3 things you should do before trying to get her back:
1. Get clear on your part in causing the break up
Right now, you’re likely convinced that the only thing standing between you and your ex is the stupid thing that caused the break up.
However, to get her back, you’re going to have to be more honest with yourself and realize that a woman won’t just break up with a guy over something stupid, if she hasn’t also been losing respect, attraction and love for him over time, about other things as well.
So, if you can uncover those other, more subtle reasons that turned her off and quickly make some attractive changes and adjustments to yourself based on that, she will probably be a lot more willing to forgive a stupid mistake and get back together again.
Of course, if you’re not sure about what else may have turned your ex off about you leading up to the point where you and her broke up over something stupid, here’s a list of some of the more subtle things that almost always erode a woman’s feelings for her man:
- How he looks timid and unsure of himself around her or others.
- How he lacks confidence in how he talks to her or others.
- How he essentially sees her as the leader of the relationship and depends too much on her to make all the decisions and take care of him.
- How he’s unable to pass her simple confidence tests (e.g. if she rolls her eyes at him, plays hard to get during a conversation, pretends to feel annoyed about things that she doesn’t really feel annoyed about and he gets upset, angry or starts to doubt himself).
- How he fails to make her feel feminine and girly in his presence and instead makes her feel neutral or like she is more powerful than him. As a result, she feels sorry for him or feels repulsed by him, rather than feeling respect and looking up to him.
- How he lacks presence as a man (e.g. he’s not assertive, can’t handle conflict, doesn’t make a memorable or engaging impression on people).
- How he tends to get annoyed or angry about things that she thinks he shouldn’t get so worked up about (e.g. when he watches the news, when his team is losing, someone cuts him off in traffic).
- How he tends to have a negative attitude about most things in his life, which drags her down and makes her feel depressed when she’s around him.
If you want to get the relationship back together, you have to be aware of all your ex’s reasons for breaking up with you (not just focus on the stupid mistake) and begin to change those things about yourself.
Just be calm as you quickly change and improve over a period of 3 days to a week and then interact with her and let her see that you really are different now.
When she sees that you’ve actually taken steps to change and improve some of the things about you that had nothing to do with the main reason for your break up (i.e. the stupid thing), she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling strong surges of respect and attraction for you again.
When that happens, her guard starts to slip down and getting back together again becomes pretty easy, because she now realizes that losing you over something stupid would be a big mistake.
Another thing you should do before trying to get her back is to…
2. Prepare what you will say to her to get her to forgive your mistake and not see it as such a big deal
If you don’t prepare yourself beforehand, you may end up turning your apology into begging and pleading for her forgiveness, as well as making all sorts of promises to do whatever she wants you to do to make it up to her.
Yet, even though you might think this will make things right between you and your ex girl, it can actually make it worse.
Why?
The truth is, a woman doesn’t want a guy who is willing to say or do anything she wants, just so she will take him back.
So, when you interact with her, don’t feel like you have to grovel to make her forgive your mistake.
For example: Something you might say to her that will spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you is, “I just want to say that I’m truly sorry for what happened between us. It was a stupid thing and I honestly believe that something trivial like that isn’t worth losing what we had over. So, how about we forgive each other and focus on being friends again, without the pressure of getting back together?”
By saying something like that to her, it takes the pressure off your ex to have to apologize to you first if she made the mistake and she will probably also feel grateful to you for not making a big deal about it.
On the other hand, if it was you who did the stupid thing, she will likely feel relieved that you’ve taken the lead in the ex back process and aren’t being stubborn or defensive about what happened.
As a result, her guard starts to come down a little and she becomes more open to talking to you over the phone and seeing you in person.
Then, when she also experiences the changes you’ve made to yourself during the break up (e.g. you’re more assertive, you’re more positive in your approach to life, you can hold your own during conversation with her or others), she will begin to feel attracted to you in new ways and the idea of being your girl again starts to feel good to her.
Another thing you should do before trying to get her back is to…
3. Get ready to attract her in new ways when you interact with her, so she is motivated to give you another chance
In a relationship, a couple usually gets to know most things about the other person (e.g. their likes and dislikes, the way they react under different circumstances, the things that make them happy and unhappy, what turns them on or off).
So, after a break up, a woman might assume that her ex can’t offer her anything new that she doesn’t already know.
For example: He was a good guy who treated her well enough, was sort of confident and made her laugh from time to time, had an okay job and was kind of working towards achieving some of his goals in life.
However, she doesn’t really believe there’s anything more to him than that, so she assumes that the amount of attraction she felt for him has reached its limit.
Yet, that’s not the case at all.
The fact is, a man can always become more attractive to a woman, because a woman’s attraction to a man is mostly based on how his personality and behavior makes her feel.
In other words, he can always become more confident, emotionally masculine, focused and driven, attentive, loving, emotionally powerful or charismatic.
As a result, he can always become more attractive to a woman.
So, how can you do it?
Start by improving the way you interact with your ex from now on.
For example:
If she brings up the stupid thing that caused you and her to break up and possibly even blames you for it, rather than get upset about it or feel guilty, maintain your confidence and use humor to turn things around and make her see the funny side of what happened.
If she is being emotionally closed off towards you, flirt with her to create some sexual tension between you and her.
If she’s saying that she can’t forgive you and give you another chance, show her that you’re an emotionally strong man by not begging and pleading with her to change her mind.
When she can see that nothing she throws at you makes you doubt yourself and your attractiveness and value to her, she will feel naturally attracted to you, whether she likes it or not.
Initially, she may pretend that the new (more confident and emotionally strong) you doesn’t impress her, but she won’t be able to hide her feelings from you for very long.
As long as you maintain your confidence, her guard will begin to slip and before long she will be laughing with you about breaking up over something so stupid.
You can then take the last step and gently guide her back into a relationship with you.
Where Guys Go Wrong When Trying to Get an Ex Back After Making a Stupid Mistake
Right now, the question you need to ask yourself is, “Am I going to let something stupid keep me and my ex apart, or am I going to do whatever it takes to get her back?”
If you decide to get her back, then every step you take from this moment on counts.
So, make sure you don’t make any of these mistakes:
1. Waiting for her to make the first move and she then moves on
Regardless of whether your ex is still angry with you, or she regrets breaking up and wants you back, it’s unlikely that she’s going to let you know one way or another.
The fact is, a woman will rarely open herself up to her ex and risk being rejected by him, by telling him what she wants and how she feels.
Instead, she will wait for him to see if he is confident enough in himself and in his value to her to take action and get her back.
So, if you regret breaking up with your ex over something stupid and want her back, don’t make the mistake even worse by waiting for her to give you a sign that she’s forgiven you.
Just be courageous enough to take make the first move in reconciling with her.
If you do, she will naturally start to respect you again.
When she respects you, she will also feel attracted to you and from there, it’s only a matter of time before her guard slips down and she opens back up to being your woman again.
Another mistake is…
2. Trying to apologize and get her back via text
Texting back and forth with your ex and trying to explain and apologize is the quickest way to make things worse. Why?
Arguments break out over text due to misunderstandings and she then goes cold and doesn’t want to interact with you anymore.
So, if you don’t want to go down that road and risk making things worse, save the apologies for when you’re on a phone call, or face-to-face with her.
You can then first use some humor to break the ice and make her laugh and smile and then, when you apologize to her (in a sincere, yet emotionally strong way), she will be happy and open to hear it.
She can then stop focusing on the stupid mistake and begin to see the humor of the situation.
As a result, she stops being so defensive and closed off and she becomes more open to working things out.
Another mistake is…
3. Taking all the blame yourself or blaming it all on her
It might be tempting to say something like, “Okay, it’s all my fault! I’ll take all the blame. I stuffed up and I hurt you in the process. Can we just let it go and try to work things out?” or “Hey, you’re the one who messed things up, not me. However, I’m willing to forgive you, so that we can work things out,” yet, that’s not the way to get her back. Why?
If you take all the blame, she will feel like she has power over you.
Then, if you get back together again and you have an argument or disagreement sometime in the future, she will likely throw it in your face and say something like, “There you go again! You just can’t stop doing stupid things,” because she doesn’t respect you anymore.
On the other hand, if you blame her, she will likely resent you and she won’t want to give you the satisfaction of getting her back after you accused her of stuffing up.
Either way, playing the blame game is not the best way to go about getting an ex back.
Besides, who is at fault isn’t important.
You broke up over something silly or stupid and that’s all.
It’s no big deal.
So, just focus on that and have a laugh with her about it.
Then, get her back.
Another mistake is…
4. Apologizing over and over in person and ending up giving her way too much power
When a guy does something stupid and causes his woman to break up with him, it’s only natural that he will want to apologize to her and get her to forgive him as quickly as possible.
Yet, if he goes overboard with the apologies to the point where he seems to be groveling, rather than forgive him, his ex starts to feel like she has power over him.
She then feels turned off by the new relationship dynamic (e.g. like a boss and her employee, a mother and her child, a teacher and her student).
As a result, she can’t respect him and because of that, she doesn’t want to work things out after all.
So, don’t hand your power over to your ex.
By all means apologize to her, but once is enough.
Then just focus on rebuilding her feelings of trust, respect and attraction for you, so that she wants to forgive you.
So, get started right away with the ex back process and don’t let something stupid cost you the love of your life.
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