I’ve been helping guys to succeed with women since way back in 2005.
One of the things that I’ve found is that every guy who is not succeeding with women has a secret excuse or a secret reason as to why it’s not happening for him.
Some guys will say, “It’s because of my height. I’m not tall enough” or “It’s because of my weight. I’m overweight” (or too skinny), or “It’s because of my looks. I’m ugly. People have said that I’m ugly. I don’t look like the guys in the magazines or advertisements. I’m not a male model type and women don’t like me because of that.”
Some guys will say that their lack of success with women is because of race, “It’s because I’m black” or “it’s because I’m Asian” or “it’s because I’m a white guy and I look nerdy.”
Some guys will blame their lack of success with women on the lack of available women who are compatible with them and may say, “The only women that I like are the ones who are already taken.”
Most Good Guys Don’t Realize How Close They Are to Being Successful With Women
Unfortunately, for a lot of good guys out there in the world, they just don’t understand how close they are to be able to attract beautiful women, pick them up, have sex and start a relationship with them.
Most guys are focussing on the reasons why women might not like them, rather than focussing on making women feel attracted to them. Women can be attracted in so many different ways, but a lot of guys turn women off during conversation with the style of conversation that they’re using, their body language and by failing the many tests that a woman puts a man through while talking to him.
Many good guys (who women would LOVE to be with) simply don’t know about how to make women feel attracted to them by using a certain conversation style and body language. They also don’t know about the many tests that women put a guy through while talking to him. Instead of making the woman feel attracted by passing her tests, he makes her feel turned off by failing them.
Without that knowledge, when things go wrong, the majority of guys simply turn to their secret excuse as the reason why. “Well…it must be my looks. I’m not good looking enough for her” or whatever secret excuse or reason he uses to explain his lack of success with women.
The Weird Secret Excuse That I Used For My Lack of Success With Women
Before I became successful with women, I actually had one of these secret excuses as well. In fact, I had two of them, but one of them was pretty weird.
The first one (the weird one) was about my nose. My nose is a little bit bent from a childhood accident and because of that, I look a bit different on either side of my face. When interacting with women, I used to feel really insecure about it and thought that it was having a huge impact on my attractiveness to women.
Whenever I would talk to some women, I’d want to be on what I thought was my “good side” so they could see the best looking side of my face. My insecurity and belief was that I looked better on my left side and therefore, women were going to like me more because I looked better.
Yet, even though women were seeing the “good side” of my face, I was still single and I couldn’t get attractive women to want to be with me. So, I simply assumed that my lack of success with women was had to do with my second excuse.
My second secret excuse was about my looks. I thought that I just wasn’t good looking enough for attractive women. When I’d see other guys who were interacting with beautiful women, I made the assumption that, “Oh, that guy must be better looking than me because the attractive women like him. I don’t look like him and that’s why they don’t like me.”
Yet, I was wrong.
What I didn’t realize, which is what pretty much every guy who has one of the secret excuses doesn’t realize, is that every guy who is not succeeding with women, every other guy who is failing with women, is going through life with his secret excuse or his collection of secret excuses.
He also doesn’t realize (or simply refuses to accept) that, for every secret excuse he has, there are guys who have the same “issue” that he thinks is a problem and they are succeeding women. They are attracting women, having sex with women and they have a girlfriend or wife.
Yet, for a guy who is attached to his excuses, he simply blocks that evidence out. He wants to feel like he is correct, rather than admit that he might not be right and may need to change the way he thinks about what it takes to attract a woman.
The Big Problem With Getting Attached to Your Excuses
After a while, if a guy really attaches himself to his secret excuse (or his collection of secret excuses), they start to weave themselves deep into his mind and deep into his life. He may even begin avoiding trying to meet women altogether because he believes that he’s going to be rejected because of his looks, his race, his job, where he lives, his height or any other excuse that he is carrying around with him.
Eventually, he loses a lot of confidence in himself around women and begins to develop deeper insecurities about his attractiveness to women. Confidence, if you look it up in the dictionary, is essentially about having belief in yourself and your abilities. By attaching himself to his excuses, he has less and less belief in himself and his ability to attract women, so he loses more and more confidence.
Getting Rid of Your Secret Excuses to Become More Confident With Women
How can a guy get rid of his secret excuse and start being more confident around women?
How did I do it? How did I stop worrying about my bent nose?
The first thing that a guy needs to do is:
1. Look for examples of guys who have the same “issue” as him, but who are actually successful with women
If a guy is fat and he says, “Women don’t like fat guys. Women don’t like me because I’m fat” he needs to pay attention to the fact that he does see fat, overweight guys with women. They do get a girlfriend, they do get laid and they do get married.
Some guys may see the fat guy with a hot woman and say that it’s because he has money or power in society. Yet, in most cases, the fat guy is just an ordinary guy who simply knows how to attract women in ways that most guys are unaware of.
Another example is where a guy’s secret excuse is that he’s not good looking enough. He says, “Women don’t like me because I’m not good looking enough. I interact with them and they just don’t seem to be interested, so it has to be about my looks. It has to be that they are rejecting me because I don’t look good enough.”
What he needs to do is focus on the fact that he sees guys who are not considered to be “typically good looking” with beautiful women. He sees guys who he would consider to be ugly with a beautiful woman. He sees a guy with an ugly looking nose, but he has a beautiful girlfriend.
He notices an Indian guy with what he considers to be a “weird haircut,” but he has a beautiful girlfriend. Why? Every man can be attractive to women regardless of race, haircut or whatever other guys think. He might think he is better than the Indian guy because he has white skin or is tall with black skin and big muscles, but the woman thinks the Indian guy she is with is attractive…even though some other guys may think they are better than him.
The Indian guys in the photos above can be a LOT more attractive to a woman than a good looking white man. No, it’s not because the Indian guy a lot of money or has a huge dick. It’s also not because he has a lot of power or status in society. It’s much more simple and natural.
An Indian man (and basically any other man) can be working a normal job, have a normal sized penis and still be MORE attractive to a white woman than a good looking white man. Why? How can that be possible? Keep reading along and it will begin to make sense to you.
BTW: The Indian guys in the photos above could BOTH pick up the blonde white girl from the previous photo above. You have probably seen women like her with an Indian guy, an Asian guy or a black guy. Why? It’s not about race, it’s about attraction.
Some people think that guys from a certain race can’t be as attractive as guys from another race, but it just isn’t true. Masculine attractiveness is different to feminine attractiveness. The things that attract a woman to a man are different to what attracts a man to a woman.
Human women can be attracted to human men for so many different reasons, regardless of race or what other people around them are thinking or saying.
Indian, black, white, Asian and whatever other race: We are all human and every man can attract women regardless of race. Most women (not all) have what I call and Open Type, meaning they are open to being with all types of guys…even if other people around them are racist and think they should stick to their own race.
If a guy is able to make her feel very attracted to his personality and who he is as a guy, most women don’t care what race (and sometimes even religion) that the guy is from.
Some guys looking on may think, “Huh? Why is she with him?” but it’s not a mystery. She is with him because he makes her feel attracted. He makes her feel what she wants to feel with a guy, even though some closed-minded people around her (who don’t yet realize that we are all human and equal) think she should be with someone else from her own “race.”
If a woman feels what she wants to feel with a guy, that is what matters. The guy gets the girl because he can attract women, regardless of race. He doesn’t have to have big muscles, a big dick and a lot of money to do that. It’s much more simple and natural than most guys realize.
Most women have an Open Type and will hook up with and marry a guy that other men might think is ugly or from a race that they don’t think is attractive. To her, the man will be attractive because a woman’s attraction to a man is much more complex than just his looks or his race.
An Indian guy or an Hispanic guy is no less attractive than a black guy, white guy or Asian guy. It’s not about race. It’s about making the woman feel attracted to you in many different ways as a man.
Once you can understand that concept, it all begins to make sense.
You won’t look at other guys and wonder why they have a girl and you don’t because you will know exactly why it is happening. The guy has made the woman feel attracted to him and she is feeling what she wants to feel with a guy…even if some people looking on think that she shouldn’t be with a guy from that race.
Some white guys will think they are better than Asian guys and some Asian guys think they are less attractive than black guys, etc. Yet, each guy has the capacity to naturally attract women to him. Some guys find that hard to believe, but the photos I’m showing here and what you’ve seen in real life should allow you to at least open your mind to it.
Once a guy can stop thinking about race and start focusing on making women feel attracted to him, everything changes. You start to see that human women feel attracted to human men, even if some people think that it’s wrong to hook up with a person from a certain race.
Attraction (noun): A quality or feature of someone that evokes interest, liking or desire.
Another example is where a guy notices another guy that he considers to be a “douchebag,” but the guy has a beautiful girlfriend. To him, the guy is a douchebag because of how he looks. To him, the guy who he perceives to be a douchebag doesn’t deserve that girl, but to the girl, he is attractive.
He constantly sees guys who he considers to be ugly, weird looking or like a douche, but they have a beautiful girlfriend. Why? Continue reading to find out the answer, if you don’t know it already.
Some guys use race as the reason why they are unsuccessful with women. A guy might say, “I’m Asian” or “I’m black” or whatever race that he thinks is going to be a problem for attracting women, because HE hasn’t been able to attract women.
If he’s an Asian guy for example, he needs to focus on the fact that Asian guys do get a girlfriend and they can attract women, even though they are Asian. They can still attract women, they can still get a girlfriend and they can still get married.
So, that’s the first thing that a guy needs to do to begin overcoming his secret excuse. The second thing that a guy needs to do is:
2. Get educated on how to make women feel attraction for his personality and who he is as a guy
What a lot of guys don’t realize is that attracting women is actually a skill that a guy can develop and have. If you look at the dictionary definition of skill:
Skill (noun): The ability to do something well; expertise.
Attraction (noun): A quality or feature of someone that evokes interest, liking or desire.
You can actually have the skill of being able to talk to a woman in a way that causes her to feel attraction for you.
You can have the skill of using your body language in a way that causes a woman to feel attraction for you.
You can have the skill of being able to respond to a woman’s tests during an interaction in a way that causes her to feel attraction for you.
There are so many different ways that you can make a woman feel attracted to you.
The more skilled you become at attracting women in different ways, the higher quality of woman that you can have access to. Most guys interact with beautiful women and simply don’t know how to make those women feel attracted to them. Instead, they usually make women feel turned off by them in many different, subtle ways.
When you are the guy who knows how to attract women in many different ways at once, it becomes very simple as easy for you. You interact with women, they feel very attracted to you and they want to be with you because of that.
Then, with your skill of attracting women, you make the woman feel even more attraction for you to the point where she feels intense attraction and she feels like she has to be with you. In a relationship, she wants to stay with you and she doesn’t want to leave you because she’s feeling what she wants to feel with a guy.
The reason why most guys don’t see the connection and understand that you can actually have the skill of attracting women, is that most guys don’t even know how to attract women. If I show a photo like the one below, most guys will say, “Okay, those three women like the white guy because the black guy in the background isn’t as good looking.”
Then, if I show this photo of the black guy with the white guy in the background, most guys will say, “Okay, women like the black guy because he is good looking.”
Then, if I show this photo with the guy on the right who appears to be more “typically good looking,” most guys will feel confused and wonder how on Earth the woman would like the guy on the left. They may say, “That must be happening because it’s not a real photo…it’s just a stock photo, not like the real ones you’ve been showing so far.”
Sticking With Your Secret Excuse No Matter What
Back in the time when I wasn’t successful with women, I would focus on my excuses and any other negative reasoning I could come up with as to why I wasn’t successful with women. I would focus on my belief that I wasn’t good looking enough, that I had a bent nose and that I just didn’t look good enough for attractive women.
In my mind, that was the reason why attractive women weren’t interested in me.
I wouldn’t allow myself to focus on the fact that I saw guys who were NOT good looking with beautiful women. I stuck to my excuse because that is what made sense to me.
I thought that attractive didn’t want to be with me because of my looks.
…and that was the end of the story as far as I was concerned.
Heck, I’d even HEARD women say that they only like good looking guys and see many women gushing when looking at a guy and saying, “Ooh, he’s handsome.” So, in my mind, I was being rejected because of my looks and that was that. Attractive women didn’t gush over me, so I would have to accept unattractive women or nothing at all.
I though that women wanted a really good looking guy and since I’m not a good looking guy, I couldn’t attract women. End of story.
As a result of thinking in that stubborn, confused and insecure way, I was pretty lonely. I missed out on enjoying love, sex and relationships while everyone else was hooking up and having a great time.
Yet, deep down, I knew that something wasn’t quite right about my excuses.
Deep down, I knew that there had to be another reason why I wasn’t succeeding with women. There had to be another reason because other guys were succeeding with women when they looked WORSE than me.
So, I eventually began to think, “Maybe there ARE other ways that women can be attracted to men. Maybe I can do something about this. Maybe I can be one of those guys that I’ve seen who are with a beautiful women, but the guy doesn’t even look like anything special.”
When I started to focus on attracting women in different ways, that’s when everything started to change for me.
I still looked like the same guy, but what I was doing was attracting women in different ways. I began to use a certain conversation style, a certain type of humor and a certain type of body language. I began to respond to the tests that women put men through during an interaction, in a way that caused the women to feel attracted to me.
Throughout the years, as I hooked up with more than 250 women, I still had the same bent nose and still looked like pretty much the same guy. I didn’t develop a gym body, I wore the same types of clothes and the only thing that really changed is that I lost more and more hair on my head.
Interestingly enough, when I decided, “Okay, I’ve had sex with enough women…I’m going to settle down now” and chose my current girlfriend (we’ve been together for more than two years at the time of writing this post), I was still the same guy with the same bent nose…and she didn’t even notice that my nose was bent.
About 3 months into our relationship, we were having a discussion about insecurities and I told her that I used to be insecure about my nose and how it is bent. When I told her, she looked at me and said, “Oh yeah, your nose is bent”
It was the first time she thought about it.
Why?
She was (and still is) attracted to me in so many different ways.
Success with women is not about your nose. It’s not about your height. Women can feel attracted to a man for so many different reasons, which most guys are simply unaware of.
The Real Reason
The real reason why a lot of good men fail with women is that they don’t know how to attract women.
When they keep getting rejected by women, they refer to their “secret excuse” as the reason why it continues to happen. Yet, if the guy just knew how to attract women, he would stop getting rejected because women would be attracted and interested in him.
A Few Important Questions For You
A few, important questions I want to ask you at this point are:
1. Do you think it’s possible to attract women in ways other than looks, height, money and social status?
2. Do you think it’s possible to attract women by displaying certain personality traits and behaviors?
3. Do you think it’s possible to attract women by talking to them in a certain way that causes them to feel attracted to you, feel lust for you, feel connected with you and feel like they want to impress you?
The answers to those questions is a big, fat YES.
You can attract women by displaying certain personality traits and behaviors.
You can attract women by using a certain conversation style.
There are so many different ways that you can make a woman feel attracted to you.
I’ve identified more than 100 ways that a guy can make a woman feel attracted to him and I teach all of those ways in my programs here at The Modern Man.
Some of the ways to attract women are very simple.
Some are complex.
…but, the result is always the same.
The more attraction techniques you use in combination, the more attraction that women feel for you. When you can make women feel a lot of attraction for you, you instantly get access to high quality women that most guys just can’t attract.
The next important question that I want to ask you is this…
Have you been using any of the following types of excuses to come up with a secret reason or excuse why you haven’t been succeeding with women?
- I’m not tall enough.
- I’m not good looking enough.
- I don’t have a good enough job.
- I don’t make enough money.
- I don’t live in a high end house or apartment.
- I don’t drive a good enough car.
- I don’t wear good enough clothes.
- All the good women are taken.
- Women only go for really good looking guys.
Are you using any of those excuses even though other guys who have the same “issue” are getting laid, have a girlfriend or have gotten married? How much longer are you going to stick to your secret excuse before you realize that you can attract women in more than 100 other ways?
What is Your Secret Excuse or Reason?
Loading ...*Select the number reason why you think attractive women have rejected you or why you’ve been failing with women.
What is your secret excuse or reason as to why you’ve been failing with women? What is the secret reason that you use to explain why women aren’t attracted to you or why you can’t pick women up?
What excuse have you been going through life saying to yourself, or what collection of excuses are you carrying around in your mind into interactions with women and throughout your daily life that are making you feel less confident and feel insecure around women?
Feel free to post up your secret excuse in a comment below. One of the reasons why I would encourage you to post up your secret excuse (or collection of secret excuses) is that it helps you to get clear on what is actually troubling you. What is making you lose confidence around women? What is making you feel insecure?
What you might find (as comments build up over time) is that most guys are thinking the same sorts of things and have similar excuses, even though OTHER GUYS with the same type of “issue” as them have a got beautiful girlfriend or wife or are getting laid like crazy.
So, what are your excuses? Please post up a comment below. I’m interested to hear what you’ve got to say.
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Hi Dan. I’m getting more confidence around women and can able to tell hot women thanks babe without worrying what she think of me etc. But need to work on playful arrogrance more before being able to get a number or set up a date.
Anyways my excuse is that I’m deaf and keep thinking that hearing ladies don’t want deaf men. But I seen in my lifetime two deaf men with hot ladies, but when I tell my friend about deaf men can attract hot women (who is already successful with women as he
is recently married) he then tell me that they are sluts and would be out of my league. Which I can’t stop thinking as if it could be true because he is successful with women and I’m not etc…
Hey John
Thanks for your comment.
Being deaf is definitely something that will hinder a guy’s ability to pick up women. The truth is that a deaf guy can’t pick up EVERY woman, but I’d estimate about 20% of women would be open to being with a deaf guy if he was able to make them feel a lot of attraction in other ways.
What you need to do is focus on meeting as many women as possible and using a lot of different attraction techniques at once. You can’t expect to pick up every woman you meet, so you will need to have a stronger heart and mind than other men to know that you will probably need to meet a few more women before you find one who will be open to dating a deaf man.
BTW: If you are open to being with a deaf woman, have you tried going to deaf meet ups? http://deaf.meetup.com/
Cheers
Dan
Cool thank you for replying.
Yeah I’m open to meeting deaf girls as in the meantime I will carry on having fun practising using your attraction technique from the flow on hearing girls until I meet a deaf girl that I would want to be in a long term relationship with.
Hey John
You’re welcome mate.
Sounds good! I hope to see a success story posted up from you sometime soon.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan long time no speak.
Definitely the height and looks excuses apply to me, but for good reason I feel. I am the shortest of my group of friends at 5’9″, and can think of numerous occasions when beautiful women don’t even see me in a club/bar situation and instantly gravitate towards the 6’4″ dudes that I hang with. Furthermore on dating websites the amount of times I read descriptions like “no short guys please” or “if your height has a 5 in it please don’t contact me” it really proves to me how much importance women place on height, even more than I had previously realised. Which is gutting because I love tall women.
On top of that I definitely legacy looks issues if I am brutally honest with myself, which emanate from my childhood when girls used to call me ugly. I remember on one particulate occasion being voted the ugliest guy at this house party. So that really dented my confidence as a youngster. Another online example, when I post pictures of my face I get no responses yet when I post various topless pictures of the top half of my body (I’ve a six-pack and look boxer/rugby player like apparently) I get responses, but not from the most attractive women, so it only confirms my underlying looks issues once again.
Having said all I that I have been with a few beautiful women, but its never been on a consistent basis like my taller and better looking friends, which is very frustrating. So, I’m still not able to attract the women I really want, and when I do get close, I tend to put them off, time and time again. I still find myself reverting to negative mindsets, particularly when I really like a girl. I have no idea what that is all about, it’s like a self destruct button which I can’t get rid of.
To finish off, as I mentioned to you years ago none of the other common issues apply to me, in fact my social status has improved since then: I am a Director; own a world famous brand if convertible super car; live in an impressive bachelor pad in a wealthy area; earn multiples of most people I know and have an athletic body as mentioned. As a result people assume that getting hot girls is easy for me. I tell friends all the time that those things alone do not get you the hot, successful women that we want. For sure you will get interest from the odd random girl, but not from the ones you really want, at least from my experience. I often wonder if my standards are too high to be honest, but I’ve worked hard to get to where I am so I feel I deserve someone who will make me happy.
Keep up the great work, these videos really help fostering more positive mindsets.
Take care,
William
Hey William
Thanks for your comment.
Ahh, that’s one thing I forgot to mention in the post…
When it comes to online dating looks DO matter. Why? Women have decide which guy to select based on SOMETHING and since they aren’t interacting with him in person (i.e. they don’t have an opportunity to feel attracted to his personality or to the other things we teach in our programs), the woman has to decide if she likes the guy based on how he looks, how much money he makes and how tall he is.
I made a video about it a long time ago. Watch it here: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/meeting-women-online.html
Yet, in person, as you have described, even a short guy like you has hooked up with some beautiful women. However, despite hooking up with them, you let your insecurities get the better of you and you hit the “self destruct button” and start doubting that the woman would want to be with you.
Guys like you need to do the two steps outlined in this post:
1. Look for examples of guys who have the same “issue” as him, but who are actually successful with women.
2. Get educated on how to make women feel attraction for his personality and who he is as a guy.
In your case, you also need to learn how to get rid of your unnecessary insecurities about your appearance and height (that training is provided in our programs here at The Modern Man). If you don’t get rid of your insecurities, they will stick with you for life and ruin any relationships you have.
I know this because every day, I help new guys who are trying to get their ex back and in most cases, the woman has dumped the guy because of his insecurities. Plain and simple.
Insecurity is a huge cause of relationship breakdowns because women are attracted to the strength of men and turned off by the weakness. A woman may put up with a man’s weakness in the early part of a relationship because she is enjoying being in a new relationship, but when the initial lust fades away, she will start to lose respect and attraction for him.
When a woman loses too much respect and attraction for a guy, she then falls out of love with him.
If you are serious about succeeding with women, make a decision now to do it properly.
You might see your secret excuse as being real and valid, but it isn’t. Clinging to those excuses will not help you at all. Women don’t reward weakness and insecurity.
Cheers
Dan
P.S. I’m glad my new video blog posts are helping. More coming soon – stay tuned!
Great article, but none of the reasons you stated is wrong with me. The only problem I have is my voice. I have a horrible voice and try to hide it by speaking quietly or not talking at all. I can attract a girl pretty easily but when it comes to conversation with one i blow.
Hey John
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Unless you upload a sample of your voice, I can only assume that you are being unnecessarily insecure about it. You can upload an audio recording here for me to listen to and leave for others to listen to in the comments section: http://picosong.com/
If you do upload a sample, try saying this, “This is a test recording of my voice. When I talk to women, I feel that this vocal sound is the reason they are rejecting me. What do you think of my voice?”
Cheers
Dan
How about the fact that most women are unapproachable and just plain EVIL?
Hi Mickey
Thanks for your comment.
Haha…if you are serious about that comment, you simply misunderstand women.
Women put on an ACT of being tough, independent and confident, but most are just soft girls hoping to meet a strong guy who can take care of them. If you approach a woman and she seems cold it’s because she is trying to find a man who isn’t scared of that. She is testing you to see if you will crack under the pressure. If you do, you’re not strong enough for her.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan,
I’m someone who used the methods of another website that teaches approaching during the day for a year and have followed the PUA movement here in the UK. Although I could consistently approach women without fear,get numbers, instant dates, dates and a couple of kisses, I never managed to get a girl to sleep with me from it. I did it for a whole year. I got so fed up with constantly being rejected that I have stopped approaching during the day all together for the time being and perhaps ever. I even did some a session with a well known female wing girl here in the UK, and after two sessions with her and no improvement in my game she basically said to me ‘you need to go and work on yourself more’, ‘overhall your life and build an attractive lifestyle!’. Unlike what you teach at The Modern Man, I feel that the PUA movement just gives guys conversation skills but even that isn’t enough to be able to pull women. I have a good job, I’m in good enough shape, people say I’m good looking and shouldn’t have a problem attracting women. However it seems to me that nowadays with women making more money than ever before the dating game has got incredibly tough. Women don’t just want a good guy even with a good job, decent looks etc… Women these days simply won’t hook up with you if you can’t offer them something. For example I’ve been on dates where the women actually does the same job as me and earns the same salary or sometimes less or slightly more than me. They always seem unimpressed with that and it seems to me that they are thinking ‘why should I hook up with him when something better is just around the corner?’ ‘I could meet a man who has a lot of money and can treat me!’ Whilst PUA conversation techniques are interesting and no doubt help in improving confidence and conversational skill, they do just that. They don’t actually help you get a girlfriend. So to summarize I feel that my ‘excuse’ is that I don’t have enough money. I’ve come to believe at the moment that women don’t actually want equality with a man, they still deep down in their hearts want a man who can be a provider for her and to look after her. These are my thoughts at this point in time.
Simon
Hey Simon
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Believe me, I appreciate everything you just said, but you know what’s interesting? You missed the main point of the article! 🙂 Not just you, but the other guys who are posting up their excuses have still missed the main point.
What is the main point?
Here’s what is happening for you…
You have been able to approach women and get numbers, but what you are not doing is making women feel a lot of ATTRACTION for you. No doubt you are aware of some attraction techniques and would be using them, but the attraction would be light and forgettable.
A guy’s level of ability to attract women determines the quality of women he can access and how interested and eager the woman will be to be with him. At the moment, it sounds like you’re able to get women on dates, but since they aren’t very attracted, they are focussing on superficial things like your job or the fact that your income is equal to them.
What’s even more interesting is that the women are most likely NOT focusing on those things. It is YOU who is doubting yourself on the date, which is then making the woman feel less ATTRACTION for you. Women are attracted to the strength in men and turned off by the weakness.
I hope that you can grasp the core message of what I have put forth in this post. It’s about your ability to ATTRACT women, not approach women. Approaching is approaching – it doesn’t guarantee anything. What ensures you will get laid, get a girlfriend or get a wife is your ability to make women feel attracted to you in many ways at once.
Fingers crossed that you have the “Ah hah!” moment now and realize it. My job is to help guys realize that. Once you do, your whole perspective of attracting women changes. Suddenly, you can see why a woman would be with a guy who others think isn’t good looking or a short guy who doesn’t make much money.
Cheers
Dan
Good post Dan, biggest reason I’ve seen most guys come up with for lack of success is their looks poll up top proves it. I’ve been lucky dealt a good hand in that area I like the way I look for the most part so skipped all that pain don’t get sucked into it as much as other guys I know. Funnily my biggest insecurity is/was a legit one as to why I’m not getting as much success, my ‘lack of conversation skill’ always been bad at vibing way better than before can’t wait to be free of it completely.
Cheers
Jack
Hey Jack
Thanks for your comment.
About your insecurity: The easiest way to overcome that is to not worry about how the conversation is going. If you do, the woman will feel turned off by your insecure, self-doubting, tense vibe. However, if you can just relax and say whatever, she will be attracted to your confident, self-assured and relaxed vibe.
Cheers
Dan
Dan,
Ok I’ll keep that in mind thanks mate. speak to you sometime in Jan. Nailing my social/sex life is my number one New Years resolution no more stopping and starting.
Cheers
Hey Jack
No probs. Chat to you sometime in Jan mate.
Cheers
Dan
Well i like the work you guys are doing, because it will show men “the other world” from closer.
Now I’d like to share an idea of mine, a little confusing, but you sure have 2 mins for a different idea 😉
I think the only difference I see between us and women is that they know their selves well and us men don’t. We start creating powerful, ideal selves and the more we repeat this egoistic thinking, the more it becomes “personality”. Then in situations where we “fail” (because in fact you never fail, failing means you try something new, and as it is new, you will do it in your way which definitely got to be a new way… just saying ;), we are to blame ourselves for not being what these ideal selves look like. And that my friend I believe it to be the solution. They just gotta know, they never failed, and should continue trying new things. You can have women, that share the same fears as you,but If you wanna get the real shit, just remove this fear, of not being good enough, she wont be afraid of you. (relax buddy, when I say you I just do that in order for you to understand me easier 😉
Keep up with the good work 😀
Hey Edmond
Thanks for your comment.
The one part of your comment that stood out for me is, “Just remove this fear, of not being good enough.”
When a woman can see that you feel worthy, it actually makes her feel attracted to your confidence.
Cheers
Dan
My constant excuse is my job is too nerdy.
Hey Davo
Thanks for your comment.
Solution: Realize that guys who work in the same profession as you have a girlfriend, wife or lover. The problem is not your job, nor is the problem that you are not good enough. You are good enough for women, but you must make them feel attracted to you when you interact with them.
You might find this video helpful to truly understand what I mean:
http://www.themodernman.com/blog/how-to-know-if-a-woman-is-interested-in-you.html
Cheers
Dan
My main excuse was that I had a sort of boyish face and women always found me cute, but obviously not manly or attractive. I also used to blush quite a lot in social situations. That doesn’t happen now because I grew out of it as I realised that I had programmed myself to automatically feel tense in social situations, stemming from a feeling of worthlessness, so I would go red and curl up into a little ball.
I’ve recently been practicing holding eye contact with a woman, or anyone I talk to, it really pushes you out of your comfort zone however it’s not a staring contest or anything intimidating I must stress.
I done it the other day to a chick in work who I usually feel a bit little intimated by, she noticed I kept eye contact when we were talking, she smiled, blushed a bit, and then broke contact by looking down and mumbling something, while still blushing.
Hey Andrew
Nice work! I’m really glad to hear that you are trying techniques out and becoming stronger, rather than sitting around over-thinking things.
As you may now realize, women can be made to feel shy around you…and they actually like it. As long as you do it from a place of love, it is a good thing to do. Let her feel girly in your masculine presence and she will feel sexually attracted to you.
About your boyish face issue growing up: Yeah, a lot of guys have that, but it’s not as big of a problem as most guys realize. If you are masculine in your thinking, behavior, actions and energy, you will be sexually attractive to women and will be seen as a man. However, if you have a boyish face and you are afraid to be strong around women or in social situations, then the boyish face becomes more evident to the woman.
Keep pushing forward.
Cheers
Dan
My main excuse for years was that I wasn’t attractive enough, so I thought women wouldn’t like me. As a result I never tried with women because I auto assumed they wouldn’t like me. Now my excuse is that I’m a virgin, so women wont like me. I’ve just bought the flow and I’m going to start working on shedding my negative beliefs. I’m better looking than all of those guys in the pics above, I just had terrible self esteem for years. Now it’s time to move forward.
Hey Tom
Great to have you on board.
Read The Flow, start using the techniques and you will attracting and having sex with women in no time. It’s just so damn easy. You will only realize that and know it when you begin using the techniques.
Enjoy the great times ahead!
Cheers
Dan
So Dan, I have always thought that losing weight, my execuse up top will help me with getting girls. I have seen in my life rather unattractive men with nice looking girls, so I guess it is true this article. What do u think I am doing wrong, aside from weight? Please get back to me when you can, thanks Dan!!
Hey Thomas
The answer is simple: You’re not making women feel attracted to you when you interact with them.
You’ve got to display some of the personality traits and behaviors that women naturally find attractive (e.g. confidence, charisma, masculine vibe, charm, etc).
You then need to believe in yourself and move the interaction forward to a phone number, kiss, sex or date, rather than waiting for really obvious signals from a woman (most women don’t make their interest obvious because they want to test your confidence).
This will help you:
http://www.themodernman.com/blog/how-can-i-get-women-to-like-me.html
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan, just purchased The Flow along with 3 other products. Have read The Flow once and have written down side notes and also started a log, of how I feel and how I’ve reacted so far in certain situations. Already flirted with a teller at a bank and I think I already have the approach confidence and general confidence better. Just a quick query, I want to approach a girl who I dated quite some years ago, 8 years ago to be precise, at the time, I know I was going through a mild depression and although I tried to put on a brave face etc, I performed the standard lines/screwed up, everything you talk about, was too worried about impressing her and my language was neutral and there were silent times over dinner date etc, potentially not the right “vibe/presence”. I also sent her flowers after the 2nd date and then she told me we were only going to be friends. We still are, I catch up with her very infrequently, once/twice a year, and on those occasions initially, I was probably portraying through body language etc that I still liked her/ran after her a bit which was bad. I want to catch up with her soon,as I haven’t seen her for a year, and just chill out and use “The Flow” and with my new found confidence and carefree attitude try and attract her first (as she likes me as a friend and has never seen fully my playful side, nor my carefree talkative side which is what I want to display to her). A couple years ago, when we went out, she also mentioned “why didn’t we get together” which took me aback and I screwed that up as well, with a shoulder shrug, I was in the old mindset of I was a nice guy and there should be no reason a chick shouldn’t just warm to me. So I know perhaps she does have something there, it’s activating it fully. Any advice you can give?
Hey Nathan
Thanks for your question.
You need to show her your new and improved confidence and playfully arrogant humor. Let her see that you are still a good guy, but you have some balls now.
When you meet up, kiss her on the cheek to say hello like other people do. Don’t be afraid to do that. When parting ways, be sure to get her to give you a goodbye hug (e.g. “Okay, come here…give me a goodbye hug”) and you can even then add in (with a smile and in an easy-going way), “…and where’s my goodbye kiss on the cheek?”
Cheers
Dan