While your ex is in a rebound relationship, you should…
1. Start Fixing the Things About You That Turned Her Off
If your ex has lost respect and attraction for you as a man, regardless of how sorry you are for everything that happened between you and her, it’s not going to matter to her unless she can see for herself that things have changed.
Instead, she is likely going to assume the worst about you and think that you’re still the same guy and who won’t be able to change how she feels.
To make your ex want to leave her new guy and get back with you soon, you need to show her (by the way you now talk, feel, think, act and behave) that you really have changed and improved.
By the way…
I know that it’s not easy for many guys to show their ex woman that they’ve changed because she no longer wants to talk to them.
However, you have to be persistent to get her on a phone call and get her to meet up with you in person.
Don’t worry about the new guy. He is with your woman and she belongs to you.
So, just get her on a phone call and get her to meet up with you.
Before you do that though, make sure that you have begun to fix some of the things that caused her to break up with you in the first place.
For example: A guy might have been insecure, needy and self-doubting in the relationship.
To get her to see that he’s not that guy anymore, he needs to show her that he has become more confident and emotionally strong now.
When he interacts with his ex (on the phone and in person) and she tests him (e.g. by being cold and distant, giving him mixed signals), he remains confident and doesn’t get insecure about his attractiveness to her like an insecure guy would.
Another example is where a woman broke up with a guy because he was too nice and he allowed her to dominate him and order him around.
To show her that he’s changed, he needs let her experience for herself (on a phone call or in person) that he is now more masculine and ballsy in a way that makes her feel feminine in comparison to him.
When she tries to dominate him and order him around like she used to, he just laughs it off and doesn’t get rattled like he used to.
He looks at her as being a girl, rather than as her being a super powerful woman that he needs to bow down to.
He is a good man and he respect her, but he no longer becomes unsure of himself or wimpy when she starts being bitchy, controlling or domineering.
When she sees this change in him, she naturally feels respect and attraction for him.
She realizes that she can now relax and trust that he is a real man now. He’s not the wimpy, insecure or submissive guy that she dumped.
He has become a confident, emotionally masculine man now and she can sincerely respect him.
When your ex can see that you haven’t been sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and have instead been working towards becoming an even better man (i.e. by fixing all the things that were turning her off), she will naturally feel respect for you, even if she doesn’t openly admit it.
When she feels respect for you, she will naturally become open to feeling attracted to you again as well, even if she tries to fight it.
When that happens, you can then build on her feelings until she’s thinking, “If I don’t give him another chance soon, I’m going to lose him to some other woman,” and she wants to be back in your arms.
2. Prepare to Give Her the Attraction Experience That She Wanted From You All Along
When a woman breaks up with a guy and quickly gets into a rebound relationship, it’s often because she is eager to experience the type of attraction that she felt was lacking in her relationship with her ex.
For example: If a woman’s ex was too nice and allowed her to walk all over him with her dominant personality, her new guy will be more emotionally masculine and ballsy and will be able to stand up to her, thus allowing her to feel more feminine and girly around him.
Another example is where a guy took a woman for granted (e.g. expecting her to do everything for him, breaking his promises to her, stopped appreciating her).
In cases like that, her new guy will usually be more attentive towards her, which will make her feel loved and appreciated.
A woman’s rebound guy is usually just filling in the emotional gaps that were missing in her relationship with her ex (e.g. the new guy is emotionally strong vs. her ex is emotionally weak and sensitive, the new guy is loving and attentive vs. her ex took her for granted).
Where some guys go wrong when trying to get an ex woman back who is in a rebound, is that they start thinking that the new guy is better than them.
For example: If he is insecure about some aspect of himself (e.g. his appearance, job, financial status), he might then say, “That’s why she’s with him. He’s better looking than me and he drives a really fancy car. How can I compete with that? I’m just an average Joe. Maybe if I go to the gym and build lots of muscles and get a better job, she will be impressed and leave him. Yet, that would take a long time to do. I want her back now. I don’t know what else to do to make her think of me as better than him.”
Don’t do that to yourself.
Just because your ex is with another guy, it doesn’t mean that he is perfect for her and that you can’t get her back.
He’s simply giving her the attraction experience she wants right now, but it doesn’t mean that at some point he won’t have gaps of his own (e.g. he might be emotionally strong, but she may discover that he lacks direction and purpose in life, or he might be loving and attentive, but he will gradually become needy and clingy).
Comparing yourself to another guy only makes you lose confidence in yourself, which makes you less attractive to your ex because she perceives you as being emotionally weaker than him.
Women are naturally attracted to whichever guy is the most confident.
I’m not talking about boastful, loudmouth confidence. I’m talking about relaxed, self-assured confidence.
You’ve got to believe in your attractiveness to her by focusing on your good qualities and improving on the things about yourself that were turning her off.
No guy is perfect, so don’t dwell on the other guy at all.
He’s not important.
It doesn’t matter if he’s rich, famous or if he has model good looks.
What matters the most is that you focus on making some adjustments to your thinking and behavior, so that when you interact with your ex, you can give her the attraction experience she really wants and change how she feels about you.
Some of the ways you can do that are by:
- Showing her via your thinking, actions and behavior that you’ve fixed some of the issues that were turning her off before (e.g. if you were insecure, you are now more emotionally strong and confident, or if you were too nice and a pushover before, you are now more ballsy and emotionally masculine).
- Reacting differently to what she says and does, (e.g. if you got jealous when she talked about other guys, you now relax and smile and don’t even worry about it. You know that women are attracted to confidence, so by remaining confident, she naturally feels attracted to you even if she doesn’t openly admit it).
- Making her feel feminine and girly in your presence to trigger her feelings of sexual attraction for you.
- Making her smile, laugh and feel excited to be around you.
Simply by making some attractive adjustments to your behavior and the way you think, talk and interact with her, talking to you or being around you will suddenly feel good to her.
She then starts to wonder about her decision to break up with you and she might feel confused about her newfound feelings of respect and attraction for you vs. what she is feeling for her new guy.
She won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again.
3. Become Emotionally Independent
It’s perfectly okay for a guy to miss his ex and want her back.
Once in a while he might even say things like, “I wish that she was here with me now. I miss her hugs and kisses,” or “I miss her the most on Sunday afternoon’s when things get quiet around here. I hate this lonely feeling. I would feel better if she were here.”
There’s nothing wrong with missing her, but if a guy feels as though he can’t function without his ex and has lost his main reason for living, he is actually making himself even more undesirable to her. Why?
What a lot of guys don’t realize is that being emotionally dependant on a woman and making her his purpose in life is the fastest way to lose her respect.
A woman does want to be with a guy who is loving, caring and devoted to her, but she also wants him to be his own man, with or without her support.
Where some guys go wrong (and end up being dumped for it), is they think making a woman the center of his world is what she actually wants.
A guy like this might then stop catching up with his friends unless she’s invited too.
This is fine if the relationship is amazing, the guy is making progress in life and she looks up to him and respects him, but if he’s a needy guy who is emotionally dependent on her, it will gradually turn her off.
Likewise, when a guy gives up his hobbies and interests that don’t include her and generally makes her the main focus of his life, a woman eventually starts to feel as though she’s got herself a boy who needs his mommy, rather than a man who she can look up to and respect.
She begins to think, “He’s smothering me. I just need a little space to do some things by myself at times. He’s driving me crazy by being so stuck to me. Sometimes, I think he’s going to even follow me to the bathroom. I can’t do anything without him there. I can’t take this anymore! It’s just too much. I can’t breathe.”
Then, when she breaks up with him and says that he has ruined their relationship and put her through a really hard time, he might say to himself, “Look at what I did to her. I made her hate me. She’s just too good for me. I’m such a terrible boyfriend (fiancé or husband). I don’t deserve her. I had the love of my life and I screwed it up. I am a failure as a man. She can do better than me.”
It’s only natural that a guy will feel pretty down about himself after being dumped by the woman he loves, but a guy feeling unworthy of his ex is actually another form of emotional dependence.
It’s like saying, “I need her to make me feel like I’m good enough, even though deep down I believe I don’t deserve her. I need her approval. I need her to make me feel confident again. Without her telling me that I’m worthy, I just don’t feel it. I’m not good enough.”
The thing is, a woman doesn’t want to feel like being with a guy is a favor to him.
Instead, she wants to be with a man who is confident in who he is and his attractiveness to her, rather than needing her to make him confident.
Women are attracted to self confidence rather than dependent confidence because it makes them feel safe that the man can handle himself in the world.
So, you need to show her that even though you still care for her and want her back, you are happy, confident and moving forward in life with, or without her.
You have your own important, long term dreams and goals in life and you don’t need her to make you feel confident and have self esteem.
You’re a great guy and she will be the one winning if she chooses to get back together with you.
To make sure that you give her that impression, you need to begin focusing on becoming an even better man than you already are.
For example:
- If your don’t already know, find out what your purpose in life really is and then set yourself some goals and start working towards achieving them.
- If you don’t know what your purpose is, just think of what you really would love to do with your life and then come up with huge, long term goals that are based on that. Then, start the journey and don’t stop.
- Think about all the things you’ve wanted to do (e.g. go traveling, learn a new skill, take a martial arts class), but have previously put them off because you were too busy, or because you didn’t want to spend any time away from her.
- Challenge yourself to do something different from what you always do as a way of becoming emotionally stronger (e.g. if you’re inclined to be more academic and prefer reading and studying, consider going rock climbing, doing martial arts or learning to fly a plane to challenge yourself).
- If you’ve neglected your friends, now is a good time to get reacquainted with them and even make new ones.
When you get to the point where you have a life purpose, goals, interests and friendships that are separate from your relationship with her and you are happy with or without her, something interesting happens…
She feels attracted to you again. Why?
When you stop needing a woman to give your purpose and direction in life, you suddenly become the kind of man that she can look up to, respect and feel attracted to.
Women love a man who knows who is and what he wants in life, outside of just wanting a woman.
Women do want a man who wants them, loves them and adores them, but they don’t want a needy leech to be stuck to them and sucking all the love, attention and affection they can give before they’ve given enough and need to remove him.
When you’re emotionally independent, but still love her and want her in your life, she can see that there is space to breathe in a relationship with you.
Then, rather than feeling like you’re smothering her and need her to feel good about yourself, she will feel lucky to be with a man who is going places in life, while also still paying attention to her and loving her in the way that she really wants.
4. Contact Her to Meet Up With You in Person, So You Can Say Hello as Friends
To get an ex back when she is in a rebound relationship, you have to be active about it.
Don’t worry about the new guy. He is with your ex and she belongs with you.
If you want her back, you have to interact with her and make her experience new, positive feelings and emotions about you (e.g. respect, desire, love) so that the negative things she remembers about you (e.g. a lack of confidence, being insecure, being jealous and controlling) no longer seem important to her anymore.
Sometimes, a guy will make the mistake of sitting around waiting for months, or even years for her rebound relationship to end and then, when he realizes that she’s not coming back, he might ask himself, “Why isn’t she calling me? Why isn’t she breaking up with him?”
The reason why is that waiting for an ex to come back without actively doing anything only works 20% of the time.
Even then, the woman will usually come back and see that the guy hasn’t improved his ability to give her the attraction experience she wants and she will just break up with him again.
If you want to get your ex back when she’s in a rebound relationship, the fastest way to do it is by actively making her have feelings for you again.
One of the best ways do that is by making her laugh, smile and feel happy when she’s interacting with you on a phone call, or in person.
So, don’t sit around waiting and hoping your ex will dump her new guy and come running back to you.
Instead, just contact her (the best way is to call her on the phone) and re-spark some of her feelings of respect and attraction by making her laugh and smile and feeling good to be talking to you again.
Then, get her to agree to meet up with you to say hello as friends.
She might be reluctant at first and she might say something like, “I don’t know… I’m with someone else now. I don’t think it would be right.”
Whatever you do, don’t get upset or give up. Simply say, “These days, there’s nothing wrong with people meeting up for a cup of coffee after they’ve broken up. We can do that. We can say hello as friends. If you don’t want to meet up with me after the coffee, it’s totally fine. I will accept that. I know that you’re in a relationship now. This isn’t about us getting back together. We are simply meeting up to say hello as friends.”
Tell her that it’s not wrong for her to want to catch up with you as a friend to say hi.
Tell her that it’s not considered cheating or anything like that.
You’re just meeting up as friends to say hello and if she doesn’t want to ever talk to again after that, let her know that you will respect her wishes.
5. Let Her Experience the New and Improved You at the Meet Up, But Don’t Try to Get Her Back Right Away, Unless She is Really Open to it
When you meet up with your ex, make sure that you continue to trigger her feelings of respect and attraction, make her laugh and smile and get her thinking, “Wow, this is actually kind of nice. It feels good to be around him again.”
Note: Don’t make the mistake of pretending to be a neutral friend who doesn’t flirt with her or make her feel attracted.
Watch this video for more info…
To get her back, you need to flirt with her and make her feel attracted even though you said that you were just meeting up as friends.
There’s nothing wrong with that.
Just don’t pressure her to get back with you right away, unless she really wants to.
Instead, simply focus instead on making her feel so much respect, attraction and love for you again that she asks, “Can we do this again sometime? This was actually fun.”
6. Optional: Hook Up With Her Sexually to Disrupt Her New Relationship
At the meet up, continue focusing on making her feel sexual attraction and respect for the new you.
If she seems open and is giving you signs that she’s attracted to you (e.g. keeps touching you, licks her lips a lot, plays with a necklace or her hair), lean in and give her a quick kiss.
From there, if she’s open, go ahead and proceed to having sex at your place or her place.
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