Here are 3 common reasons why a woman will say that she doesn’t want to lose you, but then breaks up with you anyway…
1. She Doesn’t Yet Know if She’ll Be Able to Get Over You and Move On
Sometimes, when a woman has little or no experience with breakups, she may be more hesitant about fully breaking up with a guy.
For example: She might say to herself, “Yes, I love him, but at the same time he’s just not making me feel the way I want to feel. I’m not happy with him. Yet, what if I break up with him and then I discover that I can’t get over him? What if he changes by fixing the things that turned me off and I like him again all of a sudden, or some other girl takes him? I might be letting the love of my life go. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I want to lose him.”
Here’s the thing though…
Just because she is unsure about being able to move on without him, it doesn’t mean that she’s going to stay with him if he keeps turning her off.
For example:
While she is saying that she doesn’t want to lose him, is he being attractive to her by remaining confident, being charismatic and making her laugh, or is he being unattractive by becoming insecure, angry, controlling or suspicious of her?
That’s what really counts when getting stopping a break up.
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What really matters is how you make her feel from now on because that will help her forget about how bad things had become between you and her, forgive you and want to give you another chance.
For example: When in a relationship, if a guy is overly protective and jealous of his woman, she might put up with it for a while because she loves him.
However, over time, she will likely begin to feel smothered by his over protectiveness, will break up with him and hope that she can move on without him.
Another example is when a guy lacks purpose and direction in life and is stuck in a cycle of self-pity and apathy (e.g. works in a dead-end job that he hates, spends most of his time watching TV or playing video games, doesn’t have any big goals or plans for the future that he is actively making progress towards).
Here’s the thing…
Most guys have a dream, but they simply keep it as that.
The difference between a dream and achieving it is setting goals and actually following through.
Most guys just dream or talk about their dream and wish it would happen, but they don’t actually set goals and make progress towards those goals.
That’s the difference.
There are so many dreamers out there (many who are very intelligent), but the rare men are the ones who follow through until the dream is achieved.
That is what’s attractive to women.
It allows a woman to feel safe and trust in her man to guide them to a better future, rather than her having to be the strong one and make sure that their future is secure, while he drags his feet and complains about how hard life is.
So, when a woman finds herself stuck in a relationship with a guy who isn’t striving to achieve his big goals and dreams, she will begin to feel like the relationship just isn’t worth it.
She might love him very much, but if she sees that she doesn’t have much of a future with him because he’s too disinterested in life to make an effort to improve himself, she will likely begin to consider breaking up with him.
She doesn’t want to have to be more like a man and develop a toughness that allows her to compete and achieve her goals.
She wants to be a woman who is with a man who has the emotional toughness to win at life, rather than being stuck with a guy who needs her to help him feel safe and secure because he hasn’t yet grown up and become a real man.
So, even though she might feel like it will be difficult to get over him and move on, she may decide that it’s a preferable option compared to sitting around watching the man that she loves waste his life away.
In many cases, she will hope that by breaking up with him, it will spark something inside of him and he will become a better man.
She won’t want him to come to her and say, “Hey, I’m working on my goals! Do you like me now?” because she doesn’t want him to do it just for her.
She wants him to just become a better man, be the man and let her pick up on it naturally when they interact.
If she can see that he’s doing it because he has decided to become a better man and wants to because he knows that it will make for a better life, then she will be impressed and will feel respect and attraction for him again.
When that happens, she won’t want to lose him and will want to get back with him.
Another reason why a woman might say that she doesn’t want to lose you, but then breaks up with you anyway is…
2. She’s Just Trying to Keep You Around to Make You Show Interest in Her, While She Secretly Finds a Replacement Guy
Sometimes, a woman might want to get emotional revenge on her guy for the pain that he caused her during the relationship.
So, rather than just dump him, she might say something like, “I want you to know that I still love you and I don’t want to lose you. I just need a bit of time apart.”
She may then leave him hanging and wondering, “What does that mean? Is she coming back? Will she contact me? How much space should I give her?”
He might then say to himself, “I will wait for her and give her as much time as she needs. When she’s had some time to think things through, she will come back and we can get back together again.”
Yet, in most ex back cases that I’ve worked on where a guy has given his woman a lot of space, she just moves on.
Some women do come back, but if you were in a relationship like that, you probably wouldn’t be reading this article right now would you?
Something in your gut tells you that you’ve turned her off and she’s going to move on without you.
If you want her back, you’ve got to start making her feel attracted to you again, rather than just sitting around and hoping that she comes running back.
A lot of guys don’t know that though, so they give her plenty of time (e.g. 30-60 days) to think things through and get back to him.
In the meantime, while he’s waiting and hoping that she will come running back to him, she may be saying to herself, “This will teach him a lesson. He was such a jerk to me. Well, let him wait. I’m going to keep leading him on and telling him how much I can’t stand the thought of losing him. While he is thinking that I’m still interested, I’m going to find myself another guy who deserves a woman like me.”
Then, when she finds a replacement guy, she will get revenge by saying, “There’s something that I need to tell you. Don’t be angry with me, but I’ve met someone else.”
Alternatively, a woman might feel worried about not having a guy in her life who loves her and wants her, so she might say to herself, “Maybe I’ll just keep him hanging on for a while until I find the right guy for me. Keeping him around is better than having no one. If a better guy doesn’t come along, at least I’ll have an emergency guy if I need to go to a party, or a function where I need to bring someone along.”
In either case, the woman is just using the guy, because deep down she probably doesn’t believe he can change, or that he even knows how to change and make her feel respect and attraction for him again.
The only way to truly get a woman back is to show her that you understand her real reasons for breaking up with you and have already changed.
For example: She may have broken up with you and said, “I just don’t know if I want a relationship right now,” but her real reason for breaking up with you was that you weren’t manly enough around her (e.g. you were too emotionally sensitive).
Another reason why she may have said that she doesn’t want to lose you is that…
3. She Loves You, But Just Isn’t in Love With You Because You Don’t Give Her the Attraction Experience That She Wants
There are many different kinds of love.
There’s the gentle, nurturing love between a mother and her child, the neutral, non-sexual love between friends and then there’s the exciting, sexually charged love between a man and a woman.
Often a friendship can turn into a relationship (e.g. when the guy sparks the woman’s feelings of sexual desire) and a man and a woman will become a couple.
Likewise, a relationship can sometimes turn into a friendship (e.g. when the man stops giving the woman the attraction experience she really wants) and either the man or the woman will then start to feel bored and want to be with someone else.
In some cases, a couple may even fall into a “mother and child” relationship (e.g. if the guy is too insecure and needs his woman to guide him and teach him how to be a man) and the woman will start to feel very turned off by the guy’s emotionally immature and inability to be the man.
This might happen when a guy falls into a comfort zone in his relationship and begins to take the love between him and his woman for granted.
He just expects her to put up with his immature approach because the sex used to be great and they said, “I love you” many times in the beginning.
In his mind he might be thinking, “Yes, we have our ups and downs at times, but I don’t have to worry about my woman leaving me because I know that she loves me and she knows that I love her. We don’t need anything more than that. I love her, I want to be with her and that’s all that should matter.”
Yet, that’s not how to keep a relationship together with a woman for life.
It’s the man’s responsibility to maintain and build on the love, respect and attraction between him and his woman.
If he fails to do that (e.g. by treating her more like a friend than a lover, taking her for granted, sitting back and assuming that she wants to make all the decisions for both of them), she may begin asking herself, “Why am I sticking with him? Is he really the guy I want to be with for life? I don’t feel the way I used to. It’s boring now. There’s no spark.”
If she can’t convince herself to stick with him anyway, she will then look for the easiest way to break up with him (e.g. by saying that she doesn’t want to lose him, but just needs some time to herself).
If he doesn’t even know how to attract her back into a relationship and simply tries to convince her to give him another chance, she will usually say, “No” and keep trying to move on.
Yet, you can attract her back and you can change her mind about the break up.
By making some attractive adjustments to the way you interact with her from this point onwards (e.g. making her smile and laugh, making her feel feminine and girly), you can re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
When she starts feeling respect and attraction for you again, it highlights to her all the reasons why she didn’t want to lose you in the first place and she begins to see breaking up with you as a mistake.
On the other hand, if you keep behaving in ways that turn her off (e.g. treating her like a neutral friend, being insecure around her, letting her push you around) she will feel disappointed and say to herself, “Even though the thought of losing him forever makes me sad, I realize that it was the right decision to break up with him. He just hasn’t changed and doesn’t even know how, or what, to change about himself to make me feel attracted again. It’s a pity that our relationship had to come to this, but I need to make a clean break and just move on. He just doesn’t know how to be the kind of man that I need. I will tell him that I don’t want to lose him, but I am going to move on.”
She then tries to move on by flirting with other guys or hooking up with another guy and in many cases, she meets a guy who makes her feel happy.
Of course, there’s no guarantee that her relationship with him will last.
After all, she has had a 100% failure rate with relationships so far, so he will probably end up the same way.
If you want to be the man that she has a successful relationship with, you need to be able to guide her into deeper feelings, rather than causing the relationship to gradually fall apart like other guys do.
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When she senses that you now seem to have the ability to guide her into deeper feelings, her heart opens back up to you and she feels eager to be in a relationship with you again.
4 Mistakes to Avoid
Often, a guy gets so overwhelmed by the shock of being broken up with that he might make some of the following mistakes…
1. He patiently waits on the sidelines without improving his ability to be attractive to her in the ways that she cares about.
He may think something like, “There has to be a good reason why my ex said that she doesn’t want to lose me. Obviously she still had feelings for me, so if I wait patiently, she will eventually realize that she can’t stand being without me. Then, she will come running back and we can be together once again. I just have to be patient.”
He might then wait and wait for her to come back (sometimes for months or even years).
In some cases, the woman never contacts him again and he is left feeling despondent and asking, “Why didn’t she come back? I thought she was the one. I still love her so much and think about her all the time. Does she think about me? Would we have gotten back together if I did something about it, rather than just waiting patiently for her to come back? Did she ever love me? Why didn’t she come back?”
In almost every ex back case that I’ve seen where a guy has waited patiently, the woman didn’t come back because he didn’t even do anything to make her have feelings for him again, so she just moved on.
This is why I don’t recommend that guys ignore their ex woman in the hopes that she comes back one day.
Ignoring an ex works well for women who want a man back, but it doesn’t always work well for men who want a woman back.
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Sometimes a woman does come back when she has been ignored after a break up.
Yet, she usually breaks up with him again because she sees that he really hasn’t changed and that is still stuck at the same level that he was at when she broke up with him (e.g. he’s still insecure, still has no clue on how to attract her in the ways she secretly wants him to).
She might then say something like, “I don’t want to lose you, but I just don’t want to be in a relationship right now. Maybe there will be a chance for us again in future, but not now.”
She will then try to move on because she knows that, even though he gave her space and appeared to be confident by doing that, he’s still stuck at the same level and probably isn’t going to change and improve any time soon.
Another mistake that some guys make when their woman breaks up with them is that…
2. He pleads with her to change her mind.
When a guy is faced with the reality of losing the woman he loves, it’s only natural that he might try to make her change her mind.
Unfortunately, one of the most common reactions guys have is to plead with her.
For example: A guy might say, “Please don’t do this to us baby!! If you say that you don’t want to lose me, then why are you doing this? You know that I love and will do anything to make you happy. Please don’t go! Just give me a chance to make it up to you. I will do whatever it takes. Just give me one more chance. Please, I’m begging you.”
Yet, rather than change her mind, this sort of behavior convinces her to break up with him even more.
Why?
A woman is instinctively turned off by a man who is being emotionally weak, insecure or desperate.
She might not say it out loud, but inside she’s usually thinking, “Oh my…if he can’t cope with a simple break up, how is he going to handle the bigger problems in life? I don’t want to be stuck with a guy who falls apart at the first sign of difficulty in life. I need a man who is confident and emotionally strong enough to cope with the challenges of life. He clearly hasn’t yet become a man and is still thinking like a boy or young man. I don’t want to waste any more time on him. I need a man.”
3. He asks her if she will change her mind if he waits for her. He then promises to wait as long as it takes.
Another common reaction that guys have is to promise to wait for a woman to change her mind for as long as it takes.
For example: A guy might say to her, “You said that you don’t want to lose me, so I promise you that you won’t. If you tell me right now that you will someday change your mind about us, I will wait for you, no matter how long it takes. I don’t want any other woman. I only want you. What we have is special and I don’t want to share that with anyone else.”
Although a woman might feel flattered that he’s prepared to wait for her, if he then doesn’t actively do anything else to re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for him (i.e. he gives her weeks and even months of space to change her mind without even contacting her and actively attracting her), she will usually just move on with her life.
Initially, she might miss him and even say to herself, “I wonder what my ex is up to. I wonder why he isn’t calling me,” but if she doesn’t hear from him and then another guy comes along who awakens her feelings of attraction, she will forget all about him and just move on.
So, if you want to get your ex back, you have to be active about it.
You can sit around on the sidelines and hope that she will change her mind all by herself, but it rarely works when a woman has fully decided to break up with a guy because he isn’t able to give her the attraction experience she wants (e.g. he’s emotionally sensitive, but she wants a confident, emotionally masculine man).
If you want her back for real, you have to make her change her mind by interacting with her (e.g. via text, e-mail, social media, over the phone and in person) and making her feel surges of respect and attraction for the new and improved you.
Another common mistake that guys make when a woman says, “I don’t want to lose you,” but breaks up with him anyway is…
4. He stays in her life as a friend, but doesn’t do anything to make her sexually attracted to him again.
Sometimes, a woman might say to a guy, “I don’t want to lose you, but I just can’t be in a relationship with you right now. Let’s just be friends.”
He might jump at the idea and say to himself, “Being friends with my ex is better than nothing. At least if I stay friends with her, I’ll have a good excuse to be around her and stay in her life. Hopefully, if I’m really nice to her and show her that she can rely on me no matter what, she will realize how much she still loves me and we can get back together again.”
He may then hang around his ex being her nice, neutral friend who is always available to help her out with errands, give her a shoulder to cry on when she’s having a bad day and generally being at her every beck and call.
However, what he isn’t doing is making her see him as anything more than a friend.
Why?
Essentially, because he’s not sparking her feelings of respect for him and he’s not making her feel sexually attracted.
He’s just being friendly, nice and supportive, which are not the things that make a woman feel sexually attracted after a break up.
Remember: If you are going to be friends with your ex, make sure that you are actively making her feel respect and sexual attraction for you again.
Don’t be her friend if you’re only going to be her runaround guy who focuses on making her feel neutral, friendly feelings.
If you want to get your ex back, you need to be fearless by fully believing in your attractiveness to her.
You need to believe that she is yours and that you deserve to have her in your life.
Then, you need to use every interaction you have with her (e.g. via text, e-mail, social media, on a phone call, or in person) to make her feel respect and attraction for you and make her fall in love with you all over again.
When you do that, she will quickly or gradually say something like, “I made a mistake by breaking up with you. Please don’t leave me. I never want to lose you again. I love you.”
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