Okay, so there’s a girl that you really like, but for some reason you can’t seem to get her to feel the same way about you. She is friendly with you and she likes you, but she doesn’t want to have a sexual relationship with you, right?
So, what is really going on?
2 Common Mistakes That Turn Women Off Having Sex With a Guy
When a guy has a crush on a girl and really likes her, he usually makes the following mistakes that stop the girl from wanting anything other than a friendship.
1. He is way too nice to her
There’s nothing wrong with being nice to a woman, but it’s not the thing that will make her want to have sex with you or be your girlfriend. Why? Watch the video below for the answer…
2. He is too easy to impress
If a woman is attractive, most of the guys that see her will be willing to have sex with her. Many of those will also be willing to have a relationship with her.
Why? A man’s initial attraction to a woman is mostly based on her physical appearance. If a woman looks good, most guys will be willing to have sex with her, which then leads the woman to be more attracted to guys who offer her a bit of a challenge.
Using the Wrong Approach on a Woman Almost Always Leads to a Rejection
If you don’t start by making a woman feel attracted to you first, she will almost always reject you when you show interest in kissing her, having sex with her or being her boyfriend.
You absolutely have to start with attraction. Attraction comes first and everything else follows that. When a guy attempts to seduce a woman incorrectly (i.e. by being a nice guy, pretending to be an innocent friend and then eventually asking her out), he will usually get one of the following responses:
- “Sorry…I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”
- “I like you, but don’t rush me.”
- “Give me some time. I don’t know what I want right now.”
- “I only like you as a friend.”
- “I don’t want to run our friendship.”
So, what does she mean by those statements?
She is trying to tell you that she doesn’t feel sexually attracted to you. She might like you as a person, but liking a guy in a friendly way isn’t what makes a woman want to have sex with him.
Sexual attraction is what makes a woman want to have sex and unless you are making her feel that, anything that you say about “seeing each other” or “dating” or “going out” will seem weird, awkward and even wrong to her.
If you try to get a woman into a relationship before you’ve even made her feel sufficient sexual attraction for you, she might also say that you’re “coming on too strong.” It will feel strange to her that you’re wanting her to commit to being your girlfriend, even though you haven’t kissed her or had sex with her yet.
In the early 1900s, approaching women in that way was the right thing to do because almost all women didn’t have sex before marriage. In today’s world, you have to make a woman feel attracted to you and then at least kiss her (but preferably have sex with her first), before you even get to talking about seeing each other again or starting a relationship.
Today’s women don’t need men like women did in the past and unless you know how to properly attract women, most women will reject you. The flow of a sexual courtship HAS changed and if you use the approach that men used in the early 1900s, you can expect to be rejected almost every time.
Using the Right Approach on a Woman Almost Always Leads to Success
If your current approach to the woman you like hasn’t been working, you have to stop doing that and start doing what will actually work.
Here’s what you need to do:
1. Focus on attracting her
Stop trying to get this woman to LIKE you as a person and start making her feel sexually ATTRACTED to you. A woman liking you as a person is not the step before starting a sexual relationship with her.
If you want this woman to feel sexual feelings and want to begin a sexual relationship, you have to make her feel sexually attracted to you. If she only likes you as a friend, another guy can come along and instantly take her from you by making her feel sexually attracted to him.
2. Adjust your interest level
It is fine to be 100% sexually attracted to a woman that you’re seducing, but it is not fine to be 100% interested in her prior to starting a sexual relationship.
Instead of being 100% interested (otherwise known as “being too keen”), allow your interest level in her to rise and fall based on how well she is treating you. For instance, if you’re talking to her and she only gives short answers or says, “Uh-huh…uh-huh” and doesn’t even care what you’re saying, then stop talking to her.
Pull back your interest and do something else.
Don’t reward her bad behavior with increased interest. If she isn’t behaving in the way that you want, pull back your interest. That is an example of the challenging behavior that women LOVE from guys.
3. Stop acting like a friend
Being a woman’s nice friend is not the way to become her lover or boyfriend.
You’ve got to talk to her in a way that makes her feel turned on, as well as directly show your sexual interest (e.g. by the way you look at her) or express it, (e.g. by smiling at her and telling her that you think she’s sexy).
If you act like a friend, you will be in the friend zone with her and all it will take for another guy to steal her from you is for him to attract her, kiss her and then have sex with her. If the guy knows what he is doing and doesn’t make the mistake of acting like an innocent friend who isn’t sexually interested in her, he will usually begin having sex with her right away.
4. Make her chase you
Women want to feel LUCKY to be chosen by YOU.
They do not want to feel as though they are doing you a favor by going out with you. To make a woman chase you, she first has to feel attracted to you. From there, you need to raise and lower your interest level based on how good she is being to you. You also need to be confident so that other women feel attracted to you and she notices it.
When women see that other women are attracted to you, their attraction for you skyrockets. It’s just how a woman’s brain works, so use it to your advantage.
We men usually decide if we want to have sex with a woman based on her appearance alone, but women take many different factors into account, including whether or not other women like you. If a woman senses that you are desperate and can’t attract other women, she won’t feel special or lucky to be with you.
She will feel as though you only like her so much because other women aren’t interested in. She will then feel like she’d be doing you a favor by hooking up with you, which will turn her off on a deep level.
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Hi Dan,
I’ll try to make it as concise as possible because I know you’re busy enjoying your life to the fullest!
I have two major questions basically:
1. There’s a girl at school who I really like so I decided to read The Flow and listen to Ash (Confessions of a Natural) to know how to go about it. I found the info really helpful and put it into action right away.
Now the thing is, I already have had some succes with it, I’m really trying to make her chase me as you suggest it… and sometimes she does seem to be interested in me and reciprocates my flirting etc… but when I do try to move things forward (touching, getting one-on-one time with her) she seems to back off… I asked her why is that (not in a needy, but in a straightforward, confident way) and she says because she desn’t want others to think that we’re together and she wants other guys to see her as single… Still, she comes back to me and shows some signals of interests… What am I supposed to do about it? Is she playing hard to get or should I completely ignore her and find someone who actually deserves to be with me, for not acting this bulls*it with me?
2. The other question: I’m only 17 years old, and I started to think that maybe that could be the problem. Maybe girls at this age DO put more emphasis on looks and I simply have to wait until they realize that it’s not the most important atraction trait in a man… Any thought on that? Do you think girls 16-19 want the EXACT SAME things that you’re teaching here at TMM, or should I modify something?
Thanks in advance for you response, all three of you really DO make our lives better… 🙂
Hey Dan,
It’s a little bit complicated but i really need some advise over the situation, because non of my friends seems to have like a good answer for that.
Now to start i live in Egypt, i am 21 years old and am pretty good looking
Now two years ago i was trying to add someone over facebook and accidentally i added a girl by the same name that i don’t know, basically she accepted the request and we figured out that we don’t know each other but there was like a lot of friends in common, so we decided to sat as friends there.
we got to know each other and then we stopped talking.
Two years later, i met her in like a sports day in my old school, it was like actually the first time to meet her in person. she was really beautiful.
we talked and joked for like 5 mins.
Then next day i started to talk to her over whatsapp on a daily basis and we were having good conversations, then, i told her that i do really like her, when i did it came this way
i asked her are you in a relationship ?
she said why do you ask 😛
– just a question 😀
– ok she said i wouldn’t answer until you tell me why do you ask
– ok i like you 🙂
– 🙂
– NO
-no what ?
– no am not in a relationship
-:D
-that’s the good news
– the bad one i don wana be in one !
and then i kept talking to her
things started to go faster
now i got her cell number and we started to talk over the phone for like an hour a day,
But she said that she didn’t feel something for me ! and the reason why she doesn’t wana be in a relationship is because she had a bad exprience bfore that she doesn’t
want to talk about.
everyday we speak for like an hour over the phone and it ends by me telling her how much i like her
everyday
Now my minds tell me that she is into me since she is accepting my calls and all of that, but i can’t like move to base 2 wither her and get her to say that she likes me, at the same time she says that she doesn’t feel something for me
really like the girl and i wanna be with her.
Tell me please what do you think it could be done and if i do have a chance, because am like tired of begging !
Hey Fady
Thanks for your question.
This is pretty simple: You asked her if she wanted to be in a relationship with you INSTEAD of making her want to be in a relationship with you. How do you do that? Watch this: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/turn-your-female-friend-or-co-worker-into-your-girlfriend.html
Cheers
Dan
Hey Steve
Thanks for your question.
Hmmm…sounds like she’s not that attracted to you if she’s worried about other guys thinking she is with you. It seems like she might be just using you to feel good about herself.
About your other question. Yes, women are attracted to the same things regardless of age or culture. Sure, some women want to find a good-looking boyfriend, but most guys are not good-looking and they have a girlfriend. No doubt, you would have seen plenty of hot, younger girls with ‘ugly’ boyfriends with your OWN eyes. True? Most of us guys are just average looking, so it is not about the looks.
Heck, my girlfriend is 18 (my friends rate her as 9/10) and I’m 33 with a bit of a belly. Looks don’t mean anything, unless you think they do. If I thought that looks were important, I would have never approached her in the first place….but, I did approach her and look what happened.
Sounds like you need to approach some more women, possibly outside your school environment. You might want to consider meeting women in these ways (most you can do at your age):
http://www.themodernman.com/21_great_ways_to_get_a_girlfriend.html
Cheers
Dan
Hi again, thanks for the quick response.
I’m a bit confused right now.
First of all THANK YOU DAN for having founded The Modern Man, thanks to you I’ve had my first date ever just today with THAT girl from school.
She’s a strong 8/10 but she thinks too much of herserlf (at least 9.5/10) and she has turned down almost EVERYBODY, even the most popular and good looking guys from the whole school. She’s not even willing to give them a single chance, it’s like she’s waiting for Prince Charming on the white horse…
Now guess what? In two weeks after having read The Flow and applying only about 10-20% of the info you give away on this website, I’ve managed to go on a date with her. What’s even more surprising is that SHE asked me first to go on a date with her (it’s amazing how well your stuff works).
We had a good time chatting to each other, I didn’t take things too seriously, I was just being myself, maintaining eye contact, being confident all that sort of stuff… But I think I made the mistake of not using using enough humor and not flirting enough (if at all). She was talking about 70% of the time, not because I didn’t know what to say, but because she’s that type, and I remembered you suggesting that it’s OK to let the girl talk about herself…
So here’s the question: What would you do in a situation like this, when she’s talking way too much, still you’d like to dominate the conversation and be able to use flirting and humor etc… There was almost 0 sexual vibe going on and I’m wondering wheter she still looks at me as
boyfriend material or not… How would you follow up a date like this? Would you set up another one or what can I do now? (obviously we didn’t get to kissing or anything like that)
Second question as usual, it will be a very basic one:) As I already mentioned this was my very first date ever (THANKS AGAIN) and I might have made the mistake of not sitting opposite to her. I didn’t want to sit face to face with her, because I remembered you mentioning that you don’t want the tension to become awkward etc… but this was a date and not a first approach. So when on a date, do you sit opposite to each other or is it better to sit next to her?
A million thanks to you guys, you are just simply awesome! Are you working on a new product right now (that would be cool)?
P.S.: To all the guys reading this now: If you have doubts about purchasing one of the products, remember this: The Modern Man products sound too good to be true… BUT they are!
Hi Steve
Congrats on getting the date and huge thanks for your recommendation of our advice to other guys.
To answer your question: Yes, even if she is talkative, you STILL have to flirt and create sexual tension. Let her talk all night, but playfully tease her about some of the things she’s said.
Have you listened to http://www.themodernman.com/the_ultimate_guide_to_conversation.html ?
We talk about the different ways to respond to what a woman is saying. Free sample here: http://www.themodernman.com/having_an_interesting_conversation.html
Re: Sitting face to face the whole date. Yes, it can make it awkward, so that’s why we recommend sitting on a seat that puts you at an angle to each other (I think that is perpendicular) instead of eye-to-eye the whole time. Not a big deal though, but it helps.
From there Steve, you must start initiating touch and going to STEP 4 in the The Flow: Take things to the next level….otherwise, if a guy who knows how to escalate/take things to the next level gets a chance with her, you’ll be slam-dunked into the ‘friend zone’.
Cheers
Dan
Pls how can i ask this beautiful girl to be my friend and she will agree.
Hi K
You have a lot of learning to do by the sound of it. Watch these videos and get educated.
Cheers
Dan
Simple – have sex with her. Sex changes everything. If you don’t he will stay at the top of her mind and you will become more and more needy, which will eventually turn her off.
If you don’t know how to escalate to sex – watch Dating Power: http://store.themodernman.com/dating_power.html
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan, I ordered your products long ago, some profound stuff, it kind of worked for me quite a bit…. but due to very complicated and painful complications with 1 girl I kind of loosed it…. and my psychiatrist suspected i have Asperger’s syndrome.
About 2 weeks ago, after weeks of tests by proffesional psychologists and doctors, I got my diagnos.
And, well, I kind of understand my self right now, why i turned to the Modern Man in the first place.
About myself, I can say I’m a 19 year old guy with a unique personality who’ve allways had great potential on the dating scene, if it weren’t for the negative aspects of my now confirmed mild degree of Asperger’s Syndrome: Being unable to fully automatically and naturally reading and interpreting the social “interaction game” and all the signals women (and people in general) send out. As well, as not fully being able to understand (untill afterwards) the social signals and cues I send out to other people.
Which means I have to figure out intellectually what normal people figure out automatically, which makes me over analysing lots of stuff, and that’s not good….
The girls in my class (the class is almost all girls)now know I have Asperger, and they are all friendly, wants to help, and gives me really good advice and all…. but damn…. I’ve lost face infront of them many times due to my Asperger and inabillity in social interactions. I love being social, I’m in training of becoming an actor, but it’s damn irritating that they feel ‘sorry’ for me, that I feel I have to prove to them I can be a man, and that I’m more or less “damned” for something I was born with.
I feel like I want to fight and overcomming my Asperger and climb this large uphill…. But I really need some pep talk. Confirmation that the products have worked as awesome for Aspies as for normal men would be awesome, as well as some good advices about my specific situation.
Thanks in advance.
well, what can I give as a present to her without appearing to be after a relationship. How do I know what she likes?
Hi Joseph
Thanks for your question.
Simple – just give her a present and genuinely don’t try to get anything out of it. Only you can decide if you’ll have the integrity to do that. In terms of knowing what she likes, think about what you know about her. Where does she shop? (Get her a voucher from that shop). What makes her excited and happy? (Get her something that is associated with that).
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan, I ordered ”The Ultimate Guide to conversations” & ”Mastery methods and mindsets” some time ago. I’ve been getting into both of them, would you recommend thou that I focus on one of them specifically at first? And if so, which one?
Now as to what actually brings me here, I’m in a bit of a difficult situation and would really appreciate your guidance!
There is this girl that I go to college with. For some months now I’d say she has definitly shown interest (such as often joking around about sexual things). I never made a move thou. I’ve flirted with her a little during the few times that we’ve been alone but that’s it.
What mainly prevented me from doing much was the fact that she throughout this time had a boyfriend (which she by the way was never late to mention when I was near, -how much she was longing for him, etc.. ).
Now thou, what has happened is she and her boyfriend has just broken up. I believe this was pretty tough on her, she was away from class crying after it happened (I have to admit I myself had never been happier thou). About a week has passed since this and I haven’t really spoken much to her during this time.
What I wonder is how do I approach this whole situation?! I would obviously like to get something going with the girl, seeing as she is very attractive. Should I give her time to get over her ex before I make a move? I’m afraid I might just become a temporary replacement otherwise. How do I talk to her during this time? Should I still flirt with her? I obviously don’t want to end up in the friend zone! Seeing as we have lots of classes together everyday keeping a low profile is not really an option..
Your guidance would be greatly appreciated Dan!
Hi John
Thanks for your question.
Yes, you should continue flirting with her and being attractive to her. As she goes through the grieving process and gets over her boyfriend, she should start to see that you’re actually a better option for her anyway.
In terms of you being a temporary replacement, you probably WILL BE if you approach this whole thing as though she is choosing you. Don’t ever try to impress women and hope to be chosen – that is the opposite of the “dating power mindset” we teach. She should be trying to get with you because she feels so much attraction for you (MAKE SURE you are using the properly techniques we teach and she WILL feel that way). If you give her the power, it will most-likely backfire.
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan
I’m steve s. from the philippines, I’m so happy i found this & this is the best, it made me more aware. I have a question…
I met this girl last week from a neighbor’s party, she’s really pretty. When we were introduced, basically we were getting to know more about each other & we exchanged numbers. On the next day, together with other friends, we went to a restaurant & i took her hand & she told me that she’s not comfortable by holding hands? So does that mean that i’m too fast?
This is my second question,
Since that day, we keep texting but not really the whole day, we usually every night & its always me who texts her first. Is it right? Is it too early for me to set up a date with her? What can I do to make her more comfortable with me & how can I show her that she’s the she really means a lot to me without making her uneasy? Because the last time, i got dumped by this girl(another girl) because she said that I invaded her personal space & it made her uneasy. I know this is really cheesy, but I’ve been dreaming to finally meet someone like her, i’m referring to the girl I met at the neighbor’s party. So I badly need your help dan. I know you’re the man.. Thank you very much, i’m looking forward for your reply…
Hi Steve
Thanks for your questions.
My answers:
Question 1: No, it usually means that you are acting like a friend and haven’t attracted her. If she is attracted to you and she is saying that, then yes – it is too soon for her. However, I never have women say that to me, so you’re probably just not attracting her properly. Read The Flow.
Question 2: It’s always you who texts first. Lol, you’re doing it all wrong dude. Chasing women almost ALWAYS makes them play hard to get.
Question 3: You asked, “…how can I show her that she’s the she really means a lot to me” Dude, you’re doing it all wrong. SHE has to be the one showing that you mean a lot to her. If not, you will only ever “get lucky” with desperate women. Most women don’t like it when the man is too keen at the start. They want to be in that position. Watch this: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/question-and-answer-video-series-part-8.html
You also said, “Because the last time, i got dumped by this girl(another girl) because she said that I invaded her personal space & it made her uneasy.” …yes, that’s because she wasn’t attracted to you. Read The Flow and learn how to attract women properly.
Cheers
Dan
Hello, there Is a girl I like in school . I asked her out about half a year ago. We didn’t speak to each other and haven’t for awhile. I asked her out, said she was dead beautiful . She replied ( over message ) I have broken peoples hearts before and I don’t want to do it to you . We talked like best friends all that day after it . Then in the next couple of days I thought this other guy liked her more . So I sent her a message saying stuff like I would be a better boyfriend . We started to fall out then she said . DON’T ASK ME OUT EVER AGAIN, forever . I fixed things between the following days as we talked like best friends . We hadn’t talked for a while until Christmas when I bought her a gift . I think she did like it . After christmas I found out she went out with someone else . So I asked her out again . She then replied with I don’t want a boyfriend . Also again we talked all day like best buddy’s . Didnt talk to her until recently . We have started to act silly together . ( over message ) we sometimes talk all day
Also we don’t do the following
-talk in person
However my last/next move is at the prom ( if she will go with me )
Hi Dave
Sounds like she will reject you again. Why? She isn’t attracted to you. It’s obvious that you don’t understand what women want from a guy. Read my book and start talking to women properly: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/the-flow-new-edition.html Getting a girlfriend is not about making her become your best friend…it’s about making her want to have sex with you. Also, you don’t ask a girl out – even when you’re as young as you are. Get her to ask you out…haven’t you noticed that the cool/popular guys get asked out and followed around by girls? It’s not an accident. Learn how to do this properly Dave or you’ll keep getting rejected.
Cheers
Dan
hey man, I’ll keep it short and simple. went out with this girl. things were great at the start, then i played to hard to get.she was sending me msgs i miss you.. and me the idiot said i miss her back.. she said she needed some space which i gave her. and she wanted to talk. we spoke things didnt go to well. she was crying so much. i basically told her its up to her. i will give you time and space u need im patient. her birthday was the week after. i didnt call her or msg on her birthday, but i did however send her a text saying excuse me, ive been busy. happy birthday thanks.. and she said it meant alot to her.. since then i havent called or msgd her..
you think she will call back or msg its been now 4 days. she said she needs wants things the way they were before. i have made changes in myself for me. going to the gym, being positive, not showing any sadness and keeping busy..
am i playing my cards right..
Hi David
Thanks for your question.
Are you playing your cards right? In some ways yes, but you are making a fundamental mistake of trying to do everything in the effort to please her. That’s not what a woman wants, especially the woman you’ve met. She wants to be in that position. How can you reverse it? Have something in your life that is more important than her. It’s not just about keeping busy or going to the gym. Don’t do it to please her. Women don’t want that.
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan,
Thanks for your work. I have a question. I like this lady at work. We hardly ever talked but we exchanged long gazes at times. I’ve upped it a little by going over to her department with a movie I thought she would like. She took it and I saw her a couple days later and asked if she saw it, she said she has not weatched it as of yet. Anyway, I saw in the breakfast line at the cafetaria and started a short conversation then i asked her to go in line and she agreed after we both smiled at each other, she was being reluctant but then relented after we smiled at each other. Then the other day I saw her again and had a very short conversation. We did not have a long conversation again but I made her smile again, and have been getting a warm feeling from her when I think about her. How do I escalate things from her? Is it worth it? I want to go to her work area again but that is probabaly not a good idea. I’m thinking of calling her on her work phone just to say Hi. Is this a good idea?
Thanks,
Andrew
Hi Andrew
Thanks for your question.
It’s crystal clear to me that you don’t understand what women want in a man. You are trying to get her to LIKE you, rather than making her ATTRACTED to you. You need to read The Flow and learn the correct process for a sexual courtship.
As for your idea of calling her up: It won’t make a difference. You need to ATTRACT her, not try to be her friend by calling up and chatting. You need to learn before you stuff this opportunity up with her. The reason she’s not that interested is that you’re not ATTRACTING her. Read this and you will succeed.
Cheers
Dan
P.S. As for dating a coworker – we don’t recommend it for newbies like you. Since you don’t understand what you’re doing, you’re going to make a lot of mistakes and run the risk of getting into trouble at work. Until you know how to attract women properly and go through the natural process for a sexual courtship (explained in The Flow), you should stick to practicing on women outside of your work environment. However, it’s up to you. My assumption is that you’d be too afraid to approach women outside of your work environment, so you’re going to roll the dice on this one.
P.P.S. You might be interested in this also: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/dating_women_in_the_workplace.html
Hi Dan,
Thanks for the advice. I did purchase the flow last night and read all of it already. Thanks a lot. One more question,,,,,I did call her and I guess stuffed it up. It was a short conversation, but again I felt her drop as we spoke. She started out in a rough tone and we ended with her in a grilish kind of voice. So I’ll take your advice and never call her there again. But my question is. Where to go from here, where to begin with her considering how I interacted with her so far? Like i said, I’ve read The Flow so am ready to go give it a try, any advice you can give will be appreciated.
Thanks,
Andrew
Hi Andrew
Thanks for your question.
You need to get Step 2 of The Flow right before you do anything else. You cannot progress along the sexual courtship is Step 2 is not happening with her. Since she is clearly not attracted to you AND you work with her, she may be annoyed if you keep trying to make something happen. Focus on being confident, easy-going and masculine, but since you also work with her – make sure you keep it professional and don’t do inappropriate things or make what could be considered inappropriate comments because she already seems annoyed by you.
Now that you’ve read The Flow, I recommend that you begin using it on women OUTSIDE of your work environment. You need to get some practice going through the 4 steps, but most importantly – you need to practice getting women attracted to you. At this stage, you seem like you are making a lot of the mistakes outlined in The Flow. So, focus on doing things right and going through the 4 steps with other women. Soon enough, you will be interacting with the woman at work correctly and she may become interested again at going to Steps 3 and 4 of The Flow.
Cheers
Dan
Thanks Dan, really appreciate it.
Hey DAN,
Me and my friend have bought many products absolute eye openers and I’ve been doing really well but I have fallen for a girl. To date, it’s rare I find someone like this, but I also know there will definitely be others but right now, no one compares. My judgement is so clouded I just can’t read anything with her. And I have used the Flow and sparked attraction and made a connection and openly flirt a lot & she reciprocates. I have told a few close people about her. Also my friends have all said that whenever they see her around me she is ridiculously keen and they’ve never seen anything like it that there was one time for instance as she works at my local supermarket my mate and I were buying something off her and everyone in the store was looking at us struggling to understand what was happening because of the “chemistry” in our interaction. she was so flustered, she tried to poke fun at me cause I was in my work clothes, I turned it on her and my friend heard her say under her breath “your hot” as she turned away and primmed and preemed. My friend said after he felt as though we were about to jump over the counter and have sex. so there is undeniable attraction both ways..
Now the problem is she knows she’s hot (most people rate her minimum 8 many saying 10, based on looks & even mates girlfriends openly say they’d sleep with her and get jealous of her looks) so I’ve found out, every relationship bar her last one she broke up with the guy and in every instance she held ALL the power. I refuse to let her have it though and have even called her on it & she often brings up her ex or who she finds hot to make me jealous to gain power. I have spent brief alone time with her and initially met her when she was in a relationship so I morally refused to escalate, now I want to though, but whenever I make an effort to get one on one she pulls away or doesn’t respond.. I belive because she is trying to make me chase her (her want of me is not in question, she is keen, that is fact).
My last response was a message from me calling her on her actions and saying “see you round good luck with your study” at the end of it & letting her know subtly that she can’t use me because she’s not on a pedistall & isn’t my no.1 thing or purpose in life.
So my question is where the hell do I go from here??
Hi JT
Thanks for your question.
Yes, it seems you are 3 steps into the 4 steps of The Flow. You have to do Step 4 or nothing will happen.
As for telling her that she isn’t your number 1 priority: No, I explained that you should *not* say that to a woman in Better Than a Bad Boy. Not sure if you’ve watched that program, but if you have – you might want to watch it again. The advice is very specific and you need to follow it properly for it to work perfectly.
This girl is obviously keen on you. Stop doubting yourself and kiss her: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/the-kissing-drug.html If you are struggling to get alone with her, try the idea I mention in this video: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/question-and-answer-video-series-part-3.html
Cheers
Dan
hi jus wanna ask you some suggestion…..i met a girl which was my fren’s best friend….few months later i started to like her n started to take action but not too obvious n after sometimes she will be like askin y so nice nwdays?? and yesterday she wrote on her facebook that sorry ,it seems that i hav made you misunderstood n her best friend told me it was talking abt me…. i really like her n dun wanna giv up so easily…i will appreciate it if u can giv me some advie..we did like study 2 gether,texting ,wen bek hometwon 2 gether al these stuff
Hi Derek
Thanks for your message.
I don’t know how old you are, but the way you write is like a 10 year old girl. Write like a man and stop copying how girls write. When you can write in proper English to me (without all the childish, slack abbreviations) I will reply.
Cheers
Dan
I quite agree, Dan.
Hey Derek, writing like that is a real turn-off. I wouldn’t answer you either until you started writing properly.
R.I.P English..
I known this girl for quite awile and when i go out with her, she shows interest in me… She laugh at everything i talk about and she gets shy sometimes. The problem is she still love her ex but she is never going to be together with him again. She contact me the most apart from other guys. She just wanna be friends because relationship don’t last and end up with heartbreaks.. What should i do?
Hi Rex
The solution is simple: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/the-kissing-drug.html You can make it complicated if you want, but that is what will change things. Talking to her “more than other guys” means nothing. A kiss changes everything.
Cheers
Dan
Hi dan, I’m in a really bad situation and I would like your help. I liked this polish girl I used to work with. She liked me to her friends said. As the weeks went on I started to like her more and more. One day I was told by a friend that she is moving job and this is her last day :/ I was so sad but we ended exchanging numbers. Over the next couple of weeks we text each other a few times and I invited her to our works party.at the end of the party we had a little kiss and a cuddle and she told me she likes me but has a boyfriend. I stupidly confessed to her I love her :/. We didn’t talk for a week after that and just occasionally text as friends. I thought that was it between us but a few months later she came to our next party. This time we had drunk sex but she said it was only fun but she will leave her boyfriend soon because she is unhappy with him.. My feelings for this girl grew and grew and I told her so as well ( like a fool). We lost contact for a few months after that because I felt bad for her boyfriend. I text her a month ago saying I hope she is ok and she replayed saying shes left her boyfriend now that she was with for 6 years. We met up that day and had sex at the end of the night but she said this doesn’t make sense and she only sees me as a friend.we text all week and met in another party again the next Saturday. She was distant all night in front of everyone but at the end we had sex in the spare room of this house. After we finished I told her I loved her but she said we are only friends and she only likes me but doesnt love me and it is to soon for her to have a relationship with anyone. She told my polish friend that she likes me but is to scared to date a british guy incase she wants to go back to Poland. She text me the next day saying forget about everything. I got abit observe and needy and text her saying I love her i can’t just be friends with the woman I love. It ended In Her saying be friends or lose contact. I know I’ve pushed her to far but do you think the is any chance of me saving this? Do you think it’s time she needs to get over her long term relationship? In anger she text saying we will never be together after i send her loads if messages telling her my feelings but I don’t know what to think. This woman is the love of my life. I have dated other girls inbertween this time because its been 8 months since the first time we met. If she only wanted to be friends why does she keep coming back into my life? I would happily spend the rest of my life with her, she is incredible in my eyes. We are both 24. Please help me, I’m a desperate man who is badly in need of help. She keeps telling me she finds me attractive and likes my personality so I don’t get it. My head is in a mess and would be really appreciative if you could give me good advice. Thankyou so much for reading my essay. I hope to hear from you soon 🙂 a brothers sex life is on the line!haha
Hi Steve
Thanks for your question.
Yes, she is the love of your life, SO FAR. At 24, you don’t yet realize that LOVE is NOT limited to only one girl in the world for you. There are literally MILLIONS of women who would fall madly in love with you and you with them. You just have to meet them.
About what she REALLY thinks of you: Mate, since you are unwilling to believe her that she DOESN’T love you, let me tell you: She doesn’t love you. You stuffed up by giving her too much power over the relationship and basically behaving like the girl by continuing telling her about your feelings and how much you loved her, when she continually kept trying to push you away. If you ever make the mistake of behaving like such a sap in future, STOP going on about your feelings from then on. STOP! A woman wants to be in the position where SHE is trying to get YOU into a relationship, not you falling for her when she isn’t even in love with you yet. It sounds like she was just using you to help herself get over her ex-boyfriend (i.e. having sex with someone else helps the woman realize that her ex isn’t the only guy in the world).
About getting her back: Man, I almost broke out into laughter when I read that bit. Dude, how clear does she have to make it? If you have ANY chance of getting her back, it will only happen if you go through a transformation and become a confident, emotionally-masculine man and leave your old self behind. Women do not like guys who behaved the way you did. Initially, it might be flattering to get all that attention, but soon enough the woman will turn cold because it is NOT the relationship dynamic that women seek with men.
I recommend you read these articles:
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/dating-after-divorce.html
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/dumped-for-giving-flowers.html
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/is-she-still-in-love-with-you.html
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/who-should-wear-the-pants-in-a-relationship.html
Cheers
Dan
I am in an interesting situation with my best friend. I went to high school with her and didn’t really know very many people. So years past and her and connected on Facebook over the last three years off and on. About a year ago, I decided to message her and ask her “out”. She said “no,not yet.”I built a friendship and had some major medical problems and tried again, she said “yes”. We “hang out” all the time, either going to movies(at least once a week) or dinner. We message each other all the time and I will occasionally pop by her job with coffee to say hi. I now want out of the friend zone. How do I do this? Thanks
Hi Guy
Thanks for your comment.
The answer is simple: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/the-kissing-drug.html
Cheers
Dan
Met this girl around two weeks ago. She said I was cute. And is always asking me to hang out. Weve gotten pretty close. And I’ve really gotten feelings for her like I’ve never had before. We talked the other day about dating and ect. She said she’s not wanting to date anyone. Shes enjoyed being single Noone to tell her what to do who to talk to and control her. I said I’d wait until she’s ready she said fr me not to wait if I find someone else go for it. But I don’t want to Im really stuck on her. She said shed let me know when she’s ready but she wants to look around when she’s ready and not making any promises on who she will end up with. Is there anything more I can do? Or what should I do we’ve hung out everyday and talked everyday since we’ve met and I’ve just got feelings for her stronger than I’ve had with anyone else?
Hi Niceguy
Thanks for sharing your story.
She’s not interested in you. She doesn’t feel attraction for you. She’s just using you for a self-esteem boost until something better comes along. If you want to have her as a girlfriend, you need to attract her and approach the sexual courtship correctly. If you want to learn how to do that, read The Flow.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan,
Quick question:
Before you worked (or as you were) working this stuff out and before getting to the mastery level, was there ever a time where you liked a girl you knew and wanted to start seeing her but you were worried that she would start seeing another guy and a relationship would start? Reason I’m asking is because I currently find myself in this situation. Have a friend who I’ve met a few times and is single but I find myself worrying about “what if she gets a boyfriend or is seeing someone right now” as I don’t get to see her that often, maybe about once a month at the moment. Thing is when I first met her she was talking about how she’d been on dates, gotten numbers at bars e.t.c and I hate hearing that lol and would hate it if next time I see her she says similar things or worse, has started a relationship or seeing somebody. Noticed she has become friends with somebody recently on Facebook and has been spending time with him but am really hoping this is just a friendship.
Cheers,
James
(P.S I promise I will be purchasing Better than a bad boy very soon, just haven’t had the time/money. I’ll also say that I’ve re-listened and re-read the products which I already own and feel better as my confidence had seemed to decrease and I’m hoping that one day I will be able to have constant confidence like you and not have it fluctuating 🙂 )
Hi James
Thanks for your question.
Yes, I used to think like that when I was a needy guy. I no longer experience neediness because I’ve had way too many options with women for way too long to ever think that I “have to get this girl.” The same mindset remains now that I have a very hot, permanent girlfriend (well, permanent for now. We’ll see how she continues to perform!) – I love her completely and more than any other woman before, but if it ended tomorrow I would be absolutely fine. You’ll learn all about that in Better Than a Bad Boy.
In the meantime, it sounds like you should read this: How Neediness Destroys Your Love Life
Cheers
Dan
I have known this girl since we were 5 years old. She was in every one of my classes as a kid until we graduated HS. She has known that I all had feelings for her.We are now in our late 40’s. We live in different states. But we see each other a few times a year. But we text everyday just about. But she won’t talk to me on the phone for some reason.. She a single mom with a son who is 8. She has had a up and down relationship with another guy from HS. But they are not together right now but she still has feelings for him.. She has been married twice.I can’t get through to her.. This hard because she really knows me… We were good friends in school.. But we never went out. We fooled around a few times but that’s it.. She knows I care.. But I want more with her…
Hi Ken
Thanks for your question.
If you tell a woman your feelings, try to pursue her, but she won’t even get on the phone with you – what does that mean? Simple: She is not attracted to you. She is likely just texting back and forth for something to do and using your affection for her as a self-esteem boost. If she was attracted to you, SHE would be calling YOU.
If you want more with her, you focus on attracting her. I recommend that you begin by using all of the attraction techniques I teach in The Flow. In case you’re wondering, “Will it work on women in their 40s?” the answer is “Yes.” I get contacted by guys as young as 15 and as old as 60 with success stories all the time. In fact, there’s a great success story in this free report by a 52 year old.
I look forward to hearing about your success!
Cheers
Dan
I have known this girl for a while now and she doesn’t have many friends around yet. We eat all 3 meals of the day together. We talk about everything and she even tells me about her family. She tells me when people ask her out and she rejects them and asks me what to say to some of them so she won’t be mean. She tells me she rejected a guy because he was a little too young. Granted I am younger than her, but closer in age to her than him. She helps me on numerous things and I as well help her too. We see each other every day and talk every day. We text/ facebook and all that jazz every day. She says she isn’t looking for anything right now when she talks about those other guys. She talks about her exs sometimes too. I have never asked her out, but don’t want to ruin me hanging out with her anymore. How do I get the hint if she likes me or not
Hey Ben
Thanks for your question.
You have to flirt with her and see if she flirts back. If she doesn’t want to flirt with you, then she’s saying, “Hey, I don’t want that type of relationship with you. I just want to be friends.”
I assume you’ve never heard of flirting and why adult humans use it? Flirting in the discreet language that adults use to communicate their sexual interest in one another, WITHOUT having to actually say, “Hey, are you interested in having sex with me?” I suggest that you read The Flow and learn how to go through the natural steps of a sexual courtship with a woman.
Cheers
Dan
I met a girl at this place called Bedford center and yesterday I went to meet her but then her ex crush was there and she said to me that she liked him before me and that she does like me like a lot but that we must just be friends and that she believes there is a future for us but after she has dated the other guy. What must I do. Must I wait and let her do it. If so it really hurts me to do so but if I say its eaither now or never and I actually do think she will give me a chance in the future or what she say is true, that it will meSs it up. Please I need to know what to do I really love her. Please reply ASAP someone!!!!
Hey DJ
It’s clear to me that you have NO IDEA about how to be successful with women. You do NOT let a woman tell you what to do – she doesn’t respect that in a guy. YOU need to call the shots – that’s what women respect in a man.
You need to get educated and stop being pushed around like that by women. You’re the man, not her. Read The Flow
Cheers
Dan
Dan, I want to be with a very hot girl in my age who ALSO is a virgin cause I am that too, so it is more “equal and fair” so to speak. I hate that I think in that way but I want it that way. She also has to have a great personality, good socially, funny e.t.c..
Can you be TRULY confident if you haven’t have sex with a girl?
Hi Tomas
You can choose to have whatever type of woman you want. You are in control of your own life and should choose what makes you feel the best.
About your question: If you haven’t had sex with a woman and are trying to become confident with women, you can ruin the confidence building process by focussing on the NEGATIVE aspects of that rather than the positives. To become truly confident, you need to go through a confidence building process that we explain in Dating Power. You are not following that process properly. If you were, you’d be using step 2 of the process to get to step 3. At the moment, you are stuck at step 1 because you’re not doing step 2 properly.
Cheers
Dan
Yes, will be doing that.
But some quick questions I have:
1. Does watching and masturbating to porn slowing the process down in a way?
2. I can’t go to bars/clubs, so I have to approach girls in shopping malls, restaurant e.t.c., but won’t 85-90% of them “freak out” and become uncomftable in a way?
Hi Tomas
1. Of course. It kills your desire to approach and meet a woman. That doesn’t mean you should abstain from regular ejaculation. According to doctors, it is healthy for a man to ejaculate a couple of times a week. However, in the case of guys who are good with women, we ejaculate by having sex with a real woman.
2. No. Listen to 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend, use the advice and you won’t have a problem. Don’t make excuses because you’re too afraid to approach. Approach and you will see that it’s actually a fun, confidence-building thing to do. That is, if you do it right. Use our advice and you will do it right every time.
Cheers
Dan
Dan,
I like this girl. We had 4 dates already. Whenever I ask her out she will come with me. The problem is, she never asked me out. And last night I asked her for dinner, she told me she’s busy. But she set another day next week. Should I call her next week? Or just wait for her to call me?
How can I make the attraction high? Plus, she doesn’t want to post our photos together in facebook.
Hi Kimi
Thanks for your question.
It sounds like she is seeing other guys at the moment, or is still in love with another guy and doesn’t want to make him angry at her for seeing you. It also sounds like you may not have even kissed this girl or had sex with her yet, so at the moment you’re not considered a “boyfriend.” You’re just a guy she is catching up with, but you’ll be replaced in a second by another guy if he kisses her and then has sex with her.
Also, you’re asking this girl out on dates – that’s not how to get women chasing you and wanting to see you. You’re also asking me how to make the attraction high. Kimi, you need to get educated on what to do. You need to learn about many areas of attracting and dating women and that’s not something I’m going to sit here and teach in the comments. I’ve already written the manual for that and it’s called The Flow. I highly recommend that you read it.
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan, I can’t find the correct article to fit this question but this one seemed the best(ish).
I was listening to the Dating Power Stories and on Story 15 – “laying out the ground rules.” What if I just want a short term relationship (3-4 months) I don’t want a long term committed relationship. Can I just bluntly say that to her?
My gut reaction initially said do it. My heart is the one that’s doubting it. I think currently for me I’m not looking forward to having a long term committed relationship, woman aren’t super important to me I’ve got other things I need to worry about. I think I’m looking for multiple girls, but I have to get better at this before I can even start this.
Hi Michael
Thanks for your question.
If she’s your only girl, it will naturally feel risky to say that. However, if you have many women interested in you or are sleeping with new women regularly, it will feel totally fine. Read: Dating Multiple Women
Cheers
Dan
P.S. For those who don’t know, Dating Power Stories is a FREE bonus that comes with Dating Power
So here is my problem I will make it as short as possible.
I have a night class I saw a girl in there I liked from day 1. I didn’t sit next to her or talk to her besides in our group discussion. Though in there we ONLY talk about school work.
So valentines day rolls around and I decide I will give her a card and tell her I like her and I want to get to know her better. I found out our class on valentines day would be cancelled. So I was going to give her the card a week before valentines day. I chicken out and didn’t give it and left at the end of the class.
Then I was upset and pissed at myself. The next day I was on a dating site I am using and well I realized I had her added to a meet n greet list. That means in the past month I must have added her to my fav list, but I did it by accident. So when I saw her profile I was shocked, because I didn’t remember her.
Anyway I decided to send her a msg, we talked a bit and she recognized my face, but she said she doesnt remember my name? I thought she was BSing, because we make eye contact quite a lot though it’s usually quick.
Anyway I told her about not giving her a vday card and how I wanted too and still have it. And my msg was quite long and she said it was very sweet and that she can’t believe I took the time out to write such a long msg.
After that we msg only once a day or every other day. We haven’t had class and we will this week. So my question is.. is she interested in me? I thought if she was interested in me she would msg me more often?
I kinda feel stupid, because I feel like I told her about the card and showing that I would go out of my way would show her I like her. I don’t even know what to do in this weeks class? Do I finally sit in the empty seat next to her and talk, or do I ignore her?
I guess I was expecting that after I told her about the card, that she would be more interested in me. In my previous experience the girl always has become more interested in me after doing something like this….
Hi Jake
Thanks for your question.
If your previous experience is that girls like you when you behave like a desperate character from a Hollywood romantic movie, then you must be 10 years old or living in fantasy land. That is NOT the way to get a girl to like you in the real world. You are doing it wrong on so many fronts. Quite frankly, you just don’t get it. That’s not your fault – most modern men have grown up without proper role models when it comes to success with women, so they end up behaving like characters from fictional movies.
You need to read The Flow and get a real education on how to go through the flow of a natural, sexual courtship with a girl. Believe me (and the rest of the male population who are good with women), it’s not the way you’ve been doing it.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan,
I’ve been following your posts and newsletters and I have a question for you.
There’s a girl in school I find really attractive (she’s definitely a 10), but I more attracted to her based on her personality: She’s very strong minded and focused. After meeting her in group settings about 3-4 times over a period of two months, I decided to ask her out. Her initial reaction was that she’ll think about it but she eventually decide to go out with me after I call her the next day.
Our date went kinda ok, I know I felt a little nervous so probably talked more than I should have. However, there were certain red flags which I observed: 1. She didn’t let me pick her up from her place, even though I offered. 2. She didn’t let me pay the tab for the date. 3. She didn’t let me walk her to her car afterwards and finally she asked a wierd question at the end of the date. She said “We just did this as friends right?” To which I replied, yes, I just wanted to get to know you a little better. And then she said ok, I just wanted to make sure.
We’ve seen each other a few times since then (in group settings) and I’ve flirted a little but I just don’t see any IOI in her body language.
I can’t stop thinking about her now and don’t know how to proceed. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Hey Ab
Thanks for your question.
This one is easy. Your behaving like the girl in this situation and she isn’t attracted to that. She feels stronger (mentally and emotionally) and that is NOT attractive to her. See: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/better-than-a-bad-boy.html
Cheers
Dan
Hi, I’ve had a crush on this girl since I was 10, and I don’t know whether we’re friends or if she’s interested in me. She gave me a peck on the lips for my birthday and also she let’s me squeeze her ass and kiss her neck, when I asked her if there’ll ever be something between us she says no she sees me as one of her closest friends. We recently stopped talking, because I couldn’t handle the fact that I was friend zoned and the other reason is she had sex with one of my friends,which kind of hurt me a lot but I’m over that now… we haven’t been talking for months. I have finally gotten over her. These past few months she’s been sending me messages telling me she misses me, now what do I do? We’re in the same classes at school. Do I talk to her or continue ignoring her? HELP!!
Hi Kevin
Thanks for your question.
You don’t ask a girl if she wants something to happen. You read her signals and then escalate to kissing and sex. Girls/women do not want to have to tell you, “Yes, kiss me, I want to have sex with you” because that would make it too easy for guys. Women are looking for confident men who go after what they want without fear of rejection.
If you don’t know about all the signals women give when they are sexually interested and want you to escalate to kissing and sex, watch Dating Power. When you watch Dating Power, you will also see me demonstrate our rejection-proof first kiss techniques. Use them and enjoy the great times ahead!
Cheers
Dan
I like a colleague of mine, we recently went out for a movie and had lunch together. I do text and call her frequently, but not sure if she likes me the way I do or she just sees me as a good friend. Please advise me. Should I tell her personally or is it ok if I text her?
Hi Chris
Thanks for your question.
If you knew how to flirt, you and her would already be having sex. Flirting is the discreet language that adults use to communicate their sexual interest in each other, without having to say, “Hey, I like you, do you like me too?” When you see her flirting back, you simply need to look for other signals of interest, then escalate to a kiss. All of this is explained and demonstrated in Dating Power: http://store.themodernman.com/in/ff7fdd
In almost EVERY case where a guy tells a woman about his feelings for her, she rejects him and says that she just wants to be friends. Why? In almost all of those cases, the guy has been acting like a friend the whole time and not making her feel sexual attraction. If she doesn’t feel sexual attraction for you, she is not going to be interested in having a sexual relationship with you.
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan, this girl is always nervous around me and always calm around everyone else. We were talking about a restaurant to go to for my friend’s birthday in which other mutual friends were invited, she then randomly told me about another restauraunt near us in Miami where you had to go order your food and eat it somewhere else because the restaurant was too small to dine in, she told me that there was also a park nearby where people ate at after going to this restauraunt. Is she hinting at wanting to go on a date with me or not? How should i proceed? Thanks.
Hi Kirk
Thanks for your message.
It doesn’t matter what she does. What matters is what YOU do. She is the girl and you are the guy. The man is expected to lead, believe in himself and escalate things to a sexual level. If you don’t know how to do that, I recommend you watch Dating Power http://store.themodernman.com/in/ff7fdd and use our step-by-step, rejection-proof system for success with women.
Cheers
Dan
Dan,
Thanks for replying. I talked to you before about this girl whom I’m dating. I attempted to touch her a lot of times already. But she doesn’t want to be touched. I mean, I did a lot of subtle touches like in the hand for seconds, touching her sometimes in the arm, waits, face. But in the cinema, she doesn’t want my hand to stay long in her hand. She would brush of my hand immediately and put it in it’s place. But whenever I asked her for a date, she will always find time to be with me. What does it mean by this? I’m confused? Pls. tell me.
Hey Kimi
Thanks for your question.
It means that if you do manage to get her into a sexual relationship, it will end up like this:
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/who-should-wear-the-pants-in-a-relationship.html
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/should-men-do-housework.html
That is NOT the way we advise to set up a relationship. YOU are the man. YOU are in charge. If you don’t know how to set up the type of relationship dynamic where the woman is continually trying to impress you, please you and have sex with you, watch The Modern Relationship: http://store.themodernman.com/in/18c787c
Cheers
Dan
Hey dan, couple of things that i cant quite figure out, that i would like to ask you if you have time?
First of all i met a very pretty girl about 10 days ago, we hit it off straight away. I got her number and i told her please dont hesitate to contact me, if not then thats ok. So she txts me half an hour later and we talk until it gets late, and we say goodnight. Next morning i wake up thinking geez what a nice woman…. THEN 5mins later She sends me a txt saying “good morning kyle”…
I thought wow… So far i have only known this girl for 2 days an she has the courtesy to say something subtle an nice.
So we txt back an forth and that night i ring her an talk for about 45 mins,so i ask her if she would like to meet up for a coffee the next day. She said yes. So we meet up for coffee and straight away i make her laugh and we hit it off and talk etc. so i offer to drive her home and just so happen that we like the same music so that was real positive!
We get to her house she said i had a really good time tonight, we should do it agian! …..ofcourse i said, i had a really good time too.
So we txt to each other during the week and i ring her and ask hey can i take you out for dinner this friday night? She said yes that sounds nice it would be a better way to get to know each other.
Ok so thats the situation… BUT she said to me she doesnt like to use the word “DATING” because it sounds too serious???
So i brushed it off an said thats ok i just want to take you out for dinner.
• now where do i go from here?
Obviously i like her and there is chemistry. But.. Is she just enjoying me as a friend or is there something more like….
.. She likes me but she wont rush into this?
.. Or i havnt attracted her enough to think geez this guy is worth it haha
.. I have no intentions getting her into bed.
Just a good feeling having things in common and being comfortable
.. So where do i stand and whats the next step
Lol sorry for the novel
Thanks.
Hi Kyle
Thanks for your question.
It’s sounds like you and this woman have a lot of natural chemistry, which is great. However, what she said about not referring to the dinner as a date is a hint: You’re doing it wrong! The wording you used was the type of thing men said 50 years ago and in some FICTIONAL TV sitcoms today.
The way you’re going about this courtship is beginning to push against the flow of nature. You’re causing unnecessary awkward tension between you and her because you’re doing what I call The Flow backwards. You started off fine, but you’re now on the path to her saying, “Let’s just be friends” or “I don’t want a boyfriend right now, I’m sorry.” If want to avoid that happening, read this: http://store.themodernman.com/in/58e9e6c
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan, to start with – thanks for all the awesome advices! I’ve been using your products for nearly a year now, first the Flow, then Mastery Methods and Mindsets, then the Ultimate Guide to Conversation and lastly the Better than a Bad Boy. I have learned so much from these products and had like 15 one-night stands in the last year but I still don’t feel like I can go up to the most beatiful girl at a club and charm her away. I’m going out like 2-3 times a week and that’s where I do the all of my picking up. Maybe I am a little too drunk these times but I live in a student city so the places you go out are just alot of drunk students. Maybe I need to start doing more picking up at the mall and the supermarket, which I have never really tried. Well, anyway so I dated this stunning blonde (9/10) with a superb body from which I got her phone number at a student club but after like 5 dates (we were always at my place since she’s just 20 and lives at home (I’m 24 by the way)) and the last date felt bad. I believe that since I tried your tactic to let her cook for me so I had been really dominating the other dates but now I wanted her to take charge in the kitchen but that completely backfired and the whole dynamic man – woman changed. We had sex after dinner but it was kind of lame and she said she had to go quite directly after that. On the other dates we had some really good sex. After some days (on a monday)I texted her asking how she was and told her to swing by my friends birthday party on the friday and she said “yeah I’ll come!”. Then I texted her again on the wednesday telling her where it was and so forth but no answer until late friday evening when the party already had started with where she just stated like “I’m good” and just playing hard to get and I was like pfft I don’t this shit and I don’t care to play games with her. But now it’s been like a month and we haven’t spoken or texted and alot more one-night stands has passed but she’s still the one I think about. She’s still the girl that I want to hang out with and just watch a movie. I saw her the other night with at the local “drunk-food” place with some random dude, but I had another girl going home with me that night so I didn’t really care until now. It feels like I don’t really know what to do. Do you think I should just call her and act casual like or should I be angry with her or just ignore her? Don’t really know what to do here Dan, any thoughts or advice is appreciated:) Thanks, Marcus
Hey Marcus
Thanks for sharing your success so far!
It’s great to hear that you’ve been having plenty of sex. Good on you for getting out there and having a great time. It’s awesome to hear.
About your problem situation: Yes, it sounds like you forced an awkward vibe into existence in the kitchen that night, but that doesn’t mean you and her are over. She was just someone who challenged you and made you feel under pressure. It’s good to hear that you’re going for women who are still a bit of a challenge for you. The more you do that, the faster you will grow and become stronger.
What to do from here:
1. Be honest.
A fundamental piece to The Modern Man Method is honesty. You have to be real. Being real and authentic allows you to avoid wasting time and mental energy playing pointless games with women. You asked me if you should “act casual” or “be angry” or “just ignore her.” None of those are correct unless that’s how you feel. You’ve got to be real.
2. Tell her what you think went wrong.
Admit that you kind of messed up that night by [doing whatever you did. You haven’t given me enough details to go on here Marcus, but tell her the details] and that you know things kind of got a bit weird after that. Let her say what she has to say, then get back to being the confident, cool guy who attracted her in the first place. Don’t dwell on the past. Make the future great by being great in the present.
About your persistent approach anxiety, I recommend that you watch Alpha Male Power http://store.themodernman.com/in/d2e92f The program includes the only true cure for approach anxiety that has ever been found. It took me many years of coaching guys in the bars/clubs/malls to work out and pretty much every guy I’ve taught it to has LAUGHED at how quickly his approach anxiety disappeared after trying it.
Cheers
Dan