Will going to the gym and building bigger muscles win your ex back?
Not necessarily.
Here are 5 possible reactions that you might get from your ex, if you spend a lot of time and energy trying to improve your appearance at the gym to look better for her.
1. She hardly even notices the changes, so it doesn’t amaze her and make her want you back
As you may know, it can take months of weightlifting and eating correctly for a man to build up 1-2 centimeters of muscle on his biceps for example.
Imagine if you spend the next two months trying to do that.
What is she going to be doing during those two months?
Is she going to be waiting around for you and not dating or sleeping with new men?
It’s highly unlikely that she will just wait around.
Instead, she’s probably going to be going out on dates and looking for a new man to hook up with, date and fall in love with.
Then, when you finally show up with your new muscles, rather than feeling amazed at how much you’ve changed and then want you back, she’s going to be preoccupied with her growing feelings of love for her new guy, or the fun she’s been having by hooking up with new guys.
As a result, all of your effort and hard work doesn’t get her back because she simply doesn’t care about the improved shape of your body.
So, if really want is to get her back, don’t waste a lot of time doing something she may not even notice.
Instead, use an approach that works (i.e. interact with her, attract her and get her back now, rather than wasting the next 2-3 months trying to get in shape).
When you are ready (some guys need a few days to a week), call her and use humor to bring down her guard and make her happy to be talking to you again.
Then, get her to agree to meet up in person.
At the meetup, build up her sexual and romantic feelings for you until you’re hugging, kissing, having sex and in a relationship again.
That’s what works in getting an ex back.
Another possible reaction from your ex is you go to the gym and improve your body is…
2. She notices, but she doesn’t care
The reason why she doesn’t care is that she has disconnected from her feelings of love, respect and sexual attraction for you.
As a result, anything you do to impress her doesn’t matter to her.
It can also be that for her, emotional attraction is way more important than physical attraction.
So, despite the fact that you look better, you still don’t feel better to her (i.e. because you still seem insecure, unsure of yourself, emotionally dependent on her).
If she doesn’t feel emotionally attracted, she’s simply not going to be interested enough to care about the subtle improvements to the shape of your body.
Instead, she will focus on moving on and finding a new guy, rather than waste time with an ex who likely hasn’t even changed the things about himself that turned her off in the relationship (e.g. his tendency to become emotionally sensitive, his lack of manliness when interacting with her, how he gives her too much power over him during interactions, how he can’t handle her feisty moods).
So, if your ex has told you that she’s over you and doesn’t want you back, you stand a better chance of getting her back if you emotionally re-attract her on a phone call or in person, than by going to the gym and then trying to win her back by being in better shape.
By the way…
Some interesting ways to get her attention and re-spark her feelings for you are:
- Adding more humor and light-heartedness into interactions with her, so she begins to associate you with feelings of happiness and fun.
- Playfully flirting with her, so she feels sexy, desirable and alive in your presence, rather than being neutral like a friend and making her feel bored, switched off and like there’s no spark between you and her. When you flirt with her, she will naturally feel more motivated to touch, kiss and have sex with you again because she knows that it will feel good for her.
- Passing her tests (i.e. when she’s being bitchy, pushing you away or saying she doesn’t want you anymore) by maintaining your confidence no matter what she says or does.
- Making her feel attracted and then giving her a few days of space, so she misses you and worries about you attracting a new woman and leaving her behind.
The more respect and sexual attraction you can make her feel during interactions, the more open she will become to getting back with you.
3. She notices that you are wearing clothes to hopefully show off your improved body, so she looks at you as being insecure
This often happens when a woman has broken up with a guy due to him being too insecure.
As a result, when she sees that he’s wearing tighter clothes to show her that he’s been going to the gym, rather than think, “Wow, he’s really transformed himself. I love his new look. He looks so sexy. Maybe I should give him another chance. It would be cool to show him off to my friends now that he looks so hot,” she sees it as a desperate attempt to impress her.
His new muscles don’t disguise the fact that he’s still the same insecure guy underneath all the outside changes.
He’s changed the outside, but he’s still looking for her approval and acceptance to feel good about himself.
He’s still just as insecure as before, so she then feels even more determined to move on and find a new, more confident man to be with.
So, if you are serious about getting your ex back, you have to spark her feelings of attraction for you again, by showing her that you’ve changed the things that matter to her (e.g. you’re more confident, more manly), rather than offering her things she doesn’t care about (e.g. a more muscular body).
When you do that, she feels drawn to you and from there you can build on that spark of attraction and get her back.
4. She likes what she sees, but pretends not to like it to see if you become insecure
Although your ex might be impressed with your new muscles, it’s not the main thing that’s going to make her change her mind.
Instead, one of the most important qualities that a woman looks for in a man is his ability to stay confident and emotionally strong regardless of what other people say or do to make him feel insecure.
So, before your ex decides if you’re worth a second chance, she might decide to test you first to see if you have the kind of confidence and emotional strength she wants in a man.
This is especially true if one of the reasons she broke up with you in the first place was because you were too insecure about yourself, which caused you to be needy and clingy towards her.
So, to make sure that he’s changed, she might pretend that she doesn’t like what she sees (e.g. she says, “Eeeew! You look so lumpy. It doesn’t suit you at all!”) to gauge your reaction.
For example:
- Do you become insecure and start doubting your attractiveness to her or do you remain confident and emotionally strong?
- Do you get upset, or do you laugh at her in a loving way?
- Do you panic and hand over your power to her by asking her what she wants you to change, or do you remain calm and in control and tell her that it doesn’t matter what she thinks because you like your new look and that’s all that counts?
- Do you suddenly appear rejected and unsure of yourself, or do you confidently laugh at her and say something like, “I’m so sexy now. You love it” in a playful, but confident way.
If you maintain his confidence with her regardless of what she says or does to make you feel uncertain, she will naturally start to feel respect for you again.
When she respects you, she also starts to feel sexually attracted to you and then she will naturally want to get back together again, because it feels right to her to do so.
5. She likes the improvements, feels some attraction, but not enough to make her want you back
Your ex might really like your new appearance and even compliment you by saying, “Wow, you look great! The changes really suit you.”
Yet, at the end of the day, the main thing that’s going to motivate her to want to be your girl again is how you make her feel when she’s with you.
In other words, if she interacts with you and she notices that you’re still thinking, acting and behaving in the same ways you did before you and her broke up, no amount of muscles are going to convince her to give you another chance.
So, if you decide to go to the gym, go ahead and do so because you want to and because it will make you feel healthier and better about yourself.
On the other hand, if you want to impress your ex, a better approach is to prepare yourself, so that you can give her the attraction experience she really wants.
For example: Some of the things that will impress a woman about her ex are…
- He’s less insecure and unsure of himself now, so he won’t feel the need to be clingy and needy with her anymore.
- He’s more emotionally masculine now, so he’s not afraid to be playful and flirtatious with her and make her feel sparks of sexual attraction, rather than treating her like a neutral friend.
- He’s more emotionally independent, so he doesn’t need her support and guidance to feel good about himself anymore.
- He’s more emotionally strong now, which means that he stands up to her rather than allow her to dominate him with her confident personality like she used to.
When your ex can experience those kinds of changes in you, it will convince her to give you another chance a lot faster, than going to the gym and changing your appearance will.
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