If you’ve been dumped by a woman that you really love, it’s only natural that you might be wondering if you should get her back.
Before you begin the ex back process and get her back into a relationship, let’s go through some questions to help you decide whether or not you should.
Ask yourself…
1. Do you need her back to feel better about yourself and stop the emotional pain you’ve been experiencing?
There’s nothing wrong with missing your ex, but if you want her back because you can’t function in your life without her, she will pick up on it and it will turn her off.
Most women hate it when a guy needs her to feel good about himself, or to give himself a sense of identity and purpose in the world.
On the other hand, women love it when a guy wants her, but doesn’t actually need her to feel happy, make progress in life and feel worthy as a man.
If you want your ex back because you’re secretly thinking, “Nothing in this life is worth it without her. She’s my main reason for living and without her I’m nothing. I feel lost without her. I need her to give me a sense of purpose and meaning in life” then you’re only setting yourself up for failure.
Sure, you might convince her to give you another chance initially, but if she realizes that you’ve become emotionally dependent on her for your sense of purpose and direction in life, she will quickly lose respect for you.
Without respect, she won’t be able to feel sexual attraction and without those two emotional states, she will disconnect with her feelings of love and break up with you once again.
To prevent that from happening and to get her back for real, you need to show her that you’re the kind of man she will feel proud to come back to.
A good way of doing that is by moving forward in your life without her.
No, that doesn’t mean you have to go out there and date other women.
Of course not.
You just need to make progress in your life without her and feel happy about it.
So, rather than sitting around feeling sad and lost and letting your life pass you by, now is the time to go ahead and make progress towards fulfilling your biggest goals, dreams and desires in life.
For example:
- If you have a big purpose in life that you neglected because of your relationship with your ex, pick up where you left off and focus on making it happen now.
- If you never had a life purpose (e.g. because you felt your relationship with your ex was the most important thing in your life), now is the time to find one.
- If you’ve neglected your friends, reconnect with them again and start having fun by doing outdoor activities.
- If you’ve put things off in your life (e.g. going traveling, learning a new skill, taking up a hobby), now is the perfect time to do one or all of those things.
Not only will you feel better about yourself and your life without your ex, but you will be more attractive to her too.
When she sees that you have big goals, dreams, ambitions, interests and friendships separate from your relationship with her, she will naturally feel respect and attraction for you.
Why?
Women love and feel attracted to a man who knows who he is and what he wants in life, outside of just needing her to feel good about himself.
A lot of guys worry that if they have fun after a break up, the woman will get angry and see that as meaning he doesn’t care and wants to move on without her.
She might SAY that, but what women SAY and what women DO are almost always two completely different things when it comes to men, dating and relationships.
The truth is that when she sees you having fun and enjoying life without her, she will feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you for having the emotional strength to enjoy life after being dumped.
Then, when you interact with her and make her laugh, smile and also show her that you’ve changed and improved some of the things that were turning her off before, she starts to want to be your girl again.
Another question to ask yourself is is…
2. Do you want her back just to make her fall in love you again, so you can then dump her to get revenge for her dumping you?
Sometimes a guy might feel so angry and bitter about his ex breaking up with him that he seeks revenge.
He starts thinking things like, “How could she do this to me? Who does she think she is? Well, I’m going to show her that she can’t break up with me like that and get away with it. I’m going to get her back, make her fall desperately in love with me again and then, when she’s really crazy about me, I’m going to dump her and let her feel the pain. She will get a taste of her own medicine and I will get to walk away as the dumper, rather than the dumpee. I will be in the position of power and she will suffer!”
He wants to make her feel as bad as she made him feel.
Yet, although a guy is free to make that choice and do it if he wants to, it’s not the best reason to get an ex back.
Sure, getting revenge might make him feel good for a little while.
However, the satisfaction he feels for teaching her a lesson will eventually wear off and he will discover that he’s the one who really lost out.
Why?
While he was wasting all his time re-attracting her and making her love him, he wasn’t focusing on moving on.
Not only didn’t he use the time to find a replacement woman who is more loving and loyal than his ex, but he remained stuck in feelings of negativity and anger.
So, when the relationship ends, he is left feeling angry and bitter about relationships with women, which will almost certainly make him withhold love in his next relationship, or potentially meet a woman who then does the same thing to him.
The best approach is to rise above pettiness and move on if you don’t want her.
However, you are allowed to do whatever you want.
Be warned though: If your girl isn’t using the pill, or you aren’t using a condom, you could get her pregnant if you get back with her briefly.
Then what?
You’re stuck with a girl in your life that you didn’t actually want…and you then have to pay for it for at least 18-20 years.
This is why it’s very important that you don’t focus on getting your ex back for the wrong reasons.
Maybe she deserves to feel pain for hurting you.
That’s understandable.
However, if that is your aim, then the best revenge is for you to quickly move on and find yourself an even better woman than her.
Then, when she sees you being happy and living a great life without her while she’s all alone, you will have gotten your revenge on her in the best possible way.
So, what are you thinking at this point?
Do you really want her back to keep her for life, or do you just want to get revenge?
If you want to quickly pick up some new women, make sure to look around my site because I offer loads of free advice on that in the dating section of my blog.
If you want to get your ex back, be sure to check out the ex back section of my blog.
In the meantime, another question to ask yourself is…
3. Are you able to easily attract and pick up other women that you really like?
When a guy is confident in himself and his ability to attract women, moving on from a break up isn’t a big deal.
He knows that he can easily get another high quality woman and his ex will eventually realize that other guys don’t make her feel as much attraction as he did, so she will come back.
On the other hand, some guys secretly know that they got lucky when they hooked up with their woman, so the idea of having to go out and find another quality woman like her all over again is very scary.
A guy like that will usually be going through life believing that it’s very difficult to attract a new, beautiful woman for sex or a relationship and may be thinking things like, “She is special. She is the only one for me. Other women as hot as her wouldn’t want anything to do with me. There’s no chance of me getting lucky twice and finding another woman like her. In fact, it will probably be even more difficult than before, because I’m older now/I’ve put on some weight/ I’ve been out of the dating scene for so long. So, my only chance of having a relationship is to get my ex back. I need to convince her in whatever way I can to give me another chance. If I don’t, I’m going to end up being single and alone for the rest of my life. Alternatively, I might have to settle for an unattractive woman that I don’t really like, just so that I won’t be alone. I’ve got to get her back. I can’t get another woman like her. It’s just too hard.”
So, which kind of guy are you?
Are you confident in yourself and in your attractiveness to your ex?
Do you believe you can easily get another, high quality, beautiful woman if you wanted to?
Alternatively, do you want her back because you don’t believe that you can easily attract another beautiful woman?
The truth is, if you only want to get your ex back out of desperation, she will pick up on it when she interacts with you (e.g. she will hear it in the way you talk and see it in your body language) and will feel turned off by what she perceives as your emotional weakness and neediness.
If you do manage to convince her to give you another chance even though she is turned off, but you fail to learn how to properly deepen her feelings for you over time, her hopes will quickly fade away and she will break up with you again.
Here’s the thing…
When a couple gets back together after a serious break up, a woman might initially put up with a guy’s insecurities (e.g. he doesn’t feel like he’s good enough for her, he is insecure about his attractiveness as a man in general, he doubts himself in certain areas of his life) for a little while to see how things go.
However if she realizes that he is simply holding on to her because he can’t get himself another woman if he wanted to, she will lose respect for him and start to feel like she has been duped.
Her attraction will then begin to fade and she will start thinking something like, “What am I doing with him? I want to be with a guy who makes me feel like I’m lucky to have him, not like I’m doing him a big favor by being his girlfriend (fiancé or wife), because he believes he can’t get anyone else other than me. This isn’t working out. He’s just not on my level. I’ve got to end this and move on. He doesn’t deserve me.”
She then breaks up with him and he is left heartbroken once again.
So, make sure that if you decide to get your ex back, you are prepared to maintain and build on her respect and attraction for you over time.
If you can’t do that, she will always have one foot out the door, so to speak.
She might be there with you, but her heart will be elsewhere and it will only be a matter of time before she hooks up with another guy to use that as a way out of the relationship, or breaks up with you again and quickly tries to replace you, so she can move on.
Another question to ask is…
4. Are you afraid that you won’t find the same kind of love again with another woman?
The truth is, you won’t find the same love again with another woman.
The love between you and every woman you date is always different.
Sometimes it’s better, sometimes it’s worse and sometimes it’s just okay.
However, the fact is that amazing love is possible with all kinds of women, not just one.
I know that from personal experience because I lived the bachelor lifestyle for 10 years and enjoyed so many amazing relationships and love, before finding my even more amazing wife who I am still with today.
Even though my wife and I are madly in love, I know that I could have felt that way about another woman if I wanted to.
There’s literally millions of women out there who would be an absolute perfect match for me like my wife is.
Yet, I met her, so she gets to be with me.
How about you?
Do you think that you could experience amazing love with another woman easily, or do you think it would be really hard to find someone as amazing as your ex?
If you really feel like she is the most amazing woman you could ever meet, then you should get her back.
Follow my ex back process and get her back.
It’s pretty damn simple and easy to do.
Just make sure that you’re doing it for the right reasons though.
I say that because I only want the best for you.
For example: Sometimes a guy might latch on to the idea that the love he experienced with his ex was one of a kind and irreplaceable, simply because it was comfortable for him and he can’t be bothered meeting new women and trying another relationship.
It’s understandable, but sometimes it isn’t the right move.
It really depends on how sincere he feels about the love they shared and how genuine he is about getting her back and keeping her.
Some guys just want their ex woman back because it feels easier.
So, rather than have to go out and start all over again (i.e. meet a new woman, make her feel attracted, get to know each other, fall in love), he keeps telling himself, “She was the one. No other woman will be able to make me feel the way she did. What we had was special. I don’t know how, but I’m going to do whatever it takes to get my ex back. I don’t want to have to face the pain of going out there and falling in love again with another woman, only to discover that she’s just not the one for me and that the love I shared with my ex was the real deal.”
So, how can you know if you are for real when it comes to her?
You know that you are for real if you are:
- Willing to put in the effort to change the things about yourself that have been turning her off (e.g. become more confident, become more emotionally independent, stand up to her more in a lovingly, dominant way rather than let her dominate you).
- Willing to create a new relationship dynamic between you and her (e.g. by being more emotionally masculine, thereby allowing her to relax and be totally feminine and girly around you), based on mutual love and respect.
If you are serious about getting her back, then it’s very important that when you interact with her from now on (e.g. via text or e-mail, on social media, on a phone call, or in person) you focus on re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for the new and improved you.
You need to show her (via your actions and the way you interact with her) that you’re no longer the same guy she broke up with.
You are a much better man now and you really do deserve another chance with her.
When she can see for herself that you’ve changed the things that truly matter to her (e.g. you’re more confident, determined and focused, emotionally masculine), she will automatically begin to reconnect with her feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
A final question to ask yourself is…
5. Do you have a secret reason why you want her back that you’re too embarrassed to admit to anyone?
For example: A guy might know that his ex isn’t the one for him, but he holds on to her because:
- He doesn’t want to be the only one in his group of friends without a woman.
- He’s a bit older now and feels embarrassed about being single and back in the dating game at his age.
- He’s the kind of man who doesn’t feel valuable unless he has a woman on his arm.
- He didn’t get enough love as a child and grew up feeling like it was difficult to be loved by others, so when he finds a woman who loves him he clings onto her no matter how unsuitable they might be for each other.
- He painted a perfect picture of their relationship when they were together (i.e. to his friends/family/colleagues) and he doesn’t want to have to admit to them that it wasn’t as perfect as he made it out to be.
Any of those apply to you?
If so, it’s important to understand that getting back with a woman you don’t really love and then spending the next 10 years trying to convince yourself to stay with her, is a big waste of your potential as a man.
The truth is, if you’re not 100% sure that she is truly worthy of you, then you might be better off finding a new woman.
Additionally, if you can’t honestly say that you believe you and her will be able to have a happy, loving and long-lasting relationship if you get back together again, then it’s probably better to just let her go.
There are literally millions of beautiful, sexy, loving women out there looking to meet and hook up with a guy exactly like you.
You simply need to be confident enough to approach them and trigger their feelings of respect and attraction for you by displaying some of the qualities and traits that women are instinctively attracted to (e.g. confidence, self-approval, charisma, masculinity).
On the other hand, if feel like your ex truly is the one for you, then don’t waste another minute.
Contact her right away and start triggering her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you again (e.g. by making her laugh and smile, showing her that you’ve moved past the level you were at when you broke up).
Whatever you decide, just make sure that you don’t ever settle for second best when it comes to women (or anything else) in your life.
The choice is yours.
You can do whatever you want at this point.
The power is in your hands.
What is your choice?
Get her back, or get a new woman?
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