Here are 5 possible reasons why your ex has a lot of power over you:
1. She is the most attractive woman you’ve ever been in a relationship with
Sometimes a guy lucks out and gets himself a girlfriend that is way more beautiful than anyone else he’s ever dated.
Yet, not only does he feel fortunate to be with her, his friends, coworkers and even strangers look at him with envy and say things like, “Wow, your girl is hot! You’re such a lucky guy.”
As a result, he worries about losing her and that can make him behave in jealous, controlling, clingy or needy ways.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that this desperation to hold on to her gives her power over him.
She knows that she can say or do whatever she wants and he will put up with it, because he doesn’t want to lose her.
Of course, pushing a guy around is fine for a little while, but most women get tired of it.
She will then lose too much respect and attraction for him to justify her staying in the relationship with him and she will break up with him.
Naturally, the shock of losing such a beautiful woman can cause a guy to feel devastated and like he can’t move on with his life without her.
He may then get caught up in a negative cycle of missing her, wanting her back and not being able to move on with his life.
In other words, he doesn’t pursue any of his goals or dreams, doesn’t go out with friends and refuses to meet other women, because in his mind he’s usually thinking things like, “No other woman compares to her, so why even try to replace her. She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever dated and that makes her irreplaceable to me. Besides, what if she finds out that I’m moving on and she takes it as a sign that I’m over her and she decides to start dating other men. Then I will never be able to get her back.”
If by some chance he does interact with other women, he may find himself thinking things like, “This just isn’t working for me. This woman is just too average or unattractive compared to my ex. I simply can’t accept her.”
As a result, he stays stuck at a point in his life where he can’t move on, but also can’t get his ex back, because she doesn’t want him.
Of course, when she realizes that he’s sitting around feeling lost and hopeless without her, it can give her a confidence boost.
She may then use the power she has over him to mess with his head (e.g. she’s nice to him one minute and then mean to him the next, she asks him for favors and then ignores him after she gets what she wants from him).
Unfortunately, this keeps him stuck in a place where she continues to control him.
Here’s the thing…
If you want your ex to stop having so much power over you and get her back, you have to make her feel that you’re a catch and that she will be losing out if she doesn’t give you another chance.
In other words, don’t act like a desperate, needy guy around her and instead, let her see that you’re confident, happy and moving forward in life with or without her approval or love.
When she notices that, she won’t be able to stop thinking about you in a more positive light because you are now behaving like the kind of man she can actually look up to and respect.
She almost certainly won’t admit that she wants you to be like that and she may even try to push you back into chasing after her like a lovesick puppy.
However, if you stick to your guns and continue being an emotionally strong, independent man, she will want you.
By becoming emotionally independent, you are showing your ex that she no longer has power over you, because you’ve moved past the level you were at when she broke up with you.
All of a sudden, she feels drawn to you in a way that feels good to her and she then becomes open to the idea of being with you again.
Another possible reason why your ex has so much power over you is…
2. You allowed a relationship dynamic to develop where she was seen and treated as the more valuable one in the relationship
If a guy gets into a relationship with a woman he perceives as being out of his league, he will usually do whatever he can to hold on to her.
For example: He might shower her with attention and gifts to show her how much he really loves and appreciates her.
Additionally, he may decide to let her call all the shots in the relationship, make all the decisions for the both of them and generally only do whatever she wants, regardless of his feelings.
In his mind, he’s likely thinking that he’s being a loving, devoted boyfriend/husband to her and that this will make her happy and want to stick with him for life.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that by handing all his power over to her, he’s actually creating an imbalance in the relationship.
Basically, he’s creating a dynamic where she feels more valuable than him and as a result, she ends up losing respect for him as a man.
This can then lead to her treating him badly, being disrespectful towards him and generally looking down on him.
Of course, when a woman loses respect for a guy, she also stops feeling attracted to him and then any love she may have felt for him fades away.
She then has no reason to want to stay in a relationship with him, so she dumps him.
Unfortunately, that’s not where the imbalance stops.
Basically, because the guy is still enamored with her and wants her back, he often continues behaving on the same, or similar wimpy ways that turned her off in the relationship (e.g. he sucks up to her and puts up with her being cold, aloof or even bitchy towards him, he tries to get her to open back up to him by showering her with flowers, gifts or love letters, he makes himself available to her and is constantly doing her favors or even giving her money to cover her expenses and bills).
As a result, she continues to have a lot of power over him.
She perceives herself as being better than him, so she continues to treat him badly and push him around.
Here’s the thing though…
If you want your ex to stop having so much power over you and get her back, you have to believe you’re good enough for her, rather than feeling like she’d be doing you a favor by being nice to you and giving you another chance.
You have to know that you’re good enough for her and that she’s the lucky one to have a guy like you interested in her.
When you have that kind of belief in yourself, you can then just relax and confidently interact with her from now on, knowing that she cannot dominate you anymore.
When she experiences the new, emotionally dominant, emotionally masculine version of you, she will naturally feel drawn to you again in a way that feels good to her.
You are now the kind of man she can look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love and that is attractive to her.
You can then get her back into a relationship with you where the dynamic is balanced and because you’re a good man to her, she feels motivated to be a good, loving, devoted woman to you too.
3. She is a player and knows how to get men to really want to be with her
She’s likely used the same game plan with previous exes to help herself remain confident and move on without ever feeling rejected after a breakup.
Here’s something you might not be aware of…
Some women act like players because they’re insecure about their attractiveness and fear rejection.
For example: According to a global study conducted by Dove cosmetics, 96% of women don’t consider themselves to be beautiful.
Additionally, women are reported to experience depression at twice the rate of men in the USA and in the UK, 40% of women will require treatment for depression at some point in their life compared to only 10% of men.
In other words, women are more depressed than men.
Women also experience anxiety twice as much as men do and have a 60% chance of suffering from OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorders) and phobias.
So, even though your ex might be beautiful in your eyes and seem like she is confident and has it all together, it’s very likely that deep down she’s feeling insecure, anxious and prone to feelings of depression.
This might then spill over into her relationships where she enjoys having power over her guy, to prevent herself from getting hurt or feeling rejected.
Yet, it doesn’t have to be that way with you.
If you use interactions with your ex to actively spark her feelings for you again, everything (including her desire to be the one in control) will change.
So, don’t take what she says or does so seriously.
If you continue to chase after her, you’re just giving her a false sense of superiority over you.
The truth is, she can’t have so much power over you if don’t give it to her.
So, don’t give your ex power over you by letting her call the shots and decide whether you and her should be together again or not.
Instead, just maintain your confidence with her (especially when she tries to push you around, tells you what to do, blames you for everything or generally attempts to dominate you with her confident personality) and focus on re-sparking her feelings for you every chance you get.
The more she realizes that you’re not submitting to her like a good little boy (like you used to) the more respect and sexual attraction she will feel for the new you.
As a result, her defenses will begin to erode and then the process of getting her back becomes easier because she is feeling attracted to you in a new and exciting way.
Another possible reason why your ex has so much power over you is…
4. You continue to give her power over you because you hope it might work
Sometimes, a guy assumes that his only chance of getting his ex woman back is by letting her call all the shots.
Even though when they were in the relationship together, she always seemed to look down on him every time he submitted to her, he still hopes that him doing everything the way she wants will somehow make her reconsider her decision to break up with him.
As a result, he might…
- Only text or call her on a specific day, or time which she specifies (e.g. she might say something along the lines of, “I’m too busy to waste my time with you, so if you want to talk to me you can only text/call me once a week on a Wednesday afternoon at 2 p.m. or else I will ignore you.”)
- Agree to just text with her and not call her unless she gives him permission to do so.
- Never disagree with her regardless of how unreasonable she’s being (e.g. she criticizes him, blames him for everything that happened in the relationship, accuses him of things that he didn’t do).
- Only meet up with her at a time and place that she chooses, even if it’s completely inconvenient for him (e.g. she picks a time where she knows he’s at work or university, or she chooses a place that’s completely out of his way and forces him to travel really far to get to the meet up with her, possibly even causing him to have to catch several busses or trains just to get there).
Basically, he’s likely thinking that if she notices that he’s being so accommodating and following all her instructions precisely, she will think something along the lines of, “Wow! Even though I’m messing him around, he’s just being so sweet. I’d be stupid not to give him another chance. I’m pretty sure no other guy would treat me this well.”
Yet, that’s not how women work.
Instead, she will likely just take advantage of his desperation and continue to push him around, while she secretly tries to find a replacement guy to move on with.
Then, soon enough, she will start avoiding him more and more and saying things like, “I’m too busy to talk to you. Don’t contact me again until I tell you that it’s okay.”
If he then obliges her and doesn’t contact her, he may notice that she’s just not getting back to him.
If he then plucks up the courage to call or text her, even though she hasn’t given him permission to do so, he might be shocked when she responds with something along the lines of, “Look, the reason I haven’t contacted you is that I’m with someone else now and it’s serious. So, I want you to respect that and leave me alone.”
He is then left devastated while she moves on feeling good about herself because she knows that she still has power over him and that he still wants her, regardless of how badly she’s treated him.
Don’t do that to yourself.
Be a good, considerate man to your ex, but don’t suck up to her and let her mess you around.
Being a doormat is not the way to make a woman love you again.
You’ve got to start by making her feel respect and attraction for you first and that means showing her that you’re an emotionally strong, emotionally masculine man in the way that you think, act and behave.
Once you do that, her guard will come down and she will open back up to you again.
5. You don’t yet know that she’s the kind of woman who will only commit to a guy that she can’t walk all over
Most guys are good guys and want to treat their woman well and not make her feel like she needs to do anything special to impress them, other than love them and stick with the relationship.
As a result, a guy like that might then go to a lot of trouble to show his woman that he loves her and only wants her to be happy.
For example: He might always be nice and sweet to his woman, regardless of how badly she treats him (e.g. she throws unnecessary tantrums, creates drama, picks fights with him over irrelevant things, is moody and temperamental).
Additionally, he allows her to always get her way, even if it means giving up things he really wants to do (e.g. they always watch the movies she likes, eat at the restaurants she prefers, go out rather than stay in or visa versa, spend most of their time with her friends and family and neglect his).
From his point of view, he likely thinks he’s being the perfect boyfriend/husband.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that if his girl is like most women, his actions actually turn her off.
Here’s the thing…
Although a woman does like it when a man loves her and makes her feel appreciated, she doesn’t want to feel like she can walk all over him and get away with it.
Instead, she wants him to make her feel as though she needs to actually put in the effort to impress him and maintain his interest in her, otherwise, he will walk away and find himself another even more beautiful and amazing woman than her.
Some guys don’t want to make a woman feel that way and think that it’s all a bunch of mind games, but it’s not.
It’s about what women feel attracted to and appreciate.
Women do want to be in a relationship where they feel loved, respected and taken care of, but they also want to feel motivated to be good to their man too and make him feel appreciated and valued.
If a guy can’t offer her that, she will eventually get bored of always getting her way.
So, if you want your ex to reconnect with her sexual and romantic feelings for you and want you back, be a bit more of a challenge to her during interactions,
When you stand up to her in an assertive, yet loving way, rather than always saying and doing whatever she wants, she starts to feel attracted to you again in a way that feels good to her.
As a result, her guard comes down and she becomes open to interacting with you more to see where things go from there.
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