Most beautiful women are less picky about a guy’s looks than you think.
Additionally, while you might think you don’t look good enough for a beautiful woman, the truth is that you can actually make women look at your physical appearance in a more positive light. How?
When you make a woman feel attracted to you for other reasons (e.g. charm, humor, confidence, masculine vibe, etc), she will actually look at your physical appearance in a more positive light because she is feeling attracted to who you are as a guy.
While it is true that some beautiful women will only ever have sex with a perfectly good looking guy who is tall and has loads of money, most beautiful women have what I call an Open Type, which means that they are open to having sex with many different types of guys (and even marrying them) if the guy can make her feel enough attraction in other ways.
As you may have seen, even guys that you might consider to be “ugly” can and do pick up beautiful women all the time (some photo proof).
Making Her Feel Attracted to You
As long as you are confident during an interaction with a woman and can make her feel attracted to you in other ways (e.g. charm, humor, flirting, masculine vibe, etc), most women will give you a chance.
A woman would rather be with a confident guy who isn’t good-looking (i.e. average looking or below average looking) than a good-looking guy who is nervous around her, intimidated by her and who would likely become clingy in a relationship.
Imagine This…
Imagine that you’re at a busy nightclub and notice a very beautiful woman you’d love to meet. You would really like to approach and talk to her, but you’re not exactly a male model. You’re just…well…average. So, what are you going to do? Should you go over and talk to her?
“No,” you say to yourself, “I can’t do that. She’s probably used to having handsome guys in her life and might even have a good-looking boyfriend. She’ll most likely reject a guy like me in an instant. What’s the point of trying?”
If you approach a beautiful woman with that attitude, then you are right – she is going to reject you. Why? Women are attracted to the strength in men and turned off by the weakness. So, when you appear nervous around her or seem to be second-guessing yourself, she will be turned off by your mental and emotional weakness.
Gift Wrapping Example
Consider this…
Two people give you presents for your birthday. One has it professionally wrapped in expensive paper and decorated beautifully with ribbons and says to you, “I didn’t know what to get you, so I got you some stupid shirt. If you don’t like it, you can return it.”
The other person happily hands you their present with a smile. It’s unwrapped and still in the plain, original department store gift box, but the person confidently says, “I wanted to get you something special and when I saw this, I knew you’d love it.”
It’s exactly same shirt as the other person got you, but this present was given to you with a very different approach. You don’t need two identical shirts. So which one would you keep? The one that was given to you with love has more meaning, but if you’re a superficial person then you might want to keep the one with the pretty wrapping to make yourself feel good.
That’s about how it works when women judge men on looks. Some women want guys who “look good” because it will make them feel better, whereas most women just want a guy who makes them FEEL good.
Have you ever seen a beautiful woman reject a handsome guy after a few minutes? Of course you have. Why? In most cases, all he has to offer her is his “beautiful wrapping paper” and nothing more.
He thought that his good looks should have been enough to impress her, but most women need to feel sexually attracted to a man’s personality before they will become truly interested in being with him. That is why you see average and below-average looking men walking along with a beautiful girlfriend; these men attract women just by being themselves.
If a good looking guy lacks confidence, conversation skills and charisma, a woman will quickly lose interest in him. After a few minutes of seeing him awkwardly try to keep the conversation going and appearing nervous while doing it, she will begin to realize that what she is looking is little more than an empty box.
Most women will then reject him and keep looking for a man of substance.
You’ve Got to Believe in Yourself
As a man, most of your success with women simply comes down to believing in yourself. You have to believe that you are not only good enough, but that you are more than good enough…especially when you’re talking to attractive women.
If attractive women can see that you believe in yourself and don’t get nervous around them, they will be much more eager to kiss you, go on dates with you and have sex with you.
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I agree with what you guys say – Looks are certainly not the number one trait that attracts women. It’s the core confidence that does the job. In order to get that confidence though we need to look deep into ourselves and see what experiences and teachings has lead up to these limiting beliefs. Only then will you be able to fully believe in yourself and get on your way to become a Casanova
Confidence is key! Without it a guy can’t be a man.
Thanks for such a post its change my attitude.
Confidence is definitely the key to success with women. I’ve been told hundreds of times that I am a good looking guy, but I haven’t had a girlfriend for the last two years. Women just hate it when a guy doesn’t believe in himself. I have guy friends who I consider ugly but who are really confident in themselves…and they either sleep with hot women all the time or have a great girlfriend that doesn’t want to leave them.
Thanks for this post Dan, I am making a commitment today to improve my confidence. I might start with your Mastery audio program if I can save up enough money this month.
Looks are not whats gonna get the girl. Confidence is part of what makes that girl hot, and if your confident with yourself you have just of a chance as anyone else!
Looks are not always key, and sometimes too much confidence can be a real turnoff. Honesty, being genuine – these are the best. I like a guy who has confidence that naturally flows. I have seen the most gorgeous looking men stutter, but they were untrustworthy in their approach so I wasn’t interested. I usually just go for normal looking guys who are honest and genuine, those have been my most successful and favorite relationships. Handsome men are not what we women are ultimately looking for and we women know that.
I have seen guys who are cheap in behaviour having girlfriends who are really hot. It’s just because .. the way they behave has the charm , the confidence to attract a girl like magnet. It is definitely not about money or looks for us guys…you have to have charm and confidence.
The ‘looks do matter’ mindset is one of the hardest to shake off for us guys because we get told it does by Magazines, TV, Movies, and even women so we can’t help think it does matter because its everywhere.
However in reality being good looking can get a girl to pay you some attention and take some initial interest in you but if you then walk over and look and act nervous shes not going to be interested in you. You have to have personality!
Quick way of saying it is looks can get you an ‘audition’ with a girl but if you screw up the performance your not going to get the gig.
Guda it, u tips av bin boostin 2 my confident. Am findin women at ease now. Great job there!
I like confidence but too much is a turn off…but, only a few guys do that…they go overboard but you can tell it is just a front…they are really just insecure inside and trying to give off the impression that they are bulletproof so us girls feel impressed. Just be yourself (I know this age-old advice isn’t as easy as it sounds) and you will find the right girl! For me it’s all about genuine personality, not looks.
Hi Tim
Thanks for your question.
It is definitely your state of mind. Here’s why: You HAVE seen other guys who are as tall as you and as skinny as you with girlfriends. True?
You’ve also seen overweight guys with girlfriends. Check this guy out:
http://www.themodernman.com/videos/tony_usa.html
You have seen ALL TYPES OF GUYS (fat, skinny, short, bald, weird-looking, etc) with girlfriends. Why? Because it is NOT about looks…despite what TV advertisements will try to tell you to make you insecure enough to buy their colognes, clothes and cars. It is about having the confidence to talk to a woman and move things forward to a kiss, sex and relationship.
I recommend you read The Flow and start following the steps that will lead you from a simple conversation into the bedroom with a woman.
http://www.themodernman.com/the_flow.html
Cheers
Dan
I absolutely agree with you Dan,but one more question i feel i should ask,liking,confidence and all sorts of approach go with security and a man cannot feel secured if he lacks one big thing in life and that money,so how can an ordinary man approach a high fashioned class babe when he does not have financial security?in this case lets’ assume he’s a college student who’s interested in somehow a working class lady who is not married yet,how possible will my confidence help me win this lady?
Hi Greg
Thanks for your question.
A lot of guys are experiencing your insecurity right now, so it is probably a timely question…especially given the current state of the world economy.
Okay, so there’s a thing called “compatibility” and yes – it does mean that you will not be suitable for every woman you meet…just like every woman won’t be suitable for your tastes.
Personally speaking…even though most women that I meet do like me and want to be with me, even though I’ve had sex and loving relationships (that I broke off) with catwalk models…it does NOT mean I can get every catwalk model in the world. It also does not mean that I should try to get women who are not currently compatible with me. That would be stupid and unproductive.
In terms of money: I am not rich or well off at all (selling dating advice does not earn me much money at all. I would be making three times as much if I went back to my corporate job in management/leadership, but I honestly do this for the love of it and am sticking with it for now), so yes – some rich women would be put off by where I am at in life financially. Who cares?
The fact is, a woman who has a normal job is compatible with me and we would have a more balanced relationship with less arguments and problems. So why should I try and date a rich woman who wants a rich guy? (Not all rich women want a rich guy, but yes – most do because it is more compatible).
Here’s the thing…
Guys with your insecurity often want women they can’t get. Why? So they don’t have to ANYTHING AT ALL about their lack of success with women. They can avoid approaching women because they think, “But, I’m not rich enough…so I can’t get the woman I want” Crazy huh? Well, it is often linked to the fear of success. Read:
http://www.themodernman.com/success/successful_thinking/fear_of_success.html
YES, it is TRUE. SOME “high class women” are going to prefer guys who are doing well financially because they want the guy to be able to pay for and enjoy the same type of lifestyle as she does. See: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/articles/what_type_of_cougar.html for more info.
However, don’t let it put you off approaching women altogether. “High class” or rich women are NOT THE NORM. They are less than 1% of the population…so quit the BS excuse.
The fact is that in the current economy, MOST people in the world (including women who wear the latest fashions) are NOT financially secure and are living “pay check to pay check”.
Greg – you need to stop making excuses and start approaching women. The insecurity you are holding yourself down with is unnecessary, weak and will only lead to you feeling heavier and heavier levels of regret as each year of your life passes you by.
Approach!
If you don’t know how to approach women – LEARN and start doing what you need to do, instead of living in a fantasy world of unwarranted insecurity. If you think that YOU can’t do it, then have a listen to this guy: http://www.themodernman.com/she_called_him_stupid.html
Dan
Ugh! My fiance has this attitude! Every time I dress stylish just like the people getting makeovers on “What Not To Wear”, he gets so pissed off because he sees that I’m more attractive than he is because I’m Asian/European white and he’s just a full-blooded Asian, no other race and that other guys look at me. He always tells me to dress down and cut my hair neck length and straighten it since it is wavy nor wear any make up at all. He’s a very insecure, possessive guy with no friends and is very territorial. Sometimes I like it and sometimes I don’t.
And when a girl is more attractive than you, you’re more likely to be very possessive and controlling of her. You tell her to change her fashion style, hairstyle, and not to wear make up. In other words, you want her to look attractive to you only and not other guys. It’s common. I’ve known guys like these.
Hi LR
I’m going to get straight to the point here: Unless your fiance watches Better Than a Bad Boy and follows that advice, your marriage is going to end in divorce. That is, if you two even get married at all.
Cheers
Dan
Dan – You are really on top of your game
and , in some ways, I really admire you for it. However, I am deeply troubled by reading about this “game” that good, stable men are forced to play by
reading a book.
Does that seem like a bad thing?
Hi Dave
Thanks for your comment.
I’m pleased to tell you that going through a natural steps of a sexual courtship is not a bad thing, nor is it an unnecessary game. It’s the human mating dance. If you do it incorrectly, women won’t be interested in you. It’s pretty simple. Read The Flow and you will understand the correct process to go through with a woman, so you can go from a simple conversation all the way to a phone number, kiss, date, sex and into a relationship without any hassle.
Cheers
Dan