The 5 most common reasons why a woman will avoid giving you a proper reason for breaking up with you, are:
1. So she doesn’t tell you what you need to change to get her back
A woman doesn’t want to be your teacher about how to be a man in a relationship.
She wants you to figure it out on your own, make some changes to yourself, and show her (via your thinking, actions, behavior and conversation style), that you are now the kind of man she wants you to be.
This is why she won’t actually tell you why she’s breaking up with you.
However, before you ask something like, “How am I supposed to know what to fix if she won’t tell me? Why is she being so unreasonable?” you need to first understand how a woman communicates.
Basically, rather than come out and say what is bothering her, a woman will often hint at the problem.
For example: If a woman wants her guy to be more manly and not allow her to dominate him so much, rather than actually say that to him, she might say something like, “I like it when you’re in charge. It’s very sexy,” instead.
Alternatively, if she wants her guy to stop being so clingy and needy all the time, she may say something along the lines of, “Why don’t you give your friends a call and arrange to go out with them sometime? I really don’t mind if you take some time for yourself and do things independently of me from time to time.”
Essentially, she’s hoping he will pick up on what she really wants and make the necessary changes that will deepen her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him.
So, based on that, even though your girlfriend didn’t spell things out for you, she probably did give you several clues along the way.
If you’re not sure where to start, here are some questions to ask yourself that might help you get to the bottom of why she broke up with you…
- What are some of the things you and her argued about (you will most-likely find several clues there as to what was making her unhappy)?
- Did you still notice her in the way you used to at the beginning of the relationship (e.g. if she bought a new dress, changed her hairstyle, made herself look pretty for you), or did you take her a little bit for granted?
- Were you still the same confident, emotionally strong man she fell in love with, or did you become a bit insecure and self-doubting in the relationship with her?
- Did you and her still touch, hug, kiss and have sex regularly, or did you end up treating each other more like friends than lovers?
- Were you reaching for your true potential in life (i.e. setting and pursuing goals), or were you just drifting from one thing to the next and wasting time (e.g. playing video games, going from one dead-end job to another).
Chances are, if you dig deep enough, you’ll start seeing things that you might have missed before that can lead you to the answers you’re looking for.
The good news is that when you understand your girlfriend’s reasons for breaking up with you, you can begin to make some attractive changes to yourself.
Then, when she can see for herself that you have figured out what has been turning her off (without her help) and have also taken action to improve those things in yourself, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you as a man.
She then naturally drops her guard around you and becomes open to the idea of getting back with you.
Another common explanation why a woman won’t give you a proper reason for breaking up with you is…
2. To avoid hurting your feelings if she tells you the real reasons
Sometimes, a woman doesn’t want to be a bitch to her guy when she breaks up with him and make him feel even worse.
For example: If one of her reasons for breaking up with a guy is because he has low self-esteem and doesn’t believe in himself and in his value to her, rather than say something like, “Your self-doubt and insecurity is unattractive to me. It makes me feel like I’m too good for you and that if I stick around it will only be because I feel sorry for you, not because I love, respect and feel attracted to you for being my ideal man. It just feels wrong to be with a guy I can’t look up to and respect, so I’m breaking up with you,” she instead gives him a vague reason like, “I just think it’s better if we don’t see each other anymore,” or “Maybe we should just be friends for now.”
In her mind she’s likely thinking, “I don’t want to tell him the truth and end up giving him even more reasons to put himself down and feel unworthy of himself. This way, he’ll never know that it was his low self esteem that caused me to fall out of love with him and it will spare his feelings.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
As painful as it might be to know the truth about why your girlfriend broke up with you, if you don’t understand her real reasons, you won’t be able to re-attract her (i.e. because you will likely be repeating the same mistakes with her that you made during the relationship).
So, don’t be afraid to be honest with yourself and admit where you might have gone wrong.
The sooner you know the real reason that your girlfriend broke up with you the faster you will be able to change and improve those things about you and start re-attracting her.
Another common explanation why a woman won’t give you a proper reason for breaking up with you is…
3. To let you down softly, rather than potentially making you angry at her
Even though most guys are good guys and would never intentionally do anything to hurt their girlfriend, it’s a woman’s natural instinct to protect herself no matter what.
So rather than get into a big argument with a guy if she tells him she’s breaking up with him and why, a woman will usually err on the side of caution by letting him down as easily as possible.
For example: Imagine a woman says something along the lines of, “I’m breaking up with you because you’re too childish and immature. You have no plan for your life and all you ever do is hang out with your silly, equally childish and immature friends and play video games. I’m sick of waiting for you to man up and take responsibility for yourself and our relationship, so I’m leaving you!”
Chances are her guy will get quite upset about it and in some cases, a guy might even become angry and start defending himself and saying things like, “How dare you say that to me? You’re such a bitch! You’re only saying that because I’m not always willing to do what you want. Maybe you’re the problem! Maybe it’s because you’re so selfish and only want things your way!”
This may then lead to a big argument and possibly even result in him becoming verbally abusive or even physically aggressive towards her.
So, to avoid any of that (potentially) happening, a woman will usually just try to make a clean break with as little confrontation as possible.
Another common explanation why a woman won’t give you a proper reason for breaking up with you is…
4. She doesn’t feel like she has to give you a proper reason
Sometimes, a woman will simply feel that breaking up with a guy is her choice and she doesn’t owe him an explanation.
Essentially, she believes that she’s not his property and if he can’t maintain her feelings of respect, attraction and love (e.g. because he has become very insecure and clingy, treats her badly, takes her for granted, is too wimpy and she walks all over him, stops trying to make her feel good), she can walk away from him without needing to explain herself to him.
Additionally, a woman might also think things like, “After all the fights and arguments we’ve had, if he doesn’t already know all my reasons for breaking up with him, then I’m not even going to bother telling him. Clearly he’s either too naïve or in denial about the problems in our relationship if he can’t figure out by himself my real reasons for calling it quits between us.”
This is why asking your girlfriend to give you a proper reason for breaking up with you is not a good idea as it will only give her even more cause to want to stay broken up.
So, focus on figuring out her reasons by yourself and then showing her via your actions, behavior, communication style and the way that you respond to what she says and does that you’ve changed and improved.
She will then automatically feel some respect for you again for understanding her reasons without her help and taking action.
When that happens, her walls come down and she becomes more open to talking to you on the phone, meeting up with you in person and seeing where things go from there.
Another common explanation why a woman won’t give you a proper reason for breaking up with you is…
5. She didn’t want to open a discussion that would result in you seducing her back into a relationship or convincing her to give you a chance to prove that you can do better
In some cases, a woman will avoid giving her guy a proper reason for breaking up with him, because she doesn’t want him to talk her out of her decision.
For example: If a woman says that she’s breaking up with her guy because he’s been taking her for granted, he might try to change her mind by saying things like, “I’m sorry! I really stuffed up, but now that I know where I went wrong, I promise I’ll never do that again. I give you my word that I won’t break my promises to you again, I’ll pull my weight with the chores and I’ll make sure that I take you out once a week and spoil you the way you deserve. Just give me one more chance and I’ll make it up to you. Please!”
She may then feel obligated to give him another chance, even though deep down she feels that he won’t be able to stick to his word for very long and she will then have to break up with him again.
Alternatively, a woman might still have feelings for her guy, but she knows that he won’t or can’t change.
She also knows that because she still cares for him, he can effortlessly charm her into forgiving him and staying with him, even though she’s not happy anymore.
So, to avoid that from happening, she doesn’t give him a proper reason to protect herself from being convinced to stay in a relationship that’s not good for her.
Where Guys Go Wrong With an Ex Who Won’t Give Them a Proper Reason For the Break Up
Although right now you might be feeling confused and even hurt by your girlfriend’s lack of explanation for ending your relationship, if your goal is to get her back, you need to make sure you don’t push her away even more.
This is why you need to avoid making any of the following mistakes that guys often make in a situation similar to yours:
1. Accusing her of being selfish and inconsiderate for breaking up with him in that way
A guy might sometimes say things like, “How can you just walk away from our relationship without an explanation! You’re just being selfish and only thinking about yourself! No matter how you feel, I don’t deserve to be treated this way. After everything we’ve been through together, don’t you think it’s only fair that you tell me what I did wrong? You’re being intentionally vague just to hurt me. I can’t believe you’re doing this to me!”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Even though he might feel justified in what he’s saying, getting angry with an ex girlfriend and accusing her of being selfish doesn’t accomplish anything other than to push her further away.
So, even though you may feel tempted to throw accusations at your ex for being inconsiderate with you, it’s unlikely to make her see things from your point of view.
Instead, she will likely see your anger as another sign that she made the right decision to break up with you.
Another mistake that guys make in a situation like this is…
2. Assuming that she must not have ever cared for him or felt attracted to him
Getting broken up with without a proper reason can definitely be painful.
As a result, a guy might start doubting if the relationship meant as much to his ex as it did to him.
He may then say something to her alike, “Did you ever really love me and want me the way I did you, or was it just all a lie?”
Yet, rather than make her feel guilty and rush to apologize to him and try to make him feel better (i.e. by giving him a proper reason for breaking up with him), this kind of behavior only turns a woman off.
Why?
When a man is insecure about his attractiveness and value to a woman and has to ask her whether or not she sees him as being good enough, a woman loses respect and attraction for him.
So, although he is being honest about his feelings, his lack of belief in himself just convinces her that he’s not the right man for her.
She then puts more effort into fully getting over him and moving on.
Another mistake that guys make in a situation like this is…
3. Asking her why she won’t give him a proper reason
Although a guy might feel like he has a right to be given a proper reason for his ex breaking up with him, she may not see it that way.
In most cases, a woman will feel that if she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, that should be reason enough.
So, if a guy then asks his ex to tell him her reasons, rather than get his satisfaction, he may be bitterly disappointed when she gives him a vague excuse and leaves him forever wondering what he did wrong.
Here’s the thing…
Don’t let your girlfriend have that kind of power over you.
Show her that you are man enough to figure it out on your own without her help.
When you do, she will automatically feel surges of respect and attraction for you again for not being a confused guy who needs her help to grow up and become a man.
Her guard will come down and she will feel drawn to you again in a way that feels good.
You can then easily guide her through the rest of the ex back process and get her back.
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