Threesomes, Swinging, and Other Sexual Fantasies… Should You Act On Them?

Is acting upon common sexual fantasies a good or bad thing for a relationship?

For the majority of couples, deciding to be adventurous and begin acting out sexual fantasies that involve other people, usually ends up in painful break up or a messy divorce.

The simple reason for this is based on the powerful, overwhelming feelings of jealousy, insecurity and anger that a person can feel when they see their wife or husband enjoying sex much more with someone else.

If a man finds that his wife is no longer interested in sex, one of the last things he should consider is a threesome or attending a swinging party. In most real world relationships or marriages, it will simply cause more problems faster and give the couple (or at least one of them) a reason to go their separate ways.

TV Relationships Vs. REAL Relationships

If you watch enough of the latest TV shows or movies, you’ll often see couples trying to “spice up their sex life” by following through on commonly known sexual fantasies like threesomes, swinging, dressing up in costumes or tying one or the other to the bed and then using a whip, feathers or whatever.

Yet, does any of that stuff bear any resemblance to the real world; and is it the sort of sex life every modern man should aspire to have with his wife or girlfriend? More to the point, if it’s not the sort of sex life you have in your relationship, does that mean you’re missing out?

The short answer is “No.”

The long answer is: The continuous promotion of these types of sex scenes on TV and in the movies has been leading a lot of modern men to feel that unless their relationship includes all or some of the “kinky” stuff they see on TV, then they are boring and have failed in their sex life as a man.

It’s just not true. Why? Well, firstly you should stop and understand the REASON why sex scenes of threesomes, swinging, role reversal sex, getting dressed up in costume (e.g. the woman in a nurse outfit, a black vinyl dominatrix outfit, etc) appear in movies and on TV shows.

The reason is that such scenes are more ENTERTAINING to watch for the audience, compared to only ever seeing a loving, happily married couple getting it on the bed on every TV show and movie.

Unlike the TV and silver screen movies of the 50s, in today’s world it is no longer taboo to talk about sex or show sexual fantasy scenes and that is why movie directors feel free to use them in “everyday” entertainment. However, that’s just it; the world of entertainment is not the real world!

If you’re going to be a happy, fulfilled modern man, you need to consciously separate the “entertainment reality” you see on TV and in movies with the “actual reality” that people live on a daily basis in the real world. If you confuse the two realities, you will feel unhappy and feel like a failure as a man.

Unfortunately, a lot of modern men worry that they are missing out when they watch other guys on TV successfully convincing their wife or girlfriend to have a threesome with another woman. He thinks, “Wow, that would be awesome.

Why don’t I have that with my girlfriend/wife?” However, what he doesn’t realize is that 99% of people just have sex with ONE person at a time and he is NOT a failure for doing that too! He also doesn’t realise that the couples who DO introduce other people into their sex life usually end up breaking up!

Personal Story

When I was working in the corporate world, I worked with a female manager who told me that she and her husband where thinking of getting into swinging.

This woman was a well-mannered, highly-educated woman in her early 40s, so the announcement kind of took me by surprise. Prior to their interest in swinging, she usually spoke about her husband, their children and their family life.

It sounded like a typical marriage going along fairly nicely. However, a couple of weeks after she told me that they were looking into trying “swinging,” all the drama started to unfold. It was like she was living out her own TV drama show and her life had FINALLY started to mirror what she was seeing on TV.

The morning after her first night of swinging, she walked into the office with a skip in her step and a huge smile on her face. Excitedly, she told me how she and her husband had gone to their first swingers party the night before.

She said, “I had two guys f**king me at once. Oh my gosh…it was amazing Dan. Simply amazing. I can’t wait to go back!” I asked her, “What did your husband think of that?” and she replied, “Oh, he was too busy li*king a woman out on the couch in front of everyone, while people watched and egged him on.”

At that point, I didn’t have an informed opinion on whether swinging was good or bad for a relationship or a marriage, but I was amazed that they had not broken up overnight and said, “Okay, well I hope all stays well for you and your husband.

Sounds like you both had a great time.” She was buzzing around the office all day, smiling and interacting with her team members. They were all looking at each other with confused expressions on their faces, wondering why she was being so much nicer and friendlier than usual. At that point, she really was happy.

Two months later, I noticed that she had been continually telling me about one of the guys she’d been sleeping with at the parties.

She was in love with him and asked me, “Dan, what should I do? I’m not interested in sleeping with my husband anymore?” and I was lost for words for a minute and just said, “Maybe you guys should stop. This sounds like it’s going to kill your marriage” and she quickly added, “That would be a good thing…” (about it killing their marriage).

Shortly after, she started working out at the gym, got a completely new hairstyle and stopped talking about her husband altogether, unless it was something negative to say about him. Another two months later, she told me, “Dan, don’t tell anyone this, but I’ve had enough of him (her husband). I’ve told him I want a divorce.”

…and just like that, a family of six people was torn apart and she and her husband became another divorce statistic. I wasn’t impressed and from that day on, I lost a lot of respect for her as a person based on the way she had been treating her husband.

I won’t go into the details, but she began treating him like crap and trying to get him to hate her so much that he would ask for a divorce. It just wasn’t cool.

“Would you, could you in a boat? Could you, would you with a goat?” – Dr Seuss

Harmless Fun?

Fantasies may well be harmless “day dreams” that both men and women indulge in from time to time, but that all changes and becomes a problem when someone who is in a committed relationship becomes fixated on a need to act out a fantasy (that involves other people) to feel satisfied sexually.

Back in 1908, professor Sigmund Freud made the statement that, “A happy person never fantasizes, only a dissatisfied one.”

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with occasionally and very briefly fantasizing about another woman while you are in a relationship with your girlfriend or wife.

However, personally speaking, in my last three serious, committed relationships (I broke off each of them because the woman wanted to get married and start a family with me and I’m wasn’t ready for that until meeting my wife), I didn’t spend much time fantasizing about other women. I was completely satisfied with my woman and vice versa.

Research has found that men who are happy in their relationships and satisfied with their sex lives fantasize less about other women than men who are unhappy, thereby backing up Freud’s theory. However, the opposite applies to women and that is a GOOD THING for you as a man.

The more sex a woman has with her man, the more she fantasizes about having sex with him. This is a win-win scenario in a relationship because a woman’s fantasies boost her sexual desire (making her happier) and since you are getting all of her sexual attention and energy, you will be happy too.

“She Wants a Threesome, Should I Go For It?”

On the surface, this would seem like a dream scenario for the guy who feels he’s missing out on what he is seeing on TV and in the movies, but what if she eventually wants to try a threesome with another man, not another woman?

Fantasy (noun): The faculty or activity of imagining things that are impossible or improbable.

Sexual fantasies by definition are never meant to be acted out, they are fanciful dreams that belong only in your imagination. However, if you want to act out sexual fantasies, I recommend you do it with a woman that you’re just sleeping with casually, NOT when you are in a committed relationship with your girlfriend or wife.

I’ve personally had 4 separate threesomes (each time with different women) and I can tell you that while it’s kind of cool and you feel like a bit of a king, it really isn’t the answer to all of your life’s problems.

Having sex with a woman who truly loves you and whom you truly love and are intensely attracted to (i.e. she is sexy and beautiful) is so much better in my opinion. I mean, threesomes are cool and a bit of fun, but they are nothing to base your life around in my opinion.

If the relationship dynamic is right between you and your woman, the sexual charge with remain strong and that is all that’s needed to generate a truly satisfying sex life for both parties.

TV shows and movies promote “kinky” sex purely to ENTERTAIN the audience, so by you not taking part in daily orgies it doesn’t mean that you’re missing out on what everyone else is doing. The truth is that it only takes one man and one woman to experience great sex and knowing how to create and MAINTAIN that all important sexual charge in a relationship is all you need.

If you and your woman love each other and have regular sex, there is no need to change anything. Explore other parts of life together, but don’t think that having sex with other people will fix any of your relationship problems. In most cases, it will just make things worse.

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