At first, it might seem like a really smart idea to cut off contact with your ex as a way of convincing her to give you another chance.
Yet, when you use the No Contact Rule on a woman, it doesn’t always work out as intended.
For example: You use the 30 or 60 day No Contact Rule and then…
1. The woman then plays hard to get when you do contact her
Sometimes a guy hopes that if he ignores his ex woman for 30 or even 60 days, the shock of losing him for real will unsettle her enough to want to give him another chance.
Yet, in some cases, rather than soften her up and make her want him back, the long separation actually makes a woman even more stubborn and closed off than before.
For example: When she doesn’t hear from him, she may start thinking, “How dare he ignore me. Who does he think he is? After everything that happened between us, he should be the one running after me and apologizing, not ignoring me like I don’t even matter to him. Well, if that’s how he wants to be, then two can play that game.”
She then disconnects from any desire to get him another chance and begins actively trying to hook up with new men, to help herself move on.
Then, when her ex finally contacts her after the 30 or 60 day No Contact period, rather than saying something along the lines of, “Hey, how are you? I’ve missed you” she plays hard to get.
For example: She might…
- Refuse to respond to any text or social media messages from him, or answer her phone.
- Block his number or unfriend him on social media.
- Respond to him in an icy, disdainful way and say things like, “What do you want? Why are you calling me? We have nothing to say to each other anymore! Leave me alone” or, “I can’t believe that you have the nerve to call me after all this time and pretend like we’re still friends. Go away and don’t ever contact me again. You mean nothing to me now.”
As a result, using No Contact has made the ex back process more difficult, time consuming and stressful than it needed to be.
He could have gotten her back so much more quickly by using a more effective alternative to the NC rule…
Another reason why No Contact usually makes it harder to get your ex back is…
2. Most women just move on
A break up usually happens when a woman disconnects from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for a guy.
She no longer feels enough respect, attraction or love to justify being in a relationship and has likely tried to warn him about that prior, but he wasn’t able to change or improve.
So, after a break up, if her ex disappears from her life (to ignore her for 30 or 60 days), rather than worrying about it, she’s actually happy about it.
She can focus entirely on getting over him and moving on without any interruptions, so it’s much easier for other guys to attract her, seduce her and take his place.
Then, by the time her ex calls her to ‘initiate contact,’ rather than her saying, “Oh, hi! I’m so glad to hear from you! I’ve missed you,” she instead says something like, “Sorry, but I thought you had moved on because you didn’t contact, so I moved on too. I’m fully over you now and I’m happy again. So, please don’t call me anymore.”
Don’t let that happen to you.
If you want to give your ex some time to allow for things to calm down between you and her, then giving her 3 to 7 days of space is more than enough.
If you wait longer than a week, you’re simply wasting time and giving her the chance to move on with you, forget about you and not want anything to do with you any more.
Another reason why No Contact usually makes it harder to get your ex back is…
3. She gets used to not having you in her life, so she stops caring that you’re not contacting her
Initially, a woman might feel curious about why her ex isn’t calling her and may even feel a bit hurt about it.
She may think something like, “I can’t believe he’s cut off all contact with me like this. I thought he would at least call me once or twice to see how I’m doing. Well, I guess he didn’t really love me that much after all if he can forget about me so quickly like this. So, I will open myself up to new guys now and just move on. Clearly, him and I are finished, so there’s nothing for me to think about anymore. It’s over between him and I.”
She will then likely find herself feeling happier each day without him.
She might also notice that, even at her loneliest times (e.g. in the evenings, on weekends), she no longer misses him, or even thinks about him.
Her life fills up with other things (e.g. going out with her single girlfriends, focusing on her career or studies, pursuing a hobby or sport) and she gets used to being single again.
If her ex then suddenly comes back into her life a month or two later with a random message or phone call, rather than jump at the idea of getting back together, a woman like that will usually think, “Why is he contacting me? Has he been unable to find a new girl? Is that why he wants to talk to me now? To get some action? Well, no thanks. I like my life now. I’ve gotten used to having my own space and doing whatever I like, whenever I want and with whomever I want.”
If she replies to his text or answers his call, she might then say something like, “I’m sorry, but I don’t want to get back together. Being apart for such a long time has made me realize that I really enjoy being single. Maybe some time in the future I will want to be in a relationship, but right now, I’m really happy on my own. So, I wish you all the best. I’m sure you will find the right girl for you, but that girl is not me. You and I had our chance, but that has passed now. Please don’t contact me anymore. I have moved on and I don’t want to be talking to you again. Goodbye.”
As a result, the guy has not only decreased his chances of getting her back, but he’s also wasted 30 to 60 days of his life, where he was thinking about her all the time, hoping that No Contact was working and stressing out about the first text he would send her, or what he would say on the phone.
In the end, the NC rule didn’t work for him, just like it doesn’t for most guys.
Another reason why No Contact usually makes it harder to get your ex back is…
4. She seeks to get revenge on you for trying to hurt her by cutting off contact, so she goes ahead and hooks up with new guys
When a woman breaks up with a guy, she doesn’t always believe that it will be the final break up.
In many cases, she is secretly open to getting back with him if he just approaches the ex back process correctly (i.e. re-attracts her, seduces her, has sex and then doesn’t push for a relationship).
So, when a guy uses the NC rule on a woman like that, she will feel annoyed that he is trying to mess with her head by not contacting her.
She will assume that he knows that she is secretly open to getting back with him and he’s just trying to make her come crawling back by not contacting her.
Yet, rather than come crawling back, she begins to think, “Who does he think he is? Does he believe that I’m just going to sit here pining for him and waiting for him to come back, or that I’m going to come running back to him? Well, he’s in for a big surprise! I’m not desperate! I’m can easily get another guy if I want to.”
She will then…
- Go to clubs, bars or parties with her single friends with the clear intention of meeting and hooking up with other guys sexually.
- Say, “Yes” to the guys at work or university who have been hoping to get a date or have sex with her.
- Get on an online dating site or use a dating app to line up dates and start having sex.
Then, when her ex finally gets in contact with her (after 30 or 60 days), she can get revenge by saying something like, “Why are you calling me after all this time? Did you honestly think I would be sitting here waiting around for you? Well, you are mistaken. These last few months have been the best months of my entire life. I’ve met so many great guys and had the best fun with them. The guy I’m with now makes me so happy. We went away for the weekend last weekend and basically stayed in bed the whole weekend. It was amazing. Getting rid of you was the best thing that happened to me. I’m happy and living a great life now and I would never want to get back into a boring relationship with you again. So, thanks for contacting me, but don’t ever contact me again. Bye!”
Her ex is then left feeling heartbroken and wondering, “What happened? Why didn’t No Contact work? I thought a guy just had to cut off contact and his ex woman would come crawling back.”
No.
In most cases, No Contact is a technique that works well for women who want to get a man back (i.e. a woman gets dumped, accepts the break up right away, doesn’t contact her man at all and he then contacts her and wants her back, because he can’t believe she just accepted it. He wants to seduce again to prove to himself that she wants him and needs him. Therefore, the woman gets her man back).
However, the No Contact Rule doesn’t work the same way for men who want to get a woman back (i.e. a man gets dumped by a woman who is no longer attracted to him or in love with him, he cuts off contact and waits. He keeps waiting. Nothing. He eventually contacts her and she has either moved on, blocked him or asks him to leave her alone and never contact her again).
Another reason why No Contact usually makes it harder to get your ex back is…
5. She sees your lack of effort to get her back as meaning that you didn’t really care about her at all and were just using her
If a woman still has some feelings for her ex and is secretly hoping that he tries to get her back, cutting off communication with her will usually end up helping her to get over him and begin moving on.
Here’s why…
Imagine that a woman is sitting at home alone after a break up and thinking about her ex.
“I’m disappointed that we broke up. I honestly thought we had something special, but I guess we just had too many problems and couldn’t work it out. I do miss him, but I’m not going to tell him that. If he wants me back, he is going to have to show me that he cares by contacting me, making me feel good to be hearing from him and then taking it from there. If he doesn’t have the courage or the know-how to do that, then I’m just going to move on.”
She then waits for days, weeks and in some cases, even months for her ex to get in touch with her.
Of course, he doesn’t contact her during that time because he’s using the No Contact Rule and hoping that it makes her come crawling back to him.
She then begins to wonder, “Why is he ignoring me? Doesn’t he care about me? Did I mean anything to him, or was he just with me so he would be lonely or so he could show his friends, family or coworkers that he had a girlfriend? I thought he’d at least call me to check if I was okay. I guess I’ve been a fool by sitting around and missing him like this. I guess I was silly to think that we could things out. Well, I’ve learned my lesson and I’m not going to spend another minute sitting around crying over spilled milk and hoping that he will call me. It’s over. I’m moving on and I’m not going to shed another tear for that jerk! There are plenty of guys who are interested in getting a chance with me and I’m going to start opening myself up to them. Come to think of it now, this is actually going to be fun!”
She then uses the anger she feels towards her ex to push her to flirt, hook up with and start dating a new guy.
Then, when her ex finally contacts her, he is shocked to find out that No Contact didn’t work on her.
Another reason why No Contact sometimes makes it harder to for a guy to get his ex woman back is that…
6. She has no evidence to see that you can make her feel differently now. So, she holds onto her negative memories, remembers exactly why she broke up with you and believes that she has made the right decision
Some guys hope that cutting off contact will make a woman forget how badly he stuffed up and she will then want him back.
Yes, that can work if the woman can’t find a replacement guy, is very young and inexperienced and can’t handle the pain of a break up, or if she really does still love her ex and want him back.
Yet, in pretty much every other case, a woman will clearly remember why she had to dump her ex and will believe that she has made the right decision, UNLESS he contacts her, re-attracts her and seduces her back into a relationship.
If he doesn’t contact her and make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him, then she simply has no evidence to suggest that he would be able to do that.
So, she holds onto her negative memories of him and moves on.
By the way…
When a woman goes through a break up, she usually searches Google and Youtube, just like you have been doing.
So, just like your ex, pretty much every modern woman who has gone through a break up knows about the No Contact Rule.
It’s a good technique for women to use on men, because men usually can’t deal with the fact that the woman they have dumped isn’t trying to get them back, so the man contacts her and tries to get her back to prove to himself that he still has that power over him.
Yet, women don’t do the same thing when they dump a man.
When a woman dumps a man, she usually doesn’t want him back and doesn’t need to prove to herself that she can get him back (by seducing him and having sex with him).
She knows that he wants her back and she uses that knowledge to happily move on without him.
If she doesn’t hear from her ex, she may think something like, “I know he wants me back. I bet he’s using that lame No Contact rule to hopefully trick me into thinking that he doesn’t want me back. I know that nothing has changed about him. So, I’m better off forgetting about him and moving on with my life.”
She then focuses on fully getting over him and moving on.
If he contacts her, she then either ignores him, tells him to leave her alone or pretends to be a little interested initially, to let him show that he still wants her back.
Once she confirms that he’s trying to get her back, she then knows that he was using the NC rule and loses even more respect for him as a result.
Where Guys Go Wrong When Using No Contact With an Ex
Here are some classic mistakes that guys make when trying to use the NC rule on a woman who has dumped them…
1. Thinking that the No Contact Rule applies to all break ups and all women
It doesn’t.
Watch this…
It would be nice if all you had to do was cut off contact and the woman who dumped you would then want you back, but it just doesn’t work that way in almost all ex back cases.
In fact, by the time a break up happens, most women are fed up with their guy and are thinking things like, “I never want to see him again!”
So, when a guy then uses No Contact to hopefully make her come running back, she just uses the space to peacefully move on without having to worry about being seduced back into a relationship with him.
Of course, the NC rule can work on some women, but you have to understand that it doesn’t work on most women.
If you have been using No Contact and it hasn’t been working, it’s probably not going to work if you wait even longer.
Yes, you might eventually get a message from her, or she might reply to you if you message her in a few weeks or months, but that doesn’t mean you get her back.
All you get is a message.
In most cases, a woman will message her ex simply to confirm for herself that he still wants her back.
When she finds that out, she then gets back on with enjoying her life, knowing that he’s still yearning for her, while she is enjoying sex, love and relationships with new men.
Another common mistake that guys make when using No Contact is…
2. Not improving his ability to re-attract her
One of the main reasons why a woman will break up with a guy is because something about his behavior, attitude or actions has made her lose respect and attraction for him.
In many cases, a woman will be open to getting back with a guy if he quickly improves and is able to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him and then seduce her back into a relationship via kissing and sex.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t do that though and just wait around during the ‘No Contact Period’ for the time to pass, so he can then text her or call her.
So, after 30 or 60 days, a guy will contact his ex woman in the hope that she will want him back because she’s missed him during the No Contact Period.
Instead, she senses that he hasn’t changed, doesn’t feel a spark of attraction and then says something along the lines of, “Sorry, but I hadn’t heard from you in such a long time that I moved on. I’m over you now and I’m not interested in getting back together again. So, please don’t contact me again,” to get rid of him.
So, if you are going to cut off contact with your woman, make sure that you use that time to prepare yourself to properly re-attract her the next time you talk to her.
As mentioned earlier, I don’t recommend that you cut off contact for more than a week.
A week (and less in many cases) is enough time to prove the point that you’re not being needy, desperate and chasing her down.
Once you have given her a little bit of space, contact her, re-attract her, seduce her and get her back into a relationship.
Another common mistake that guys make when using No Contact is…
3. Improving things about himself that she really won’t care much about when he tells her or shows her
For example: A guy might think, “Maybe if I get a style makeover and go to the gym and build some muscle, she will feel attracted to me again and want me back. I will use the No Contact Period to improve myself physically, so she sees that I’m much more attractive now.”
He then puts in a lot of effort to change his physical appearance, but she doesn’t care.
Why?
She broke up with him because she wasn’t emotionally attracted to him anymore (e.g. he was too insecure, gave her too much power when talking to her, wasn’t manly enough in his behavior, didn’t flirt with her and create a sexual dynamic between him and her and instead, treated her more like a friend or one of the boys).
So, make sure that you’re aware of what really turned her off about you, so you can use the time apart to improve those things.
Improve those things, but don’t then go and say, “Hey, I’ve improved those things. Can you give me another chance with you?”
That approach doesn’t work.
You’ve got to improve the things that you need to improve and then interact with her and let her sense and experience the changes for herself.
Don’t try to sell yourself to her and hope that she gives you another chance.
Make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, so she wants to give you another chance because she feels drawn to you again.
That way, you won’t encounter as much resistance as you get her back.
She will get back with you because she wants you, rather than having to continually reject you while you try to convince her to give you another chance by explaining that you’ve changed.
Another common mistake that guys make when using No Contact is…
4. Not knowing that there is an easier, quicker way to get her back
Sometimes a guy doesn’t know that there is a much quicker and easier way to get an ex woman back, so he uses the No Contact Rule in the hope that it will work.
Then, when he gets in touch with his ex after 30 or 60 days, he is shocked to discover that she’s over him, has moved on and is possibly even in love with a new guy.
Here’s the thing…
Yes, you can use No Contact with your ex to try and get her back, and yes, it can work in some cases.
Yet, it just doesn’t work on most women.
So, why waste time sitting around and waiting for 30 or 60 days when you could be hugging, kissing, having sex and be in a relationship with her this week?
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