3 common reasons why a woman will say that to a man she has broken up with:
1. She can see that he doesn’t even know what to change to make her feel attracted
In most cases, a woman won’t just break up with a guy the first time he does something to annoy her or turn her off.
Instead, because she still loves him, she will give him a chance, or even several chances, to change his behavior.
She may even give him some clues as to what is bothering her to help him figure it out.
For example: If one of the things turning her off is that he’s too irresponsible, is stuck in a dead-end job and doesn’t have any goals for his future, she might say things like, “I saw this amazing course online that I’m sure you will love. Not only will it improve on your current skills, it also offers an internship when you’re finished. Isn’t that great? You can then quit your job and do something that will enhance your prospects for the future.”
If he takes notice and follows through on her suggestion, she will naturally feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him for understanding what she wanted him to change and then taking action.
However, if he just brushes off her suggestions and continues to make the same mistakes over and over again, she will eventually lose so much respect, attraction and love for him, that breaking up becomes her only choice.
The guy might then try to make her change her mind by offering to change things about himself that don’t actually matter to her.
For example: He might say something like, “Please give me another chance. I promise to be more romantic and take you out to fancy restaurants, rather than cafes or diners and I’ll also buy you flowers and special gifts. I give you my word.”
Yet, that’s not what she wants.
She wants him to be more responsible and focused in his life, not be more romantic or buy her things.
This only makes her think, “He clearly doesn’t get it. After everything I’ve said to him to try and make him realize his mistakes, he’s still the same guy that he was before and if I give him another chance, he’s not really going to change, because he simply doesn’t know how, or even what to change.”
As a result she pushes him away and says things like, “No. I’m done with you! It’s over! Just go away and leave me alone.”
He’s then left feeling hurt and confused and wondering things like, “Why is she being so stubborn?” or, “Why won’t she give me a chance when I’ve already promised to change?”
Here’s the thing…
If you want your ex to stop saying that she’s done with you and give you another chance, you first need to understand her real reasons for breaking up with you (e.g. you weren’t manly enough in your behavior, you became too clingy and needy in the relationship with her, you lacked focus and direction in your life, you weren’t able to give her the kind of attraction experience she really wanted so she felt more like your friend than your woman).
When you understand what actually matters to her and make those changes (rather than offering her things that she doesn’t want), she then feels understood.
As a result, she stops saying that she’s done with you and she instead opens herself up to the idea of exploring her new feelings of attraction for you.
On the other hand, if you keep offering to change things about yourself that don’t really matter to her, she will continue saying that she’s done with you and then getting her back will be a lot more difficult.
Another common reason why a woman will say that to a man she has broken up with is…
2. She’s tired of him chasing a relationship for his own reasons, rather than making her feel the way she wants to feel
In your mind, you probably have lists of valid reasons why you and your ex should get back together again.
For example: Some of the reasons a guy might give his ex as a way of urging her to give their relationship another chance are…
- He still loves her and needs her.
- He can’t function in his life without her.
- They had such good times together in the past and they can again.
- They are soulmates and they’re meant to be together.
- His friends and family adore her.
Yet, here’s the thing…
If a woman has lost respect and attraction for her ex, she’s not going to care how good his reasons are.
Instead, she’s likely going to be thinking things like, “Yes, I’m sure all his reasons are true for him. Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that from my perspective none of that matters, because I spent most of the relationship trying to show him how unhappy he was making me feel and to get him to change. So even though he wants me back, I definitely don’t want to go back to the annoying, frustrating life I had with him. Also, if he really loved me the way he says he does, he wouldn’t have hurt me in the first place and we would still be together. He would have cared enough to understand that his actions and behavior were making me feel fed up and he would have changed. However, he didn’t, because he doesn’t even have a clue what I really want. All he cares about is his own needs, wants and desires. Well, I’m looking out for myself now and I’m done with him!”
Although knowing that your ex might be thinking things like that about you sucks, the good news is that her feelings aren’t permanent.
You can change the way that she feels about you.
How can you do that?
By making sure that every time you interact with her from now on (i.e. on a phone call or in person), you are actively making her feel sparks of respect and sexual and romantic attraction for you.
Don’t waste time trying to convince her to give you another chance based how you feel, because that is irrelevant to her.
What matters to her is how you make her feel.
For example:
Can she relax into thinking, feeling and acting like a feminine woman around you because you’re being more emotionally masculine than her, or does she feel more like a neutral friend or roommate?
Does she look up to you and respect you as a man, or does she look down on you a little bit because she feels more emotionally dominant than you?
Does she feel like she would be winning by getting back with you, or does she feel like she would be doing you a favor if she gave you another chance?
When you start doing more of the things that make her feel attracted to you and less of the things that turn her off, your ex will quickly stop saying that she’s done with you.
Even if initially she tries to hide it, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling bursts of respect and attraction for you again for making her feel the way she wants to feel when she’s with you.
When that happens, her defenses will come down and she will naturally begin to wonder about what a relationship with you would be like this time around.
Another common reason why a woman will say that she’s done with a man is…
3. He’s been trying to get her back via text and has turned her off or annoyed her because of it
Sometimes a guy believes that he stands a better chance of convincing his ex to give him another chance if he asks her via text.
This is especially true if his ex has been cold and distant towards him over the phone and has stubbornly been refusing to meet up with him in person.
He might then think to himself, “Well if I can’t make her listen to reason any other way, at least she can’t run away from a text. She’ll have to read it and when she sees that I’m being sincere and that I really want us to work things out, she’ll hopefully stop being so stubborn and closed off and give me another chance.”
He then proceeds to send her walls of text messages saying things like, “I’m sorry. I know I stuffed up, but I will make it up to you if you give me one more chance,” or “What we had was special and I will do whatever it takes to prove to you that things will be different between us, if we get back together again.”
Yet, when a woman has disconnected from her feelings for her ex, getting a text from him trying to get her to commit to a relationship only makes her pull away from him even more.
She might even feel a bit annoyed with him for trying to get her back via text and she may think something like, “He’s trying to convince me to give him another chance, but he doesn’t even have the balls to do it face-to-face, or at least over the phone. It’s like he was bored with his day and suddenly thought, ‘Oh, let me text my ex and see if I can get her back,’ just to pass the time! Well he can forget about getting another chance with me. I’m done with him!”
Additionally, because she can’t see his body language, hear the tonality of his voice, or judge his actions and behavior in person or on a phone call, she just assumes that he’s hiding behind text messages, because he hasn’t really changed or improved in any way and he’s afraid to face her, where she will be able to see it for herself.
So, if you want your ex to stop saying that she’s done with you, stop trying to convince her to change her mind via text, where she can easily make up all sorts of negative stories about you because you’re not there to prove her wrong (e.g. that you’re feeling nervous and insecure, you’re still stuck at the same level you were at when you and her broke up).
She needs to see for herself that you really are a new and improved man and that can only be done in person.
So, focus on that and you will see that reactivating her feelings of respect and attraction for you is actually easier than it seems.
Common Problems That Guys Encounter When a Woman Says She’s Done With Them
Chances are, if your ex is saying that she’s done with you, you’ve likely encountered some of the problems below.
Let’s look at why she’s behaving in these ways and what you can do to change it…
1. She won’t listen to your point of view and give you a chance to explain
Even though you likely have many good reasons and explanations for what happened in the relationship with your ex, it’s unlikely that she will care what they are.
Why?
Essentially, when a woman has lost respect and attraction for her ex, she becomes closed off and unwilling to see things from his point of view.
So, how can you change all that?
By making sure that every time you interact with her from now on, you’re actively re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Don’t waste time explaining and trying to convince her.
If she doesn’t fully respect you at the moment, your efforts to persuade her to give you a chance to explain will fall on deaf ears.
So, focus on changing how she feels and her mind will then change without you having to sweet talk her.
Another way your ex might be behaving and what you can do to change it is…
2. She has been sticking to her decision no matter what you have said to her
If your ex is coming across as stubborn and closed off, it’s possible that you’re feeling hopeless and despondent right now.
You may even be thinking things like, “Why won’t she bend a little and just give me a chance to prove to her that things can be different between us? After everything we shared together she could at least give our relationship one last chance to survive.”
However, here’s the thing…
A woman will only behave like that when her ex hasn’t been doing anything to re-spark her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for him.
All he has been doing is trying to convince her to change her mind, but he’s not making her feel motivated to want to do that, so she keeps saying, “No. I’m done with you.”
So what should you do instead?
You need to replace her negative feelings for you (e.g. anger, annoyance, disappointment) with positive ones (e.g. respect, sexual attraction, love).
The more she feels drawn to you in a way that feels good to her, the more open she’ll become to changing her mind and giving you another chance.
Another way your ex might be behaving and what you can do to change it is…
3. She has lost interest in communicating with you
When a woman cuts herself off from her ex (e.g. she unfriends him on social media, blocks his number on her phone, refuses to meet up with him in person), it’s usually her way of fully getting over him and moving on.
So, what is the best way to handle an ex who has lost interest in communicating with you?
You need to show her that you’re not going to become insecure and self-doubting (e.g. by not begging and pleading with her to give you another chance and instead focusing on having a good time without her and posting photos on social media for her to see).
Instead, you believe in yourself and in your value to her regardless of whether she’s talking to you or not.
When she sees that you’re not crumbling because she’s ignoring you, she will naturally start to feel some respect for you again.
She may then unblock your number or friend you again on social media and wait for you to make the next move.
Another way your ex might be behaving and what you can do to change it is…
4. She is tired of trying to make the relationship work and doesn’t see the point anymore
A woman will usually give her guy more than one chance to change and improve before she gets fed up and decides to break up with him.
That’s why, him trying to make her change her mind by begging, pleading, promising to change and telling her how much he loves her, won’t easily change her mind.
Instead, she will remain closed off and say things like, “No. I’m done with you. It’s over.”
So, if you want to change that, you need to show her (not tell her) that you really have changed and improved in some of the ways that matter to her.
You don’t have to become perfect.
Just better.
Then, when she experiences the new you for herself, she will naturally feel some respect and attraction for you again.
She then starts to feel curious about what it would be like to give you another chance, so she drops her guard and allows you back into to her heart a little bit.
All you need to do then is prove to her that she made the right decision by being the man she always wanted you to be.
She will then reciprocate by being a loving, devoted woman who wants to stick with you for life.
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