By forcing men to pay a divorce settlement, is the legal system suggesting that all women are hookers and need to get paid for being with men?
I think it is.
According to the law, women need to get paid for being with a man.
Who makes up these laws and thinks it is correct?
The same type of humans that have made up all sorts of crazy laws in the past (e.g. hang scientists for suggesting that the Earth isn’t flat, burn women at the stake because they are suspected of being a witch, etc).
It’s crazy, but people go along with it because everyone else is doing it.
Are All Women Hookers Now?
This is a discussion that I had with Ben from The Modern Man one day as we noticed a string of divorce settlements being broadcast throughout the mass media, where high profile men were forced to give 50% of their money and assets to their wife after a divorce.
We wondered to ourselves, “Why does the legal system make men pay for women? Does this mean that all women are hookers who get paid for being with a man? Why don’t women pay men? Why is the legal system continuing to enforce a law that developed when women couldn’t get out there and earn their own money?”
Here’s what we think…
The law that forces men to pay a woman a “divorce settlement” is outdated and turns many modern men off the idea of marriage.
In most countries, women can now earn their own money and be supported by the government as a single parent, so it’s not as if they need to take 50% of a man’s wealth after a divorce.
A woman should get child support if the couple had children, but taking 50% of the man’s wealth just for being his wife means that, according to the legal system, she is a hooker and needs to get paid.
The outdated law that grants an ex-wife 50% of a man’s money and assets is enough to make most modern men laugh at the idea of getting married.
As one guy said to me via email, “I’ll love her, I’ll trust her, but I’m not going to marry her and give her the power to take 50% of my net wealth if she decides that she wants to be single again.”
I understand where he is coming from because even for me (Dan from The Modern Man) in a relationship with my perfect woman, I still can’t say that her and I will be together “forever.”
Update: We have now gotten married. I decided to do it because I believe I can keep the relationship together for life. She signed a prenup and she has her own successful business now, so I ain’t worried about a thing.
Extended Lifespans: Will You Be Able to Stay Together For 100s of Years?
If you’ve been paying attention to what is going on with science, you would know that humans are on the verge of being able to live for 150-200 years and by that point, new technology will be available that will most-likely allow us to stay alive indefinitely.
If you think that is “wishful thinking” or science fiction, then go and watch the entire Through the Wormhole series (not just one episode). You will see that we’re on the verge of being able to live indefinitely.
The question that a lot of informed modern men have now is this, “Is marriage really a good idea when the legal system is still basing its judgment on a time when humans died at 70 and when divorce was shameful and avoided at all costs?”
Should we men have to hand over half of our assets and wealth to a woman if the relationship breaks up five, 20, 50 or even 70 years from now? Personally speaking, I am continuing down the path of potentially starting a family with my beautiful girlfriend and may even be open to getting married, but one thing is for sure: I will be protecting myself with a prenuptial agreement.
Marriage Wasn’t Always Based on Love
In the past, most men and women got married out of necessity or to secure alliances, land or legitimate heirs. In her book Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage
, Stephanie Coontz states, “For most of history, it was inconceivable that people would choose their mates on the basis of something as fragile and irrational as love and then focus all their sexual, intimate, and altruistic desires on the resulting marriage.”¹
In other words, the concept of marriage came about to secure benefits, land, alliances and build a more secure life. If you were lucky, you also got to marry someone you loved.
In today’s society, people usually get married because they are in love and are enjoying a great relationship. They want to signal their commit to be with each other for life by “tying the not” and getting married. However, if their relationship falls apart or if the love fades away, they often choose to get divorced.
Since women are usually granted 50% of a man’s wealth and assets, it shouldn’t be a surprise to learn that, according to the American Law and Economics Review, approximately 68.9% of all divorces are filed by women.
After all, she can get a huge divorce payout and then start a new relationship with another man, only to go through another divorce later on (and get another payout) if she loses interest. In other words, she is getting paid like a hooker does for being with a client, except she is staying with him for years instead of hours.
According to a report researched at the London School of Economics and published by the Centre for Policy Studies, it seems that women are more likely than ever to marry a man who will improve their financial prospects.
As Catherine Hakim, a senior researcher in sociology and the reports author states, “Women’s aspirations to marry up, if they can, to a man who is better-educated and higher earning persists in most European countries, and women continue to use marriage as an alternative or supplement to their employment careers.”²
At this point I’m sure the feminists will be up in arms and saying that women deserved to be paid, but it is this kind of research that is turning men off marriage and making them ask, “Do women who get married have ulterior motives?” or “Is my wife going to encourage me to become wealthy, to work hard and to buy lots of expensive things, only to turn around one day and demand half of it in a divorce?”
Paul McCartney and His One-Legged Hooker
A classic, high profile example of men being “taken to the cleaners” by a woman during a divorce is the marriage and subsequent divorce between Paul McCartney and Heather Mills (a one-legged prostitute from England).
If ever there was a case of a woman who could easily be perceived as an expensive hooker, Heather Mills fits the bill perfectly.
Here’s why…
According to the judgment summary published by BBC News, Paul McCartney and Heather Mills were married for just under 4 years.
For this period of time Heather Mills felt she deserved to get £125m. In the end the judge awarded her with £24.3m, of which £16.5m was to be given to her as a lump sum and £7.8m to be given to her in assets³.
The question is though, what could this woman possibly have contributed to her husband and the marriage in a period of less than 4 years, that could be worth the £125m she was asking for, or even the £24.3m she was awarded? He is Paul McCartney from the Beatles, arguably the best band that ever existed. How on Earth could she have contributed anything to that?
The way I see it is that the legal system made McCartney, like millions of other husbands, pay his woman like she was a hooker or one of those women who get paid for giving the “girlfriend experience.”
Let’s break it down:
- Sex on average twice a week x 4 years = sex 416 times.
- £24.3 million pound payout / 416 times having sex = £58,413.461 per sexual encounter.
That is one very expensive one-legged prostitute! Heather Mills now goes down in history as one of the most expensive hookers to have ever lived and she did it in modern times, with all of our media and intelligent, well-educated judges and lawyers.
The modern legal system paid Mills for being with one of the coolest guys on the planet. In my opinion, that is a ridiculous divorce settlement based on an outdated law that suggests women need to be paid for being with women.
In the end, Heather Mills was awarded £16,643 for every day she was married to Paul McCartney; and that was over and above all the perks that came along with the “job” such as expensive gifts, 5 star vacations, fame and Paul McCartney pulling strings to help her advance her own career by arranging for her to interview Paul Newman on Larry King Live, broadcast by CNN on 17 April 2004, etc.⁴
The old rocker got rolled.
Of course it’s easy to say that Heather Mills and Paul McCartney are celebrities and the divorce rules that apply to the rich and famous do not apply to everyone else.
However, there are countless ordinary women who have received the same, if not better, perks from their divorce. Other examples include, Alan and Melissa Miller who were married for only 2 years and 9 months and had no children, yet she was awarded £5m for her “services”.
As Marcus Dearle, a family lawyer who works at the firm that represented Melissa Miller stated, “What actually happened, at the end of the day, was that the judge focused on the high standard of living that Mrs Miller and Mr Miller enjoyed, and also the fact that a lot of money was earned in that very short… marriage.”⁵
In other words, is it fair to say that Melissa Miller, Heather Mills and all women who are being awarded big payouts are simply being paid to keep them in the “high standard of living” they have become accustomed to?
If this is the case, does that make these women (who are paid money for being with men) simply a legal (and very expensive) prostitute?
After all, if a person gets fired from their job, it’s not likely that their ex employer is going to keep sending them their paycheck for years just because they’ve become accustomed to a “high standard of living,” is it?
So why does this happen time and again and why does the legal system make men pay for women? In my opinion, the legal system is outdated and if you are going to get married, make sure you protect yourself.
The Argument From Women
Women lose value on the dating and mating market as they age because their attractiveness is based on their youthful appearance first and personality second.
However, the opposite is true for men. As guys hit their 30s and 40s, their value on the mating market increases because they are more masculine, more established in life and are usually able to provide a better life for themselves and the woman. So, it’s no surprise that some women want the divorce settlement laws to stay in place.
If a woman invests her time and body into a man by bearing offspring and letting her youthfulness and beauty fade during a marriage, it can be difficult for her to get back out there and attract a high quality man after a divorce.
While most people aren’t comfortable discussing the facts about a woman’s value on the mating market, it is what’s really at the heart of the 50% payout. The legal system is basically saying, “When a woman commits to a man, her value usually decreases, making it harder for her to get back on her feet after a divorce.”
During a long marriage, a woman will often given up her own career, education and aspirations and decide to support her husband in pursuing his career or financial dreams.
Sometimes this support is active, where the wife participates in her husband’s business and other times the support is passive, where she stays at home, runs the household and raises the kids.
It is for this reason that the legal system tends to take an overall approach to divorce and assume the best about women (i.e. that she is 50% responsible for the wealth and assets that the man has acquired).
However, what if the woman’s input was worthless? Should she be given an equal share of what he owns even if she has done nothing for it other than be with him? Somehow, this just doesn’t seem fair and in the opinion of most people (men and women alike), divorce settlements should be based on more than just assumptions.
Some women will argue that a woman is giving up her chance to earn money and build a career by sticking by a man, but that decision is her choice.
If she wants to get out there and build a career, be a businesswoman or change the world, then she should do that. However, if she decides to relax at home and experience the joy of being a stay at home mum, then she shouldn’t expect to pocket half of the man’s wealth in return.
Sure, if a couple get divorced the man should pay child support for their offspring, but giving her half of his stuff regardless? That’s just silly and outdated. For all we know, she could have been a terrible mother and a horrible wife. Why should she be paid for that?
£36 Million For 33 Years of Marriage
Vira Hladun-Goldmann and Robert Goldmann were married for 33 years. Robert was a successful banker before meeting Vira and he continued to work hard, while his wife lived a life of luxury and “supported” him all the way. In the end, she was awarded £36 million for 33 years of marriage. Six months later, Robert Goldmann died of a massive heart attack. He was 66.
It is impossible, but also unfair to say that the only one contributing to the marriage was Mr Goldmann.⁶
However, surely she shouldn’t have been paid so much just for being his wife. What is she, a hooker? Has to get her payment for being with him? I doubt that she contributed £36 million to his net worth. She might have loved him, yes, but love isn’t the same as building a successful career.
Did she help him make the trades in his banking career? Did she run the business meetings with clients? I doubt it. The legal system made him pay for his hooker. It’s an outdated system and I, for one, do not like it.
Divorced Women Living in Poverty
Don’t get me wrong; it’s not all peaches and roses for divorced women.
According to a report on the Social Security Bulletin (USA), recent data showed that “around 20 percent of divorced women aged 65 or older live in poverty.
Differences in poverty rates are even larger at the oldest ages—22 percent of divorced women aged 80 or older are poor…”⁷ Clearly, the longer a woman stays married to a man, the more difficult it becomes for her to support herself if they get divorced.
According to the Australian Institute of Family Studies, research shows that after a divorce, a woman’s household income drops significantly (especially in the first year after her divorce), while men experience the exact opposite where their income continues to grow.⁸
However, in most cases this only happens because the woman is usually the one left with the responsibility of caring for the children and cannot do that while still having a full time job, while the man is only expected to pay child support so he can carry on working as before.
So, there is the possibility that laws are in place to protect women in those circumstance. Yet, despite that, a man having to give 50% of his assets and wealth to a woman shouldn’t be applied as a blanket law.
In a poll taken by GFK Roper and commissioned by Divorce360.com, 43% of fathers don’t pay child support. So, it seems that in order to prevent this from happening, the law would rather give the woman 50% of the man’s wealth and “be done with it.”
The fact is, in many ways the law is actually hurting women more than it’s helping them. By giving ex-wives 50% of their husband’s wealth, they are turning a large majority of single men off the idea of marriage.
Another consequence is that guys who get divorced are becoming more stubborn about not paying maintenance or child support. In the end everyone loses when blanket 50/50 laws are enforced.
Poverty isn’t exclusive to divorced women, so it’s not a legitimate argument to say that men have to give women 50% when divorcing to avoid the woman having to live in poverty. A woman shouldn’t automatically be given the right to 50% of a man’s wealth and assets just for being his wife.
I Won’t Get Married Without a Prenuptial Agreement
I’m not yet sure if I want to ever get married, but I do plan on sticking with my girlfriend for life.
If we do marry, we will definitely be getting a prenuptial agreement signed beforehand. That’s not a sign of my lack of belief in the relationship, but a smart decision based on how much the world has changed and will continue to change.
Prenuptial Agreement (noun): An agreement made by a couple before they marry concerning the ownership of their respective assets should the marriage fail.
My girlfriend has already stated that she doesn’t ever want have ownership over what I have built and that is fine, but if I do marry her, the outdated legal system will automatically give her the right to claim 50%.
So, if she changes her mind later on, she will be legally entitled to 50%. During a break up or divorce, both men and women can suddenly become very nasty, mean and selfish, so just because her and I are in love and she only wants the best for me now, that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t change if we ever went through a break up.
She could easily turn around and say, “Give me half” and the outdated legal system would enforce that “right,” even though she is not responsible for all the work (approximately 15,000 hours of work) that I have put into The Modern Man since starting it 2005.
The legal system would basically say, “Pay up. All women are hookers. You married her, so now she is entitled to her 50% share of everything you own and have built.” It’s ridiculous and is the #1 reason why I won’t be walking down the aisle (if I ever decide to) without having a prenuptial agreement in place.
Don’t get me wrong, I love and trust my girlfriend. We are madly in love, have been together since October 2012 and for the first time in my life, I am actually open to having a family.
I rejected the pleas from so many women for years who each wanted to marry me and start a family with me, but about 8 months into my relationship with my girlfriend, I suddenly began to become open to it. She’s an amazing girl and ticks every box that I have in terms of what I want in a woman. I really couldn’t ask for a better girl.
If I do marry her (update: we are now married. She signed a prenup and runs her own successful business now, so I ain’t worried about a thing), that will mean that I am fully committing myself to the relationship for life.
I’m giving her my word that I won’t ever cheat and that I will do everything I can to make us both happy, keep us safe and allow us to fulfil our dreams.
However, I also know that is becoming increasingly difficult to make a 100% guarantee to stick together “for life” in a relationship, especially when our lifespans are on the increase. Living to 150 (or longer) is not the only problem a modern couple faces though.
By 2035, computer games will have become so realistic and complex that you will be able to enter into a virtual world and have what feels like a real life in there.
The nanotechnology running through your body and the fully realistic graphics will make it all feel 100% real (e.g. just like in the movie, The Matrix), even down to the sexual experience. Yes, you will be able to have virtual sex that feels completely real.
It’s not science fiction. The characters in the “game” will be just like people you meet in real life; they will be complex and react to what is going on just like a normal human would. In the virtual world, you might have a bunch of girlfriends or even get married and start a family with a woman.
The sex, the things you do and what you experience will all feel 100% real. Sounds like fun, right? Yet, when your wife goes into a virtual world to hang out and have sex with her “other men” while you sit on the couch watching TV, how is that going to make you feel?
Are both men and women going to be okay about that? Will having realistic sex in virtual worlds tear marriages apart, or will it be a good thing?
“…when your wife goes into a virtual world to hang out and have sex with her “other men” while you sit on the couch watching TV, how is that going to make you feel? Are we going to be okay about that? Will having realistic sex in virtual worlds tear marriages apart, or will it be a good thing?”
If you think that living indefinitely or going into virtual worlds that feel exactly like this world is science fiction, then watch the entire four seasons of Through the Wormhole and read The Next Big Thing Is Really Small
to learn how nanotechnology is going to change the world more than TV, computers and iPods combined.
When you become aware of what is happening and on the horizon, you realize that life as we know it is changing (whether we like it or not) and it will continue to change.
Some people will say, “Oh, you just have to believe in love and stick together forever,” but we humans are not accustomed to living with a spouse forever.
When we do begin to live for 150, 200 and even 500 years, will it become boring to just be with one person? Will the idea of marriage change? Will we make 20 or 30 year commitments to each other, so that it is agreed at after the 30 years have past, we will then go our separate ways?
In my opinion, every guy should be doing his best to protect himself going into a marriage because relationships are likely to change over the next 30 years and because the legal system is out of date.
These days, a guy shouldn’t go into a marriage and expect that the love will last forever and that a woman will be nice about not wanting to take half his stuff if they divorce. As long as the legal system continues to make men pay women for being with them, we men need to be smart about our actions and make sure that we are protected in the event of any changes.
Is it Time to Scrap 50/50 Divorce Settlements?
Whether you’re a man or a woman, the debate about 50/50 divorce settlements is heating up.
The fact is, the legal system is stuck and is confused about how to handle divorces in these changing times.
This problem doesn’t only apply to just country; divorce and the law has become a “sticky” subject worldwide and most people are afraid to even touch it. Women needing to get paid for being with men is still partially accepted, even though people won’t openly admit it.
It’s completely outdated and is demeaning to both men and women.
The 50/50 divorce settlement is “unfair to men and demeaning to women. Women of working age without young children to support should be expected to look after themselves.” Baroness Ruth Deech
On the one hand, there are voices such as that of Baroness Deech, a long-time lawyer and a crossbench peer in the House of Lords who is clearly against the 50/50 split. According to Beech, this type of settlement is, “unfair to men and demeaning to women” and that “women of working age without young children to support should be expected to look after themselves.”¹⁰
At the same time, lawyers such as James Pirrie, who represented Julia McFarlane (a housewife who was awarded a payment of £250,000 per year for life), is clearly happy to keep the status quo exactly as it is. In his own words, he described the judgment awarded to Julia McFarlane as “groundbreaking.”¹¹.
Sunder Katwala, the general secretary of the Fabian Society (a British socialist society) feels that, “outcomes should vary in divorce cases according to relevant circumstances,” while philosopher Mary Warnock says, “Divorce is easy only if the protagonists are selfless and loving. In which case, why get divorced?”¹²
From philosophers, to economists to the layman (or woman) on the street, one thing is certain; a 50/50 divorce settlement is still a heated debate and far from being settled.
What do you think? Are all women just gold diggers and hookers at heart; and should men have to “pick up the check” for a failed marriage? Should men be forced to pay for women or should women only get money in the case of child support?
Poll
Loading ...My Overall View on Marriage
I think that marriage is a beautiful thing when it is entered into with the right intentions.
My parents are still married (same with Ben and Stu from The Modern Man). I have plenty of friends who are happily married and some who are unhappily married. As for me, I lived the bachelor lifestyle for many years and had an amazingly fun time, but the love that my girlfriend and I now share tops it all.
We are one of those couples that fall more in love each day and I am grateful for that.
However, despite all the nice and fluffy feelings of love, the current legal system is a huge turn off for me and for many men when it comes to marriage. My girlfriend and I both don’t like the idea of her automatically becoming “entitled” to half my stuff.
I guess I will be okay with it if I can get a solid prenup agreement in place.
The “you have to pay a woman 50%” law is just so outdated that it’s almost comical now. It really is quite funny to say, “Hey man, pay that woman. She stayed with you for a while, so she deserves money now. Pay the hooker. Go ahead – pay up. Pussy costs money. Pay for the service of your former hooker.”
It’s ridiculous and outdated to treat the relationships between men and woman in that way, as though we are still living in a time where women can’t earn their own money or get remarried without feeling ashamed.
My girlfriend has openly said that she doesn’t want to be in a position where she can take half my stuff just for being with me, but the legal system entitles her to it. I’ll sort it out though and get a proper agreement in place before I make any further moves.
The current laws turn marriage into an opportunity for women to do a bad thing (i.e. divorce a man to get half of his stuff just because she feels like it).
It brings out a dark side in women that wouldn’t be there if the legal system didn’t view women as being hookers who need to be paid for being with men. Imagine if Heather Mills (the one-legged prostitue that divorced Paul McCartney from The Beatles after four years of marriage and got paid £24.3m) wasn’t entitled to get money from McCartney.
Would she have tried harder to fix their relationship problems? Would both Paul and Heather become better people by fixing the problems in their marriage, rather than ending it with a payment for her “services”?
I think the current system encourages women to give up on marriages too easily because the reward of divorce is huge if the man has assets or savings in the bank. In my opinion, it takes all the romance out of marriage and turns it into a ticking time bomb.
References
¹ Coontz, S. (2006). Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage. Penguin Books, Retrieved from http://www.stephaniecoontz.com/books/marriage/chapter1.htm
² Woods, J. (2011, January, 05). Do women really want to marry for money? The Telegraph. Retrieved from http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/8239530/Do-women-really-want-to-marry-for-money.html
³ Mills awarded £24.3m settlement. (2008, March, 17). BBC News. Retrieved from http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/7300931.stm
⁴ Heather Mills. Wikipedia. Relationship with Paul McCartney, Marriage. Retrieved from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heather_Mills
⁵ Ex-wives win key divorce rulings. (2006, May, 24) BBC News. Retrieved from http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/5010888.stm
⁶ Rock, L. (2006, February, 5). Divorce deals – by Mrs 50 Per Cent. The Observer. Retrieved from http://www.theguardian.com/money/2006/feb/05/uknews.theobserver
⁷ Butrica, B.A., Smith, K.E. (2012). The Retirement Prospects of Divorced Women. Social Security Bulletin, 3 (1). Retrieved from http://www.ssa.gov/policy/docs/ssb/v72n1/v72n1p11.html
⁸ Lyle, B. (2012, October, 22). After Divorce Women Rebound Faster But Stay In Poverty Longer. The Huffington Post. Retrieved fromhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/brendan-lyle/after-divorce-women-rebou_1_b_1970733.html
⁹ Kimball, M. (2013). 43 Percent Not Paying! Divorce360.com. Retrieved from http://www.divorce360.com/divorce-articles/statistics/us/43-percent-not-paying.aspx?artid=173
¹⁰ Doughty, S. (2009, September, 15). Scrap the 50-50 divorce payouts that rob men, says law chief. Mail Online. Retrieved from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1213523/Scrap-50-50-divorce-payouts-rob-men-says-law-chief.html
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Dan,
Its still a mans world. If we sat down and did a tally of the benefits and perks of being a man and the perks of being a woman we’re still way up on the deal. While I dont agree women should get half without any consideration of other factors they should get
something its a trade off. We’re are so lucky being men.
Also about the nanotechnology stuff do you think we would morally be allowed to take some of these things that far with nanotechnology? Im of the opinion the more advanced we get in handling our reality the more headaches and problems we’ll have I think we’re to smart for our own good. Personally for me living indefinitely sounds god damn awful lol I’d rather have my time and then pass on that to me is what makes life worth living.
Hey Hank
Thanks for your comment and for sharing your opinion.
About it being a man’s world: I disagree. We are all in this together and women shouldn’t be getting to take men to the cleaners as a “trade off” for not being men. The law made sense when women couldn’t get out there and earn their own money, but these days, women get into the highest positions of leadership and influence in our society if they want to.
Like the female politician Baroness Ruth Deech said, “(The 50/50 divorce settlement is) unfair to men and demeaning to women. Women of working age without young children to support should be expected to look after themselves.” I agree. It’s just a soft law that is still in place because human society is slow to change regarding these sorts of things.
About nanotechnology: Of course! 🙂 It is already happening. Yes, there are dangers, but if really know what nanotechnology is and what it will do to the world, you wouldn’t even question it. Nanotechnology will rapidly change the world more than TV, radio, the internet and anything else we’ve invented. That isn’t a maybe or “science fiction.” It’s hard to explain to people unless they actually learn about it. If you’re interested, read this: The Next Big Thing Is Really Small
However, here are some examples of what nanotechnology will do (for the people who have no idea what I’m talking about):
– Nanobots will circulate through your blood stream keeping your body 100% healthy.
– Your body will become indestructible (e.g. walk through fire, jump off a cliff, slice your hand with a nice, etc and nothing happens to you. Again, you have to learn about the technology to understand how it will work).
– Mind to mind communication.
– Change dirt into gold.
– Nano-medicine that will get you and your wife/woman in the mood with a press of a button (or if you can think this far into the future, you would simply activate the application with thought).
– Etc.
Most people don’t know it, but governments and private institutions have been investing billions into nanotechnology for many years. It’s the next big thing and it will have a huge impact on how we view life and relationships.
Watch the documentary series like Through the Wormhole, Brave New World and watch Decoding Immortality. It’s not science fiction – this stuff is really happening and as humans, we are making a mistake to think that life will be like it was for our grandparents forever. Our lives are already vastly different to that of our grandparents (or great grandparents for some), so it shouldn’t be any surprise that change will keep happening. In fact, change is becoming faster.
What is the solution for men in terms of success with women and relationships?
You have to become and be the sort of man that women desperately want to be with and never want to leave. You have to be the sort of guy that, if your relationship does end, you are still able to attract a new quality woman. You also have to have a far reaching life purpose, otherwise, your “40 year idea for life” (e.g. buy a house, settle down, die) will be rudely interrupted when the technology is available to keep you alive.
As you said Hank, “I’d rather have my time and then pass on that to me is what makes life worth living.” That is fine and I think it will be an individual choice. However, think about this: You’re on your death bed at age 120. Your wife (or longtime girlfriend) is by your side with your children and great grandchildren. They are begging you not to die and to just take the treatment so you can stay with the family. “Please dad, don’t leave us. We love you. We want you to stay here with us.” Would you die, or take the treatment to have your body regenerate indefinitely or take the treatment to have your body regenerate for the next 10 years (a temporary treatment that should be available) and then shut down?
These type of scenarios await our generation. 100 years ago, people would have laughed and thought a person was crazy for saying that there would be TV, the Internet and robots being landed on Mars. Yet, it happened. The stuff I am talking about is already happening and will not stop. Human destiny is not to live in a house with a white picket fence. The universe is already infinite and eternal (we think so anyway), so being able to live indefinitely isn’t something that we humans are going to invent – it is already something that exists in the universe – we are just tapping into what is already there.
Anyway, this is probably getting a little too deep. Back on to the topic of women being paid for being with men: The government still sees women as hookers that need to be paid for providing their “services” to men. It’s a completely outdated way of dealing with our modern world.
Cheers
Dan
Dan,
Dont know about you Dan but that scares the piss out of me :p you’re probably excited about it but for me all I hear is stress, stress, stress, sure there will be good coming out of it maybe im just a dinosaur but that sounds very complex how we would navigate through some of those things.
Do you think the planet will last that long for humans to see this stuff? My old man says we got a 100 years tops then we’re done unless we can move onto other planets.
Hank
Hey Hank
Thanks for your comment.
I thought the same way your old man did until I learned what nanotechnology is. Organic nanotechnology runs through nature; it is the mechanism behind the construction of atoms into the things you see around you. When we master artificial nanotechnology (or human controlled nanotechnology), we will be able to do some of the following:
– Rebuild an entire forest that has been cleared. How? The atoms that make up the forest are a readable, mathematic code. The nanobots will take atoms from dirt, dust, waste material, etc and use them to build an entire forest.
– Clear all pollutants out of the water system. How? Pollutants have a chemical signature. Nanotechnology will disable them molecular structure of the pollutant.
– Reanimate dead bodies (i.e. bring dead bodies back to life). I know, controversial, but that’s just the reality of where humanity is going. The universe is apparently infinite and eternal, so we’re not the first to do this. The universe has been doing this forever. I know, too deep of a philosophical thought, but that’s the world we live in 🙂
BTW: About your “stress, stress, stress” comment. Imagine that in the future…
– Nanotechnology delivered the exact nutrients your body needed, without you having to eat. You would just eat for pleasure/fun once in a while.
– AI (Artificial Intelligence) did most, if not all of the work that humans are currently doing. If that doesn’t make sense, then read The Age of Spiritual Machines: When Computers Exceed Human Intelligence
If that sounds like science fiction, then you simply need to get un update on what is really happening in your world. A great site is: http://singularityhub.com/
It might seem a bit strange to be going off on this tangent about the future, while discussing how men have to pay women for being with them. However, the point of it is to show much the world has changed and will continue to change, so we can then have a think about how old ways of thinking and doing things don’t go on forever. Just ask the Samurais of Japan; a powerful cultural tradition that doesn’t apply anymore in modern Japan.
About it being complex: Seriously, you’d need to watch Through the Wormhole (with Morgan Freeman) to get updated. However, the short of it is this: Humans will be merging with computer technology. In the future (possibly by 2045, if you’re still around), our brains will be boosted by computer technology, allowing us to be 100 or 1,000 times smarter than we are now. Not to mention, AI will be waking up and beginning to think for itself. Then, when a million AI minds work together in unison, what will happen then? That’s what scientists refer to as the technological singularity: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Technological_singularity
Anyway, enough about the future. Let’s get back to talking about success with women in TODAY’S world! 😀 Here’s my latest post: http://www.themodernman.com/blog/do-men-need-toughening-up.html
Cheers
Dan
P.S. No, it doesn’t scare me. I can’t wait! 🙂 Human destiny is much bigger than a house with a white picket fence, a job, a dog and then death. We’re in an infinite universe and we’re only just getting started on our journey.
Interesting article, I agree with most of what you said, personally for me I never had interest an in getting married at all.
Hey Michael
Thanks for your positive feedback.
About not wanting to get married at all, you might be surprised to know that guys have a wide range of aims for relationships. Check out the poll on this page (about half way down): http://www.themodernman.com/relationship/is-marriage-worth-it.html
At the time of writing this comment there are 205 votes. 38% of men want to get married and stay with that woman for life. 37% want to have many relationships throughout life. 16% are still not sure. 9% want to stay with one woman for life and not get married.
I think it shows hope for the idea of marriage, but for women – I think it’s a good demonstration of how men really think about relationships. The media often portrays men as only wanting sex from women, but that isn’t the case at all. Most guys have good intentions with women and relationships, which I think is good for all of us to see.
Cheers
Dan
Agree with most of this article. But feminists will never give up the cash cow. It seems the legal framework gives women all the power, but men have to shoulder all the responsibility. It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about marriage, reproductive rights, employment, education, or anything else. You’ve been together with your girl for a long time? that entitles her to half of your assets in most jurisdictions (even in some that don’t codify common law marriage). Prenup? don’t count on that either. It’s not unheard of for a court to invalidate a prenup for a number of reasons. The best plan with American women is a one time pump and dump using a fake name. Give her a fake phone number if she asks. I agree that american women are self- entitled hookers, but I pay for them at the rate of one or two drinks per bang – rather than 1/2 my assets.
Hey John
Thanks for your comment.
It appears that you’re definitely not Pro-Marriage! Lol… 🙂
I don’t blame you though. You are a perfect example (like many of my close friends) who don’t like the idea of getting “taken to the cleaners” by a woman if a marriages ends in divorce. They see it as completely unfair and out of date and so do I.
As for my situation: Fear not, I have thought of that in advance 😉 I have protected myself in other ways. When there is a will, there is a way.
Cheers
Dan
P.S. For any women reading this and seeing John’s annoyed comments about the situation between men and women because of the laws: Don’t blame him. He, like most men, most-likely LOVES women, but he is also aware that the current laws brings out a dark side in women. If the laws changed and women weren’t entitled to a man’s wealth or assets, they would have to be a good woman and stick by their man…rather than waiting for four years before saying, “Okay, give me half.”
Hey Dan
I had no idea that this sort of law existed all these years lol
After reading this article, I decided I won’t get married ever in future because of how the legal system handles divorce. settlements(huge turn off for me just like most men) as you’ve stated in the article. Handing over 50% of your assets & other wealth to the woman who filed the divorce is unacceptable.
I rather have girlfriend for life like you do Dan instead of being dragged into a nasty dispute on who gets what when the marriage ends.
Thanks for sharing this info, otherwise I would have not known about this problem.
PS. I’ll keep you posted on any new success stories I might have in future 🙂
Hey Amrish
Thanks for your comment.
I’d recommend that you decide later on whether or not you’re going to get married. I have a new, big post coming out about marriage in a few days (just working on it now). It is my direction solution to the problem. Stay tuned…
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan
Thanks for the comment
Alright I’ll decide later on whether to get married or not.
Good to hear.
Cheers
Dan
Concur. Seems as though a change in the law is long overdue. After all, legislatures all across my country always clucking about “promoting marriage”. So, why is it so easy, and so costly, to get divorced?
Hey Athirson
Thanks for adding your opinion.
Yes, I know what you mean. On one hand, government tries to push the idea of marriage, but on the other hand, how men are treated just takes all the security and romance out of it. As a man, you know that if your wife suddenly changes her mind, she is entitled to half your stuff. Ridiculous.
It hasn’t always been this good for women though. In the past, when a man married a woman, she was basically his property and she had no say in anything. The tables have definitely turned in women’s favor and some of us might think that is a good thing, because women are now getting “revenge,” but that would be a childish, unloving way to look at the situation. Pushing today’s people for the mistakes of previous generations is not the answer.
I like the idea of marriage and I hope that laws eventually change to make it better for both men and women. Yet, the way it is now is a complete turn off for most men, including me.
Cheers
Dan
When it comes to extramarital rteilaonships, a lot of time and energy is needed to get past the initial inner thoughts. The psychological blocks at the start of knowing the extramarital relationship has to be handled with lots of maturity and endurance. And to end up making the relationship a lot stronger after the extramarital relationship is possible but it takes a lot of commitment and energy towards the partner.|Lot of people develop a lot of resentment on the husband or wife because of the extramarital relationship. And this is tough to overcome when ignored. Dealing with our own thoughts is really essential and learning the root cause which pushed the spouse or the partner to have the affair needs to be known. Additionally this gives an improved understanding of your situation.|If you are faced with an affair don’t just think that things may workout on its own. One needs to face them and take care of them. In addition I think it is really important to find out if the partner is basically sorry and also feeling bad about their extramarital relationship or not. Always maintain the communication going very good. Also I found a helpful article here . Thanks for the post & Have a great day.thanks!
Once again Dan, great article! It’s a slight change of topic in The Modern Man compared to dating advice. This article sure has given me a lot more to think about in terms of marriage. Coming from a conservative family and community, I tend to view marriage as sacred and worthwhile, but also get that divorce rates here are getting pretty high as a result of antiquated views of what love and marriage really is. My question to you Dan, is it still possible, even after being the man you teach us to be and that wives would want, that your wife would want to divorce you given the financial benefits? Thanks.
Hey Jared
Thanks for your positive feedback and opinion.
About your question: There are no guarantees when it comes to staying together “forever” in a world where lifespans are on the increase. If what science is telling us is true (well, it is true….they are almost at human trials with many technologies and have begun human trials with others. Watch “Decoding Immortality”), we will be living for centuries. Men and women have never had to stay together for 100s of years, so I can’t guarantee that my girlfriend and I would.
However, if science goes backwards and we die at 70-80 years old, then I think we’d stay together for life.
I understand that 99% of people don’t want to hear “uncertainty” about the future. Most people want life to stay the same and be like it was for our grandparents. Yet, it isn’t and it won’t be. The only protection you can have as a man is to be the sort of man that women desperately want to be with and never want to leave. To be the sort of man who will be confident, happy and forward-moving in life, with or without your woman. You can’t base your life on just one woman and think that it will be about you and her for eternity. It could be, but that is pretty wishful thinking; it assumes that the world will not change and everything will stay like it is today forever.
As for my girlfriend (or potentially wife) turning around and asking for half: Who knows. However, as the old saying goes, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” In other words, women get nasty if they feel like you’ve done them over/crossed them/left them for selfish reasons.
I have a lot of friends only three of them are comfortable discussing the uncertainty of the future like this. So, I know that the majority of people who read this comment will not want to think about the future. They will want to keep pushing on as though nothing is changing and everything will remain the same forever. However, such people are setting themselves up for a huge downfall.
As for me, I am in love and in a relationship with my perfect woman. I couldn’t ask for a better girl. We will most-likely start a family in a couple of years and may even get married. I hate the idea of not keeping a family together forever and will do everything in my power to ensure it does. However, I have also thought about things in advance; I know that you can’t expect thing to stay the same forever. You have to be stronger and wiser than that and then do your very best to maintain the life you want, in a world that is rapidly changing.
The way I see it, my girlfriend and I will probably be together for the next 70 years or for eternity. Who knows? However, I have the skills to keep a relationship together and so does she. My parents are still married and so are hers. We are thinking of starting a family in a couple of years. When we started talking about that, we begun thinking about what it would be like to have grandchildren. Both of us are looking far into the future and seeing each other in it, so as long as either of us doesn’t mess up the relationship by doing something stupid, I probably won’t have to deal with the 50/50 problem.
I’m going to live life as though I will die at 80 (i.e. stick with my girl, have a family), but also with the knowledge that I will probably live to 1,000+ and beyond (if what science is telling us is true).
Cheers
Dan
Big stuff you’re talking about mate. Does no justice discussing about it over the Internet. We’ll sit and I’ll get you a beer next time you’re in Spain, or I visit Australia ;). Thanks for your insight Dan.
Yes, it is a big topic.
I like to open the big topics up sometimes because most people go through life thinking about the small stuff and not considering that our culture is changing and will continue to change, whether we like it or not. Just ask the Japanese Samurais or the English gentleman – things change and old traditions become irrelevant.
I’ll catch up with you for a beer if I’m ever in Spain again. I will likely be traveling to Europe with my GF in the next couple of years.
Cheers
Dan
Dan, great article that really gets you thinking. What is consistent, is that these divorce laws are the same in various countries and it makes you wonder if/when there will actually be a reform.
I would have to agree that a ‘blanket’ 50% ownership on assets should not be provided by ‘default’ and it should be reviewed on a case by case basis.
Hey Mr S
Thanks for your positive feedback.
I think it will take another decade or two before the news media are comfortable talking about it. At the moment, it’s too politically incorrect to question why ex-wives take 50% in a divorce.
Cheers
Dan
Firstly, I’m not married and I consider the institution outdated at best. I think, with all due respect, your view is a little narrow, and your tone suggests that all women are bloodsucking vampires who can’t WAIT to get divorced to get rid of the man and take his money. There are many of those out there and if you don’t catch the signs marry one, I sure as hell hope you have a pre-nup. But I digress…people who get married make decisions together. That’s what being married means. Women don’t just decide they are going to do whatever they want and stop working to “relax at home and experience the joy of being a stay at home mum.” The husband has to be making enough to support the whole family on one salary. Women still earn less than men and do most of the child rearing. I also don’t think you talked to too many married men, because most of the married men I know wouldn’t ever, EVER in a MILLION years stay home full time with the kids. Being a stay at home mother is FAR from relaxing.That’s why 50%. Also, if a couple has two or three children and the wife doesn’t work, the husband is spending more than half his income on the family. Another point, how many of these divorces where the wife was awarded 50% were ones where the husband cheated. That’s probably why 50%. Most pre-nups have some sort of clause where if either partner cheats it voids the contract. And to your point where women let “youthfulness and beauty fade during a marriage,” sorry to tell you, children ruin your breasts, stomach and vagina. It’s not a choice. Don’t let the celebrities who “bounce right back” fool you, they’ve had work done. I think my breasts, stomach and vagina are worth 50%. To end this, I will also tell you I don’t believe in divorce. I believe if you make a vow, in sickness and all that, that is what it means, and you work it out. How do you know these women don’t try to work it out? A divorce is not a super easy or fun thing that people who can’t be bother to stay married do, for the most part, and again, I know there are exceptions to the rule. There are exceptions to every rule. There are good and bad husbands AND wives. Sometimes people get screwed. I would like to see concrete numbers on how many husbands got away with not sufficiently supporting their families after divorce. Would you champion their cause?
Hi Lisa
Thanks for your opinion.
My tone suggests that all women are blood sucking vampires? No it doesn’t, that is simply how you perceive it. If you read the article properly, you will see that I am suggesting that the current legal system encourages women to marry and then divorce wealthy men to get half their money. If women didn’t get anything from a divorce, they would be less likely to leave.
You said, “I think my breasts, stomach and vagina are worth 50%.” Exactly my point. You see yourself as deserving 50% of a man’s wealth for providing your body to bear children. Ridiculous.
Here’s what most people don’t realize about life here on planet Earth…
We humans are making this all up as we are going along (e.g. according to Wikipedia, there an estimated 4,200 different religions in the world and guess what? They all think they are right and everyone else is wrong). There is no “right way” to do something, there is just the way that we think we should do things. Cultures have risen, fallen, changed and warped overtime. Just because humans currently behave in a certain way today, it doesn’t mean they will continue to behave that way in the future. Just ask the Japanese Samurai or the top hat wearing gentleman of early England…both were based on the way that people thought life should be lived, but both became irrelevant and were replaced. That is what is happening to marriage today, unfortunately.
Cheers
Dan