The path to reconciliation with your ex is as follows:
1. Get clear on the subtle things about you that turned her off
Right now, you’re probably aware of the obvious reasons why your ex broke up with you (e.g. she got tired of arguing with you all the time, it became too much effort to make the relationship work, she fell out of love with you), but it’s possible that you’re not fully aware of her more subtle reasons for ending the relationship.
For example: A man and a woman might have often argued about him working too many hours and as a result, breaking his promises to her (e.g. canceling dates, coming home late and finding that the dinner she prepared for him is cold, not being available to go to a party or wedding with her).
As such, he will naturally see that as one of her main reasons for breaking up with him.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that one of her more subtle, secret reasons is that she doesn’t like his attitude towards her anymore (e.g. he talks down to her, he doesn’t listen when she tries to talk to him and connect with him on an emotional level).
Not knowing that she is feeling turned off by those things, he assumes that the fact he is working too many hours and not giving her enough quality time is the main problem in the relationship.
He then thinks, “Well, she’s upset now because I didn’t go the party with her, but she’ll forgive me because deep down, she knows that I’m doing this for us and our future happiness together.”
Yet, she’s thinking, “Not only doesn’t he spend enough quality time with me, but the time we do spend together doesn’t make me feel loved, appreciated and happy. He’s always putting me down and doesn’t listen when I try to have a meaningful conversation with him. It’s like I am his last priority all the time. I’m tired of it. I deserve better than this.”
Yet rather than explain exactly where has been going wrong, she will break up with him by using a classic excuse, such as, “This just isn’t working anymore. So, let’s just go our separate ways. We had our chance, it didn’t work and now it’s over. Goodbye.”
He is then left thinking that the way to get her back is to work less, but that’s not the only thing that caused the break up.
What matters to her more is how unloved, unappreciated and unhappy she felt based on his attitude towards her when they did spend time together.
So, to get her back, he has to change his attitude and start showing her that he does care about her, without making the mistake of desperately pleading with her to give him another chance.
Most guys mess this part up.
They go from being careless to being desperate, both of which are unattractive to the woman.
What a man needs to do is be confident, calm and in control of his emotions as he shows her that he does care and is sorry for where he went wrong.
If he makes the mistake of desperately pleading with her to forgive him, give him another chance or take pity on him, she will not only see that as a selfish thing to ask for, but she will also feel turned off by it.
So, how about you?
Do you know exactly where you messed up with your ex?
Are you aware of the obvious and more subtle reasons for the break up?
If you want to reconcile with her and get the relationship back together, you have to be aware of why she really broke up with you and begin to change those things about yourself.
Don’t panic and rush to show her that you’ve changed in an instant.
Be calm as you quickly change and improve over a period of 3 days to a week and then interact with her and let her see that you really are different now.
Don’t plead with her to see that you’re different.
Let her experience it and decide for herself.
When she sees that you’ve understood what she wants from you and have already taken steps to change and improve, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
When that happens, her guard starts to slip down and the path to reconciliation opens up before you.
Before you interact with her again, make sure that you…
2. Improve your ability to attract her, so she feels a spark when you interact
If you try to get your ex back while making the same old attraction mistakes that you made before she broke up with you (e.g. giving her too much power over you, feeling insecure about your attractiveness and value to her, lacking confidence around her and other people), she isn’t going to feel motivated to get back with you.
So, if you want to ignite real sparks of respect and sexual attraction inside of her, you’ve got to show her (via the way you talk, think, act and behave) that you’ve become a better man.
For example:
- If you were insecure before, you’re now more self-assured and can maintain your confidence around her even when she is pretending like she doesn’t feel a thing for you anymore. (Most ex women do that to test your confidence, so be ready for it).
- If you doubted your value and attractiveness to her before, you now know that you’re more than good enough for her. As a result, you don’t get upset when she tests you by flirting with other guys in front of you, or by talking about guys who are interested in her.
- If you allowed her to dominate you during conversation with her assertive, confident personality, you now laugh (in a loving way) at her attempts to push you around. You no longer feel intimidated by her.
- If you treated her too much like a neutral friend before, you now flirt with her to create sexual tension and make her feel like a girly, feminine woman in your presence.
The more she experiences the new and improved you, the more respect and sexual attraction she will feel and the easier it will be for her to imagine herself feeling happy in your arms once again.
However, if you haven’t changed and she can sense that you’d probably make the same mistakes again if she gave you another chance, then she’s not going to be very interested.
The next step is to…
3. Build on her feelings when you meet up in person
Building on your ex’s feelings of respect, attraction and love for you in person is the fastest path to reconciliation.
So, when you meet up with her, don’t make the mistake of thinking that being on your best behavior around her (e.g. being extra nice, polite and considerate) will impress her and make her want you back sexually.
Instead, focus on flirting with her to create sexual tension, using humor to break down her defenses and being a confident guy who believes in his value to her, even if she’s being closed off towards you.
When she feels attracted to you, she automatically stops focusing on the negatives of the past and starts to feel drawn to the idea of being with you again.
Depending on what kind of woman your ex is, she might make it obvious to you, she might give you subtle signals or she might act like it’s not working on her.
So, you have to be prepared to continue believing in yourself as you interact with her.
Remember: A man’s confidence when under pressure is one of the most attractive traits he can ever display.
Don’t ruin your opportunity to attract her by doubting that what you’re doing isn’t working.
If you are honestly being confident and it is coming through via your body language, vibe, conversation style and behavior, she will absolutely feel attracted to you, without a doubt.
Women instinctively react with feelings of natural attraction when a man remains confident under pressure.
So, believe in yourself and she will feel attracted to you.
From there, even if she previously said things like, “I will never give you another chance!” the idea of reconciling with you will suddenly start to seem like an appealing idea to her.
The next step is to…
4. Get to a hug and then kiss
If you’ve successfully built up your ex’s feelings for you during the meet up, getting her to give you a hug shouldn’t be too difficult at all.
In fact, if you’ve made her feel really good to be seeing you again, she may even be the one who suggests giving each other a hug.
Of course, if she doesn’t suggest it, don’t doubt yourself and worry.
Instead, just be confident and make it happen by saying something along the lines of, “It’s good to see that you and I can be friends. I’m impressed by the way that we’re now able to enjoy each other’s company as friends, without letting what happened in the past cause us to become bitter towards each other. It’s all good between us. Friends. Don’t you think that’s an accomplishment that deserves a hug? Come on…come here and give me a hug.”
Then, move closer to her and open your arms.
As long as you have been building up her feelings throughout the interaction, she will almost certainly be more than happy to give you a hug.
So, just go ahead and confidently take her in your arms and give her a warm hug.
From there, if she seems open (e.g. she remains in your arms longer than necessary, she nuzzles into your neck as though you and her are lovers again, she looks up at you and smiles and then looks at your lips), then just lean in and give her a kiss on the lips.
If she enjoys it, you can then deepen the kiss and make it a passionate one that lasts 10-15 seconds or so.
BTW: If she pulls away from your initial attempt to kiss her, don’t worry about it at all.
Just maintain your confidence, smile and say something along the lines of, “It was a good hug…we should do that again sometime” and have a little laugh with her about that.
At that point, she will probably be feeling a bit warm and tingly down below.
As a result, she might then start to think, “What’s going on here? It felt so good to be in his arms again. Suddenly, I think want us to get back together again. If we don’t get back together, I at least want to have sex with him again. Why not? It feels good to hug him again, so we should just do it. I hope he makes a move. I’d better show him that I’m interested in him again.”
The next step is to…
5. Make her want the relationship for her own reasons, rather than trying to convince her to give you another chance for your sake
You undoubtedly know why you want to reconcile with your ex (e.g. you still love her, you believe she is the one, you and her share a special connection, she’s the most beautiful, kind, loving woman you’ve ever known, you know that you could do a much better job of the relationship this time around).
Yet, regardless of how much you love her or how badly you want her back, trying to convince an ex woman to give you another chance based on how you feel, simply doesn’t work.
Why?
The truth is, a modern woman doesn’t have to stick with a relationship if she doesn’t want to.
If a man stops making her feel the way she wants to feel in the relationship (e.g. loved, appreciated, attracted, respectful), she won’t feel obliged to stick with him simply because he cares about her.
Instead, she will focus on taking care of her own personal happiness and well being, rather than remaining a guy out of feelings of guilt or pity.
So, if you truly want to convince your ex to give you another chance, don’t make it all about how much you love her and want her back.
Instead, make her want the relationship for her own reasons (e.g. because it feels good to be around you now, she feels like a feminine, desirable woman when she’s with you, she respects and looks up to you as a man, she can see a future with you, she feels turned on around you and wants to explore her new, fascinating feelings of attraction for you).
When you approach the ex back process in that way, getting her back becomes easy because she wants it too.
On the other hand, if you try to convince her to give you another chance based on how you feel and what you want, she will almost certainly remain closed up and continue rejecting you.
3 Mistakes That Some Guys Make On the Path to Reconciliation With Their Ex Woman
In most cases, reconciliation with an ex woman is a lot easier than most guys think.
When you say and do the kinds of things that are attractive to her (e.g. you talk to her with confidence even when she is being cold and distant, you make her feel girly and feminine in comparison to your masculine approach to the interaction, you make her laugh and smile even when she is being difficult during a conversation), a woman will quickly change her mind about being broken up with you and open back up to exploring her new feelings for you.
However, if you say and do things that turn her off, she will want to stick to her decision because it just won’t feel right to give you another chance.
For example: Here’s where some guys go wrong when trying to reconcile with their ex woman…
1. Turning her off the idea of reconciling because he tries to discuss the relationship with her in detail
Sometimes a guy will make the mistake of thinking that the path to reconciliation with his ex can only happen if he gets into long discussions about the relationship with her.
He assumes that if he mentions all of his mistakes and asks her for ways to fix them, she will see that he’s putting in the effort to fix himself and become a better man for her.
Yet, even though his intentions are good, discussing the relationship problems in detail, only causes her to feel stressed and look at the relationship as being too much hard work.
It’s okay to brush over a couple of problems and apologize, but you shouldn’t stay on the topic.
As soon as possible, you should always steer the conversation back to flirting, humor and feel good emotions, so she can see that she is feeling good around you and that things aren’t so bad between you and her after all.
Another mistake that some guys make is…
2. Being overly romantic or expressing his feelings even though the feelings aren’t mutual
Sometimes, a guy assumes that to reconcile with his ex, he needs to be very romantic and tell her all about how much he still loves her and needs her in his life.
After all, if it works in the movies, why shouldn’t it work for him in real life, right?
Wrong, unfortunately.
Although, it would be nice if a guy could buy his ex a bunch of red roses and say, “I know stuffed up, but I still love you. Please forgive me and give me another chance,” and all would be well again, it usually doesn’t work that way in real life.
Here’s the thing…
When a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s normally because she has disconnected from her feelings of love, respect and attraction for him.
So, when a guy is being romantic and pouring his heart out to her, she might appreciate the attention and display of devotion, but it isn’t going to change her mind about being broken up if she doesn’t have feelings for him anymore.
For a woman to want to reconcile, the feelings have to be mutual or at least close to mutual.
It can’t just be about you loving her and wanting her back for your reasons.
Instead, she has to feel like she will be missing out on a really great thing if she doesn’t get back with you.
Another mistake that guys make when trying to reconcile with their ex woman is…
3. Losing confidence when she tests him during the reconciliation process
Your ex is almost certainly going to test your confidence before she opens herself up to give you another chance.
For example: She might…
- Pretend that she’s not interested in you anymore to see if you continue trying to get her back, or if you lose confidence give up.
- Be unfriendly towards you during conversation to see if you can maintain your confidence with her, or if you become insecure and nervous.
- Flirt with other guys in front of you, or talk about other guys that are interested in her to test if you will start doubting your value and attractiveness to her, if you will get jealous or angry or if you will maintain confidence in yourself and your value to her.
- Try to mess with your head (e.g. she says that she has missed you, but not enough to want you back).
- Give you mixed signals (e.g. she says that she is interested in getting back together and then, when you show interest in that, she pulls back saying that she’s not sure).
Essentially, she wants to see how strong of a man you really are.
Remember: Women are naturally attracted to confidence, so if you can pass her test, she will naturally feel attracted to you, even if she doesn’t initially admit it.
When she feels attracted, she will then drop her guard and open herself up fully reconciling with you and getting back together.
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