6 possible reasons why:
1. She doesn’t feel like she has to
Sometimes, a woman will walk away from a relationship feeling confident that she has made the right decision.
From her perspective, it’s over and there’s nothing left to talk about.
Of course, the guy she just dumped might not see it that way.
Instead, he may be struggling to come to terms with what happened and from his point of view, there are so many questions he wants answers to before he can even think about letting go or moving on.
As a result, it can cause him to behave in unattractive ways, which only push her away even more.
For example: He might…
- Constantly text, call or message her on social media and ask that she give him some closure.
- Show up unexpectedly at her place of work or home, to try to talk to her about what happened.
- Beg and plead with her to give him some answers.
- Write her a long email, or series of messages to convey how he feels, ask her a bunch of questions and request that she stops being so selfish or cold towards him.
In most cases, it then causes the woman to pull away from him even more.
He might then ask himself, “Why won’t my ex give me closure? What is her problem? What is she hiding? Why won’t she do it for me? What is going on?”
From her perspective, the answer to the question of why she won’t give him closure is pretty simple: She doesn’t have to.
She’s already made her decision, broken up with him and is now focused on moving on without him.
Additionally, she feels as though she’s not actually responsible for her ex’s emotional well-being.
She is single now and he is not her responsibility, so if he can’t deal with life, then it’s his problem, not hers.
That may sound cruel, but it’s the reality.
You were an individual living your own life before you met her, she was doing the same with her life and when you got together, you were two individuals in a ‘relationship’ with each other.
A relationship isn’t a contract that requires either of you to take care of the other person for life.
A relationship is just a term for the situation where (in this case), a man and a woman are ‘together’ as boyfriend and girlfriend.
In other words, you never really own your girlfriend, or your wife for that matter.
It’s just you and her ‘together’ and that will remain, unless you, her or the both of you changes your mind.
If you, her or the both of you change your mind and no longer want to be ‘together,’ then the relationship can end and neither of you owe the other person anything.
Of course, there’s a terms called decency (Decency (noun): Behavior that conforms to accepted standards of morality or respectability) and from your perspective, she should have the decency to show you the respect to give you some closure.
After all, you and her went through a lot and you probably treated her really well, did a lot for her and so on.
Well, from your perspective, it seems right that she should give you some closure and I personally understand how you feel.
However, in reality, she doesn’t owe you that at all and doesn’t have to give you it if she doesn’t want to.
It’s important for your maturity as a man to accept that.
It’s also important for her level of respect and attraction for you, because women are turned off by men who ‘need’ to be taken care of emotionally by a woman.
Women are attracted to men who are emotionally independent and don’t need a woman’s words or actions to be a certain way, before he can feel confident, worthy and good about himself.
So, if you’re currently waiting and relying on your ex’s words or behavior to make you feel better, you’re going about it all wrong.
You need to say to yourself, “I don’t need closure from her. I’ve gotten closure already based on the fact that she broke up with me. If I want her back, I’ve got to now focus on re-attracting her.”
It’s as simple as that.
You’ve got to focus on what is actually going to work.
If you do what works (i.e. re-attract her and seduce her back into a relationship), then you get her back.
If you don’t (e.g. just text her and hope that something happens, ask for closure, seem sad or lost without her, talk about your feelings, try to get her to pity you), then you simply push her away further.
Another possible reason why your ex won’t give you closure is…
2. She worries that if she talks to you again, she will be seduced back into a relationship
Sometimes a woman will break up with a guy, but still have some feelings for him.
Yet, she also knows that he currently isn’t capable of being the sort of man she really wants and needs (e.g. he’s too immature for her, too emotionally sensitive or not manly enough).
So, rather than settle down into a relationship that doesn’t make her happy, she decides to break up with him and try to move on.
Despite all that, she can still worry that if she opens up to talking to him, he mind be able to change her mind and she will then be seduced back into a relationship with him again.
As a result, she cuts him off and refuses to talk to him and give him the closure he wants.
If you feel as though your ex falls into that category, then getting her back should be pretty easy for you.
Rather than pestering her about closure, you can begin getting her back by focusing on re-attracting her (i.e. displaying the kind of attitude, confidence and behavior she will feel attracted to).
By the way…
If she’s currently not answering your calls, text her this:
“Hey – I know you probably don’t want to talk to me because I’ve been pestering you about giving me closure, but I’m over that now. Sorry about being so silly about all that. I know now that it wasn’t necessary because we have broken up. I accept that we’ve broken up. However, I do want to ask you something quick over the phone. Don’t worry, it’s not serious. I’ll call you in 5 minutes.”
Then, call her 5 minutes later.
If she doesn’t answer, leave it for a day or two and call her again.
If she doesn’t answer, text her this:
“Hey, I tried calling. Maybe you’re busy. No probs. I do want to ask you this quick question. I’ll try calling you again tonight at 6. Again – it’s nothing serious.”
By that stage, she will be curious about what you want to ask her so she may text something along the lines of, “Okay, fine” or, “What do you want to ask me? Just tell me now.”
Regardless of how she responds, don’t text her back.
You must talk to her over the phone, so you can display confidence to spark some attraction and use humor to break down her defenses.
When she feels sparks of attraction and relaxes her guard, she will then begin feeling drawn to you again, which will make her so much more likely to agree to catch up in person and say hi as friends.
Then, when you meet up with her and she notices that you’ve used the time apart from her to truly level up as a man (e.g. you’re so much more confident now, you’re more emotionally masculine, you don’t react in an insecure or emotionally sensitive way anymore), she will automatically start to feel a new kind of respect and attraction for you again, even if she initially tries to stop herself from feeling it.
She will begin to look at you and think something like, “Wow, he’s not like he used to be. I like him a lot more now. It’s actually kind of sexy to see him so confident now. Maybe I should sleep with him and see how I feel afterwards.”
Before you know it, the catch up will lead to a hug and then a kiss and into the bedroom.
So, rather than trying to get ‘closure’ from her, just do what you need to do to get to a meet up and then re-attract her and get her back.
Nothing else matters (if you want her back).
Another possible reason why your ex won’t give you closure is…
3. She knows that nothing about you has really changed, so she doesn’t feel motivated to discuss anything with you
To get a woman back, you need to make her feel differently about you, based on the changes you make to yourself (e.g. you become more confident, you no longer react to her in an emotionally sensitive or insecure way).
Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t realize that, or they don’t seek the help to quickly improve themselves emotionally, so they can then re-attract the woman and get her back.
For example:
If a guy was emotionally unavailable in the relationship and he then pretends that he doesn’t care that she has dumped him (e.g. he uses the No Contact Rule and doesn’t contact her for 30 days), she can take that as a sign that he’s still as emotionally closed off, or emotionally immature as he was before.
If a guy was wimpy and needy in the relationship and he then begs and pleads and behaves in other desperate ways, she will know for sure that he hasn’t changed. If she were to get back with him, it would just be more of the same.
If a guy was too giving, too generous and let her walk all over him in the relationship and then says, “Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it” or, “I’ll change. Just tell me what I need to change and I’ll do it,” she will know that he still doesn’t get what she really wants (i.e. for him to stop being such a pushover).
When he then fails at getting her back, he might reach out to her for closure, which isn’t going to change anything because she knows he’d still make her feel the same way (e.g. turned off, annoyed, unfulfilled).
When she rejects his requests for closure, the guy may end up feeling confused, frustrated and maybe even a little angry at her.
He may think, “Why is she being so stubborn?” or, “Why is she being so selfish?” Why won’t she at least give me some closure so that I can understand what I did wrong?”
Yet, what a guy like that doesn’t realize is that he’s trying to get her back while offering her the same kind of attraction experience that turned her off and lead to the break up.
Nothing has really changed and she knows it.
As a result, she doesn’t feel motivated to help him emotionally by giving him closure; especially since it could possibly lead to him convincing her to give him another chance and her giving into that.
Another possible reason why your ex won’t give you closure is…
4. She sees a guy needing closure as being needy, which turns her off even more
Although a guy may feel as though getting closure is justified or the right thing to do, his ex woman will usually see it as needy and desperate.
As a result, she distances herself from him even more.
Why?
Women are instinctively attracted to the emotional strength in men and turned off by the emotional weakness.
In other words…
If a man is emotionally strong, he’s going to be confident, have high self-esteem, believe in himself and his value as a man and be able to handle whatever life throws at him without flinching (e.g. if he gets broken up with, he’s going to either take action to get his ex back, or get over her, move on and find himself a new woman).
He’s not going to break down, cry, bed, plead or seek pity from his ex woman, to hopefully give him closure.
So, if a man is emotionally weak, he’s going to be insecure, doubt himself and his value to his ex and other women and as a result, he’s going to feel like he really needs her back, or really needs her reassurance (via closure) to make himself feel better again.
It’s not a nice thing to go through for a guy who is emotionally weak, but if he wants his ex woman back, he needs to man up.
He also needs to focus on what is going to work: Re-attraction.
When she feels attracted to him again, she then has a reason to get back with him (i.e. she doesn’t want to regret losing him now).
Women get back with men based on their own reasons.
It’s not because women are selfish.
Instead, it’s because a relationship is about two individuals deciding to be together for their own reasons.
If she doesn’t have any reason to get back with you, then she’s not going to.
So, give her a reason by reawakening her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
In almost all cases, a guy won’t achieve that by asking for closure, or by having a closure conversation.
Instead, he will achieve it by interacting with his ex woman and making her feel attracted to the new and improved version of himself (e.g. he’s so much more confident now, more manly in his behavior, he doesn’t react in an emotionally sensitive or insecure way anymore, he’s able to properly flirt with her now to create sexual tension).
Another possible reason why your ex won’t give you closure is…
5. She doesn’t want to explain where you went wrong and why she decided to break up with you because she fears that you will promise to change those things if she gives you another chance
Maybe that’s not your intention, but a woman does worry about it happening.
Maybe you want closure so you can move on and not make the same mistakes again with another woman, but how can she really be sure of that?
No matter what a guy promises a woman, she knows that he might also have ulterior motives, or use what she says to get her back.
As a result, most women who’ve had some experience with relationships, or who have good instincts when it comes to relationships, will choose not to give an ex closure and just want to continue moving on without him.
Her ex might become frustrated with that approach and say something like “Please tell me why you have broken up with me. After everything we’ve been though together, I at least deserve an explanation? Just give me something to help me understand what I did wrong. Everything was fine and all of a sudden, you just didn’t want to be with me anymore. Please just me what happened, or what I did.”
In his mind, he sees it as completely normal and natural to be asking for an explanation.
Yet, in her mind, she can be thinking things like, “Yeah, whatever. I bet if I tell him what he did wrong, he’s going to start making promises to change and then expect me to give him another chance. What he doesn’t realize is how that would make me feel. I would end up feeing like I’ve got a man who is following my instructions so I don’t dump him. I don’t want that kind of relationship. Alternatively, I will be with a guy who doesn’t really want to be doing the things I’m asking of him, but he does it to stay with me a little longer. Maybe he’ll then end up dumping me when he’s ready. I don’t want to risk that.”
So, when her ex keeps asking her for closure to help him understand what he did wrong, or how he could have made her happy, she remains guarded, closed up and possibly even gets to the point where she rejects him, cuts off contact and possibly blocks his number.
Many women do that so they can have a chance to move on and find a new guy, before their ex gets them back.
Another possible reason why your ex won’t give you closure is…
6. She did something that she feels guilty about and doesn’t want to have to admit it to you
In some cases, a woman will begin moving on from one relationship before ending the other (e.g. she hooked up sexually with someone else, she fell in love with another guy, she kissed a guy).
As a result, she doesn’t want to hurt her ex, or even worse, risk him getting angry and possibly becoming violent towards her by telling him her real reason for the break up.
Alternatively, she doesn’t want him to have an opportunity to call her a slut, a whore or other names and make her feel guilty for cheating on him.
At this point, she doesn’t feel guilty because she has excused herself for cheating prior to the break up, by saying to herself that “it just happened” or, “it was a drunken mistake” or, that she was “no longer in love” with her ex, so she wasn’t committed anymore.
Of course, those aren’t valid reasons for cheating, but if she wants to feel like the good one and maintain her positive self-image, she will hold onto those notions.
If she were to admit what she did to her ex, he could use it against her and cause her to question her self-image and feel bad about her betrayal.
So, rather than putting herself in that position, she refuses to answer his questions and hopes that he eventually gives up and leaves her alone.
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