If you’re an intelligent man who is usually smarter than most of the people you meet, it can be frustrating to realize that other guys with far less brain power than you seem to be fighting women off with a stick.
So, what gives? Why isn’t your intelligence giving you a clear advantage when it comes to women?
Mr. Right?
Throughout your life, your above average intelligence has allowed you to pass tests with ease and pretty much always know the right, no matter what the question is. You’ve gotten used to being Mr. Right, because you usually ARE right.
So, why can’t you accurately answer the question of why you aren’t getting the girls?
Well, it’s not for a lack of trying or due to a lack of academic intelligence. The reason why you can’t answer the question of what it takes to be successful with women, is that you’re looking at it with clouded vision.
Since you are so used to being right and have always been able to use your intelligence to come up with a solution, you probably think that the way you’ve been approaching your dating life is CORRECT and everyone else must be CRAZY for not seeing things the way you do.
For example: Some intelligent guys believe that women should choose guys based on niceness and intelligence. Yet, no matter how nice they are or how much they demonstrate their intelligence during a conversation, women still aren’t interested.
This leads some intelligent men to conclude that women are crazy and must only want bad boys, which isn’t the correct answer. Here’s why…
As you will discover in the video above, there is NOTHING wrong with being nice to a woman, but it isn’t the thing that makes her wet or turns her on. If you want to turn women on during a conversation, you have to do things like flirt with her, display confidence, use humor and make her feel girly in response to your masculinity.
Then, when she feels attracted to you, she will come to appreciate the fact that you are ALSO a highly intelligent, good guy. She will then feel lucky to be talking to you and will be love the fact that you have a brain.
“It is not enough to have a good mind; the main thing is to use it well” Rene Descartes, French philosopher, mathematician and writer, 1596-1650
Social, Emotional and Academic Intelligence
Just because a man is academically intelligent (e.g. good at maths, has a high IQ, etc), it doesn’t automatically mean that he will have a high level of emotional intelligence or be good at socializing.
Here are a few, general examples to help explain what I mean…
Social Intelligence
General examples
- Great at talking with people.
- Able to adapt to varied social environments and instantly get along with people.
- Makes friends easily and maintains great relationships.
Emotional Intelligence
General examples
- Great at being positive and happy.
- Able to feel confident and self-assured in any situation.
- Experiences life with healthy emotions that lead to enjoyable and fulfilling experiences.
Academic Intelligence
General examples
- Great at maths.
- Able to analyze and solve complex academic problems.
- Gets top grades in school or university.
Some guys excel in all areas of human intelligence, but they are the minority. The majority of guys don’t have perfect levels of social and emotional intelligence, but the good news is that they can learn and improve it just like another area of skill in life.
Watch this video to understand how it works…
You Only Know What You Know
One of the most interesting things about life is that there is a lot for us to learn and know. In fact, it’s endless.
We humans can be ignorant if we want to be, but for those of us who like to excel, grow and become more, we know that there is always another level of learning and mastery to aspire to.
The most intelligent, successful men in this world know that they don’t know it all. They continually seek to uncover more of life’s secrets and know that the more they learn, the more amazing this world seems.
When it comes to the topic of what women want, most intelligent men have their theories and ideas, but that doesn’t mean they are correct. Everyone can have an opinion on something, even if they are stupid.
What separates guys who are successful with women from guys who are unsuccessful with women, are those who know how to attract women. For example: The majority of guys (intelligent or dumb) think that women feel attracted to men for the same reasons that men feel attracted to women.
Watch this video to understand what women are really attracted to in men…
Intelligent men fail with women because they only know what they know. If an intelligent man knew that he could attract women in more than 100 different ways (e.g. confidence, charisma, humor, masculine vibe, flirting, etc), he wouldn’t be trying to get women to “like” him as a person for being so smart and nice.
He would do the smart thing, which is to focus on making the woman feel attracted. Once a woman is attracted, she will then like the guy so much more and be open to giving him her phone number, kissing him, going on a date and having sex with him.
Another example of “You only know what you know” is the remaining tribal communities who live in jungles like the Amazon…
I recently saw a documentary where the researchers visited a tribe who don’t understand “time” like we do. They don’t have hours, days, months or years, but they do notice the changes in the seasons.
They weren’t aware of the latest breakthroughs that we’d been making in medicine, how we’re using the internet to help each other or how societies across the world are becoming increasingly interconnected and tolerant of each other.
Even though some of the men in the tribe might consider themselves to be intelligent, they don’t know what modern society knows. Those men only know what they know.
The same applies to success with women…
If you have been getting rejected by women, if you are nervous around women and if you have no idea how to attract them, it’s not because you lack the intelligence or ability. It’s simple: You simply don’t know what you don’t know.
Until you learn how to attract women, you will be in the dark on the topic.
A Hypothetical Example
The diagram below shows a hypothetical example of an “intelligent guy” who knows a LOT about mathematics, but doesn’t know much about what it takes to be successful with women, how to attract women and how to maintain a great relationship with a woman.
Just because the guy is academically intelligent, it doesn’t automatically mean he will be socially or emotionally intelligent or know what it takes to be successful with women.
Note: Of course, I am not saying that all academically intelligent men don’t know how to be successful with women.
This is simply an example of one type of guy and in this case, it’s the cliche “Math Genius” who is good with numbers, but not girls.
In the example above, the Math Genius doesn’t know a lot about how to attract women and succeed at dating or relationships, but he does know a lot about mathematics.
Despite being an intelligent guy, he still only knows what he knows…
Want to Know the SECRET to Success With Women?
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This video is only available here and you can watch it for free right now.
Holy cow, I relate to this article so much, perhaps one of the best articles I have EVER read, and I agree 100.1% with you Dan. Thank you very much for everything!!!!!
Hi Kevin
You’re welcome mate. Thanks for your comment and positive feedback.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan
This theory of yours is very true. I have been blessed with the superior academic intelligence, but I always assumed that as punishment of sorts I had been equally cursed with my lack of ability to woo women like other guys can so easily.
Now I realize that I am not cursed for life and can change my predicament. I have been reading your articles and newsletters over the last two months and I have noticed a lot of positive changes already. Now I think it is about time I took the next step and read your book so I get in on the secrets.
Best regards
Peter
Hey Peter
Thanks for your positive feedback.
Yes, as I say in the article, “You only know what you know.” If you don’t learn what you don’t know, then, well, you won’t know. The area of women and dating is a complex area for guys who don’t understand it. Yet, for those who have already read my book or watched some of my programs, they KNOW how simple and easy it is. Knowledge is power when used and when you use my knowledge of women in your life, you will have what we call “dating power.” It will no longer be about trying to get girls to like you, it will be about choosing from the many girls who like you.
I hope to hear of your success sometime soon.
Cheers
Dan
hey Dan,after reading this article-i don’t think i want to be that nerd anymore.Come to think of it I’ve let beautiful women pass me by for so long thinking success is more important.Now that I’m here its only right i share it with someone…it gets lonely at the top and not as much fun!
You the man!
Hi Basil
Thanks for your positive feedback.
Yes, success in a career just isn’t enough, is it? There’s no escaping the fact that as men, we want and (let’s admit it), need the companionship and intimacy that a woman brings to our lives to feel healthy and balanced. If you don’t have women in your life, no amount of working or studying or trying to keep yourself busy with hobbies can fully mask the pain you feel inside.
In life, you should aim to have a balance between all areas of importance: Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and social. If most of your time and energy is spent on the “mental” side of life (i.e. study, work, etc), you will feel unwell both physically and mentally. Balance is essential and I find that when I’ve got everything as perfectly balanced as I can, life feels amazing and great things happen all the time.
BTW: I’m working on some Modern Man stuff at the moment and my girlfriend is in the lounge room. I just sent her a Facebook message saying, “Coffee baby” and it’s now being made. She laughed and knocked on the door of the room I’m working in and laughed, saying “My darling, I love you.” That makes me happy. It makes me want to work even harder to help guys achieve success with women and be able to experience love, happiness, intimacy and fulfilling companionship with a woman of their choosing. Last night, my girl and I went out to party for Halloween and had a great time with friends, laughing, joking around, getting dressed up in costume (just a bit, we didn’t go over the top) and just enjoying life.
Make it happen Basil. This is your life. Don’t let it pass you by all alone. Don’t wake up 20 years from now and feel sick with regret that you missed out on love, relationships and good times because you were too focussed on one area of life or you were too afraid to learn what it takes to be confident and approach women properly.
I hope to hear about your success sometime soon in a comment.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan
Thanks for being there. M afraid; can’t put all your tutorials into use, else, I’ll become so flirty and sure, multitudes of women will flock around me like bee(s). I have a good lady and decided to be loyal and faithful. But I want more of your tutorials and experiences because I gave my lady upper hand from the genesis of our courtship. I appeared too weak and insecure but that was then. Now, I want to be the man she’s scared of losing, m achieving this gradually, gimme more clue. I do not have access to credit card; else I’d have bought many of your write ups, but the little tips I receive in my mails have been of salute-able use. Thanks, Dan
Hi Tolson
Thanks for your comment and positive feedback.
I’ve never heard of my articles being referred to as “salute-able” before, so thanks! I salute you too!
Now, I know you’ve said that you don’t have access to a credit card, but the truth of the matter is: The answers you seek are in Better Than a Bad Boy. Unless you are doing what I advise in that program, she will continue to lose respect for you. When a woman loses respect for you, she then loses attraction and when she loses attraction, she then begins to fall out of love with you. It’s a downward spiral. You must get her respect and then BUILD on it, so she respects you more and more. If you can’t do that, you’re relationship will begin to fizzle out.
I’m going to continue writing up helpful articles, but I will never give away the secrets in Better Than a Bad Boy for free in my posts. I have to reserve that power for my customers. It took me 7 years to work this stuff out and as you would agree, I deserve to be rewarded for my hard work and discoveries in this area. No one else online is teaching what I teach in Better Than a Bad Boy. There are guys out there who are naturally good with women who would already be doing what I teach in Better Than a Bad Boy, but they probably aren’t going to sit you down for 10 hours and 50 minutes (the duration of video in Better Than a Bad Boy) and explain it all to you.
Cheers
Dan
P.S. We also offer another payment method (Direct Bank Transfer) that you can use. See “Question 9” on this page: http://store.themodernman.com/faq.php
Hi Dan,
Got a cool story to tell in relation to that(about a friend).
A friend of mine, a very intelligent (I always looked up to him) and bragging guy. He always qualifies to woman and people in general he talks to, and from what I have seen he only hooks up with gold digger women type, and ironically he once told me that he felt that his girl only liked him for he got, not for what he is deeply … and yeah, I recommended him to check The Modern Man site, was 1 month ago.
So, last week he phoned me telling me that he got Dating Power, and that he now knows what he has been doing wrong and that he has hooked up with a new girl he met, and feels like they really click, and also, sent me a picture of his new girl best friend, asking me if I would like to go on a double date with him, as thanks for the eye opening.
So now, I even got a date next Wednesday, with no effort at all. Sweet! Thought I would share that..
Cheers
Hey Art
Awesome! That’s a DOUBLE success story!
About your friend: Yes, if a guy approaches women and offers things OTHER THAN HIMSELF in return for love, sex and affection, he is essentially buying himself a woman. Women will be bought if the guy offers that type of relationship, but they will never respect him and in most cases they will only behave nicely if he does nice things for them, buys them things or takes them on expensive dates. That is the opposite of what he will achieve by using the Dating Power techniques! Women will do nice things for HIM in the hope that they get to spend more time with him, be chosen as his girlfriend and continue to be his girlfriend. I think he’s going to be grateful to you for life for tipping him off about The Modern Man…!
Enjoy your double date and the great times ahead with women!
Cheers
Dan
Hey dan I feel im a smart guy but I find myself to be a loner as in not so much emotional, I try not go get attached and on more so im a serious person, but im very kind hearted and nice on the inside. But anyway I tend to care about girls that I don’t get so how should I approach that do I look at them all as expendable and not think about the ones I don’t get?
Hi Dave
Thanks for your question.
The reason you would be reacting that way is that you’ve spent your life “getting lucky,” rather than having choice with women. Read this and you will discover the answer you’re looking for: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/how-to-get-lucky-with-women.html
Cheers
Dan
While not wanting to appear to be critical–the article was great as far as it went–there is another point o be emphasized.
Women are not attracted to academic intelligence. You touched on the reasoning, the rationale for why I said that, which is that women are into drama, and there is simply nothing dramatic about seeing how a math or science problem plays out. The only exception is, of course, that very intelligent, and usually mature, women will recognize intelligence as a sign of wealth, power and status, which women of course are wildly attracted to. But, make no mistake, it is the latter that they are attracted to.
Thanks for the opportunity to chime in.
Hi Serginho
Thanks for your contribution.
Yes, you are correct – women aren’t attracted to academic intelligence. However, there are certain categories of compatibility that come into play AFTER a woman has felt attraction for a man’s confidence, masculinity, etc. One of those categories of compatibility is intellectual compatibility. So, for instance if a guy is confidence, but DUMB then he might get an intelligent woman interested initially because of his confidence, but she will often then lose interest because she can’t have an intellectually stimulating conversation with him. I talk about compatibility and its importance in terms of a successful relationship in more detail in The Modern Relationship if you’re interested.
Cheers
Dan
Good point about the intellectually stimulating conversation part. A lot of smart men who fail with women tend to read too much into that one part. They don’t realize that for the average women, intellectually stimulating conversation does not involve lecturing her on differential calculus or quantum mechanical tunneling. It means having a discussion about something the average educated person is able to identify with: things that are going on out there in the world we all live in. Everyday people and things that we can all relate to without having specialized degrees. While carefully avoiding religion and politics. The nerd who lectures a girl on the theory of relativity is the same as the meathead who goes on about his pecs and abs.
Hey Blue Noah
Thanks for your positive feedback.
You hit the nail on the head with this, “It means having a discussion about something the average educated person is able to identify with: things that are going on out there in the world we all live in. Everyday people and things that we can all relate to without having specialized degrees.”
Personally speaking, I love to talk about nanotechnology, artificial intelligence, the universe, the future, etc, but most people just don’t get it. So, when I am talking to people in general (not just women), I test out the waters to see if they can understand and if their eyes don’t light up with excitement (about being able to talk about those topics), I move on to easier, more relatable things, which usually means letting the other person talk about themselves and then expanding the conversation from there.
Cheers
Dan
I wish I had a good male model like Ash or Mark..my father is a LOSER! I HATE him, I just hate to see him every morning. He fakes confidence and behaves strange and I hate him.
Hi Tomas
Most of us have grown up with ineffective male role models. How much of a man you are will be decided on how you play the cards that life has dealt you. Like with the game of poker, you don’t choose your cards. You make the best of what you’ve got and keep making small (and big) wins until you eventually win.
Additionally, our generation has had the luxury of the internet. We modern men can learn about whatever we want very easily. However, our fathers had very little access to proper information on how to be a man, how to raise children and how to be an effective role model for their boys. Don’t blame your father or anything else. Be a man by taking charge of your life. Improve yourself and become a better man and then get on with enjoying your life like everyone else.
Cheers
Dan
Thanks for response.
About my father’s situation: He and my mother have been toghether for more than 20 years. These days they just “put up with each other” and my mother has talked about divorcing him MANY times, but she stays in the relationship because of me and my 15 year old brother. I want to show him The Modern Realtionship program but I feel to embaressed to do that, I mean: Whose father’s son makes the father watch a program about create the ideal relationship dynamic and keeping the relationship toghether?
Cheers
Hi Tomas
That’s interesting mate.
I think that if you love your father, you should be brave enough to say, “Hey Dad, is it okay if I show you a video I watched about relationships? I’d like you to tell me what you think of it.” That way your father doesn’t feel threatened or embarrassed as though you are teaching him.
Cheers
Dan
Hi,Dan.
Would you please explain how the direct bank transfer for buying your products works?
what must I do to get your products using this method because I don’t have a credit card just like tolson.
Please help!I really need to get the flow cause I don’t like the way my dating life’s been so far.I mean,am only 20 yet I’ve been lonely for like 22 years of my life.am the academically intelligent,good looking and nice kind of guy so am guessing you already the approach I take towards relationships and dating.please help.
GibBz
Hey GibBz
Thanks for your question.
If you don’t have a credit card, you can use a direct bank transfer payment method or use your bank account to pay via Pay Pal. Please see “Question 9” here: http://store.themodernman.com/faq.html
I hope you can access The Flow soon. I look forward to hearing about your success with women.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan: That is a brilliant, well written, and extremely insightful piece of writing. Curiously, I recently asked a very good female friend of mine for her thoughts on what women look for when choosing a partner and her reply was essentially exactly what you have said here.
Hi Anthony
Thanks for your positive feedback mate. Much appreciated.
Cheers
Dan
Hello Dan,
Love your articles.
Here is something I dont understand, you said a girl needs to chase a guy in order for her to feel the thrill, and thus love him, and the opposite wont work. But why ? Why is it when a guy chases a girl, the girl behaves negatively , but when a guy chases the girl, the results are different!
Hey Faisal
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
Simple: She wants to feel LUCKY to be with YOU, not feel as though you’re yet another guy who feels lucky to have her showing interest. Additionally, women know that if a man is needy for her (i.e he needs her for his emotional stablity, confidence, etc), then he is not what they refer to as a real man: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89
Cheers
Dan
I’m married now and have been with my wife for 12 years but prior to that I had constant rejection from women. I came up with all sorts of reasons rather than face the truth that I suspected.
A bit overweight as a youngster, at 21 I lost 4 stone any got pretty fit. And I’m six feet four. But did this improve matters ? No, because
I am in the academic intelligence section as defined above.
Everything ive read here and on other sites rings so true .
Hey ianb
Thanks for your positive feedback and contribution to the discussion.
My mission is to help more guys understand what you now know. I’m going to keep pushing forward until guys wake up and realize that it is NOT about looks. You are a classic example of that and so are the 100s of other guys who’ve made similar comments about this particular topic around the site.
I hope you’re marriage is going well and you are both falling more deeply in love with each other. If not, you might want to watch this program and inject more passion, respect, attraction and love into the relationship: http://store.themodernman.com/in/18c787c
Cheers
Dan
Dan,
This page particularly interests me, because I have smart on several areas, so you could say I am academically intelligent. But my social intelligence is below average. The solution would be to learn things from you that I didn’t know yet.
I think that men with an autism spectrum disorder (I don’t know if you are familiar with that condition) are out of luck. They are generally known to have a below-average social intellect. There may be strategies to overcome this problem by learning, as you suggested, but I think there are men that will reach a line that they cannot cross in any way. I think that can be very frustrating. Skills that they learn could be too artificial for the women, and therefore be unattractive.
Hi Hans
Thanks for your comment.
What you need to realize and come to terms with is that you will NEVER be able to pick up ALL women. No man can pick up all women. However, a man who is starting off an interaction with a woman with a disadvantage (e.g. ugly, disabled, autistic, etc) needs to know that he has to be strong and keep pushing forward until he meets women who will accept a guy like him.
Check out these two posts and you will understand what you need to do:
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/articles/how-do-average-guys-get-hot-women.html
http://www.themodernman.com/videos/what-is-your-skill-level-with-women.html
Cheers
Dan