worry.
Just relax and focus on making her feel attracted to the new and improved you (i.e. you’re more confident now, more able to flirt with her to create sexual tension, you are no longer emotionally sensitive or insecure) in person.
If you still aren’t hugging and kissing spontaneously, just say, “Come here. Bring it in for a hug” (and lean in to initiate the hug, or fully initiate the hug yourself. Don’t wait for her to come all the way on her own) at a moment where you and her are obviously feeling attracted to each other.
Then have sex and let her experience how much more confident you are now.
Make up sex is usually enjoyable as it is, but if you’ve gone from being insecure to very confident (for example), she will feel more attracted to you than she has before.
As a result, she will feel rushes of love for you and realize that her feelings for you aren’t dead and the relationship definitely isn’t over.
Important: After hooking up, don’t start chasing a relationship, hinting at it or talking about it.
Let her be the one who wants you and her to get back together for real and then allow her to have that.
If she doesn’t ask for it right away, don’t panic.
She is feeling a lot of respect, attraction and love for you and will definitely be thinking about you, missing you and wanting to see if you if she leaves without discussing getting back together.
If she does leave without saying that she wants to be a couple again, then give her space for a few days (i.e. don’t text her or call her for a few days, unless she contacts you first).
She will then have to sit at home alone, missing you and replaying all the great moments she shared with you the last time you met up.
She will then naturally want you back for her own reasons (i.e. so you don’t hook up with a new woman and leave her behind when she has feelings for you again, or because she realizes that she does love you and doesn’t want to be broken up again).
As a result, she will almost certainly text or call you.
If she doesn’t, just contact her after a few days and she will likely be happy to hear from you and willing to catch up again.
Then, getting back into a relationship will be something that she wants just as much as you.
3. Start enjoying your life without her to make her realize that you love her and want her, but don’t need her
Women find that attractive because they are naturally attracted to emotionally independent, emotionally strong and forward-moving men.
On the other hand, women are turned off by emotionally dependent (i.e. needy), emotionally weak, or lost men who see a woman as their purpose or ambition in life.
So, don’t be afraid to one or more of the following:
- Focus on pursuing a dream, goal or ambition that you may have neglected while in a relationship with her.
- Join a meet up group in your area that does something you enjoy doing (e.g. gaming, discussing a topic you enjoy, photography, kayaking, outdoor skills).
- Take up a new group sport, or hobby that involves other people (e.g. martial arts, a running club, a travel group).
- Get in touch and hang out with old friends that you may have lost contact with because of your relationship and start having fun with them again (e.g. party together, go the beach, arrange a weekend adventure, or an out-of-town trip with a few friends).
If you don’t feel like doing any of those things, then you’re almost certainly too reliant on her for your emotional state (i.e. you’re emotionally dependent on her), which isn’t going to be attractive.
For example: If you meet up with her, she isn’t feeling very attracted to you and also senses that you seem to need her back to feel good about yourself again, it can be the one thing that pushes her away, or results in her closing up and not wanting to see you for a while.
So, if you can, try to push yourself to do things that involve other people, or at least start making progress towards a goal, dream or ambition that is important to you, but isn’t about her.
That way, you can honestly feel emotionally independent of her and as a result, be more naturally attractive to her.
4. Create a new relationship dynamic that will actually last a lifetime this time around
The best relationship dynamic is where both of you feel the need to impress each other and maintain each other’s interest, rather than it being one-sided.
If it’s one-sided where you care way more about her than she does about you, it can bring out the worst in her (i.e. she becomes emotionally selfish, disrespects you and knows that you will put up with it, withholds sex, expects way more from you than you do from her, doesn’t feel the need to be completely loyal).
Likewise, if a woman cares about a man way more than he cares about her and allows him to get away with treating her however he wants, it can result in him being a controlling, selfish, unloving and potentially disloyal boyfriend or husband.
If you want her to care about you as much as you care about her, it all starts with making her feel sexual and romantic attraction.
Without that, she just won’t feel the motivation to be a great woman to you and will eventually leave you again.
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