Here are 5 common reasons why a woman will do that:
1. She wasn’t completely attracted to who you were being in the relationship
Sometimes a woman will get into a relationship with a guy because he seems to have some of the qualities and personality traits she is looking for.
For example: At the start of the relationship, he came across as being confident and emotionally masculine.
His confidence and emotional masculinity (i.e. he wasn’t an emotional wimp) made her feel positive emotions such as respect, attraction and safety.
She was able to look up to him as her man.
As a result, she may have thought along the lines of, “I think he might be the one for me. He makes me safe when we’re together. I love that he’s so confident and emotionally strong all the time. It allows me to relax and be a real woman when I’m with him, rather than having to be on my guard all the time and worry about having to take care of him because he doesn’t believe in himself, or can’t cope with life’s challenges. Maybe will get married and start a family. That would be fun. I love him and he loves me, so it only makes sense that we would go down that path. I’m looking forward to seeing what happens!”
Yet, as the relationship progressed, she began to see that his so-called confidence was just an act to get her into a relationship.
She also began to realize that he only felt confident if she showed him love, attention and affection.
If she started to pull back and not be as loving, attentive or affectionate, he automatically began to feel insecure.
He then asked her things like, “Do you still love me?” or, “Are you still attracted to me?” or, “What’s wrong? Do you still want to be with me? Is there someone else? What is going on?”
She also noticed that when he was faced with a big problem (e.g. at work, with family or friends, in their relationship), rather than facing it head on like an emotionally strong man, he usually crumbled under the pressure and struggled to cope.
Naturally, she then began to lose respect for him and started thinking things like, “I really thought he was the one for me, but I see now that his outer persona that he showed me at the start isn’t who he really is deep down. I honestly didn’t see this side of him when I met him, or else I would never have gotten myself involved with him. He’s now trying to make the relationship even more serious and committed, but I don’t want that. Committing myself to him more would be such a big mistake because he’s not a truly confident man that I can rely on. So, I need to break up with him now, before things go too far and we both end up getting hurt.”
She then breaks up with him and focuses on moving on by finding new guy who really is what he appears to be (e.g. confident, emotionally mature, emotionally masculine), rather than continuing a relationship with a guy that she can’t fully respect, feel attracted to and love.
Another possible reason why your ex wouldn’t commit is…
2. She only ever wanted casual sex
Sometimes, a man and a woman will want very different things from a relationship.
For example: While a guy is busy falling in love with his girlfriend, imagining a great future together and thinking things like, “She’s the one for me. I can see us being together for life,” he fails to realize that her feelings and relationship goals are very different.
Even though she cares for him and enjoys his company, she’s not interested in taking on the role of being a more serious girlfriend, fiancé or wife to him.
Instead, she’s secretly thinking, “I enjoy being in a relationship with a guy that I’m not emotionally attached to. That way, I can break up with him whenever I want and I won’t be broken hearted. I enjoy having him around for sex, going out together and having fun, but I don’t want anything more than that. If he can’t sense that, it’s not my fault. I’ve given him plenty of signs to show it.”
Of course, not every guy is experienced enough with women and relationships to be able to pick up on those signs.
So, if he misses the signs and keeps saying things like, “Well, we’ve been dating for a long time now, so I think we should consider moving in together” or, “I love you with all of my heart. I really think we should get married. Will you please consider it?” or, “I can’t wait to start a family with you. Our children will be so beautiful if they get your looks. Do you want a boy or a girl to start with?” she will usually decide to break up with him, rather than committing to him any further.
Another possible reason why your ex wouldn’t commit is…
3. She was intending on using you as a rebound
Sometimes a woman will come out of a serious relationship with a guy and immediately get into another relationship to help her from missing her ex, or feeling brokenhearted.
Yet, in most cases, the rebound relationship is not with a guy that she perceives as being her ideal man.
Instead, he is usually the kind of guy who displays personality traits and behaviors that are the opposite of her ex.
For example: If a woman’s ex was very confident in his attractiveness to women and it caused him to have a wandering eye, her rebound guy is more likely to be a bit insecure and clingy, so she can feel safe that he won’t want to cheat on her.
She might justify her decision to date a guy who lacks confidence in himself by thinking, “At least I know that he won’t be looking at other women while he’s with me. He will be loyal and will even feel lucky to have me, so he will always put me first in his life and treat me like a princess. I need that now after the way my ex hurt me. I need to be loved and cherished.”
Yet, a guy who feels lucky to be with her and essentially lets her get her way all the time, isn’t what she really wants.
If she’s going to commit to a man for life, he will need to be very confident, as well as being the kind of guy who truly loves her, cherishes her and wouldn’t want to cheat on her.
So, if her new guy (the rebound) starts talking about moving in together, getting engaged or having children, she will want to break up with him because she knows that he’s not the right man for her due to his insecurity and lack of skill when it comes to being able to make her feel attracted (e.g. he’s too nice and gentle with her, but she likes a man who is more assertive, while also being a good man).
By the way…
If the rebound guy realizes his mistake (e.g. that he wasn’t confident and emotionally strong enough for her, he was too soft) and quickly makes some adjustments to the way he interacts with her, he can easily get her back.
She will be impressed and shocked (in a good way) that he is now able to make her feel attracted in the ways that truly matter to her, which will then make her regret breaking up with him.
Another possible reason why your ex wouldn’t commit is…
4. You weren’t able to make her fall in love with you
Sometimes a woman will get into a relationship with a guy that she isn’t truly attracted to, but will hope that he will be able to make her fall in love with him over time.
She thinks, “He’s really sweet and I like how he makes me feel when we’re together, but I don’t really feel strong sexual and romantic feelings for him yet. To be honest, I see him more as a friend than a boyfriend at the moment. Maybe because he’s too nice to me, or is just too neutral like a friend…I don’t know, but that’s what I’m feeling about him now. I’m willing to give the relationship a shot and see where it leads to. Maybe over time I will grow to love him more. Maybe this is how a relationship is supposed to be. I don’t know, but I’m willing to give it a try.”
She will then stick with him in the hope that she ends up loving him, as much as he loves her.
Yet, she never does.
Something is always missing and even though he’s nice to her, she just doesn’t feel like he is the one.
Why?
In most cases, it will be because the guy was too nice, too gentle, too sweet or too neutral.
I explain that and give examples in this video…
Here’s the thing…
Although there’s nothing wrong with being a good man and treating a woman well in a relationship, if a guy goes overboard (e.g. lets her get away with bad behavior, bends over backwards to accommodate her wants and desires to the detriment of his own), she won’t be able to fully respect him.
If a woman can’t respect a guy, she won’t feel attracted to him and then it becomes almost impossible for her to fall in love with him and want to commit to him.
Then, regardless of how good the relationship seemed to be (e.g. they never really fought, they got along well), she breaks up with him.
The guy is then left thinking, “What happened? I thought everything was fine! What the heck do women want?”
Unfortunately, he just isn’t aware that getting along isn’t the ultimate recipe for success in a romantic, sexual relationship with a woman.
There has to be a real spark between him and her, rather than it only being him who is truly attracted to her and in love with her.
Making a woman feel that way doesn’t happen by just being good to her.
There’s more to it than that.
By the way…
This doesn’t mean that a woman wants a man who treats her badly.
Instead, she just wants a good man who doesn’t suck up to her all the time and place her above him in terms of value and importance.
She wants a good man who makes her feel as though she needs to impress him and live up to his standards, rather than her being the leader of the relationship.
This doesn’t mean that a woman wants a man who puts her down and orders her around.
Instead, it means that a woman wants a guy who has standards and expects a woman to live up to them, while at the same time, treating her well, making her feel loved and enjoying a happy relationship together.
It’s not about telling a woman that she isn’t good enough and expecting her to do everything for you.
Instead, it’s about letting her get the sense that, if she doesn’t be a great girlfriend to you, then you could lose interest in her and dump her.
As a result, she wants to be a great girlfriend to you, so she can hopefully get you to commit to her.
Another possible reason why your ex wouldn’t commit is…
5. She didn’t like the relationship dynamic
Women are attracted to men who have the confidence, emotional strength and emotional masculinity to take the lead and do whatever is needed to make her feel protected and safe in the relationship with him, as well as in life in general.
So, when a man lets his girlfriend make all the decisions, falls apart when she’s creating drama and cries to her like a woman or a child when things get tough, she instinctively starts to lose respect and attraction for him.
She might not consciously think, “Hmm…I don’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore, because I don’t feel safe with him,” but she will feel it.
Her instincts will kick in and she will start thinking things like, “Something just doesn’t seem right. I don’t feel attracted to him anymore. I don’t know what changed about him, but I don’t like it. He’s not the kind of man that I can settle down and feel safe with. I think he still has a lot of growing up to do.”
She will then break up with him, rather than committing to a guy who seems like he will get worse as times goes on (e.g. he’ll become more insecure, more fragile, more needy).
Where Guys Go Wrong When Trying to Get an Ex Back Who Couldn’t Commit
To get your ex back and make her want to commit, you need to use the right approach from now on.
The right approach is to focus on re-attracting her and making her want you, without you actually pushing for a relationship.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t ever learn that, so they end up making one or more of the following mistakes…
1. Believing that the break up was about her fear of commitment
When a guy gets dumped by a woman who couldn’t commit, he will often assume that it’s because she has commitment issues.
Yet, in most cases, it’s not about that at all.
In fact, most women want to commit and get onto the next levels of a relationship with a guy, even though they might not openly admit it.
Most women hate being left behind by their girlfriends who are getting engaged or married, or being the single sister when her siblings are happy in relationships, or being the single girl at work when everyone else is happy in a relationship or married.
Of course, in some cases, a woman does have commitment issues, but here’s the reality of the situation.
If a woman with commitment issues meets a man who causes her to feel a tremendous amount of respect, attraction and love (much more than she’s ever experienced before) she isn’t going to have commitment issues.
She is going to want to be with him and only him.
This applies even if she is married and has been sleeping with a guy on the side.
If the guy on the side makes her feel more respect, attraction and love for her husband (that she is likely no longer in love with anyway), she will want to get a divorce to be with her new guy.
Likewise, if a woman has a boyfriend and is cheating on him with a new guy, she will leave her boyfriend and commit to the new guy if her feelings for him are much stronger.
So, when a woman doesn’t want to commit to a guy, it’s almost always because she’s just not very attracted to him or in love with him.
He can change her mind by making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him and by attracting her in new and more appealing ways, but only if he changes his approach to her.
One the biggest mistakes that guys make when trying to get a woman back who couldn’t commit, is that they use the same old approach to attraction that she wasn’t interested in anymore to try to get her back.
As a result, she isn’t inspired to give him another chance and keeps rejecting his attempts to get her back.
The next mistake is…
2. Telling her that he will wait for her no matter how long it takes
Waiting for her isn’t the answer.
If your ex isn’t attracted to you anymore, she’s probably going to keep feeling that way about you and just fall in love with a new man instead.
Unfortunately, many guys don’t realize that and end up saying something like this to the woman who is breaking up with them, “I just want you to know that it’s okay if you don’t want to commit to me right now. I love you more than anything in life and I am willing to give you as much space as you need. I don’t want you to feel pressured. Take all the time you need and when you feel ready to take our relationship to the next level, I will be right here waiting for you because I can’t live without you. You are the woman I love. I’ve loved a woman as much as I love you. I will wait for 40 years if I have to. You are the only woman I want.”
He hopes that his ex will feel flattered and be impressed about how dedicated he is to her.
She will then come to her senses and they can then start over, get married and live happily ever after.
Yet, that’s rarely how it plays out.
In most cases, a woman will feel turned off by what she perceives as her ex’s lack of emotional independence (i.e. he can’t be happy and fulfilled in life without her) and his inability to move on (i.e. he can’t attract another quality woman like her because he got lucky with her and is now stuck on his own).
So, instead of running back to him if he waits for months or years, she just moves on.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Writing a long love letter or e-mail to her
As romantic as it may seem, writing a love letter (or e-mail) to an ex woman to tell her how much you still love her and want her back in your life, almost never changes her mind about being broken up.
Why?
When a woman has disconnected from her feelings for a guy, how much he loves her, misses her and wants her back just doesn’t matter to her anymore.
Additionally, she also feels annoyed that he’s going on and on about his feelings, while also trying to suck up to her by saying sweet things that he hopes will trick her into thinking she still loves him.
Yet, she doesn’t love him anymore, so it doesn’t work.
She sees his letter or email as being a soppy, out of place, ineffective, lost way to try to get her back.
As a result, she loses even more respect for him.
So, what should you do instead?
Don’t try to be sweet and romantic if she doesn’t have sexual or romantic feelings for you anymore.
Women only appreciate romance from men that they feel sexually and romantically attracted to.
So, the first step is to re-attract her, not be sweet and romantic by declaring your undying love for her, or trying to woo her with sweet words about love, soul mates or anything like that.
Another mistake that guys often make when in a situation like yours is…
4. Trying to convince her that he would never break her heart and would always want to be with her, so she has nothing to worry about
Sometimes a guy will try to convince his ex to give him another chance by saying, “You have nothing to worry about if you commit to me. Maybe some other guy broke your heart in the past and that’s why you’re afraid to commit to me, but I would never do that to you. I promise that I will always treat you like a princess. You’re the one for me and I would never do anything to hurt you or betray your trust. I promise. Please believe me. I am willing to take things slow if you want, but you have to believe me that I would never break your heart. I want you and only you.”
It sounds great, right?
Yet, here’s the thing…
When a woman won’t commit to a guy, it’s usually not because she’s worried about getting her heart broken.
Instead, it’s usually because deep down, she feels as though the guy just doesn’t know how to make her feel attracted in the ways that really matter to her.
He’s promising to never break her heart, but she’s thinking, “Yeah, but I’ll break your heart because I will definitely break up with you in a couple of years, or maybe sooner. So, I’m going to break up with you now, rather than wasting my time or your time.”
Nothing that he can say will change her mind.
The only thing that will change her mind is if he uses a different approach to attraction that changes how she feels.
That is what works.
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