Here are 5 common reasons why a woman will try to control her ex man:
1. She is testing you to see if you will take control and start being more of a manly man, or keep handing over your power to her like a wimpy man would
A common reason for a break up between a man and a woman is where the woman feels more emotionally dominant than her man (i.e. she can control him).
Some women (usually insecure or unattractive women) like it when they can control a man, but most women don’t.
So, if a man is unable to stand up for himself in a loving, but assertive way when in a relationship with a woman, she will lose respect for him and eventually stop feeling attracted to him.
When she’s sick and tired of not being able to feel attracted and in love, she will eventually get to the point where she breaks up with him.
Yet, even though she goes through with the break up, she will hope that there is still a chance for them.
For example, she may think, “Hopefully this break up will shock him into manning up. If he can show me that he can take control and be the man from now on, then we might be able to work things out. I want to feel girly and feminine in a relationship. I don’t want to feel as though I am more powerful and dominant than him. I was okay with that for a while, but I just can’t deal with it anymore. So, I hope he takes this break up as a sign to man up and start being more manly and confident around me.”
She will then test her ex guy by giving him mixed signals (e.g. saying she misses him one day and then saying that she has no interest in him the next) to see if he will finally stand up to her and be the man, or if he’ll continue to let her mess him around.
If he takes control of the situation in a confident, manly and emotionally mature way, she will be able to respect him again.
When she respects him again, she will also begin to feel sexually attracted to him and with those two things in place, reconnecting with her original feelings of love for him then becomes possible.
Unfortunately, some guys mess up by assuming that if they let an ex woman control everything and be in charge, she will be happy and want him back.
Yet, that’s not what most women want.
The majority of women want to be with a man who is more emotionally masculine than her and who can take the lead in a relationship, thus allowing her to relax into thinking, talking and behaving like a real woman around him (i.e. feminine, girly, focused on being in love with him, emotional).
If a woman gets the sense that her ex is going to continue being the soft, insecure man that she could always dominate, she isn’t going to feel motivated to get back with him.
So, if you want to get your ex back, the first step you need to take is to stop allowing her to call the shots when it comes to your personal life.
From there, you need to take the lead in the ex back process, rather than waiting for her to give you the go ahead.
On the other hand, if you don’t want her back, you need to be strong enough to tell her to mind her own business and then find yourself another woman.
Another possible reason why your ex wants to control you is…
2. She wants to keep you interested while she moves on
Sometimes, a woman’s ego can’t stand the idea of her ex moving on before she does.
So, she will do things to control him, such as…
- Keeping tabs on him and where he goes, whom he hangs out with and what he does.
- Texting, calling and messaging him repeatedly to stay on his mind.
- Asking him for favors to keep him in her life.
- Hinting that she might be open to getting back together again, but never following through on it.
The more she can control him by preventing him from being able to move on, the better she feels about herself.
Behind his back, she then secretly focuses on moving on and finding another guy.
When she finds a new guy and her ex eventually asks if she wants to get back together, she can then break the news to him.
“No way! Of course not. We broke up, don’t you remember? I’ve moved on now and you really need to do the same.”
Her ex is then left feeling hurt, confused and wondering what the heck happened.
Yet, she knows exactly what happened.
She was just keeping him around and preventing him from moving on, so she could be the one who moved on first.
Another possible reason why your ex wants to control you is…
3. She wants to hurt you for disappointing her and not being the man she wanted you to be in the relationship
Some women feel very bitter and angry about having to break up with a guy who they have spent a lot of time with.
This has a bit to do with the fact that women have a limited amount of time before they eventually become infertile and are unable to get pregnant.
It’s hard-wired into a woman to find herself a man that will love her, take care of her and any offspring that they have.
So, when a woman realizes that she has just wasted many months or years with a guy who couldn’t be the kind of man she wanted, she may end up feeling angry, bitter and resentful towards him.
As a result, she might blame him for everything that happened to hurt him and make him feel like a failure as a man.
She then might try to control him as a way of preventing him from moving on, so he continues to suffer long after the break up.
For example: She might say to herself, “I could have moved on a long time ago, but I stuck with him. What a waste of my time! Well, now I’m going to give him a taste of his own medicine. I’m going to control him by keeping him interested in me and feeling like he has a chance with me. Then, when I’ve wasted enough of his time, I’m going to tell him that I no longer want him in my life at all. He can then experience what it feels like to have your hopes invested in a person who lets you down.”
She will then lead him on, make him try to win her over and then eventually tell him to leave her alone.
Another possible reason why your ex wants to control you is…
4. She feels as though you and her are still boyfriend and girlfriend in a way
Even though a woman has broken up with a guy, she will sometimes continue to look at him as her boyfriend.
For example: In some cases, a man and woman will have been in a relationship with each other for a very long time and when they break up, it can take a woman many months to come to terms with the fact that they are no longer a couple.
As a result, she might treat her ex like he is her boyfriend (e.g. ask him what he’s up to, get annoyed if he doesn’t call her or answer her calls, invite herself over when he’s having people over), because deep down she still thinks that he belongs to her.
In a situation like that, a guy has two options:
Firstly, if a guy wants to move on without his ex, when she tries to control him, he needs to kindly, but firmly say something along the lines of, “Hey, you know that we’ve broken up, right? I think it’s better if we set some ground rules for how we behave with each other from now on. Of course, I’m still be here for you in a real emergency, but you can’t call me any time you want, or show up uninvited to my house. If you can respect that, then great. If not, then we’ll have to cut off contact with each other until we’ve both gotten used to the idea that we’re not a couple anymore.”
Initially, she might create some drama about that by pretending to be offended, get upset or even cry and accuse him of being heartless or selfish.
Essentially, it’s just another way that she is trying to control him.
Yet, if he maintains his confidence and stands by his decision, she will eventually get the message and start to give him the respect that he deserves.
Alternatively, if a guy wants to get her back into a relationship, he needs to earn her respect and attraction for him by being the emotionally strong, dominant man that she always wanted him to be.
He needs to have the balls to confidently stand up to her when she tries to control him, rather than just putting up with it.
He also needs to laugh at her (in a loving way) and show her that he’s not the insecure, wimpy, gullible man that he used to be.
When she can see that she no longer has control over him, she will automatically start to feel some respect for him again.
She will then feel sexually attracted to him and he can build on her feelings for him from there.
Within hours or days, she will fall back in love with him and want to be his girlfriend once again.
Another possible reason why your ex wants to control you is…
5. She’s not sure if she wants to move on without you
Sometimes a woman will break up with a guy and then start doubting her decision.
For example: This can happen if…
- She still has some feelings for him, but isn’t sure if he will ever change and become the man she truly wants him to be.
- She feels insecure about her chances of finding another guy (e.g. because she’s not very confident in herself and in her attractiveness to men).
- She wonders if she was being too fussy and expecting way too much of her ex.
- She still cares for her ex, but doesn’t believe that he can give her the attraction experience she really wants (e.g. because he’s just not confident enough for her).
She might then think to herself, “I don’t know if breaking up was such a good idea after all. I know that he stuffed up, but he is also a good guy in many ways. I don’t know if I’m ready to just let him go. Maybe I should just hang on to him for a while to stop him from getting over me until I’ve fully made up my mind.”
So, rather than walking away and cutting off contact with him, she sticks around and tries to control him to prevent him from moving on.
He can get her back in a case like that, but he needs to really make some changes to the way he approaches interactions with her, especially not letting her control him anymore.
Of course, this doesn’t mean a guy should get angry with his ex woman for trying to control him.
Instead, he needs to laugh at her (in a loving way) when tries to control him, or turn it into a joke (e.g. she orders him to do something and he says, “Yeah, okay…and you do this for me” and then gives her an equally unreasonable request like washing his car, or doing his laundry).
When she sees that she can no longer control him because he has manned up, she will naturally feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him and feel drawn to being with him for real.
So, right now, there’s a good chance that your ex still has some unresolved feelings for you if she has been trying to control you.
This is why it’s essential that you take control of the ex back process from now on, rather than hoping that she will guide you back into a relationship with her.
If you don’t man up and take the lead, she will get tired of waiting for you to have the courage and skill to get her back and will then give up and try to move on instead.
3 Mistakes That Some Guys Make With a Controlling Ex
Be sure to avoid the following mistakes when your ex tries to control you:
1. Giving her more and more power and control and hoping that it will make her happy
Sometimes a guy assumes that if he agrees to everything his ex says or tells him to do, she will be impressed by his obedience and give him another chance.
So, the more demands she makes (e.g. expects him to tell her everything that he has been doing and with whom, expects him to drop everything and run to her rescue when she needs him, expects him to reply to her texts right away) the more obedient he becomes.
He thinks something like, “When she sees that I’m willing to do things her way all the time, she will appreciate how dedicated I am to her. She will see that she can call the shots, so a relationship will be on her terms. She will like that and will then give me another chance.”
Yet, in almost all ex back cases like that, the opposite happens.
Here’s the thing…
A woman wants to be with a man that she can look up to, respect and feel proud of, not a guy who is too timid to stand up to her and put her back in her place in a dominant, but loving way (i.e. be the man).
A woman might give a guy the impression that she likes to be in control and make all the decisions in the relationship, but she’s not going to respect him if he actually falls for that act and then hands all his power over to her.
Instead, she’s going to walk all over him for a while and always know that she will dump him the moment she finds a new man that she can fully respect and submit to.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Seeking pity for how her controlling behavior makes you feel
For example: A guy might say something like, “Why are you being like this to me? Does it make you happy to treat me like this? Is this your way of getting back at me for our break up? If it is, great job. I feel terrible. Thank you.”
Secretly, he hopes that if he makes her feel sorry for him, not only will she stop trying to control him, but she will also want to give him another chance.
Yet, that’s practically the last thing that will happen.
Why?
Vulnerability is a sexually attractive trait in a woman, not a man.
A woman being vulnerable and emotionally sensitive is what brings out the protector in a man and makes him want to take care of her.
However, the same does not apply to women.
Women do not want to be a man’s protector.
It’s not what turns a woman on.
Women might go around saying that men should cry and be vulnerable or emotionally sensitive, but that’s just political correctness.
What women are sexually attracted to for real is when a man doesn’t need a woman to protect him emotionally in any way at all.
So, when a guy is being vulnerable and seems unable to cope with a challenging situation in life (e.g. his ex being dominant and controlling), a woman feels turned off by what she perceives as his wimpy, emotionally weak behavior.
Then, rather than making her feel pity for him and want him back, it makes her lose even more respect and attraction for him than ever before.
Another mistake is…
3. Not understanding that you can take back power at any moment, if you are emotionally strong enough
Just because a man’s ex woman wants to control him, it doesn’t mean that he has to let her do it.
Unfortunately, where some guys go wrong is by constantly giving in to an ex woman’s demands (e.g. being available to her whenever she wants, giving her more information about his actions and activities than he wants to, helping her with her life even though he doesn’t want to), rather than standing up for himself and letting her see that she can no longer control him or push him around.
This mistake often happens when a guy thinks something along the lines of, “If I give her what she wants, she will stop nagging me all the time. I just have to keep her happy and she will eventually start to treat me better.”
He then lets her get away with her bad treatment of him, effectively allowing himself to be controlled, even though he’s no longer in a relationship with her.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that his obedience and submissiveness when it comes to her is what lead to the break up in the first place, so it’s not going to be the thing that re-attracts her.
So, get clear on this now: How much control your ex woman has over you is completely up to you, not her.
You can take your power back and stand up to her any time you want.
You can say “No,” to her demands.
Not only will you feel better about yourself when you do, but you will also become more attractive to her in the process.
Suddenly, she will begin to see you as being more of a catch than she previously thought you to be.
She then stops looking at you as her gullible, wimpy ex who she felt she could easily control and manipulate and she starts to notice that you are the kind of man who deserves her respect.
She then feels the need to show you respect, which makes her feel attracted to you again.
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