Is She Hitting on You or Just Being Friendly?

• Phomolo

  Yo Dan,
  first let me say thank you and you are a legend, i just love your stuff.

  I’m phomolo, i hail from South Africa in the limpopo province, in a village called hwelereng.

  Anyway i have this gals i have been macking on at school,
  the thing is most of them are married(it’s like our culture so dont get suprised).
  But they are sending me IOI’s and when i approach they tell me they have bf’s or are married(wtf!).

  So should i give up on them.(ignore their signals)
  Or should i break families by acting on my feelings?

  BTW: i am excelent in NLP.(IN SCHOOL THEY CALL ME THE MENTALIST) . I can hypnotise….

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Phomolo

    Thanks for your message and positive feedback mate. I’m glad I’ve been able to help you out.

    About acting on your feelings and hooking up with the married girls or girls who already have a boyfriend: No, I think you should be more of a man than that. While I understand that it might be someone else’s culture to steal another man’s wife (I’ve seen documentaries about some parts of Africa where stealing the wife is the normal thing to do. Some guys steal up to 10 wives for themselves in a lifetime and take them to a new village to live with them. However, I don’t think that’s the case in your area of South Africa), I just don’t like helping out with cheating/stealing. I would recommend that you use their signs of interest in you to build your confidence, so that you can confidently talk to other girls who are single. Sure all the girls at school aren’t already married! Right?

    BTW: You don’t need to hypnotize women to attract them, nor do you need to use any other trick. You just have to be more of a man that the other guys that she meets. Most guys at your school would behave like boys, but you probably would have noticed that the guys who behave like men (i.e. masculine, alpha, confident) are the ones that all the hot girls lust after. Those guys don’t need to use any tricks on girls to get them to like them, they are just being the alpha male that all women want naturally.

    Cheers
    Dan

    P.S. I hope to hear about your success hooking up with single women. Make it happen!

    • Tim

      Hey Dan

      I’m new to your stuff and have just started with your products which I find very interesting and I know this will help me greatly in the future:) However I do have to ask your opinion on something?

      I’m an ok looking guy but never had much game or smoothness when it came to expressing that I like a girl. On more then one occasion I miss read signals and the girl turned very sour. Her response was that of a coquette and at times almost seemed vindictive. She would start flurting with other guys and laughing at there jokes right in front of me while checking out to see that I was watching.

      It almost seemed like she was purposely trying to punish me or make me feel bad. Her looks at me were mean and intimidating. I carried on as though nothing had happened and acted normal but she always seemed to act this out every time I was around. Even though I was acting normal she was always trying to get what seemed to be a rise out of me, make me jealous, “you will never have me ha ha ha”.

      What I’m trying to say is what would you do if a girl did this to you and you already got the message but she was acting this way every time you were around. I found that ignoring it seems to work best and to just let them live in there own little world but it didn’t stop them. How can something so innocent as miss reading signals to a girl who did like you to begin with turn so vindictive and sour?

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Tim

      Thanks for your question and welcome to The Modern Man.

      About your question: A woman won’t turn sour and treat you in a mean way if you misread her signals. What’s happening is that you’ve encountered some women (and likely some people in your life) who have treated you that way, in response to you behaving like a lower ranking male. Read: The Consequences of Not Being an Alpha Male.

      Not all people will treat you badly if you’re a lower-ranking male, but people like the women you mention will. Why? The woman is insecure and needs to make guys feel that way so she can temporarily feel like a valuable woman. When you learn how to think and behave like an alpha male, women like that will instead respect you and try to get your approval. In those situations, you were trying to get her to approve of you and she noticed that. She then took advantage of your weakness to make herself feel temporarily confident in the situation she found herself in. Insecure people will do those sorts of things.

      Cheers
      Dan

    • Tim

      Hey Dan

      I’v been using the stuff that I have purchased from you guys and I already see changes:) Using the Flow, Consequences of not being alpha male, conversation starters and how to get a girlfriend.

      here is my dilemma……I work part time as a restaurant/bar delivery driver were A LOT of girls work and a lot of men flurt with them on a regular bases. there is actually 1 girl that seems to be very interested in me but chatting with the guys, I now that other co workers have crushes on her as well. There is attraction with this girl and we have flurted with each other on many occasions but I notice that she is a certain way around all the guys that seem to show interest in her. This is were the dilemma comes in.

      I over heard one of the cooks trying to ask her out just as I was leaving and she awkwardly smiled at him and walked away from him with a one liner. Right away I noticed she glanced over at me with this look of panic on her face because she knew I over heard:)I was curious by this but also a bit confused. She has since always started talking to me first and acting koi….it’s like she wants me to come after her but I don’t know how to do it because she is used to men coming on to her and even though she takes on a shy persona……she has a little bit of coquette in her.

      I remember Stu talking about waitresses, bar tenders and strippers persona and at times it seems like I’m swimming with sharks as all the girls I work with are kinda like this. So far I’m just playing it cool and acting like it doesn’t bother me which it really doesn’t. I know that this is just the beginning and I have a lot to learn but your stuff is working pretty good so far:)

      what are your thoughts on this situation as it seems hard to distinguish the difference between genuine attraction as to the persona that these girls use all the time in their current environment which is loaded with alcohol and men. It’s like being bake in high school:)and we are all in our twenties lol

      later:)

    • Dan Bacon

      Hey Tim

      Thanks for your question.

      Nothing that you’ve said changes the fact that you need to go to Step 4 of The Flow. At the end of the day, that step is all that matters. Additionally, I would recommend you do what I call a “Half Date”: http://www.themodernman.com/secret_weapon_first_dates.html

      Cheers
      Dan

    • Tim

      getting better with the use of your products but I have a situation that has completely stumped me.
      There’s this girl that I have known for over a year now who has shown me interest where the signals are UNMISTAKABLE such as poking me in the ass, touching my shoulder, holding my gaze and even saying comments like ” well if you marry somebody my age It wouldn’t be so bad”…..I put myself out of the friend zone because she never comes to me with her problems and never gives me the dreaded friend hug although I do know a small amount of her personal life.
      However I noticed she acts a certain way around guy’s and I realized that I wasn’t as special as I thought I was. However she would turn on the hardcore flirting and then act all cutesy with me like a friend would saying” if you do that you and I are not friends anymore”? then switch back to flirting.
      All this came to head when she invited to a party one night and when she got drunk an alpha male swooped in and she was sitting on his lap at the end of the night and a few days later in conversation this was not something that could be talked about. We all know what that means:) sucks cause I’m morphing into an alpha male myself:)

      She seems to be a combination of all three examples plus some other stuff as well.

      I should probably mention that she got out of an emotionally abusive relationship two months ago but was flirting with me the whole time while in it.

      I feel used and emotionally violated. Is this just a damaged girl wanting to feel desired by men or does she know what she’s doing? She still acts super friendly and in my face as wanting to know what I’m doing and where I have been after the everything that has happened to which I have backed off but remain calm and neutral now. Did I dodge a bullet………should I just back off and move on……….I say yes. I can’t help but feel I escaped a spiders web:)

    • Dan Bacon

      Hey Tim

      This is your problem, “I feel used and emotionally violated.”

      That’s something a girl or a needy, wimpy guy would say. An alpha male simply laughs (in a loving way) at the radically changing mood and behavior of women because he expects that from them. Don’t expect women to guide you through the process of escalating from a conversation to a kiss and sex.

      As you saw with your own eyes, an alpha male just swooped in, got her sitting on his lap and then had sex with her that night. What have you been doing? Talking to her…flirting…talking…flirting…talking…flirting…boring!

      If you build up sexual tension, don’t expect women to jump all over you and make the first move. You have to make a move and lead the way in most cases with women. Build up the sexual tension and then release it with kissing and sex. Don’t build up the sexual tension and let another guy come in and capitalize on the mood you’ve gotten her into.

      BTW: Just searched you up in our customer database. It seems you have purchased Better Than a Bad Boy. The best programs for you right now would be The Flow and Dating Power because you need to get educated on how to properly escalate from a conversation to kiss and sex. Better Than a Bad Boy is about being the sort of man that women find attractive, whereas Dating Power and The Flow include 100s of techniques and ways to escalate to sex or dating a woman.

      Cheers
      Dan

• Charles

  I love this girl and I made that mistake of letting her know. She is in a distance relationship and is almost all the time around me.She confessed to me at a point when her relationship was going sour she contemplated dating me but now things are entirely different. She still gives me that attention though but seem to be withdrawing gradually.What should I do cos I really want that girl as my wife?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Charles

    Thanks for your question.

    Man, you are making mistake after mistake with this girl. Let’s have a look at a couple:

    1. Telling a woman that you love her, before she is even attracted to you. That is not how it works. Watch this: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/question-and-answer-video-series-part-8.html Obviously, you know that you made a mistake there, but do you know what to do instead so she falls in love with you and says it to you? If not, read The Flow and learn.

    2. You want her as your wife? Charles, she doesn’t even fully like you. You are doing what these type of guys do http://www.themodernman.com/dating/how-to-get-lucky-with-women.html …if you do manage to get married to her, you will have a high chance of hearing, “I want a divorce” soon after, because you don’t even know how to make a woman feel more attracted to you than you are to her. You’re trying to convince her to choose you by the sound of it.

    The fact is, modern women don’t settle for a crappy relationship anymore. Women in the past had to “put up with” their husbands because it was shameful to get divorced, but now society (not that I agree with it) is fine with divorce and sees it as normal. You are asking for trouble if you are going to try to beg your way into a relationship with her. You HAVE TO get her falling madly in love with you and feeling intense attraction AND you have to maintain that. Otherwise, modern women simply do not stand for it – they move on. If you’re going to try to play the, “I love you, please choose me” game, you will be sadly disappointed. Women withhold sex when in a relationship with a man like that, they disrespect him and they remain wide open to offers from other men who will make THEM feel intense attraction and love. WOMEN want to be in your position Charles…THEY want to be feeling what you’re feeling.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Raymond

  Hi Dan,
  i am an employee at an engineering college and like to have relationships with a students and she is behaving exactly as you mentioned above in the “the innocent girl flirt”.
  Some times she give cute smile or looking at me when m busy somewhere and sometimes she behaves like “there’s nothing like that”.
  I have’nt had a chat with her regarding this as all the time she is along with her other female friends.

  Kindly give me some guidance, from where i should start?

  Thanks

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Raymond

    Thanks for your question.

    It sounds like she is playing with you. She sounds like more of the “Starved For Attention Flirt.” The thing is, most guys don’t know what women do when they masturbate. Unlike men, who look at visual imagery, women close their eyes and IMAGINE sexual fantasies playing out before them. In most cases, a woman will masturbate over “naughty” things like being taken advantage of, slightly against her will. For instance, this girl has likely masturbated over you asking her to help you out in the storeroom/stockroom/supply room, etc and then you slowly seduce her, she says, “Oh, no, we shouldn’t be doing this” but excitedly goes along with anyway. Next thing you know, she’s on her knees and “taking care of you.”

    Anyway, so this girl sounds like she just likes playing with the tension between you and her. If she is of legal age and the college is fine with you having a relationship with her, then by all means – make something happen. However, as a general rule, you should avoid picking up women in your work environment until you are very skilled at it. If you’re a newbie, you’re going to make a lot of mistakes and will have a high chance of her behaving badly/causing trouble for you when you break up. However, if you’re good with women (i.e. like I explain Better Than a Bad Boy), she’ll still be totally respectful of you after a break up.

    Where should you start? With this: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/the-kissing-drug.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• Ñwike

  Dan, I commend you dearly for the skillful assistance you render to your fellow male folk. I have benefited a lot even though, I am yet to lay my hand on your product due to financial restraints.”The “Innocent” Girl Flirt” – sincerely, while reading that article, it was as if you were directly talking to me. My lady stopped responding to me sexually even, innocently. And the confusing thing on it is that, each time we come across each other, she will gladly exchange pleasantries with me with a promise to see me later in the day only for me to wait all in vain. I had dug deep to be sure I am not under the unfair influence of infatuation. I love her so much. Your kind advice on maturely handling the development will be deeply appreciated. Thanks in advance – Pascal N.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Ñwike

    Thanks for your question and positive feedback.

    However, the reason she isn’t chasing you and is pulling back now is very clear. You revealed it by saying this, “she will gladly exchange pleasantries with me with a promise to see me later in the day only for me to wait all in vain.” Ñwike – it needs to be other way around. Women want to be in YOUR position, where they are waiting for YOU in vain. She wants to feel lucky to be spending time with YOU, not the other way around.

    There’s a lot you need to learn Ñwike. When you can afford it, read The Flow and get educated. Otherwise, women will continue to mess you around like that and you’ll only end up broken-hearted most of the time, unless you get lucky. However, getting lucky isn’t the answer to success with women. Read this: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/how-to-get-lucky-with-women.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• alex

  Hey Dan I was wondering if I can get some advice on a girl I guess you you can say I been crushing on. Its been eating away at me since normally I’m the 1 giving friends advice. I’m not a newbie when it comes to wome but not a complete pro. I’ve been out if the game for a few years being in a relationship n all even though some girls tried to persue a relationship with me I ignored it choosing to remain faithful to my now ex gf.but even since our relationship has been over for months now I wasn’t exactly looking for another relationship. I recently have turned all my attention to a girl who works at the gym I work out at. I approached her a few times when. I would see her and make a small comment or tell her a joke here in there and she well would go along with it or joke back but the last few times I’ve approached her she’s been the one starting off our convos And or asking about me funny thing is that we don’t know each others names we just joked around whenever we saw eachother so I decided to ask her next time I saw her. Sure enough I saw her the next time I went to the gym but this time she came up to me and asked first after we kinda joked flirtaciously joked with each other. She was leaving since she was off when I asked her if she was leaving she said “yeah I’m off, you shoulda came earlier” smiled and left..what should be my next step? I know its not the. “Customer service nice” considering the Whole staff are stuck up bitches well all but a couple of the girls. I’d appreciate some guidance thanks.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Alex

    Thanks for your comment.

    Everything sounds fine with this situation, except you’re not moving it forward. I’d recommend you do what I call a “Half Date.” Read about it here: http://www.themodernman.com/secret_weapon_first_dates.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• Andrew Gray

  Hey Dan,
  This stuff really works.

  Here’s the details of my first success: so I rock up to the Christmas party of an adult language class a bit late because I’ve missed the address and parked 1.5km from the restaurant and just walked back.
  Place is packed, no seats. I ask an one girl if the last seat in the place is free. Talk to her for 5 min.
  To get everyone’s attention at the table (1 other guy and 8 girls) and set the tone: “I have an admission to make”. One of the girls says “Alright, everyone listen up, admission coming up”
  I say: “I mucked up the address and parked ages away” (honesty approach).
  This seems to have earned me a table wide introduction.
  The DD brunette in the red dress is the best, she gives me a big smile when she’s introduced. mental note: come back to you later.
  Talk to a couple of others (mid 40s?) for 20 minutes. connect with them, probably no attraction, ask them lots of questions showing genuine interest. Leave that conversation and have a quick chat with girl from my class, who I’m not interested in picking up but helps me look like the cool social guy.
  Come back to my table: time to do the brunette in the red dress. I thought she was introduced as the teacher, so I wait for a break in all the back and forth banter and lean over tap her arm and say: “so you teach this rabble do you?” with a smile
  She’s not a teacher, she’s a masseur. It’s loud so I switch seats & go sit next to her.
  Engaging conversation, almost straight away she flashes me this sassy smirk with a tilt of her head and little shuffle of the shoulders. Playful little DD minx! I chat to her on and off for 45 minutes, with a little light touching. Try and maintain eye contact. Hard. Did she catch me? Don’t care. Talking to other people as well. She & I connect on a couple of things. She’s a very sassy woman. I think I’ve sparked attraction.
  I slip into the conversation, leaning back, taking her in, “that’s a great red dress”, with a smile. She says “thank you” with a smile.
  Bit later on, talking about her massage job, she’s tells me she “doesn’t do Reiki, not sporty enough, I just give you a bash”
  So I say “…oh ok, one of those…maybe you can give me a bash sometime” with another smile. She smiles in return.
  She’s being quite friendly…I think I’ve sparked attraction, and made a connection through a common experience. She said her place was near my car so I’m planning on asking her at the end of the night to walk her back home past my car…would be a great opportunity to ask her for her phone number.
  I’m cruisin around talking to a few other girls. no pressure.
  Brunette’s not quite as engaged as she was 10 minutes ago: “so have you seen any good movies lately?”
  “not really”, she says
  “Ok, seen any bad movies lately?”
  “I watched the last Batman with my boyfriend”
  “Ok…cool”. **bugger**

  Despite this we keep chatting. I’m not going to stop being friendly just because she has a boyfriend. We’re just talking.

  Is this boyfriend real or just a lie? Women do lie about this stuff to put guys off. Later as she walks out I excuse myself from a conversation and follow her out the door.
  “Walking home?, wanna join me back to my car?”
  “No, I’ve got a lift”
  “Sure, it was great talking with you”
  “You too”
  …Well bugger this…what now?
  So I wait till she’s left and go back into the place and ask one of the girls if I heard her say that she lived near me. “Yes” so I offered her a lift.
  Two other girls join us. The one from my class just wanted people to walk her to her car. The other wanted a lift to a train station. So as a group we all walk back to her car. Chatting as we go.
  We all get into the her car and she drives us back to my car. I drive the second girl to Parliament and the last one home near my place.
  We are all having coffee in 2 weeks after class.
  …I’m still thinking about the DD brunette in the red dress. Does she really have a boyfriend? Did I really spark attraction or is it just wishful thinking on my part?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Andrew

    Wow!

    If the guys reading along with the comments knew how NEW you were at all this and the painful breakup experience you’ve been going through, they would be equally amazed at how well you did. Congratulations!!! I am really impressed with what you have done since JUST learning our advice. You have done the most important thing of all: You have USED the advice.

    Sure, you’ve made some mistakes here and there, but that is all part of learning and transforming into a better man from your experiences. Okay, so here is some feedback and answers to your questions:

    1. Does she really have a boyfriend? Yes, she probably does. My beautiful girlfriend works as a hairdresser. She is friendly with all clients who come in and hey – she probably feels attraction for a lot of guys who come in to the salon, but when they get to a certain level, she lets them know that she has a boyfriend. Now, does that mean the guy is a failure, a loser? No, it just means he’s been speaking to a woman who already has a boyfriend. No problem at all. Talk to another girl.

    However, in the case of the masseuse, it does sound like she was flirting with you SEXUALLY. Hats off to you for already having the presence of mind and awareness to notice her signals of interest. Sounds like you’ve been paying attention when learning from our programs. Good on you. So, since she was SEXUALLY flirting with you, it means that she does feel some level of sexual attraction for you. Her current boyfriend may just be a casual lover, but those details are not often blurted out immediately by a woman. I recommend you stop trying to set something up with her and instead get her trying to set something up with you. Continue being the cool, confident social guy at the class and watch her become drawn to you. Now, of course, if she has a serious boyfriend (rather than just a guy she is sleeping with, but doesn’t really love or want to stay with), I’d recommend you steer clear and do the right thing. Some guys like to steal women away from their boyfriends, but that is something I don’t do. It’s up to you what you decide to do.

    2. Flirting with her: Andrew, you are either a REALLY FAST LEARNER or you are a bit of a natural at this and didn’t know it. You have two great examples of flirting with her in the exchange above and I’m sure there were more. What you’ve done is pretty high level stuff.

    3. Did you spark attraction? Yes, of course. In addition to the flirting, social proof (from everyone else being cool with you, talking to you, etc), a woman will also AUTOMATICALLY feel attraction for you because of your confidence. Women cannot help feeling attraction for a guy’s confidence. A comparison is how we cannot help but look and feel attraction when we see a woman with nice cleavage. No matter where we are, what the situation is, etc, we will look at her cleavage and love it. Women feel the same way about confidence – they are drawn to it.

    Additionally, she would NOT continually flirt in a sexual way like she did with you, if she was talking to a guy who creeped her out or did not make her feel attraction. She would shut down with a guy like that and only give him minimal conversation, avoid eye contact, etc.

    What you need to do from here…

    Continue going through the Confidence Building System that we teach in Dating Power. If you do, you will be reporting back to me in a month or so telling about how you’ve had sex with a new woman, kissed another, gotten a phone number, etc. Make sure you follow the steps in that system; we tested it out for YEARS on ourselves and then for YEARS with clients to see that it worked for every guy, before we decided to record it and release it in Dating Power.

    I cannot emphasise the importance of following that system properly. I also explain it in a new way in Coaching Call Breakthroughs, so (since I know you have that program too), make sure you watch it and get 100% clear on how to use it to full effect.

    Looking forward to hearing about your success!

    Cheers
    Dan

    • Andrew

      Thanks Dan,

      Me a natural?

      Everyone already had the connection of the language class: We were all there for the Christmas party. If we didn’t have that I probably wouldn’t approached or if I did, I would have crashed & burned.

      Making a good first impression on a totally new girl is the big challenge.

      The issue with the brunette in the red dress is she is level 6 and I’m level 2. Level 6 is on Tues mornings, level 2 on Saturday mornings…so I’m not sure how or if I’ll ever see her again. The only one of the four in the story in my class is the one I’m not interested in.

      I think where I’ve been getting stuck all these years is having no idea how to escalate to kissing and sex. (My ex was the first person I was ever able to do it with.)

      All my life I was looking for the one so maybe I’ve been expecting too much. I’ve been all about marriage, rather than casual sex. I haven’t had the confidence for that. To find my soulmate who will never desert me is the promised land where I can finally relax.

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Andrew

      Simple. Use the escalation techniques provided in Dating Power. It’s all laid out in black and white. All the escalation techniques are rejection-proof.

      Waiting for your escalation success story…

      Cheers
      Dan

      P.S. About not being used to making a good first impression on new women: Of course! You are only getting back into meeting women after breaking up with your ex. You’ve got to get some experience using the techniques and it will soon be as simple as toasting bread in the toaster. Actually, it really is even easier than that…seriously. You’ll see soon enough.

    • Andrew

      Thanks Dan!

      The thot plickens…

      This is not the brunette but off the back of taking girls home from party on Thursday…

      So I rock up to language class and I’m doing the homework I missed last week talking to one of other female students (~60) and M arrives (name masked).

      Shes a nice person: 7/10.

      “Hey guys”, she says
      The three of us get to talking about her work (oil and gas). she mentioned it I think.

      I’m kind of not paying total attention because I’m trying to get my homework done.

      So I say: “Drilling for oil?”
      “No we haven’t done that for a while”

      “So just start a war and invading a foreign country then?”

      “*laugh*, No that takes a lot of preparation”

      “Not for a small war though”
      “Were taking a bit of a break from foreign invasions”
      “Sending the troops home?”
      “Yeah, kind of”

      She’s talking about normal work logistics
      I’m keeping the war references going…Totally messing with it. She appears to get the subtext and she’s playing with it a bit.

      Class starts.

      (As an aside, I seem to have got the reputation with the teacher as being a bit of scamp (unintended) because I ask kind of advanced questions for where we are at. I laugh at stuff in class and others join in sometimes.)

      Teacher makes a point of asking me if I had a good time at the party:

      “Siiiii” I respond This yeilds a laugh
      She ask me another question and I answer “Yes”

      M cracks up.

      Doing exercises in pairs bit later I notice that M has moved one seat up to sit next to me…when did that happen?

      Exercise is to describe family members with a personal photograph.

      So M describes everyone except herself on the end, so I say: Chi alta bionda? (Who’s the tall blonde?)

      (…she’s only 5’6″, I’m 5’8″)

      **Giggle** Its me!!
      No! (staring at the photo really hard)
      “Its a couple of years ago that photo”, she implores.
      “mmmm, I don’t know, might be you”

      As we get out the front door, girl from my class from Thursday night (one who drove us back to my car) shouts back to me as I’m walking with M:

      “Don’t forget the coffee after class next week”

      “M can come too, can’t she?”
      “Yeah, of course”
      “Cool”

      “What’s that about?”, M asked
      “We organised coffee on Thursday night at the party.”
      “Oh, I couldn’t come”
      “Yeah, you missed out big time”
      *5 seconds of silence*
      “Oh, I can’t come to coffee next week I have my great aunt’s 80th birthday, all the family is coming”, she says

      (She said it in that way when you don’t want to go, but have to…one of those family functions!)

      So I say: “That’s ok we can catch up for coffee sometime.”

      “Yeah, sometime”, she says

      “I gotta go do my tri-annual suit shop” I share
      “Tri annual?”
      “Yeah, the pants are blown out”

      She shares that she is going back to family Xmas in Adelaide on 21st. We’re at the street corner at this point where we walk in different directions.

      So I give her a nickname: “M Alta Bionda”
      *M cracks up*

      2 seconds of silence.

      “What’s your number?” (Number given)

      “I’ll prank you”, I say

      I do the prank call 10 minutes later.

      Two hours after that I send the following SMS:
      “Consider yourself pranked M Alta Bionda! Shopping done 4 next 5 years (2x Italian suits & 4 pairs of pants)

      Tell me when ur free 4 coffee b4 u go on 21st & I’ll try & squeeze u in”

      SMS response 2 minutes later:
      “Haha! Ur number was blocked when u called. Well done u. U did very well! I’ll keep u posted..have fun doing your homework :)”

    • Dan Bacon

      Hey Andrew

      Excellent! As I said, you’re either a very fast learner or were a natural at flirting with women and didn’t know it.

      The only part that wasn’t what we would advise was the SMS. We never advise that you should ask a woman to tell you when she is free. Refer to The Flow or Dating Power for examples on what to say to ensure you don’t ruin The Flow process at that point. In this case, it will fine that you have said it that way because you’ve built up so much of a rapport with each other already, she’s comfortable around you, attracted to you, etc. So, don’t worry. However, for women in future (if you don’t marry this one that is!), make sure you set up dates in the way we advise and you will avoid being rejected at that point.

      Cheers
      Dan

• Andrew

  Hi Dan,

  In Dating Power you use the term schoolboy shoes but you don’t go on to describe that term in detail.

  Are you referring to a particular look or something else?

  Cheers,

  Andrew

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Andrew

    Go to Google Images: http://www.google.com/imghp?hl=en&tab=wi
    Type in “school boy shoes.”

    Done.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Andrew

  Hey Dan,

  I really have to thank you for what your doing with ModernMan! These tips appear to be right on the money. I must qualify my use of the word ‘appear’ with an explanation & an example.

  I feel like am yet to get to the level I want to be at. My confidence is still quite shaky, but that depends on who I’m talking to.

  I sat next to a 8/10 brunette on the train tonight at Glenferrie & was quite prepared to say as I walked out the door at Richmond station, while holding eye contact (because I haven’t done that very well in the past, so I’ll work on it): “I wish I had longer to talk to you, but I just had to let you know that you have the most stunning legs I’ve ever seen”, smile, hold eye contact and see if I can get her to smile back.

  …but I didn’t….I got nervous because there were other people on the train and I worried about rejection. She got off the train at Richmond too and was walking in front of me…lots of people down the stairs.

  Bugger.

  Example:
  So on the next train I spotted a 7/10 blonde. I looked at her with a smile and squinted eyes. Held eye contact till she looked away. Make sure I look away in the right way…look back in 5 seconds…she’s looking at me! Is she checking me out?

  I kept a smile on my face and occasionally looked at her.

  However, she didn’t smiled at all: grumpy? or I didn’t get the expression right & possibly (unintentionally) creeped her out. Let it be.

  2 minutes later: At my stop I noticed she was jumping out too, so I opened the door for her. No response…maybe I did creep her out.

  (I’m not done yet)

  10 minute walk home. Waiting at the traffic lights. 10/10 deep redhead. Long legs, see-through sun dress. Nuff said. I’ve got the perfect opening line.

  She’s bolted from the lights. She’s in front of me. Damn, she’s walking fast. Can barely keep up. Two guys further in front have earphones in so they won’t notice any approach on my part. she has earphones in too…opportunity lost. Damn it! She’s turned the corner, an approach would look too stalkerish now.

  What was the perfect line? “Hey, I have to ask, is that your natural hair colour?” With a glance at her crotch and a cheeky smile when I’ve come back to make eye contact. (Intended subtext being a query regarding curtains and drapes)

  If she didn’t walk like a cheetah, I so would have done it. Now that I’ve thought about it, would that line have generated repulsion rather than attraction?

  The fault in the first & third case lay with me. I didn’t have the balls. That’s the explanation.

  I can do this stuff with girls I’m not attracted to at all but not really with girls I am. The nervousness takes over still.

  Walk in the door, get changed out of work clothes order Indian for tea. Go to supermarket: boring stuff. Try some transaction interaction out on the checkout chick: again, someone I’m not interested in.

  More transaction interaction at the Indian restaurant with the woman behind the counter. Yields a smile and a thankyou.

  This brings me to the coming Saturday: coffee after Italian class with 3 women (+ whoever else might get invited along?).

  I’ll use their first initials only.

  E: drove us back to our car thurs night. Might be keen, but my standards preclude me from being anything but friendly.
  D: mid 40s, brunette, secondary teacher. In a relationship but not sure what boyfriend is doing. Been together for 9 years. She may dump him.
  N: Closer to my age I think, nice tits haven’t really spoken to her…yet.

  N & D were the two I gave a lift on Thurs night and I took note (as it happens to me so rarely) that they were asking me questions about me & what I did for a living. I told them honestly & they asked more questions expressing “wow, that’s interesting” & “you must know a lot to do that” type sentiments.

  Goal is to ask them what they are doing for NYE and get all their phone numbers at coffee.

  And that leaves us with the 4th girl, M Alta Bionda. Different category: Kiss & sex: yes, relationship: maybe, not sure yet. As she gave me her number last Saturday, I’m going to assume she’s open, possibly interested. Do girls give out their number if they aren’t either of these? I want to escalate with her to a kiss but don’t know how to at the moment.

  I’ve not communicated anymore with M since the single initial SMS (see above. [Dan, I’d be interested to know your thoughts on my SMS, it was in context with previous conversation but I’m wondering if any of it was possibly unnecessary) as she said “I’ll keep you posted”. If she is truly interested, I’m going to take Dan on faith (he’s been right so far) that she wants me to take the lead.

  But what’s my next move on the M front?

  If I wait for her to “keep me posted”, am I pushing her into the masculine?
  If I SMS her (like I would in the past), do I risk seeming too keen?
  Do I just call her during the week and have a chat?

  [Dan, I’m know I’m writing these faster than you have time to respond but that’s ok. Your encouragement is keeping me going. I’d like to keep relaying my experiences if you don’t mind.]

  Cheers,

  Andrew

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Andrew

    Ahh, glad to see your comment at the bottom that you understand how fast you’re writing up all these comments. It’s hard to keep up while I’m writing all the new articles for The Modern Man and doing everything else in my life! No probs though mate. Believe me, there’s nothing better for me to read success stories or to hear from customers who are using the advice and on their way to success.

    About the train situation: Yes, you just have to get used to it. Think of how most people react when they first learn to swim. They are scared to jump in the deep end and some are even scared to get in the water at all. Then, some are scared to put their head under the water, etc. However, when they eventually “take the plunge” most people quickly realize that it’s not so scary after all. So for you, you need to remember this: https://twitter.com/Dan_Modern_Man/status/262269846182588416

    You also need to go and watch Coaching Call Breakthroughs and understand the transformation process that you are currently going through. You don’t go from hopeless to perfect in one step. You need to go through the stage of awkwardness that you are currently experiencing in those moments, or that most people experience when they first learn how to swim.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Andrew

  Rather than SMS M, I took the advice from Dating Power and called her for a chat. I figured I had asked for her number on Saturday, its now Wednesday (paraphrased for brevity):

  I called at 8:20AM – I knew she would be on her way to work.

  M: “Hello, M speaking”
  A: “Hey”
  M: “Hi, how can I help you?”
  A: “It’s Andrew.”
  M: “Yeah, your number came up blocked.”
  A: “I’ll have to fix my phone. How have you been?”
  M: “Yeah good”
  A: “Things winding down for you at work?”
  M: “Not really, how about you”
  A: “For the first time in 7 years I’m not getting the ‘we need it before Christmas!’, so I’ve got until the 7th off.
  M: “Nice”
  A: “So, how’s your homework going?”
  M: “Good, did it on Sunday, it hasn’t been as hard as it has been recently”
  A: “I’ve been bringing my homework to work to do at lunch time”
  (Laugh from M)
  “I come home from swimming on Sunday mornings and keep meaning to do it…”
  …
  A: “So am I catching up with you before you go on 21st?”
  M: “I can’t, I’ve got some people coming over during the week and I’ve got too much to clean up at work before I fly out”
  A: “No worries, we’ll catch up some other time”
  M: “Yeah, well I’ll see you at class on Saturday and we’ll organise something in the new year”
  A: “Cool, you have a great day”
  M: “You too”

  *Debrief*
  – First thing she said was “How can I help you?”. She knew it was me. WT? What girl says that to a guy she’s given her number to?

  – I kind of got a ‘Why are you calling me?’ feeling from her initially.

  – After she laughed, she warmed up a little, maybe I helped her into conversation.

  – I probably wasn’t jokey enough.

  – Did she shut me down? Was I too pushy? I was trying to move things forward.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Andrew

    Hmm…a few mistakes, but you’re getting there.

    1. You asked her, “So am I catching up with you before you go on 21st?” That’s not what we advise at all. Refer to The Flow and Dating Power for actual wording that avoids rejection.

    2. You called when she said she’d call you. Wait! Don’t be so desperate to move things forward. In situations like your one (i.e. you go to an adult class together), then escalation process is slower than if you just met in a bar. Refer to 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend for all the different ways of escalating that we explain. It’s not always the same, hence that program.

    3. Dropping in information about how you’re going to be available. Again, that’s not what we advise. Refer to The Flow.

    From here, you should focus on organizing what I call a “Half Date.” Read: http://www.themodernman.com/secret_weapon_first_dates.html

    Cheers
    Dan

    • Andrew

      …Yes, I was attempting to “move this forward”

      3. I said “squeeze you in” to honestly point out that I’m busy during that timeframe.

      Tomorrow morning, I’ll be friendly but not refer to previous interactions. See if she says anything.

      …Have I managed to screwed this up already by giving the wrong impression somehow? All I did was call her?

      How is a guy supposed to escalate and not come off overly eager? I don’t think I did and a phone call is not unreasonable 4 days after asking a girl for her phone number.

      Somewhere Stu said “Don’t SMS, call her”. Perhaps I misunderstood the context.

      Is the issue that I called her or rather what I said?

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Andrew

      The issue is that she said she’d get in touch with you, but you couldn’t wait.

      Also, you mentioned how available you would be, “A: “For the first time in 7 years I’m not getting the ‘we need it before Christmas!’, so I’ve got until the 7th off.” even though she hadn’t called, nor hinted or enquired about meeting up before you see her at class again.

      About Stu’s comment: Yes, that is true. However:

      1. We give specific instructions on escalating with women that you meet in adult class environments in 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend. The escalation process is slower than if you met her in a bar.
      2. She said she’d call you, but you couldn’t wait.

      This woman sounds “kind of” interested. You need to build sexual tension. Refer to what Ben talks about in Dating Power in the section on Presence for more info. Also, refer to what I speak about in Dating Power in the section called Making Women Chase You. You’ve got to follow that advice if you want her to be drawn to you and want something to happen MORE THAN you do.

      Cheers
      Dan

• Daniel

  Hi Dan

  First I wanna tell you that your stuff here in the modern man is really great!! I dont have enough money to buy your products (things are quite difficult in my country right now) but some of the free articules have blown my mind! Aniway, I have a crush on this girl in my college (we met at a protest scaping from the police xD). We have had some great times messing around and some flirting but Im not really sure of how she fells about me. Ive been getting some really contradictig signs from her. For example we went to a party and I went to take her for a dance but she wasnt interested so a friend of her took me for a dace… after a while I notice that she was stering at us in a jealous way… some other day she would say hi to me in a veery friendly way and stayed talking for a long time and the next day she would act distantly and cooldly… some other day we had a great time at the campus messing around and starting to flirt more and then the same freaking story. Thanks to your articles I notice some of the mistakes I have made, and just today I started on my own a way to be more confident and getting a positive and relax attitude and sundenly I got a hole lot of attention from girls and my friends in the university! It was almost weird haha. But I still get a little nervous when im around her beacouse of the weird signs I get from her. The thing is that Im not sure what to do next with this girl to get her to like me in a sexual way… I do get flirting and stuff like that from other girls in the school but im just not truly interested in them, but its a quite shitty situation because the one girl I like I cant really move forward to start scalating to a relationship. I was thinking on just going for it and ask her out but when I look back to the things I just wrote i just get all nervous and confused.
  I Hope you can give some advice because Im stuck as hell!

  Thanks!

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Daniel

    Thanks for your comment and positive feedback.

    The answer to your problem is simple and you’ll find it here: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/the-kissing-drug.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• Andrew

  Thanks Dan,

  I’m listening to Dating power and Coaching call breakthroughs at work and reading the flow as well. Only up to page 44 of The Flow.

  Lots of stuff to listen and relisten to. I’m often going back and listening to key sentences again and again so it’s crystal clear.

  Now, it just happened again. Transaction interaction. I kid you not. (All, do this stuff: it works. God knows why but it does!)

  Into Subway. I had a smile on my face for no particular reason. Casually and cheerfully asked for a foot long. Onto next step and there’s the girl I attempted transaction interaction a few days earlier (don’t know her name yet).

  A: Hey, how your day going? (I think I flashed her a smile but I didn’t think about it.)
  G: (More than usual recognition). Not such a great day
  A: Oh, why’s that?
  (relays a story about her apartment this morning)
  G: …but hey, stuff happens.

  During this exchange of about 1 whole minute (which in a subway line is a long time). She’s stopped looking down at the sandwich, were looking directly at each other. I’ve got a natural friendly smile on my face.

  To connect, I tell her about a time I got locked out and she tells me a similar earlier experience which was a dump of information: what happened, where she is located in her building, how she had to handle the situation, on and on. The conversation went back and forth but I didn’t have to say much at all.
  G: Lettuce and tomato right?
  A: Yes thanks.
  She finished her step and says “Have a great day”

  Next girl looks at me with a big smile on her face – snowball effect?

  As I’m about to leave she says: “Hey have a great day.
  A: “You too” and I walk out

  Now, I’m not very experienced or great at reading signals, I probably suck at it. Is she attracted, interested or neither? There’s something coming from her. I just don’t know what it is.

  How do I escalate? Because I know from your programs that she isn’t going to do it.

  Could I potentially ask her for her phone number?

  Next time I go in I could introduce myself and at least get her name. That would be a friendly start at least.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Andrew

    Great to hear that you are continuing to take action. The more you do (while following the advice), the faster you will get amazing results. Well, you’re already experiencing great results in relation to where you were starting from only a week or so ago.

    About the girl at Subway: Yes, you are sparking an initial level of attraction with women. Deeper attraction comes from the deep confidence, masculinity and presence that I teach in Better Than a Bad Boy and Alpha Male Power. Make sure you are focussing on the deeper side of things too.

    About escalating to a phone number: Refer to the example we provide for picking up women who work in food outlets, in 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend. At the moment, you’ve got her attracted and curious, but now you need to build some sexual tension before escalating. Refer to the examples we provide in 21 Ways – picking up women in those environments is not the same as picking up in a bar.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Andrew

  Dan, you guys are awesome.

  Guys, listen to Dan, Ben & Stu. It works! I have to tell you this story.

  This is the story of coffee after class (referred to in previous posts)
  Level 5/6 class finished about 15 minutes after we did so E and I were shooting the shit waiting for them to finish. D and N are in that class.

  D is kissing everyone on the cheek, so I do the same. Once E and I spot N I walk straight over to N (because I want to talk to her).

  Something I like to do is walk behind a girl (in this instance from N’s right) just past her centre line and tap her on her right shoulder. This makes the girl look to her right (usually) but I’m standing behind her left shoulder. She does see anyone and turns back to her left. Sees me grinning. I haven’t said a word and I’ve already teased her.

  This always yields a smile from the girl. N did too.

  Chat to N on walk to the cafe. Teasing lightly about drinking too much at her work Xmas party the night before.

  At the cafe:
  Long table, everyone sitting on opposite sides. To mix things up a bit I announce to the table that I’m going to sit on the end. This move also means that I am sitting “next” to N. Like u would on a date, if u like.

  Now, it’s worth noting at this point that N is 9.5/10 for looks, 5′ tall and a whip smart Commercial lawyer!

  I pour those near me table water into their glasses, one handed: sociable and cool.

  N: I can’t decide, I’m so indecisive.
  A: Yeah you are. You’re terribly indecisive.
  She’s talking about her Xmas party last night and I’m cracking jokes about intravenous coffee. When the waitress brings N’s espresso over I ask her for a syringe.

  I act out syringing out the espresso and jabbing it into my arm.

  Waitress has no idea what I’m talking about.

  N: Don’t worry, he’s joking.

  Chatting to other people on the table as well (being cool and social)

  (E was up the other end of the table, she smiled at me, I smiled back and winked at her quickly. Made her feel like I wasn’t ignoring her. She went all girly and looked away.)

  A: So what are you passionate about?
  N: Oh! (taken aback, not sure how to answer), well I love ballet. I love performing.
  A: I look down at her hips and say: Na, I can’t see you as a ballet dancer.
  N: (bit shocked) Really?
  A: Na. No way.
  N: I don’t know how to take that? It certainly doesn’t sound like a complement.

  (What did he say?, another asks. N explains it and I get the cat calls and playful scoffing)

  A: Just kidding, just kidding.

  (2 minutes later)
  A: You did know I was teasing, yeah?
  (Gives me a smile and look to say “yeah of course, in fact I loved it”)
  A: You feigned that very well.
  N: *smiling* Well I AM an actress.

  We keep chatting. Quite some eye contact.

  She asks me what I’m passionate about. I talk about my swimming and the distance I go each session.

  D: That’s impressive, I think it’s really important to have something outside of work.

  I throw in some emotional words about what we are eating and that I like to keep my brain active with things. She said I agree twice to two different things.

  I could tell she was non-verbally impressed that I used to play waterpolo.

  Feeling that I was starting to talk about myself too much, I turned my attention to her more and we talked about her more.

  At one point I go up and ask the waitress for more bottles of table water.

  Water comes I pour again one handed.

  Go to pay waiting in line with N in front of me, I tease E a bit. I pay and go back to talk to N waiting for others to pay. It is at this point I actually notice how short she is. From memory, she was squared up to me and she looked up at me, we made eye contact as I asked: so, what do have planned for this afternoon?

  She also asked me the same thing.

  Walking back to our cars, we all give D the now obligatory cheek kiss.

  People start pealing off, I wait till E is gone so its just N and I.

  A: It’s been great chatting to you, we should catch up again.
  D: Yeah, it has. I really enjoyed it. (…she’s clearly keen)
  (I’ve got my phone out)
  A: what’s your cognome (surname)?
  D: ….
  A: Stick your number in.

  I think she gave me a cluster of signals. She’s definitely open, almost definitely interested.

  Based on my goals for today: mission accomplished.

  Now, how to escalate to date and kiss without screwing the good work up?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Andrew

    AWESOME! 😀

    You got a phone number off a hottie! Super cool. I am so happy right now. Knowing how bad of a place you started at, it’s so cool to hear that you’ve stepped up as a man, believe in yourself that you CAN be attractive to women, popular socially and still be YOURSELF. Congrats!

    Okay, about what to do next: Make sure you follow the instructions we provide in Dating Power for following up on the phone number. Don’t worry if you make a mistake because you are already 100x better than most guys at this, because they simply do not know what you know. The way you created sexual tension with her at the table and the other girl you winked at was great. You are doing what most guys will NEVER do when they talk to women. Believe in yourself – you will be standing out in the eyes of these women as a RARE man. You are one of the guys who actually understands the secret language that men and women speak to each other to communicate their sexual interest and get something going.

    When you call to set up the date, refer to the mindset I provide in Alpha Male Power. I don’t want to mention it here, but refer to the section where I explain about what it takes to be “good enough” for women and then what it takes to be what they really want.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Paul

  Hi Dan

  I just approached a woman once in mall not so long ago, in a easy-going confident way & man it felt great.
  She shook my hand after we introduced ourselves & after I told her that she looked fantastic & yes she was very attractive woman indeed plus she blushed & was really shy when I said that.
  The conversation only lasted 2mins since it died out plus we were sitting on a bench near a live band playing loud music which was challenging to talk to her. My throat was really sore at the end of it lol

  If a woman shakes your hand, does that mean you’re automatically placed in the friends zone? Its happened only twice but doesn’t happen all the time.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Paul

    Thanks for your comment.

    Congratulations on having the courage to take that step and actually approach. Yes, it DOES feel great and the more you do it and the better you get, the more amazing it feels. You get to a point where you know that pretty much every woman you approach will REALLY like you and REALLY want something to happen between you. It’s a great feeling and naturally makes you feel confident, happy about life and self-assured.

    About your question: No, of course not! Don’t be so quick to put yourself down and count yourself out. Shaking your hand may just be her natural way of showing her interest in a person and welcoming them into her space. YOU are one who puts yourself in the friend zone with a woman, NOT the woman. If you want to learn about all the signals of interest that women show if they are interested and how to BE SURE that it’s actually a SEXUAL interest, rather than just a FRIENDLY interest, watch Dating Power.

    Cheers
    Dan

    • Paul

      Hey Dan

      Thanks for the advice
      I’ll continue approaching & pushing it forward to a number etc.

      Your advice is truly the best! 😀

• Andrew

  Confused.

  On Saturday N was CLEARLY keen. Cluster of signals, GIT her phone number. She’s hot and she’s 26!

  I like this girl, I want this girl. When I see something I want I go after it.

  I called her at 7:45pm last night. She didnt answer, I didn’t leave a message. She called back within 2 minutes.

  She asked who it was as she did not have my number. She gave me her number on Saturday.
  I tried to tease her a bit, she told me she was still at work. She sounded a bit tired.

  A: I didn’t know you’d still be @ work. I’ll call you a bit later. When would be good?
  N: About an hour.
  A: OK
  N: Are you alright with that
  (I sensed a test)
  A: yeah sure, that’s fine. I’m cool.

  My goal was to chat for 10 minutes and set up a date.

  I called at 8:45pm, no answer, didn’t leave a message.

  This morning @ 7:59am she sent me an SMS: “Hi Andrew, sorry I didn’t hear your call last night. Hope you have a good day”

  (Dan, this is the first SMS from a girl in a LONG time :))

  I replied @9:57am: “Hi N, No worries. You sounded like you needed that espresso syringe. If you’d answered I was going to offer to call at a better time. You probably just wanted to crash.
  I’ll try again tonight. Do you work late every night? Hope you have a good day today too.”

  I’m trying to take the lead and move things forward.

  She replies @ 6:56pm: “Ha! The espresso syringe. It would have been useful. Yes I usually work late and that will definitely continue this year and next.”

  I send one more SMS: “Your taking a break tonight for about 10 minutes. Meet me at the virtual water cooler.”

  I call 10 minutes later @ 7:40pm. No answer. I don’t leave a message.

  9:15pm SMS from her: “I keep my phone on silent. We can have a quick chat now”

  I call her, try going through the flow

  A: “…So I should probably get to why I called. Would like to catch up?”
  N: *Silence* “…in what way are you asking?”
  A: “I had a good time on Saturday, I’d like to get to know you better”
  N: “oh thank you, but I would prefer it to be as friends…I’m seeing someone else at the moment”
  A: No problem. I didn’t know what your situation was at the moment.

  We chat for about 5 more minutes about Christmas plans, what she’s doing. Share a couple of jokes.

  A: I didn’t mean to put you on the spot before, but I had to ask.
  N: that’s OK, thank you. We have a good group at class. I had a good time on Saturday too. It was a fortuitous meeting.

  BUGGER! Why did she give me her number?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Andrew

    This is a simple case of you getting a woman attracted initially, to the point where she gave you her phone number and saw you as a potential option.

    However, as things unfolded, your lack of experience showed and she lost some interest. After all, she is a beautiful, intelligent lawyer. Those type of women usually require a fair bit of savvy from a man.

    As for her having sex with a guy already at the moment: Yes, that is perfectly normal. If a woman is hot and cool, she will likely have a few guys on rotation. She won’t look like a sl*t, behave like one or want to be one, but because of her attractiveness, she will usually have a few guys pursuing her. That’s just modern life. She will stop seeing other guys when she finds a guy that she wants as a boyfriend. I did the same with my women until I chose my current girlfriend. I was having sex with 3-4 different women on rotation (adding new ones and getting rid of old ones) all the time.

    BTW: What you said to her here would not be so bad if she was very attracted to you, but since you’d already made a few mistakes and she had begun losing some interest, this would not have helped at all:

    A: I didn’t know you’d still be @ work. I’ll call you a bit later. When would be good? Refer to what I said in Better Than a Bad Boy as to how to handle situations like this. You should not pursue a woman who is not responding to your pursuit. You need to get her pursuing you.

    Also, once again: This is not how we recommend you ask for a date at all! A: “…So I should probably get to why I called. Would like to catch up?” If you ask a woman for a date like that, she will reject you more often than not just to make herself look “less keen.” Yes, I know – stupid games! However, if you want to win at the game of dating, you need to understand the rules and follow the rules until you are skilled enough to break them.

    Cheers
    Dan

    P.S. Your humor is top notch. The espresso syringe – I like it! It’s great how you can come up with that stuff on the fly. However, remember what I said in Better Than a Bad Boy regarding overcoming ones desperation for a woman. The “cold glass of water in the desert” analogy.

• Andrew

  How do I “get experience” if I keep getting rejected like this? It’s soul destroying!

  Getting phone numbers is not particularly hard for me (when I get the opportunity, which is rare). I just can’t get any further.

  Where is 10 hours of BTABB do you say maybe 2 sentences about this situation?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Andrew

    You just got experience. Next time, you won’t make the same mistakes. She’s a very savvy girl and you’re a rookie. You got her attracted and interested, despite your lack of experience. That says a lot about you. You’ll likely land the next girl, have sex with her, mess things up, start again with a new girl and then get it right. You have to learn to crawl, then walk, then run, then drive. You don’t hop into a F1 race car when you start, you learn how to drive first. You’re on your way. Believe in yourself and the success you’ve already had, despite your lack of experience and the many small mistakes you made with her.

    Where do I talk about this situation in BTABB? Basically every second sentence I explain how you should be so this doesn’t happen to you. How you prioritize women is the core message of the program. When you get that right, everything else falls naturally into place.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Andrew

  Dan, I refuse to give up on N.

  If she has some level of attraction for me and is willing to hang out with me “as a friend” should I reject that?

  Having a hot and cool chick as a friend has to be better than not.

  Should I be writing off every girl that I make no mistakes with? If I do that, I’ll NEVER get to mastery level.

  I still don’t see what mistakes I made with her to this point. What the heck did I do wrong?

  If I back down now, aren’t I just displaying weakness? The boyfriend could be just a test.

  Specifically, WTF can I do to get her to chase me at this point?

  In these situations would you just write her off?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Andrew

    Don’t pursue her any further.

    You need to back off, just be a friend and let things unfold slower. Add her to Facebook as a friend and don’t pester her with messages as though you’re trying to hook something up. When she finishes with her current guy and becomes available, you’ll then have another chance. In the meantime, talk to other women and get on with your life – she’s not available right now. That’s normal – she’s hot.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Andrew

  Screw it. Balls wins. I’ve sent her this message:

  “I’m still cool with hanging out sometime.

  Just as long as you don’t take advantage of me…

  Us waterpolo players usually have to beat women off with a stick”

  She wants to play games. I can play.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Andrew

    Unfortunately, given the circumstances, that message displays neediness and is thus unattractive to women. Read: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/how-neediness-destroys-your-love-life.html

    It’s only natural that you would make a mistake like that because you are still not able to do everything correctly. In some areas, you know the right thing to do without even having to think about it, while in others you make mistakes and don’t even realize it. The 4 Stages of Learning for a human:

    1. Unconscious Incompetence: You don’t even know that you’re doing it wrong.
    2. Conscious Incompetence: You know what you’re doing wrong.
    3. Conscious Competence: You can do it correctly, but you have to think about it while doing it.
    4. Unconscious Competence: You can do it correctly without thinking about it.

    Your flirting and humor seems to be at a level 3 or 4, while your courtship skills are 1 to 2. You will probably need some time to reflect or will need to make the mistake again before you realize how important it is to do this properly. Women aren’t attracted to neediness. If you want a hot woman to want you, you have to get her to want you more than you want her. Our advice shows you how to do that.

    What happened for you was this:

    1. Initially, you followed our advice correctly.
    2. Things worked beautifully and you got a very hot, savvy woman interested.
    3. Your line of thinking then got clouded by the initial success, “Hey, she likes me and I like her. I’m going to really pursue her and show her how much I like her. I don’t have to get her to chase me at all, because she’s obviously keen. The Modern Man rules of dating won’t apply because her and I are obviously keen for each other.”
    4. Things stopped working. She closed up.

    As you know, the advice we provide is tested and proven to work. We test everything for YEARS on ourselves and then with real life clients before releasing it via a product. Until you are at Level 4 in terms of Competence, you must follow the rules. We have provided the rules to guide you to certain success. If you break the rules and do things that turn women off, it’s only natural that you are going to run into problems.

    I remember making mistakes like you have in the early days. I’d get a woman interested, she’d show me lots of interest and then I’d stop doing what I needed to do to guide her through a sexual courtship. I’d just assume that because she was so interested initially, it wouldn’t matter if I suddenly started behaving too keen, needy or if I told her my feelings before we’d even had sex. However, that’s when I didn’t understand that doing “half a job” is not good enough when you are talking to hot women and you are not yet at the stage of Unconscious Competence.

    For many years now, I have been at the mastery level of success with women (Unconscious Competence), so I can do a “quarter” of the job required to attract and court a woman and she’ll still go ga-ga and become desperate to be with me. You will need to go through the levels of transformation and reach the mastery level. You’re on your way, but you’re not there yet and you shouldn’t expect to be.

    In the meantime, I recommend you go and talk to new women. The new experiences will give you more insight and you’ll eventually get to a point where you look back on the situation with this girl and realize where you went wrong.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Andrew

  Got the email you sent me.

  What if she becomes available in future like you say: Have I definitely screwed it with N for all time?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Andrew

    You tried to re-escalte on a woman who turned you down: That usually makes a woman lose even more interest and want to distance herself further because of the neediness.

    The SMS you sent her was pretty bad. From here, just relax, be her friend, but ALSO be attractive in the ways we describe in our programs. Do not pursue her. You may have a chance again in future, but in the meantime you need to get more experience under your belt.

    I know you’ve told me that you just marry the next woman you find, but that’s actually not a very healthy approach to relationships in the modern world. As you know, women don’t just “put up with” their man anymore like women from the early 1900s did. These days, women divorce men who can’t make them happy. You need more experience so you can increase your relationship intelligence with women. Read: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/why-very-intelligent-men-fail-with-women.html You’re obviously an intelligent guy who can vibe and get along with savvy women like her (a hot, young lawyer in her 20s), but you need to increase your social intelligence and relationship intelligence through experience. When you enter a committed relationship, you should be at the level of Unconscious Competence if you want it to be truly successful due to you not making rookie or intermediate level mistakes.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Andrew Gray

  Interesting. Not expecting any response to my inexperienced “bad” SMS.

  N sent this afternoon: “Haha. We should all do a group lunch again when term begins. Have a great Christmas”

  I replied: “Sounds good. Have a great Christmas too. Enjoy Rye!”

  Rye is where her family has a house. At least I could demonstrate I had listened and if I’ve made a friend it’s better than not having a friend. Never know she might introduce me to someone else one day…

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Andrew

    Good to hear.

    She would have been wondering how to reply to your text and not cause any further problems between you. She sent that text to subtly let you know that the next time you have lunch with her, she wants it to be in a group setting, not a one-on-one date type lunch.

    Yes, just be her friend now. She is seeing someone else. Be patient, be attractive in your behavior and start dating/having sex with other women.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Nick

  Hey Dan,

  Following on from this article, I have mastery methods and mindsets and in that you say that women don’t like to be treated platonically. I understand flirting being importnat but what is the best way to show your interest sexually? (you mentioned the cheeky smile but can you elaborate on this?

  Best regards,
  Nick

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Nick

    Thanks for your question.

    This, my friend, is the reason why we have many programs available here at The Modern Man. Some guys need to learn more than others about the many areas associated with being successful with women. If you want to see the best demonstration of showing your sexual interest in a woman (in a non-sleazy way that will always get a POSITIVE reaction from a woman), please watch Alpha Male Power

    It’s not something I can teach in the comment section of the site.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Jonah

  Hey Dan I was just wondering if you can shed some light on what the hell just happened to me. Well I just got a message from my girlfriend out of the blue saying she dosent have time to date right now and that she’s breaking up with me. This surprised me because just a couple hours earlier we were talking about how much we love each other and everything and this just pops out of the blue. It kind of pisses me off because she wasn’t giving me any signals at all that anything was wrong. She would just keep saying how much she loves me and it really makes me feel like she was toying with me. So anyways what the hell did I do?
  -Jonah

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Jonah

    Thanks for your question.

    Although you say she wasn’t giving any signals, I think she was and you were simply missing those signals. I looked you up on Facebook by using the e-mail you submitted when making a comment and can see that you’re in high school. You’re simply lacking experience with reading a woman’s signals and understand her true feelings. Read the following:

    My Girlfriend Said She Needs Space

    Is She Still in Love With You?

    Cheers
    Dan

• Jonas

  Hi Dan.

  I have gotten familiar ( if you can say that?, im not english) with this girl i like, we have been talking a lot on facebook and i have met her 2 times, we live a bit away from eachother. Anyway wee had a “date” to go skiing this weekend but she called off because she had to see her boyfriend wich is going to egypt for a week. When she said that i was like – WHAT u have a boyfriend, in my head, but i said – no problem well take it later then. I woul say we have been flirting, but i didnt know at all she got a boyfriend. Why would she flirt with me i she had? is it even true, maybe she says to make me jealous? And i think by my reply that i stated im not jealous, and that may have taken her interest away… What should i do know, should i wait, or tell her that i like her?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Jonas

    Thanks for your question.

    You’re in the friend zone and another guy has been having sex with her. She will refer to him as her boyfriend, instead of saying “The guy I’m having sex with” to be polite and avoid herself sounding slutty. She obviously likes you, but chatting as friends and flirting a bit here and there is nothing compared to kissing her and having sex with her. That is when the real relationship begins. For now, you’re in the friend zone and will remain there until you at least kiss her.

    Watch this video for advice on what to do: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/question-and-answer-video-series-part-3.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• konstantinos dls

  Hey Dan
  I did read almost all of your articles and i really appreciate your work in the ”women attraction issue”. I hang out with a girl for a year approximately..when i had start hanging out she had got relationship but a while after she got single. From then i had enough chances, she gave me signals,( the way she looked at me, or that she stared at my lips..but i didn’t kiss her because i didn’t believe in my big chance there, or i had sabotaged my desire. Ok i noticed that when i act spontaneously she interacts in the same way too. ( was a moment in her house that i said to her in a natural way, let’s lie in the sofa i feel a bit weak today…and she lied up to me and i started to fondle in her near hear ass hole. she tried to took my hand away and i told her..After i don’t annoying you, i don’t something bad. She said nothing and i continied to fondle in this spot of her body. Ok when it was time to leave she came to kiss me to the cheek i turn my head and kissed her lips..she react with a bit embarrased but with a long smile and with a rare look at me..a look that i translate as obvious signal..Ok i don’t nonetheless to manage something more. At five days we will travel together to Serbia, for 4 days, we will be in the same room. Is she look for something, does she expect from me, or generally from the condition there to start something with me? If yes, could you suggest some ideas to me? ( i skip to refer that i had a girlfriend and she is quite far, and she knows about that. Is this plays some role in the way she react with me?
  Thank you Dan
  and sorry for the long text 🙂

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Konstantinos

    Thanks for your positive feedback and question.

    She wants to have sex with you. Kiss her properly and escalate to sex. If you continue to hesitate like you have been, she will quickly lose interest and will want to hook up with other guys while on holiday to hopefully get you to panic and escalate with her. Just do it.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Amrish NZ

  Hey Dan

  If a woman says you’re a nice guy, what does she mean?
  A girl I know(I bumped into her twice) told me that, even though I wasn’t interested since she was in a relationship.
  Just curious Dan, that’s all

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Amrish

    Thanks for your question.

    In most cases it means, “I want you to know that I feel no attraction for you, so don’t get the wrong idea about me being nice to you and talking to you.” When you are the type of guy who can make women feel deep, sexual attraction in response to your deep confidence and masculinity, they will NOT refer to you as a nice guy. They will simply flirt with you, hit on you and try to make something happen between you. When you have that power, it’s up to you whether you will refrain from escalating with women who already have a boyfriend/husband. Personally speaking, it goes against my personal ethics to escalate with a taken woman so I never do it. Besides, I have enough supply of single women to keep me busy anyway.

    Cheers
    Dan

    • Amrish NZ

      Thanks for that Dan

      I have the same mindset as you do, it also goes against my morals to go after someone else’s girlfriend or wife.
      I didn’t feel hurt at all when she said I was a nice guy since I’m not the type to escalate with a woman who is in a relationship.
      There’s plenty of women out there for me 🙂

    • Dan Bacon

      Hey Amrish

      You’re welcome mate.

      However, there is still one important thing you’re forgetting to do: Approach and talk to women you find attractive, then escalate to a either a phone number, kiss or sex. Make it happen my friend! Your success story is long overdue. Guys who arrived at the site last week are already posting up success stories. You are a good guy and you deserved to be loved and wanted by women. Make it happen! 🙂

      Cheers
      Dan

    • Amrish NZ

      You’re right Dan

      I deserved to be loved & wanted by women.

      I’ll make it happen on my own without a wingman(not easy to find to be honest).

    • Amrish NZ

      Hey Dan

      Its really hard to do this on my own, not having anyone to go with on the weekends as most of my friends are either busy or are already in a relationship

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Amrish

      Thanks for your comment.

      Most of the ways to get a girlfriend in 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend put you in situations where you will not only get a girlfriend, but make a lot of new friends in the process. One thing is for sure though, you won’t make new friends by sitting around doing nothing. You’ve got to put yourself into new situations to meet new people. Check out the 21 Ways: http://store.themodernman.com/in/e8ead2

      Cheers
      Dan

• Rakesh

  Hi Dan, Thanks for sending me the flow. I just wanted to have your opinion on something that’s bothering me. There’s this cute girl at work that I was interested in, until I was bitterly disappointed. That was before the flow. She used to keep on flirting with me and once I asked her if she had a boyfriend which she playfully said yes. So I stopped flirting with her as from then. Problem was, she knew that I was in love with her before and she kept on flirting. I assumed that she had ended her relationship with him, so I sent her texts. The first time she replied, but afterwards she didn’t. I once said before knowing she had someone if she was free for the weekend, but she said no because she had courses. The next time, I said if she would like to go out on weekdays. At first she said yes but afterwards she told me no. At that point I stopped contact with her. Before that I used to see her with different boys going out. Recently, she was with a colleague of mine who is a married man. They flirt like hell in front of me, and also she brings other boys with her when I’m around just to spite me. I pretend not to take notice but it bothers me. Two days ago, it was so bad that this colleague of mine started to look at me as if he was a stud and that I was a loser! They were 3 of them: him, my ex-crush and her friend. The way they were looking at me, I swear they were laughing at me. I had to speak with the boss, because they were harassing me. They followed me everywhere and it was unbearable! I believe they are still not satisfied with me and will continue with this habit. I have finished with her, although she was very beautiful but I believe she and her friends are not satisfied with that. My question is, was she playing hard to get? I didn’t do anything, because she said that she had a boyfriend. Second, is she really that mean? I read your articles and before that I was nervous around girls. Was she turned off by my first approach? That was before she told me that she had someone. You see Dan, for her it’s all a game. She still keeps on looking at me as if trying to test me again or toying with me. After reading your flow I’m starting to chat with new girls. Hope it turns out well and I’m very positive and optimist. Oh, sorry for the long message, lol!

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Rakesh

    Thanks for your message.

    Basically, you’re experiencing this: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/the-consequences-of-not-being-an-alpha-male.html Until you change into an alpha male, those people you mentioned will enjoy picking on you. That’s what happens to lower ranking males in the human species and in many other species on planet Earth.

    Your approach to her was wrong before you read The Flow. Now that you’ve read it, you need to restart the courtship again from Step 1 of The Flow. Step 2 is going to be a challenge for you, but simply use the techniques from The Flow and she will suddenly change how she feels about you and will open up to you again.

    About your comment of chatting with other girls: You know what? For some reason I don’t believe you! 🙂 Why? If you had been chatting with other girls and using the advice from The Flow, you would be telling me that you had a girlfriend or at least had other women interested in you and wanting to be your girlfriend. Instead, all you focussed on in your comment was, “How do I get a girl who doesn’t like me?” Only guys who don’t approach other women ask that. Apologies if I am wrong, but after many years of experience, your claim to have been chatting with new girls sounds like you’ve simply spoken to other girls by accident and have not been using my techniques. Use the techniques in The Flow and you will then be writing up a success story.

    Cheers
    Dan

    • Rakesh

      Thanks Dan, well you are right, it was just me talking with the new girls but nothing serious for the time being. About the first girl, does that mean that she hasn’t got a boyfriend and it was just a test?

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Rakesh

      It doesn’t matter what she said or did, or whether she was lying about having a boyfriend or not. What matters is how you responded to her. You have been behaving like a lower ranking male and have thus been getting treated like one. Unfortunately, there are some people in this world who will be mean to you when you aren’t strong enough to stand up for yourself. Case in point with the people picking on you. However, going and telling the boss on them for harassing you? An alpha male doesn’t have to do that – people respect him and wouldn’t dare mess with him.

      Read: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/the-consequences-of-not-being-an-alpha-male.html

      Stop worrying about what she says or does. What you do is what matters.

      Cheers
      Dan

• Simon

  Hi Dan,

  I’ve read through a few of the free articles on the site and just wanted some advice. I met this good looking girl who was working at Subway last week, I smiled, got one back, hopefully projected confidence, but it was busy so I didn’t get a chance to have a proper conversation wih her.

  I saw her again today, and she remembered me and what I ordered last week. I complimented her on how quickly she made the sub last time and she smiled and giggled a little bit. I was on my way somewhere, so I had to go, but as I was leaving I looked back and smiled and she looked at me and smiled at the same time.

  Best course of action from here?

  Thanks

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Simon

    Thanks for your question.

    The best course of action is simple: Go through the natural stages of a sexual courtship, which is explained in The Flow: http://store.themodernman.com/in/58e9e6c

    It’s not rocket science, it’s natural. Once you know how to do it, you’ll be kicking yourself for missing out on so many opportunities with women in the past.

    Cheers
    Dan

• David Ozfezi

  Hi Dan,

  I have a friend who i’ve liked for a while lets say about 2-3 years.

  When i had a girlfriend she seemed to show more interest in me so i returned it back. Now i’m sinlge i reckon she has lost interest however she did mention to one of my best mates she did find me sexually attractive at one point but she never specified when!!

  I don’t know whether to tell her i like her (at the risk of our friendship being awkward) or to just leave it as us being friends.

  What’s the best course of action here please?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey David

    Thanks for your question.

    Telling a female friend that you have feelings for her is the worst way to transition from a friendship to a sexual relationship. Watch this video for instructions on what to do: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/turn-your-female-friend-or-co-worker-into-your-girlfriend.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• don chazzy

  Hi Dan,
  Thanks for your beautiful words, you are the best, well i’m happy to read all the words of confidence from you..i will do what you have thought me..hope i will get back to you soon

  Don chazzy

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Don

    Thanks for your positive feedback.

    If you want to become more successful with women, always remember this: https://twitter.com/Dan_Modern_Man/status/262269846182588416

    Cheers
    Dan

• paul

  Hey Dan,
  There is a girl that I’m so into that it is causing me considerable anguish because I feel that she likes me and there has been times when she has approached me and well I’ve behaved aloof or perhaps even ignored her.I’ve approached her on a number of occasions but exessive anxiety has caused me to be abrupt and maybe even rude a few times.I feel like she is slipping away do you think I may be able to save the situation.
  Regards,Paul.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Paul

    Thanks for your question.

    Basically, you’re doing it wrong. Simply change your approach and things will move forward nice and smoothly for both of you. Watch this and learn: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/turn-your-female-friend-or-co-worker-into-your-girlfriend.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• Keith

  Dan, I have feeling for a girl that ive never had before. She texts me first about 70% of the time. We always can keep a convo going. She asks me advice on homework before but I kinda blew her off because I really didn’t know how to do it. She now asks how she wants her hair done. Am I becoming like a best friend kind of thing, or does she like me? Often when I flirt it’s late and she says she’s tired and goes to bed. I can give more info if you need to know but what does our relationship look like to you? (I’ve never had this strange feeling for any other girl or my girlfriends)

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Keith

    You need to watch this video: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/turn-your-female-friend-or-co-worker-into-your-girlfriend.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• Samuel nti

  Hi Dan
  want u to help me out. i met this lady in college nd we hve bn friends fr awhile. i am certain of my love for her now nd i did indicate in one of our conversations that i liked her. she told me well she didnt like me but she will do anything for me. Prior to that i helped her out with her settling down when we came back from vacation and when her grand mom called she told her her boyfriend (me dts because she mentioned my name) was helping her out. i am wondering

  was she expecting me to say something different other than like?

  or am locked up in the friend zone nd if so any suggestions to get out??

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Samuel

    Thanks for your question.

    The answer is here for you: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/turn-your-female-friend-or-co-worker-into-your-girlfriend.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• Darek

  Hi Dan

  I was just wondering about a girl I’m working with. Shes engaged but constantly flirted with me a while back. I recognized her as a woman #2 as described in this article. However, I stopped giving her that kind of attention while still being kind to her and helping her in her work in a very professional way which she wouldn’t mistake as attention. With that, she started to pull away from me and I could see she was feeling depressed as if her fiance was not enough for her. Then after few months like this she picked up another guy who was damn gorgeous looking while still keeping her fiance. She acted in the same manner with this new guy as me and was literally trying to prove me her point by doing it especially infront of me to make me feel jealous. Well the truth was I never felt jealous and remained pretty normal which again indeed infuriated her as she became extremely cold with me and I was like what the hell!!! as I did not like her or feel anything for her but her behaviour was still quite disturbing to me. What do u think she is trying to do or prove here? Am I right to recognize her as woman # 2? Wasn’t her fiance enough for her as she is still keeping him while flirting with other guys? Or she is just a normal colleague and Im over reacting (which seems unlikely, trust me)? Or is she genuinely intrusted in me or the other guy she has picked up while keeping her fiance as an insurance policy? Have ur say on this matter pleeeez

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Darek

    Thanks for your question.

    Since you made no mention of you being with other women or having options with other women, it sounds like you’re a guy who is approaching his dating life in this way: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/how-to-get-lucky-with-women.html

    As for your questions about her: Why do you care? She’s obviously a disloyal woman. Why would you want to have anything to do with her? Since you work with her, she’s the type who would cause a lot of problems for you at work if you ever did hook up and then break up.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Nick

  Hey Dan,

  I’ve been talking to this girl for several months now. I made the mistake of telling her how I feel, and have asked her out before. She has declined my offer, but wants to remain great friends. It’s obvious that she isn’t attracted to me even though I know for a fact I have no problem taking to girls and people in general. I was wondering if using your advice may help me win her over? Or is it too late since I kind of messed up and she could possibly figure me out? We’re still young and I should move on, but I’ve become too attached to her and having a hard time trying to understand why she isn’t attracted to me.

  Thanks

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Nick

    Thanks for your question.

    Of course my advice will get her attracted to you! I’m an attraction expert. The whole point of my advice is to make women, who normally wouldn’t show interest in you, be super interested and try to pick YOU up. The endless amount of success stories posted all over this site show that guys (from all over the world) are achieving that with ease. It’s simple when you use my approach to women.

    Do this: Read The Flow http://store.themodernman.com/in/58e9e6c and start using the techniques on her. Then, when you’re ready – please come back here and post up a success story.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Tony

  hey Dan i got a question for ya that for the rare occasion, has stumped me and i actually am not sure what to do. It involves dealing with a women who has a boyfriend lol. Long story short, this girl flirts with me a lot, ESPECIALLY when i walk into the room. As soon as i do, she always makes jokes, attempts to challenge my masculinity, teases me, all stuff that is very cute and playful in a girl and very flirtatious. Despite all the flirting though, and messaging me a lot on facebook (i keep her at arms length) she has a boyfriend and denies every time i call her out on flirting and being attracted to me. And when we go to bars with our mutual friends she REFUSES to dance with me. And i’d bet every bar tab in our group that its because she doesn’t trust herself with me. And what tops it off is that when she said goodbye to myself and our other mutual friends, she gave 2 of them kisses on the cheek and me on the lips… and right when i go to slip her the tongue (i had to make the extra move with something like that) she turns away and says no making out. and than the next morning denys kissing me on the lips AND says that she aimed for me cheek but i turned away. I always laugh when she plays these sort of games cuz i know what she’s doing, but my question is this. What do i do here? whats her deal here? What is the best way to handle this?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Tony

    Yes, it sounds like she’s attracted to you.

    The reasons she is doing it could be many, but that’s not important. You should never worry about what women do. You are the man, the leader and she is the woman, the follower. Personally, I wouldn’t go for a woman with a boyfriend, but if you’re conscious is clear while doing that then go ahead. However, read this first: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/dating_women_in_the_workplace.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• Simon

  Hey Dan.

  First of all thanks for your videos on your website im learning a lot of cool stuff on here & i also purchased the flow which is great.
  I have had a few relationships in the past (like in my 20’s ) I’m currently 34 but been struggling to get back into one for awhile.

  Which brings me to my current dilema i work in a mall & i really like this girl in one of the takeaway places that i go to regularly
  my problem is when i see her she gives me good eye contact & responses when im talking to her so i’m pretty sure she’s interested I’m just struggling to take it to another step as i only see her there maybe once or twice a week on average I know according to the flow i have to try to intiate some flirting I’m just not sure how?? my mates reckon i should just ask for her no but that sounds abit forward to me as i don’t even her name yet. I think she knows mine as she knows where i work although I’ve never seen her come to my work. Anyway some suggestions would be a great help as all i want to do at this stage is to like ask her out for a coffee first & then see what happens from there im just struggling a little to get it to that stage. anyway thanks for listening.

  cheers

  Simon

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Simon

    Thanks for your question and positive feedback.

    About your question: I read it and thought, “What the?” 🙂 because it doesn’t make sense. I explain EXACTLY what to say and do when you walk up and talk to a woman you like in The Flow. Yet, you’re mates told you to just go and ask for her number, which is wrong and will result in rejection most of the time.

    Simon – you need to walk over to her and go through The Flow process. It’s as simple as that. Read through some of the success stories on this page http://www.themodernman.com/videos/the-flow-new-edition.html and you will see that many guys have hesitated to use The Flow and then when they actually used it for the first time, it WORKED. You will see how easy it is when you do it. Just follow my advice – it’s all tested and proven to work by me and 1,000s of guys from around the world.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Shawn G

  Dan, I appreciate all the work you put into this, and the great advice you give!

  I have a question about a female coworker, who I think is flirting/interested, but I am hesitant to make a move without being sure.

  We work together on a team of 8 people
  She smiles and blushes a lot when we talk
  She tells me about her personal life/asks about mine
  She compliments me on tasks/work I’ve completed
  Lately she has seem more reserved, I don’t know if its because she doesn’t want to give me the wrong impression or if its something else?

  Any insight you can offer with the limited info I gave would be appreciated! Thanks

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Shawn

    Thanks for your question.

    Yes, this video explains exactly what you need to do: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/turn-your-female-friend-or-co-worker-into-your-girlfriend.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• Tom

  Hey Dan!
  Just reading this article and realised I have a question. This woman in work, smoking hot, good laugh and right up my street it has to be said. We never had anything to do with each other in work but about a month or 6 weeks ago she just started e-mailing me out of the blue, gave me her number and the texting was constant. When we chat in work around others she is very nervy but grand when on our own. Now a few times we arranged to go out, she got very excited and then at last minute pulled out and this happened a few times. After each time I thought, to hell with this I give up and she started the same cycle again.
  Now the cycle has started again and this evening I was on fire with the cocky/funny route, best showing yet. She tells me about some fella who tried it on with her and she turned down during conversation which threw me a bit. Then started flirty texting an hour later when I got home and was fishing a bit for compliments.
  My question is, what is up with this woman?? Am I at nothing here and just give up and move on or is there a chance here and something i’m missing? Any tips you can give here would be great.

  Thanks
  Tom

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Tom

    Thanks for your question.

    You just need to laugh at her and then give her an ultimatum: Meet me or don’t contact me anymore. Say that to her in PERSON or via text message on her personal phone (in person is best though). Do not send it via WORK e-mail.

    Be light hearted about it, but also be serious. If you let her play you, then you’re just another sucker like the other guy she played.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Knut

  Hey. I didn’t know where to ask this question, so I’ll just ask it here. (All though it’s not related to the topic of the article.)

  How do you keep a woman sexually satisfied throughout a long-term relationship/marriage for several years?
  (Meaning that she keeps having orgasms, and are sexually & passionately/emotionally satisfied with you as a lover, throughout several years.)

  And from what I understand, being a good lover for a woman, means creating & maintaining her sexual attraction for you (so that she’s sexually turned on by you), and being sexually unpredictable with her/create sexual variations with her (so that she builds up sexual anticipation/curiosity/tension towards you, both during sex and prior to sex).

  So because of that; my questions are actually these:
  – How do you continuously create & maintain a woman’s sexual attraction for you in a long-term relationship/marriage?
  – How do you continuously create & maintain your sexual mysteriousness/unpredictability for a women, in a long-term relationship/marriage?

  As you know, I’ve watched your program “The Modern Relationship” twice (about 1,5 years ago), but I don’t remember that the program specifically addresses these 2 questions above?

  – Is the answer that you have to be conscious about behaving in a certain way that is sexually attractive/unpredictable to women? (Which is a way of compensating/faking/acting.)
  – Or is the answer that you become naturally/genuinely sexually attractive & unpredictable to women, when you are genuinely self-confident, so that you thereby don’t how to make a conscious effort to become sexually attractive & unpredictable to women?

  In other words, does it happen by conscious effort, or does it happen naturally as a side-effect of your genuine self-confidence, so that you don’t have to be conscious about being mysterious/unpredictable to women?

  In advance, thank you for your thoughts on this.

  (I know I’ve written many long posts here and there, so I understand that it takes a long time for you to answer them all, along with everybody else’s posts as well. Especially now, during the summer-season, where I’m guessing you take a long time off from work.)

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Knut

    Thanks for your question.

    The second guess you made was close to correct. However, you still need to make a conscious effort every now and then. We are all human, after all. If we were robotic, we could perform like computers and always do everything according to the coded rules, but we’re not robots. At times, you need to stop and think, “Okay, how is everything going? Do I need to focus on a particular area of the relationship a bit more? Have I been neglecting certain things?” and then take action.

    You’ll learn how to keep the sexual passion buzzing between you and your woman in this program: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89 It’s more about how you behave and run the relationship. The sexual attraction will remain if the dynamic of the relationship is maintained correctly and that is part of what you’ll learn in the program.

    Cheers
    Dan

    • Knut

      Is the answer the same, for how to maintain the sexual tension in a relationship?

      Won’t the use of strong eye-contact, touching her body, flirting/teasing her verbally, etc. become very predictable & boring for the girl, when a guy does these things throughout a relationship?

      So that those methods/techniques, which in the beginning induced sexual tension for the girl; later becomes “old news”/boring and is thereby not creating any sexual tension anymore, in a long-term relationship?

      Thanks in advance.

    • Dan Bacon

      Hey Knut

      You’re thinking too much.

      Yes, you have to mix things up, but just don’t worry while you’re doing it. It’s the same with sex: Women don’t want to see you worrying or hesitating. Women want to see you have the confidence to just be who you are.

      Cheers
      Dan

• Efrain

  Hey Dan, I got this situation going on, I met this girl through my roommate, she very good looking but my first impression of her was not a good one, she was rude and I really had no intentions of putting up with it, 2 weeks pass by and she along with her girlfriend comes by and invites me and my roommate out on a tuesday night, I got her number that night and told her to come out more, I didnt really see myself liking her at first, I never really bothered texting her or inviting her out because I really didnt think she was that into me, but the strange this is that she personally would call me for the next 2 weeks inviting me out on several occasions to the bars. I never thought too much into it but I did find myself being attracted to her, the problem is that she wanted to go the beach with me and would ask me when i was free, we made plans twice and she bailed both times, just when I was over it and decided I dont want to deal with it, she sends me a text saying I miss you! it threw me off, and I had made plans to see her the next night after that text! The issue is that when I go to see her me and my roommate meet up with her and her girlfriends, she acted weird, talked to her girls more and didnt really talk to me all that much! Icing on the cake is that she bails to go to a party…I let her have it the next day after walking away upset! I let her know that it was unacceptable and I not doing that again, she called and apologized to me saying that she didnt mean to hurt my feelings and it was selfish, I cant figure this one out, I havent been really flirty and neither has she but she calls me and where am at right now is that im fustrated with her and she knows it, is she into at all, i dont know!!! I do like her but I just dont show her that I do because I havent figured her out yet!

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Efrain

    Thanks for your question.

    The main problem is that you are taking on the role of the WOMAN in this sexual courtship. Women are not the men. They don’t want to have to lead you through the entire courtship. Hence why she keeps bailing after giving you HUGE hints by trying to organize something. You’ve got to take on the role of the MAN. Watch this: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/turn-your-female-friend-or-co-worker-into-your-girlfriend.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• Regan

  Hello Dan,
  At work there is a girl that i have been interested in for quite a while. She is beautiful and really good natured and we get along well. I make her laugh when we talk and she is generally very nice to me.
  Now, a while ago i had asked her if she would like to see this movie sometime. She said yes but in the end that didn’t happen. Our personal schedules were conflicted and we had a big work open day thing coming up in a couple of weeks. She had suggested that we go after the work thing but it never really came up after that (which i admit is probably my fault).
  A big reason for that is i admittedly am a shy person and fairly timid, which i know works against me. I have always gotten along with women and made them laugh but it doesn’t go beyond that. This girl at work being no exception. But i am very sexually attracted to her and her sweet nature attracts me too.
  There have been some flirty behavious which i am not sure what to make of. For a co-workers birthday we all went out and at some point in the evening she asked to touch my bum, which she did. I didn’t return the favour but i wish i did. At work our bums rubbed against each other once and she made a suggestive comment about it. And another time when i had to don a surgeons gown (which she seemed to like) she made a comment in relation to hair-pulling, as in why she has her hair tied back. I know they are very random examples and probably make little sense without proper context, but i wanted to try and give you an idea.
  Now, all these things have been spread over time and i have found myself wanted to make some moves or what have you. I want to show that sure, while i am quite a shy guy i am also sexually driven. So i debate with myself about whether or not to give her bum a playful pinch, or try to say some (tastefully) suggestive things etc. etc. At the workplace or better yet out socially. There will be an occasion fairly soon where i am relatively certain we’ll all be out socially and i would like to make some kind of move (bum pinching or whatever) but i’m not sure whether to or not.
  I wouldn’t be expecting a relationship out of this. She has been single for over a year but she was in a relationship for many years before that and just recently stated that she isn’t looking for another relationship (her sister tried to set her up with a guy she wasn’t interested in). But i figure that she is human and still has a sex drive.. I would like a relationship with her but if all i can get is sex with her then it’s still worth going for.
  Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks very much.

  Regan

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Regan

    Thanks for your comment.

    If you want to escalate to kissing and sex and possibly a relationship, I recommend that you use our tested techniques from this program: http://store.themodernman.com/in/ff7fdd Pinching her bum (as you’ve suggested) is not a guaranteed way to escalate to kissing and sex. If all you do is pinch her bum and then become shy again (and hope that she makes a move. In effect, hoping that she takes on the role of the man and leads you), then you’re likely going to get what you’ve always gotten from her: Hints that she likes you, but her waiting for YOU to guide HER through the sexual courtship.

    If you’re not ready to watch this program http://store.themodernman.com/in/ff7fdd and learn our tested techniques, I recommend that you read this article to learn more about where you’ve likely being going wrong with her: http://www.themodernman.com/sex-advice/how-to-get-a-one-night-stand.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• gaurav chandel

  I like a girl she also likes me but she lives in another city for study and family is here.I want to meet her but she passes all time in home when she comes for college holidays at home in my city…Then how can i take her mobile number and can meet her..
  When i go her home passage she looks me and gives me response but can’t come out to meet me then how it is possible give me suitable guidance plz…..

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Gaurav

    So, you like a girl and she likes you, you don’t have her phone number…and you want me to tell you how to get her phone number? It’s not as simple as me just telling you what to say Gaurav. Guys make heaps of mistakes when trying to escalate to a relationship with a girl. There is a specific process that you need to go through to make a girl WANT to give her phone number and WANT to see you. That is called The Flow: http://store.themodernman.com/in/58e9e6c

    Cheers
    Dan

• Alfaz

  Hi, I am actually new to modern man but started reading it after a relationship set back I recently had. I met this girl at my last workplace. She started it all out. As I was there for work only I responded cold. Though I was nice to her in a professional way. She used to call me Future BF in front of other colleagues and girls even her oldest friends. She was a little extra caring as well. At an official party she came to me and pointed out an old couple and said look that lovely couple they are in love, are you jealous na? I said why should I be jealous? She said but I am jealous and I blue you for this. As I was annoyed with this I left after a few minutes because I thought she is screwing my work. Meanwhile I noticed my boss has also feeling for her and he was being over protective towards her. She also said I need to learn a lot about relationships with one of her friends. As the feelings for her were beginning to develop inside me, I saw that my boss (who is much much older than her) has started touching her excessively specially when I am around. And she always tries to stop him. Also have seen them together in the same room saying they are discussing work. She still tries to hide her relationship with the boss not even from me but from others as well. Then one day it was announced to me that she becoming the director of the company as she was already rich. One more thing that stopped me from telling her at the later stage that she said that she is waiting for a German guy and showed me some pics but at the same time she said I don’t know and I have moved on.

  The problem is when I began showing my interest at a very last stage before quitting my job

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Alfaz

    Thanks for your comment.

    This is an easy situation to recover from. She’s not your ex girlfriend so I wouldn’t recommend my ex back program. Instead, I recommend that you watch this http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89 and this http://store.themodernman.com/in/18c787c

    It sounds like you have a fair bit to learn about women and relationships and those programs will certainly clear up any questions you have and teach you how to be the sort of guy that she definitely wants to be with.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Alfaz

  Continue to the previous, Part 2 (I accidentally submitted incomplete, sorry): …before quitting my job when I showed some signs of interest she replied that it was all a joke. She was just kidding. Well I took my mess and left and came back to my home country. We were very good friends in the beginning and still are. As came back I realized after many sleepless nights that I actually happen to love her now. I fell. And decided that I should at least tell her how I feel about her. So I told her through a letter. She replied that I (Alfaz) don’t need to love crazy people like her and I would remain her best friend. Unfortunately, I could not move on and decided and also told her that I might be waiting for you as long as I can. May be for a life time as she is the love of my life. She usually smiles over it and says that during mobile chat that “I am glad that I know you”. Now I just want to wait in vain but don’t know what would happen as she is miles away from me. She shares her problems and asks for remote help in work and I do help her and advise her whenever needed. Please diagnose what is it really and give your valuable advise?

  Thanks a lot in advance.

  Best regards,
  Alfaz

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Alfaz

    Just saw your extra comment.

    Okay, basically you’re just a friend to her because of what? Why? She isn’t attracted to you. It’s as simple as that. Helping her with her work and being her friend is NOT the way to get her to feel sexual attraction for you (what she needs to feel before she will become open to wanting to be your girlfriend). I recommend the programs I’ve suggested for you above and I suggest you stop interacting with her until you’ve watched them both, to avoid you making the situation worse.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Sam

  Hi dan, I’m having some worries I’m a nice guy single with a solid build but sadly I have never been happy every woman I have met has treated me poorly is it me or something I’m doing wrong? I have a lot of female friends but love just seems to avoid me because I’m afraid of being hurt again

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Sam

    Thanks for your question.

    If you have plenty of friends, it is a clear sign that women like being around you. However, you’re not behaving in a way that will make them feel sexual attraction for you and want to be with you in that way.

    The program for you is Better Than a Bad Boy: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89

    Cheers
    Dan

• John Tran

  Hi Dan,

  So I’m at a dessert store, which I’m a regular of on a biweekly basis, and there’s a worker who recognizes me. When I was done ordering she asks “will that be all for you today?”

  I tell her “is there something you’d like to recommend to me?” since I was getting stuff for my family and not myself.

  She makes something that isn’t on the menu for me. When handing me my order, she tells me the price of my original order and states that the special dessert she made was “on her”.

  I pay her, and she tells me “let me know how it is and if it’s not good, I’ll make you something else next time”.

  Do you think she’s just being friendly, since I’m a regular, or do you think she’s flirting with me?

  Cheers,
  John

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey John

    Thanks for your question.

    She’s definitely being nice to you, but that is not what flirting is. Additionally, it doesn’t matter if she intended to flirt; what matters is this: Where YOU flirting? If a woman did that for me, I would flirt with her verbally and with my body language and when she did the same back, we would essentially be telling each other that we liked each other and wanted something to happen.

    However, you must remember: It’s not a woman’s role to have to lead you and make it obvious that she likes you. If you like a woman, YOU need to flirt with her, see her flirting back and then things forward. If you don’t know how to do that, read this: http://store.themodernman.com/products/the_flow.html or listen to this: http://store.themodernman.com/products/the_ultimate_guide_to_conversation.html for many more examples.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Knut

  Hey Dan.

  Why can a woman seem interested in a guy, but still not want to escalate with him (by not wanting to give him her contact-details, not want to kiss him, or not want to have sex with him)?

  For example:
  I met a girl at the train today, and I started talking to her. We were talking for a short while, and she was open and easy to talk to, because she contributed a lot to the conversation (she talked about her studies on her own initiative, and she easily followed up with conversation when I commented on things). She also maintained eye-contact with me, without moving her eyes, several times during the conversation.
  But when she had to get off the train, I asked her for her full name, and she didn’t want to give it to me. She responded in a way which made it seem like she perceived my request as awkward.
  The response she gave me was: “Eeeeh……… I don’t give out that kind of information to people I’ve just met.” (Which would not be true, if she actually were sexually attracted enough to me.)

  (I thought of adding her to Facebook, but I didn’t mention Facebook to her. I thought that she understood that I wanted her name, just in order to add her on Facebook.)

  Is reading a woman’s interest-level during situations like these also covered in “Dating Power”?

  Thanks for answering

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Knut

    Thanks for your question.

    When asking a woman a question like that, you have to give her the reason. Instead of asking for her full name, just ask, “How do I find you on Facebook?”

    All of our programs always include specific advice on reading the woman’s interest levels or understand what she is really thinking or feeling. However, yes – Dating Power includes a full section on reading and interpreting the signals of interest from women when you are going through the process of picking her up.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Malk Raheel

  Hey Dan,
  This is Mlik Raheel form Pakistan I have a question regarding my problame I am 27 and I m interesred in mature women like above 30
  From the last year I have found 4 mature women one by one, in the beging of oru conversation every things was smothe,we have a fix a date then suddnly every thihng gose wrong I don’t know what happened with she just stop talking to me
  After that I found next women she wad also so nice we a lucnh togater at her home then I ask to her lets go some where,,there you me can stay for a day or etc….she also left me no contact….next was the same…now i have 4the one she so cool with me but am afread that she might be left me like other lift i so nice to her as says she call me sweet hear she over 30 i told her that i am very in her some times she says to me yeh i know you are so nice and cute she also says that wear that kind of dress or shoes hair style but some time she just disapear and after that she just apear and says to me i was so beausy…etc i just want to know i want to take her away on date no idea how to do many times i have told her about date but she just says no it so dificult fot her to go with me.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Malk

    Thanks for your comment.

    It sounds like you are focussing more on making women feel friendly emotions towards you, rather than giving the woman the chance to feel sexually attracted to you first. Women want to be able to feel a spark with you and one of the easiest ways to do that is via flirting. Check these two posts/videos out and you will understand:

    http://www.themodernman.com/blog/what-is-flirting-and-why-does-it-turn-women-on-so-easily.html
    http://www.themodernman.com/blog/why-does-being-too-nice-to-a-woman-often-lead-to-rejection.html

    Cheers
    Dan

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