She hasn’t forgotten.
She is still fully aware of the fact that you and her experienced good times and good moments together.
It’s just that she doesn’t want to focus on those things right now because she’s trying her best to remain broken up with you and move on.
She focuses on the negatives to help convince herself that she made the right decision to break up with you.
If she focuses on the positives, she knows that you could then begin seduce her back into a relationship with you.
So, if you want her back, here’s what you need to do make her start focusing on the positives and feeling drawn to you again…
1. Stop discussing the relationship with her
Long, emotional conversations where you try to discuss the relationship isn’t’ what will make your ex feel drawn to you again.
What will?
Sexual and romantic attraction?
You’ve got to make her feel a spark for you again, so she can start being overcome by sexual and romantic feelings.
If you’re just trying to discuss the relationship with her, she will be experiencing annoying emotions like stress, anger, frustration, resentment and disappointment.
She will feel like you are hassling her and trying to pressure her into giving you another chance for YOUR reasons.
In other words, you want her back to feel better about yourself.
You want her back because you miss her.
You want her back because you still feel very attracted and in love with her.
Yet, she doesn’t feel the same way right now.
So, to her, it feels like you’re trying to take something from her, or trying to force her to give you something that she just doesn’t feel like giving.
From now on, you need to use every interaction that you have with her (e.g. via text, on a phone call, or in person) to spark her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you.
If you don’t focus on that, she’s just going to keep the negatives in the forefront of her mind so she can move on without you.
So, make sure that you’re not getting into long discussions, debates or arguments about what when wrong in the relationship or whose fault it all was.
Using that approach, you will never be able to move past the past and start a new relationship with her in the present.
Leave the past behind you and start making her feel attracted in love with who you are now.
Let her feel it.
Let her realize that you aren’t so bad after all and in fact, whenever she interacts with you now, she feels attracted, happy and open to you.
That’s how it’s done.
Yet, if you just focus on trying to discuss the good things about your relationship and ask her to remember them, she’s not going to.
She’s interested in how she feels NOW, not how she used to feel.
Focusing on the past only keeps the situation at the same level, where both you and your ex feel hurt, misunderstood and betrayed.
A lot of guys don’t ever find out what you’re learning now though, so they just make their situation worse.
For example: When on a call with his ex, a guy might say, “Okay, so I made some mistakes, but I did some things right as well. Why won’t you admit that? Why are you just remembering all the bad stuff and acting like you’ve forgotten the good things about our relationship now that we’ve broken up? Why are you being like this? At least give me a chance to show you that things can get better again. I care about you more than anything. I want our relationship to work and I’m willing to do whatever it takes.”
Yet, saying something like that to a woman, usually only turns her off even more.
Why?
From her perspective (even though she might be wrong), the guy is just thinking about himself, how bad he feels and what he wants from the situation.
He’s trying to make her care about him and the relationship based on how good things used to be in the past.
Yet, it just makes her remember how bad things became near the end and how faded her feelings are now that she has broken up with him and had some time apart.
So, what should you do instead?
2. Start making her smile, laugh and feel good when she interacts with you
It’s very difficult for a woman to keep focusing on the negatives when she’s smiling, laughing and having a fun time with you (on a phone call or during a face-to-face interaction).
You can get her laughing a little via text and make some progress with her that way, but it’s always better to call.
Why?
Watch this…
If you focus on making her smile, laugh and feel good, you will be creating new, positive memories with her.
You won’t be trying to convince her to give you a chance based on the fact that things used to be good between you and her.
So, rather than wasting the interactions you have with your ex (which may be limited at the moment) by being too serious and trying to get her to see your point of view about the relationship, just get her smiling, laughing and feeling good.
For example: If she says something like, “Look, I’m tired of going over the same things with you. I know that you don’t want to accept it, but it’s over between us, okay? I don’t have anything else to say to you,” don’t get upset and try to convince her otherwise.
Instead, just say something like, “You don’t have anything else to say to me. Okay, no problem. You just keep quiet then and I ramble on talking by myself. So where was I? Oh yes… anyway, did I mention that my goldfish turned green after I put some cleaning detergent in his tank? Does that mean he’s now a greenfish rather than a goldfish? I don’t know. Should I change his name from Goldie to Greenie? Oh, hang on…sorry! I forgot that you’re not saying anything to me anymore, so just ignore the last question.”
Alternatively, if she says something like, “Look, I’m tired of going over the same things with you. I know that you don’t want to accept it, but it’s over between us, okay? I don’t have anything else to say to you,” you can say, “Don’t worry. I accept it. We’re finished. All I really want is for you to cook me your famous chicken stir fry one more time. That’s all I want. Sorry if I gave you the impression that I wanted a relationship. I’m just hungry, that’s all.”
When you make her laugh, it’s difficult for her to keep thinking of the old you that turned her off, because the more confident, brave and emotionally strong you is making her feel attracted in a whole, new way.
Of course, it’s not about ALWAYS joking around with her.
You just have to add humor and laughing in like you would add in spice or seasoning to a pasta.
Don’t drown it in seasoning or spice, but just sprinkle it in to give it a good taste, rather than making a plain, old boring pasta with tomato sauce.
Keep things interesting with some humor, so she can smile, laugh and feel good when interacting with you, rather than feeling pressured, stressed or annoyed.
When you make her smile, laugh and feel good, she then allows the walls around her heart to come down.
She may then begin to think something like, “Why am I feeling like this? It’s actually good to be talking with him again. I’m enjoying the way he’s so much more relaxed and confident and is making me laugh like this. Could I have made a mistake when I broke up with him? Is it possible for us to start over and repeat the same old mistakes from the past? What if he changes back to the old him? I’m so confused. I like him now, but I’m not sure.”
As long as you keep showing her via your actions that you really are that confident, self-assured, emotionally strong guy she’s been experiencing so far, she will naturally open herself back up to being with you again.
If she doesn’t make it obvious (e.g. she keeps giving you mixed signals), just remain confident and keep guiding her through the ex back process.
If you do, you will almost certainly be able to get her back within days or a week.
Just remain confident and keep pushing forward.
Of course, make sure that you are attracting her in ways that she actually cares about, rather than offering her the kind of attraction experience that bores her.
3. Start attracting her in new ways that matter to her
Regardless of how good the relationship between you and your ex used to be, or how sorry you are for everything that happened, it’s not going to matter to her unless you start attracting her in the ways that she really wants.
For example: If a man was always a very romantic guy (e.g. he bought her flowers once a week, took her to candlelit dinners regularly, spoiled her with little surprise gifts all the time), then him continuing to do that isn’t going to impress her and make her change her mind about him.
She wants to see that he has changed in the ways that actually matter to her.
He might think that his romantic approach is what every woman should want, but she just doesn’t get excited about it because he isn’t able to make her feel attracted in ways that are important to her.
For example: She might want him to be dominant in the relationship, rather than handing over him power to her and allowing her to be the more dominant one (e.g. she gets to decide on everything or most things).
She might also want him to be more confident in social situations (e.g. around her friends and family), but he continues to be shy, reserved and quiet.
If he doesn’t change those things about himself, no amount of flowers, expensive dinners or gifts is going to make her feel the kind of attraction that she really wants.
So, if you are a great guy and have always been caring and attentive around your ex, don’t go offering her more of that and thinking that it will impress her and change her mind about you.
Instead, you need to improve things that will actually matter to her (e.g. start believing in your value to her, become more emotionally masculine, stop placing her needs ahead of your own, be more ballsy around her, be more driven and ambitious, make progress towards your big goals in life).
When your ex can see that you’re not just sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and have made improvements and changes, she will naturally feel respect for you, even if she doesn’t openly admit it.
When she feels respect for you, she will naturally start looking at you in a different way.
She will see that you are now capable of giving her the kind of attraction experience that actually matters to her.
As a result, she will start to focus on the happy memories that you and her have together and how you and her could make more of those memories now and in the future.
However…
3 Mistakes to Avoid if You Want to Successfully Get Your Ex Back
Lately, you might have been feeling a bit annoyed with your ex and thinking things like, “Why can’t she see my point of view?” or, “How could she just forget about all the good times? It’s like she is a completely different person now. It’s like our relationship never even happened.”
It’s not a nice experience to go through, but you have to stop yourself from focusing on the problem (i.e. she’s not acknowledging the good parts of your relationship anymore) and start focusing on the solution (i.e. re-attracting her and reawakening her feelings for you).
Here are 3 mistakes you should avoid if you want to speed up the process of getting her back…
Mistake 1: Thinking that she is being cold and mean to you because she’s a bad person
It sucks that she isn’t being nice, loving and affectionate anymore, but that doesn’t mean she is now a bad person.
Of course, sometimes it feels a lot easier for a guy to think, “I never realized it before, but my ex really is a bitch. She clearly never cared about me the way I cared for her. I was just too love struck to notice that she was a selfish bitch who only cares about herself. Now that we’ve broken up, her true colors have come through. I was the sucker who let her dupe me. I never should have allowed myself to fall in love with her. She’s a horrible person.”
It’s easier for a guy to think that way than to admit that his inability to attract her in the ways that she finds most important (e.g. she wants a truly confident guy, not an emotionally sensitive guy who needs her to nice, sweet and gentle with him all the time), is what really drove her away from him.
She just got sick and tired of not being able to relax and be a real woman (e.g. feminine, girly, irrational at times, moody at times, silly at times) around him because he needed her to be so consistent and supportive, or else he would get upset or angry.
She hasn’t forgotten about the good times.
She just doesn’t think that previous good times are enough to keep a relationship together than hasn’t been good for quite a while.
Mistake 2: Not seeing things from her perspective
In your eyes, it looks like your ex has forgotten about the good things that happened your relationship.
Yet, from her perspective, it looks like someone that she isn’t attracted to anymore is trying to get her back.
Now, ask yourself, “If our places were reversed, wouldn’t I be reacting in the exact same way as her?”
You’re probably going to say, “Yes.”
So, stop trying to make her see things from your point of view and start reactivating her feelings of attraction instead.
Remember: Getting an ex back is about making the feelings mutual.
It’s not about trying to convince her to see your point of view and give you a chance based on that.
It’s about her feelings.
Make her have feelings for you again and you will get her back.
Mistake 3: Thinking that she should want to be with you because of what you and her have been through together
You and her most likely did some great, fun, interesting, challenging or exciting things together.
You might have even overcome some difficult challenges or problems in life by being there to support each other.
That’s great, but it’s not why a woman will want to get back with her ex.
What matters is how you make her feel NOW, based on who you are NOW.
Forget what you and her talked about in the past, did in the past or wished for in the past.
What’s past is past and you will never get that back.
You need to focus on the opportunity in front of you now.
You now have an opportunity to start over and create a fresh, exciting future with your ex and make new, positive memories together.
So, rise up to the challenge.
Be the man that she always wished you would be.
Let her experience that when she interacts with you.
Reawaken her feelings and make her feel drawn to you again.
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