Here are 8 common reasons why a breakup can often be devastating for a man:
1. He forgets that his instincts are still operating as though he lives in a small tribe or community
When people lived in small tribes or communities in the past, there were only so many women to go around.
Most women were already taken by other men in the tribe/community, or they were too old or too young, or there was something wrong with them (e.g. a mental or physical disability).
As a result, when a guy lost his woman (usually through death because divorce was essentially forbidden), finding a replacement was very difficult due to the small number of available women.
A man often had to deal with being alone.
If he didn’t have children with her, he may have also had to cope with the fear of never procreating (i.e. because he no longer had a suitable mate), thereby bringing an end to his lineage.
Of course, it’s not that way anymore.
There are now millions of single women all over the world that a guy can date, fall in love with and have a family with.
Additionally, most relationships don’t actually last, so there are always new, single women available.
“60% of unmarried relationships break up within 2 months and 70% end within 1 year.” Social Science Data Collection. Stanford University, California
Yet, deep down, a lot of guys still operate as though they are part of a small community or tribe (i.e. there are only a small amount of women available and he can’t venture out into other communities, or tribes nearby or he might be killed. He has to stick with his tribe/community).
That feeling can strengthen when a guy only meets women at work or university, or through mutual friends.
He doesn’t really venture out (e.g. into bars, social groups, meet up groups, etc) to meet new women.
He remains within his set group and as a result, will often find that most of the quality women are taken.
As a result, he can’t stop focusing on the fact that he’s been dumped by his ex.
She was the only quality woman he could get.
No.
She is literally one of the millions of quality women he has access to.
If he doesn’t realize that, he will naturally feel devastated by the loss of her from his life.
He will feel like he has been rejected within his tribe and now doesn’t have many, or any options.
Yet, all he has to do is be willing to talk to and attract another quality woman and he will suddenly see that there is hope.
He can fall in love again.
It won’t be the same as it was with her, but he will be able to find love again.
Alternatively, if he wants to get his ex back, he can also do that too.
There is a solution to get her back and it works.
Another common reason why a breakup can often be devastating for a man is…
2. He built his entire life around her and a future with her
Naturally, when a guy gets into a relationship with a woman he perceives as being ‘the one,’ he will start building his life and future around her.
For example: A guy might…
- Spend most of his time with her rather than with anyone else.
- Start saving money so that they can buy a house together.
- Apply for a promotion at work, or accept another job somewhere else (maybe further away) so that he can earn more money to be able to provide for her and any children they may have.
- Stop hanging out with his single friends and only interact with friends who are in stable relationships.
- Open joint bank accounts with her.
- Get a pet together.
- Share all his dreams and hopes for the future with her and include her in his plans.
- Talk about having children together sometime in the future (or even soon).
- Share his assets with her.
So naturally, when a breakup happens, his entire vision of what his future will be like (e.g. he would be married, have a family, live in his dream house, have someone to get old with) gets destroyed.
Nothing is the same anymore and suddenly his life seems like it’s drifting and there’s no purpose or point to it.
Of course, in some extreme cases, a guy will even make his woman the center of his world.
As a result, he might give up all of his personal goals and dreams because in his mind he may be thinking things like, “None of that matters anymore. We’re a couple now and everything I do must include her. There is no ‘mine’ anymore, it’s all ‘ours.’ We’re a team and everything we do is together from now on.”
Unfortunately though, what a guy like that doesn’t realize is that making a woman his purpose in life is the fastest way to lose her respect (i.e. because she perceives him as being too clingy and dependent on her for his happiness and wellbeing).
Additionally, by losing track of his own goals and dreams in life, when she then breaks up with him, his main reason for living disappears and it leaves him feeling destroyed and broken.
Of course, if he wants to, a guy can pull himself out of this pit of depression and sadness and even get his ex back.
How can he do that?
By getting to the point where even though he still loves her and wants her back, he now has a purpose in life that is separate from her.
In other words, he has big goals, dreams and ambitions of his own and he’s working towards achieving them.
He’s taking real steps along the path of becoming the emotionally strong, independent man he should have been all along.
This changes him at a fundamental level and automatically makes him more attractive to her and other women (i.e. because he’s become his own man).
She then notices that he wants her back, but doesn’t need her back to have a sense of identity and purpose in this world.
As a result, she begins to look up to him, respect him and feel attracted to him once again.
Then, the idea of giving him another chance starts to feel good to her.
Another common reason why a breakup can often be devastating for a man is…
3. He has to now live with the shame and embarrassment when around friends, family and coworkers
Unlike in the past where it was considered shameful for a relationship to end, in today’s world, most modern couples experience a breakup or an almost break up when one or both of the people aren’t happy anymore.
In other words, breakups are common and almost everyone who has been in a relationship has experienced it at some point in their life.
Yet, despite that fact, a lot of guys still end up feeling as though they are a failure as a man because their relationship ended in a breakup.
This can then naturally lead to him feeling devastated and like he can’t cope with the stress of facing everyone, with what he perceives as his failure.
However, the truth is, there’s nothing to feel embarrassed about.
So, don’t put yourself down, simply because you and your girl have gone through a breakup.
Understand that this is just part of life and use the experience to become an even better, emotionally stronger man who will know more about how to attract a woman and keep a relationship together.
Then, if you want to get back together with your ex and give the relationship another chance, just go ahead and give it a shot.
It doesn’t matter that you’ve broken up before, or that people might say, “Why are you getting back with a woman that broke your heart?” or even that you and her may break up again.
You have nothing to lose, but everything to gain (i.e. having a long-lasting, happy and fulfilled relationship with your ideal woman).
So, forget about silly things like feeling embarrassed and go for it.
Your reward for having the courage to do that can be your girl is back in your arms again within days or weeks.
Isn’t that worth a try?
Another common reason why a breakup can often be devastating for a man is…
4. A breakup can make a man feel depressed and insecure, which is the opposite of what attracts women to him
Although it’s natural that after a break up a guy might go through a period of time where he feels sad, depressed and even a little bit hopeless, getting stuck in that stage is the worst thing he can do.
Why?
In most cases, a guy will end up losing more and more confidence in himself.
This can then lead to him allowing those negative emotions to erode his feelings of value and self-worth as a man.
For example: He might…
- Start believing that he deserved to get dumped because his ex is too good for him and that she is worthy of a better man than him.
- Begin to feel like he’s not attractive or lovable enough as a man and as a result, loses confidence in his ability to get another woman.
- Convince himself that he will never be able to get his ex back, even though he really wants to, so why bother trying.
- Start believing that he will need to stay single, or accept a less attractive woman, because attractive women won’t be interested in him.
- Believe that there’s just no way she would ever give him another chance, because he stuffed up so badly.
Yet, thinking like that only makes him more unattractive to his ex and to other attractive women that he may meet along the way.
Why?
Attractive women are instinctively drawn to the confidence and emotional strength in men and turned off by the insecurity and emotional weakness.
So, if a guy falls into the bad habit of wallowing in feelings of insecurity, depression and self-doubt, it will naturally start to eat away at his confidence.
As a result, not only will he be less attractive to his ex, but he will also find it difficult to attract other high quality women who are looking for a truly confident man.
So, don’t let that happen to you.
Of course, if you need to, go ahead and allow yourself to feel some of the pain of being dumped by the woman you love.
However, don’t allow those emotions to linger for too long and cause you to start feeling insecure and hopeless.
Instead, just pick yourself up and start moving forward with confidence, knowing that you can re-attract your ex, or other quality women if you want to.
The more you believe in yourself and in your value to her (and to other women), the more it will show in your attitude, conversation, actions and behavior.
You will then be able to re-attract your ex back into a relationship, or attract a new woman if you prefer to do that instead.
The choice is yours.
Another common reason why a breakup can often be devastating for a man is…
5. A major source of his happiness is now gone
Living your life without the woman you love is like trying to stop taking an addictive drug.
There are withdrawal symptoms.
However, it’s not like deciding to stop drinking coffee.
The withdrawal symptoms for that usually only last a few days to a week.
Yet, the feelings associated with the loss of a girlfriend or wife due to a breakup can last for months, years or even decades for some men.
In a lot of cases, a guy might never fully forget about his ex and he may even find himself always comparing other women to her and feeling that they never quite measure up.
As a result, a guy like that might decide to close himself off and stop dating other women altogether, rather than always feeling disappointed that none of them ever measure up.
He then ends up living a sad and lonely life.
Alternatively, he may decide to ‘settle’ for a woman that he’s not really attracted to or in love with, in the hope that she will never leave him and he won’t have to experience the devastation he felt with his ex ever again.
Here’s the thing though…
You can be happy again if you want to.
Yet, for that to happen, you need to decide what you really want and then take action accordingly.
In other words, you can choose to accept the break-up with your ex and move on.
However, if you do that, make sure that it’s because you want to, not because you feel that you have to, based on her feelings at the time of the breakup.
Remember: Just because she’s saying that she’s over you, it doesn’t mean she will continue to feel that way a few days or a week from now when you re-attract her and make her feel strong surges of sexual and romantic attraction for you again.
So, don’t give up on getting her back if you don’t want to and then find yourself wasting years of your life still trying to get over her and move on.
Getting her back is actually easier than you might think.
You can do it.
Another common reason why a breakup can often be devastating for a man is…
6. It can make him believe that he is now unlovable to her and to other high quality women
Just because a woman decides to break up with a guy, it doesn’t mean that he’s unlovable.
This is why you shouldn’t let yourself think that way.
If you do, not only will you stay stuck feeling devastated about what happened and hopeless about the future, you will also end up saying and doing things that make you appear unattractive to your ex and to other women.
So, how can you prevent yourself from sinking into a pit of negative thoughts and feelings?
One of the ways is to remind yourself of all the great things about you that a woman would be lucky to have.
By the way…
Don’t just tell yourself things like, “Yeah, I guess I’m an okay person.”
Instead, write/type yourself a list (e.g. on your phone), where you can look at it as often as you need to convince yourself that you’re actually a pretty cool guy.
Examples of what some guys may write down, include:
- I’m a loyal and trustworthy man.
- I have a great sense of humor.
- I’m a good friend.
- I have focus and drive.
- I’m loving and devoted to the people in my life (e.g. my girl, family, friends).
- I’m good at my job and am always getting better.
- I’m helpful to strangers, or at least nice to them.
- I’m a thoughtful neighbor, or at least a nice neighbor.
- I have good intentions with what I do in life.
- I honestly want the world to be a better place.
- I wish happiness, luck and love for other people, as well as myself.
- I follow through on what I want to achieve and never give up.
- I am intelligent and capable of achieving what I want in life.
- I treat women well when in a relationship.
- I am confident and am becoming more and more confident every day.
It doesn’t matter how small or irrelevant you think something is, write it down anyway.
Then, read your list and remind yourself that even though you may have stuffed up in your relationship with your ex, that doesn’t make you an unlovable person.
It simply means you made a mistake.
However, that mistake doesn’t define you.
In fact, it’s a good thing, because it’s made you an even better man than you were before and pretty much any woman would be lucky to have a guy like you.
Another common reason why a breakup can often be devastating for a man is…
7. Her love made him feel like more of a man and like he had value and purpose in life
Sometimes a guy goes through his life having vague dreams that he wishes he could achieve, but he never follows through with that so that he can get what he wants.
He may even think of himself as being ordinary, nothing exceptional, average or boring.
So, when he gets into a relationship with a woman who pushes him and motivates him to strive to be the best version of himself, it’s not unusual for him to put his value as a man in her hands.
In other words, he feels valuable and valued as a man because of her.
So naturally, when she breaks up with him, he loses the one person who gives him a purpose in life and makes him feel good about himself.
That can be devastating.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Although being in a relationship is about supporting and pushing each other to be the best version of yourself that you can be, it can’t be the main thing you depend on to feel valued and to give you purpose in life.
Instead, you need to approve of yourself, love yourself and know that you’re a good man who has his own purpose and is worthy of love, attention and respect.
You don’t need the love, attention and respect of others to feel that way about yourself.
So, while you do miss the support and encouragement your ex gave you when in the relationship with you, you don’t actually need her to feel worthy, good about yourself or like you have a purpose.
When you become your own man in this way, not only do you automatically become more attractive to your ex, you also realize that you don’t need her to feel happy or fulfilled in your life.
That is attractive to her and to other women.
You can then re-attract your ex and get her back, or move on with another beautiful, high quality woman if you want to.
You can do that because your purpose and value as a man is in your hands and no one else’s.
Another common reason why a breakup can often be devastating for a man is…
8. He goes from doing most things with her, to doing most things alone
In some cases, a guy will do everything or almost everything with his woman.
For example: They’ll go out together as a couple to restaurants, parties, weddings and other events.
They’ll do the shopping together, eat most meals together, watch TV or movies together and usually sleep in the same bed.
Then, when a breakup happens, all of that is suddenly taken away.
He’s alone now and worst of all, there are reminders of her everywhere he goes (e.g. the smell of her perfume still lingers on her pillow, her toothbrush is still in the bathroom, the heart they carved on the tree in the yard is still there).
As a result, he can’t stop himself from feeling like there’s something fundamental missing from his life.
Here’s the thing though…
Regardless of how difficult it is to go through your day without your ex (i.e. it’s almost like missing a limb), you have to focus on becoming genuinely happy and independent in your own life, with or without her.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that are by…
- Getting in touch and hanging out with old friends again and having fun with them (e.g. by going out to clubs, bars or parties, doing outdoor activities together, hanging out and just playing TV games or watching movies).
- Taking up a new hobby or sport that allows you to interact and socialize with other people on a regular basis (e.g. cycling, baseball, hiking, martial arts, football).
- Joining a meet up group in your area that does something you enjoy doing (e.g. dancing, gaming, debating, photography, bike riding, wine tasting).
- When you take your mind off the breakup with your ex and start living a good life without her, you stop feeling lonely and like you don’t have a purpose without her anymore.
You can then start making new memories that override the ones you made with her (e.g. focus on the fun times you’ve had with friends at your favorite restaurant, rather than feeling sad about how you and her used to eat there together).
By regaining control of your emotional state, you automatically become more attractive to your ex (and to other women as well).
When you interact with your ex, she will naturally begin to feel respect and attraction for you again.
When that happens, she will open up to spending more time with you to see where things go.
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