Here are 5 reasons why getting dumped by a girlfriend can be so damn painful:
1. You’re experiencing a whole bunch of painful emotions at once
One minute a guy is in relationship and feeling positive emotions like joy, contentment, optimism about the future and then the next minute he’s dumped and all those emotions disappear in an instant.
Suddenly he’s bombarded by a sudden and constant onslaught of negative, painful emotions that don’t go away unless he can get his woman back, or he finally gets over her after weeks, months or years.
For example: 15 of the most common emotions a guy might be feeling after being dumped are…
- Rejection: He gave his ex girlfriend his all and she threw his love in his face and walked away.
- Regret: He wishes he could have done something to prevent what happened.
- Worry: What if he can’t make her change her mind? Will he end up losing the love of his life?
- Panic: What is he going to do without her?
- Confusion: Why did this happen? What did he do wrong to make her fall out of love with him?
- Anger: How could she do this to him after everything he did for her? She doesn’t deserve a guy like him.
- Denial: This can’t be happening to him. Maybe she’s just going through a phase and she’ll soon realize her mistake and come running back to him.
- Betrayal: She said she would love him forever, but she didn’t mean it. She broke his trust.
- Anxiety: What if he never finds another woman to love him again? What if she was his soulmate and now she’s gone?
- Neediness: He can’t seem to function without her (e.g. he doesn’t remember at which dry cleaner she dropped off his suits, he can’t find his car keys without her, the dog is sick and he doesn’t know what to do because she always took care of it).
- Insecurity: Wondering what’s wrong with him as a man and whether he will ever be able to attract another woman.
- Loss: Him and her shared a special connection and now she’s gone.
- Desperation: He wants to get her back, but his attempts so far (e.g. begging and pleading with her, promising to change, pouring his heart out to her in a letter, series of text messages or e-mail) have failed.
- Loneliness: She was a big part of his life and he misses her.
- Hopelessness: He doesn’t believe that it’s possible to get her back because she said something along the lines of, “Please don’t try to change my mind about this. What we had is over and you need to accept that and let me go.”
As you can see, it’s only natural that you will be feeling pain right now.
However, here’s the catch…
If you allow these negative emotions to take over your mind, you will actually be doing the one thing that will prevent you from getting your ex girlfriend back (i.e. becoming the kind of man that can attract her back).
Then, when you next interact with your ex on a phone call or in person and she senses that you’re falling apart without her, she will feel turned off by what she perceives as your emotional weakness.
She will see your inability to cope as a sign that you’re not an emotionally strong, persistent, strong-minded man who she can depend on in a crisis and she may then decide that she made the right decision to dump you after all.
On the other hand, if you can feel the pain of the break up and still manage to pick yourself up quickly and get on with your life, she will feel drawn to you again for having the grit to handle a negative situation like being dumped and coming out of it even better and emotionally stronger than before.
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She then becomes more open to interacting with you more (i.e. over the phone and in person) and you can then build on her feelings and make her open up to the idea of getting back together again.
This is why, it’s very important that from this point onwards, you stop focusing on how painful it is to be dumped by your girlfriend and only focus on what you need to do to get her back.
Another reason why getting dumped by a girlfriend is so painful is…
2. You felt like you and her had become one by being together
It’s only natural that the longer a couple is together, the more in sync they become with each other.
For example: They might…
- Finish each other’s sentences.
- Have the same interests and hobbies.
- Like the same things (e.g. music, food, books).
- Complement each other (e.g. she cleans while he takes care of the car or the garden, he prepares and she cooks, she likes to bath while he likes to shower).
- Think in the same kind way.
- Believe in the same kinds of things together.
- Want the same kind of future.
As a result, when a break up happens, it may feel as though one half of a whole person is missing and that can be extremely painful.
However, something you need to understand is that even though it might have felt that you and your girlfriend had become one person, you and her were always individuals.
Yes, you and her shared many things in common and were in tune with each other’s needs and desires, yet, you were still two separate people.
She has her own identity, will, thoughts, beliefs and life to live and so do you.
The same applies to everyone else’s relationships.
This is why, if you sit around thinking things like, “I can’t function without my girlfriend. We were one and now I feel like half of me is missing,” you will only be prolonging the pain you feel.
Also by thinking that way about your relationship with your ex, you may end up feeling very disappointed and dejected when you notice that she isn’t very interested in getting back with you based on how broken you feel without her, how much you love her, care about her, need her or want her back.
Remember: If the feelings aren’t mutual, then the idea of being “one” together doesn’t really mean that much to her.
This is why, you need to stop focusing on how you and her were so connected with each other and how painful it is to be without her and focus on reactivating her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you, so she wants to be your one and only girl again.
If you can’t do that, she’s just not going to care that you felt like you and her had become one by being together.
Another reason why getting dumped by a girlfriend is so painful is…
3. The relationship had become a big part of your purpose in life, or your main purpose
Some guys mistakenly believe that to maintain a woman’s love, he needs to make her the center of his world.
As a result, a guy like that might stop focusing on his goals and dreams and instead, devote all of his attention and time to his relationship.
He may also give up his interests and hobbies and possibly even stop hanging out with his friends, because he believes that his relationship has to come first above anyone or anything else.
Eventually, his relationship with his girl becomes the main purpose in his life and his main reason for living.
Yet, here’s the thing…
It’s fine for your relationship to be a part of your purpose, but not your main purpose.
If a man does that, a woman will pull the rug out from under his feet. Why?
A woman doesn’t want to feel that her man’s biggest achievement in life is his relationship with her.
That place should be reserved for his biggest dreams, goals and aspirations in life.
So, if he puts their relationship in that place, she feels turned off, because he comes across as too soppy and sentimental, rather than being emotionally strong and determined to achieve what he wants in life, with or without a relationship.
This is why, if you made your relationship with your girlfriend your main purpose in life, it’s understandable that right now you will be experiencing a lot of pain.
Your purpose is gone and you feel empty.
However, you can’t go on thinking like that.
Not only because you will end up staying stuck in a pit of misery and despair, but also because your girlfriend will pick up on your neediness for her and she will continue to feel turned off by you.
So, what should you do instead?
You need to find your real purpose in life (i.e. something big you want to achieve) and actively go about making it happen.
By doing that, you will automatically be more confident, have higher self-esteem and will be the kind of man your ex can look up to and feel proud to be associated with.
Then, when you interact with her on a phone call, or in person and she realizes that you’re getting on with your life and are happy and content without her, she will automatically feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you again.
You can then build on those feelings and get her back into a better, more balanced relationship with you, where she becomes the most important person in your life, but not the most important thing.
Another reason why getting dumped by a girlfriend is so painful is…
4. You worry that you won’t ever be able to experience that kind of love again
A big part of being in love with a specific woman is based on how she makes you feel (e.g. confident, loved, appreciated, manly, proud to be her man).
So, when that gets taken away (i.e. because she dumps him), he might get it into his head that he will never experience that kind of love with another woman again.
Yet, that’s not true.
In reality, if you open yourself up to love, you will realize that there are many (literally millions) of women out there that are perfect for you and that you can experience an amazing love with if you want to.
Of course, you can also get your ex back if you want that.
However, the secret to both of those things is believing in yourself and in your value and attractiveness as a man.
When you realize that you are worthy of your girlfriend and any other woman you might want, you will naturally begin to feel more confident.
When you feel confident enough, you can then take action to re-attract your ex and get her back, or find yourself an even better, more beautiful woman than her if you want to.
The choice is yours.
However, you have to believe that it’s possible first.
If you keep putting yourself down and thinking things like, “I will never experience the kind of love I had with her with another woman,” you may end up being stuck in your painful emotions and never doing what needs to be done to get your girlfriend back, or move on.
So, stop filling your head with negative thoughts and start believing in yourself and in your value to women.
The sooner you do that, the sooner the pain will begin to fade away and you can then focus on reactivating your girlfriend’s feelings for you and getting her back.
Another reason why getting dumped by a girlfriend is so painful is…
5. You don’t know that there is a real way to get her back
One of the main reasons why many guys struggle to recover after getting dumped is because they don’t really know that it’s possible to get their ex back.
A guy like that might want his ex back and he may even try different things to make it happen (e.g. beg and plead with her to give him one more chance, promise her that he will do anything she wants him to do, send her flowers or cards, write her long love letters expressing his feelings for her).
Yet, in almost all cases, none of those things work and he ends up thinking something along the lines of, “It’s hopeless. She just won’t change her mind. I know that I need to accept that I will never get her back, but I just can’t do it. The pain is unbearable! I feel so defeated.”
Don’t let that happen to you.
You don’t need to try random things to get your ex back.
Instead, you need to focus on doing what really works.
So, make a decision today that you are going to actively change how your girlfriend feels about you, by interacting with her on the phone and more importantly, in person, and making her feel good to be around you again (e.g. by using ballsy humor to break down her defenses, flirting with her to create a sexual spark between you, showing her that you’re a new man now).
When you do that, you go from being the ex she’s trying to forget, to someone who is making her feel strong surges of sexual and romantic attraction again.
She will then be open to interacting with you more and more to see how she feels and you can then easily guide her back into a relationship with you.
Common Problems Guys Experience After Getting Dumped
There is no denying that getting dumped by a girlfriend is a very painful experience, especially if a guy believes that he’s lost the woman he loves forever.
Yet, it doesn’t have to be that way.
In fact, being dumped can be one of the most transformative experiences a guy can have, because not only can he change and improve and become a better man as a result, he can also make his ex fall back into a relationship that is 100% better than it was before.
So, even though right now you might be feeling a lot of pain, think about how well things can turn out for you when you quickly transform yourself into a better man and re-attract your ex.
This is why, you need to make sure that you approach the ex back process in the correct way, so that you can reactivate your girlfriend’s feelings for you and get her back, rather than turn her off even more.
For example: Some mistakes that you should void making are…
1. Letting the painful emotions ruin his confidence and feelings of self worth
It’s very easy for a guy to let the painful emotions of a break up make him begin doubting his attractiveness and value as a man.
For example: A guy might say to himself, “If she dumped me, it must mean I’m not good enough, not only for her, but for any other woman as well. After all, if she said she loved me and then couldn’t stand to be with me, what chance do I stand with another woman who doesn’t even know me. I’m such a loser. I just need to accept that I’m going to stay single and alone for the rest of my life, because no woman wants me.”
He then spirals into a cycle of negative, insecure thinking, which eats away at whatever remaining confidence he has in himself.
If he then tries to get his ex back (or try to meet other women), he will usually get rejected because they will all sense that he feels unworthy of them and feel turned off by it.
Here’s the thing…
Women are attracted to confident men who believe in themselves, no matter what happens in their life or what anyone else says about them.
Likewise, women are turned off by insecure men who depend on a woman, or other people to make them feel good about themselves.
This is why, if you’ve allowed your break up with your girlfriend to get to you and make you doubt yourself as a man, you need to first build your confidence back up if you want to re-attract her.
When you believe in yourself and in your value to your ex girlfriend and other women, not only will you be able to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, you will also be able to attract other beautiful women if you want to.
Your ex will sense the change in you and she will feel attracted to it, even if she doesn’t want to admit it (even to herself).
You can then build on those feelings and get her back.
However, if you try to get her back while you’re still feeling insecure and unworthy of her love, she will pick up in that and reject you even more.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
2. Trying to get her back when at the peak of pain
If you try to get your ex back while you’re still feeling intense pain over what happened, you may end up turning her off even more.
Here’s the thing…
Women naturally look for emotionally strong men who can handle the challenges of life head on.
Of course a woman is fine with her ex feeling sad and disappointed for getting dumped temporarily, but she then expects him to get over it and focus on fixing the situation and acting on it like a man.
So, if she notices that he is stuck feeling sad, upset and disappointed for too long, she will think that he’s not man enough for her and she will then focus on moving on and finding a new man right away.
This is why, you need to get over the pain of the break up first before you try to get your ex back.
When she sees that you’ve picked yourself up and become a better man, despite how painful the break up was for you, she will automatically feel respect for you again.
You can then build on her feelings, make her feel attracted again and get her back.
However, you can’t do that when you’re still dwelling in your feelings of loss and pain.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
3. Letting her see how lost, desperate or hurt you are without her
Sometimes a guy hopes that if his ex sees how badly he’s hurting, she will feel sorry for him and give him another chance.
Yet, here’s the thing…
A woman is not attracted to the kind of guy who makes her feel as though she has to take care of him emotionally, because he’s unable to cope with what millions of people around the world go through every day (i.e. being broken up with).
So, rather than want to give him another chance, she instead finds him too emotionally unattractive for her and she feels happy with her decision to dump him.
She then focuses on distancing herself from him even more (e.g. she blocks his number on her phone so he can’t text or call her, unfriends him on social media, avoids going to places where she might bump into him) and focuses on moving on without him.
This is why, if you want to re-attract your ex, don’t try to do it by showing her that you’re still struggling with your feelings of pain and loss.
Remember: A woman is attracted to the kind of guy she can look up to, respect and be proud to call her man (i.e. because regardless how painful it was for him to get dumped by her, he has maintained belief in himself and in his value to her and has already taken steps to become even better than he was before).
When your girlfriend can see that you’re happy, content and moving forward with your life without her, she will automatically feel respect for you again.
When she respects you, she also begins to feel attracted to you and with those two emotions back, reconnecting with her feelings of love is only a step away.
So make it happen.
You can do it.
When you do, you will immediately stop feeling the pain you’ve been feeling and you will feel amazing once again.
She will love you again.
She will really want to be with you.
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