The answer to the question of, “Is it okay to let your girlfriend go clubbing?” is that it depends.
It depends on what type of woman she is, how good your relationship is and who she will going to the club with.
Times when it’s okay for her to go clubbing without you:
- She truly loves you and is sincerely and fully committed to your relationship.
- She is going to a club with her girlfriends who are in committed relationships or married.
- She has to go for a work function or event and she isn’t allowed to invite people from outside the company.
Times when it’s not okay for your girlfriend to go clubbing without you:
- She doesn’t feel much respect, attraction or love for you and isn’t fully committed to the relationship.
- She’s going out to a club with her single girlfriends to get drunk and dance all night.
- She’s going with a guy or a number of guys, some of which will feel attracted to her and hit on her.
- She isn’t coming home that night and will be staying at a girlfriend’s house.
- She has cheated on you before.
- She often flirts with other guys in front of you.
Why Does She Want to Go Out Partying Without You?
The fact is, when a woman is happy in her relationship and is truly committed to her man, she won’t feel the need to go out clubbing without him.
Sometimes, she might want to catch up with her girlfriends by herself, which is totally fine, but if her girlfriends are single and going to be trying to pick up men, then there’s no need for your girlfriend to be there.
If her girlfriends want to go to a club and party, her number one prerequisite should be that you come along too.
If she loves you, respects you and feels attracted to you, then she’s going to want to have you around all the time.
She is going to feel better with you there because you are her man and she wants to have fun times with you.
Personally speaking, my wife (I recently got married to my sexy girlfriend that I met in a nightclub when she was 20 and I was 35 – see photo below) would laugh at the idea of going out partying without me.
She knows that without me there, guys would be trying to hit on her and she doesn’t want to be annoyed by that.
She also doesn’t need guys to make her feel sexy, wanted or loved because she already feels that way with me.
Her and I have the type of relationship that most people dream of having (i.e. we have remained in the Blissful Love stage of our relationship and it just gets better and better).
Watch this video to understand how it works…
My wife and I completely in love, we respect each other, we are attracted to each other and we’re also best friends.
I couldn’t be happier.
Yet, things weren’t always so good for me with women…
The reason why I created The Modern Man in the first place, is that many years ago, the girl who I thought was “the love of my life,” went out clubbing with her sister and a girlfriend, cheated on me and then dumped over the phone the next morning.
I was destroyed.
I lost a lot of confidence and spent several years alone after she did that to me.
It was back in the time where there wasn’t anyone online helping guys to get ex women back.
I was on my own.
I couldn’t believe what had happened to me.
I mean, I loved her so much.
I was completely committed to her and she cheated on me.
It killed me.
It also completely turned me off having new relationships with women because I felt betrayed by her and unwilling to trust other women.
The fear of being cheated on and dumped again felt worse than being alone, so I simply avoided women that I found attractive.
Secretly, I didn’t think that I was worthy enough to keep an attractive woman in a relationship.
I believed that they just wouldn’t be happy with a guy like me.
Eventually though, I got tired of feeling like a reject, so I decided to work out how to attract women when I met them, so I could have my choice with women rather than getting lucky like I had with the girl who dumped me.
Back when I met my ex-girlfriend, I didn’t even know how to attract women and I simply got lucky because both of us were drunk at a party.
Yet, after the initial buzz wore off, she showed less and less affection and interest, which then caused me to become needy, clingy and insecure.
I also had no idea how to deepen a woman’s love, respect and attraction for me and I simply expected that she would stay with me because things felt good at the start.
Yet, that’s not how it works anymore.
In the past, a woman had to stay with a man for life even if she was unhappy because it was shameful to get divorced.
In 1900 for example, the divorce rate was less than 10% across the developed world, compared with an approximate average of 50% in the developed world today.
In the old days, a woman had to put up with her husband and he could even get away with controlling her and being an asshole if wanted to.
She knew that getting divorce would bring shame to her and her family, so she sucked it up and stuck by the old marital promise, “Till death do us part.”
Not anymore.
Today’s women have the freedom to do whatever they want.
They can sleep with guys that they meet a bar, get in and out of relationships whenever they want and settle down if they decide to.
They don’t have to get married and they don’t have to stay loyal to a guy, unless they feel like it.
The only way that a man can keep a relationship with a woman together for life is to deepen her feelings of love, respect and attraction over time.
You cannot expect that a woman will stick around just because things felt good at the start.
Even if your girlfriend sincerely says, “I love you” and you have a history of good memories together, it doesn’t mean that she will stick by you if her feelings happen to change.
As bad as this sounds, the truth is that she isn’t yours and you don’t own her. She is an individual and she has the freedom to choose who she wants to be in a relationship with.
In today’s world, she’s not yours for life, even if she’s your wife.
To keep a relationship together, you have to be the sort of man that she wants to stay with.
It doesn’t matter that things felt great at the start or that you’re a good guy who really loves her.
What matters is whether or not she feels enough love, respect and attraction for you to warrant staying with you.
The couples that you see who are 30-40 years into a relationship and still madly in love is what is possible when you approach your relationship correctly.
The only way to get to that point though is to deepen a woman’s love, respect and attraction for you over time.
You have to be a couple that love and respect each other and want to be in each other’s life.
You can’t just ignore what makes her happy or be unwilling to compromise and go out and join her to party for a while.
Why Don’t You Go Out With Her?
Do you hate clubbing?
Are you not interested in building up a relationship with her friends?
Do you dislike her friends?
Are you too busy to party?
Do you hate the loud noise or the crowds?
Whatever your reason is, it’s most-likely not going to be good enough for her.
If she really enjoys partying and you hate it, then it’s usually only a matter of time before things start to fall apart or she simply cheats and then breaks up with you.
Over the years, I’ve helped a lot of guys to get a girlfriend back.
A fairly common reason for a break up (especially with younger guys) is that he meets a girl who enjoys partying, but he doesn’t go out with her because he hates clubbing or drinking.
Instead of having a good time and getting to know her party friends, a guy like this will often stay home and expect that she will just keep coming around to see him.
He might also demand that she stop partying and start being more responsible like him.
After a while, the woman begins to feels as though they’re no longer a match because he doesn’t appreciate the type of life that she really enjoys.
She starts to wonder why she is with him at all and then either cheats on him or breaks off the relationship and then hooks up with a guy at a club that weekend.
This is what I call a Negative Chain Reaction in a relationship.
Watch the video below to learn more…
If you level the Negative Chain Reactions get out of control, it almost certainly leads to cheating or a break up.
So, if your girlfriend really wants to party and you don’t, here’s what I recommend that you do..
Go out partying with her all the time.
Yes, all the time.
Let her be the one to say that she is getting bored of clubbing and wants to spend more time with you.
Don’t be the needy guy who tries to pull her away from what she enjoys because you want her to give her full attention to you.
Be the confident, cool guy who loves and appreciates who she is and what she cares about.
Build up a relationship with her friends, get drunk and party together often.
This will make her love you, respect you and appreciate you so much more.
When that happens, she will automatically feel less desire to party and more desire to start building a future together as a couple.
Yet, just make sure that you allow her to get to that point.
Don’t force her away from partying because it will only make her resent you.
If you are serious about your girlfriend and you want to the relationship to last, make sure that you love and appreciate who she is.
Get involved in her life and enjoy it together until she begins to feel the desire to spend more time doing boyfriend/girlfriend things and hanging out together with other friends who are relationships.
Will Your Girlfriend Be Drinking at the Club?
Did you know?
- Alcohol increases testosterone in the body which in turn increases libido in women.
- Alcohol increases sexual desire and arousal.
- Alcohol leads to a loss of sexual inhibition.
If your girlfriend does have a few drinks, she will naturally become more open to the idea of talking to random guys.
She might even flirt with a few guys and talk to them, but if she is truly committed to you and wants to be in a relationship with you, she will reject any attempts that guys make to kiss her or get her phone number.
However, if there are problems in your relationship and she goes out with her single girlfriends to let her hair down, she may decide to drink a few too many drinks and then end up kissing a random guy just for the fun of it.
Is There a Serious, Fundamental Problem With Your Relationship?
Take a moment to ask yourself some serious questions about your relationship:
- Are you giving her what she needs? Do you actually know what she needs to feel happy with you?
- Does she feel excited to be with you?
- Have you lost the spark that was there at the start?
- Does she seem to enjoy getting flirting/sexual attention from other guys?
- Why is she looking for excitement away from you?
- Is she loyal and trustworthy?
- Is a third party trying to split the two of you up?
- Does she see you as a man that she respects and wants to stay with, or is she just staying with you until she can find a replacement guy?
So, if you’ve found yourself asking the question, “Is it okay to let your girlfriend go clubbing?” what you might want to start asking yourself is, “How can I be the type of man that my girlfriend would rather stay home with?”
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Hello Dan
My girlfriend and i have a long distance relationship. We just had a fight due to the fact that she loves to go clubbing and i told her not to do so. I dont know what to do. We wont be together for another 6 months.
Hi Koushal
Thanks for your comment.
Read: http://www.themodernman.com/relationship/things-to-do-in-a-long-distance-relationship.html and http://www.themodernman.com/relationship/how-to-make-a-long-distance-relationship-work.html
In your case, if you are not already the type of man that she is willing to be loyal for, you need to step up a gear and become that guy. You need to be the type of man that she respects and feels attraction for. If you’re not, she will open herself up to other guys.
Cheers
Dan
Hi dan,my girlfriend and I are together for 2 years now,and its the 3rd time that she has been to the club without me,she even says that she doesn’t want any commitments now,where as I do,During these 2 years we haven’t been to a club together,and I don’t know what’s going on behind my back,but she goes with her elder girl cousins to the club.please help me,I need some advice.
Hey Salesh
Thanks for your question.
In your case, there is no doubt that she is going out clubbing to find another guy. If you want her back, I offer this system: http://store.themodernman.com/get_your_ex_back_super_system.html
Cheers
Dan
Great article Dan.
Cheers Owen
i am in relationship for abt half a year now , before when we started dating i actually advanced her tht she should go enjoy more and to have a clubbing experience, but after our relationship become more stable and when she start clubbing suddenly i felt insecure dont know why? wad to do
Hi Tang
Thanks for your question.
The only way to stop feeling insecure is to be the opposite of insecure, which is confident. You need to know that she wants you more than other guys. You need to believe that and not worry about it. If you don’t believe that, you will probably need to go out clubbing yourself and see how many women like you. You will then have the belief that you will be fine without her and can get a replacement girl right away if she cheats on you.
Here are the dictionary definitions to show the difference between confidence and insecurity:
Insecurity (noun): Lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt.
Confidence (noun): Belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan,
I have kind of complicated situation and I have no idea what to think right now.
I’ve been dating this girl for 9 months now, and yet I am madly in love with her (I care for her more than I ever cared for my ex who I dated 2 years).
We started great, good regular basis sex (at least 4-5 times a week), but now we haven’t done anything for over a month. All I get is a quick kiss after I drive her home after spending a day with her. That’s all. That’s one thing that I’m concerned about, but now the other thing.
So I am 19, she is 17 and where I am from, you need to be 18 to get into clubs. She uses her sisters ID to get in, and has been with me 3 times before. I have asked her to come with me so many times, she keeps saying she doesn’t want to go before she’s 18. But she is going to a club on friday on his guy friends birthday. She keeps telling me that he is her best guy friend, but the whole time we have been dating, she has never, not once spent a day or seen this guy. Only sees him in school, but doesn’t do anything with him after school, on weekends etc. And out of sudden, it’s so important to go bar with him but not with me.
This gets me really worried about if there is something I should know of..
Hey Tom
Thanks for your comment.
It sounds like she wants to end things with you, but isn’t sure how, so it’s dragging on for a while. A couple doesn’t stop having sex after 9 months! There is a bigger problem there. My guess is that you will probably hear the old, “I think we need time apart” or “I need space” line soon.
Check this out:
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/my-girlfriend-said-she-needs-space.html
Cheers
Dan
hi dan, I’ve been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a half. he won’t allow me to go clubbing without him, i feel like I’m in a tough situation because coming up is my best friends birthdays and what am i suppose to do drag my boyfriend to my friends birthday while its suppose to be a girls night? and now he refuses on going at all unless he can bring his friends
Hi Amelia
Thanks for your question.
In a relationship, both of you need always to make compromises. I don’t see anything wrong with him wanting to go or to bring his friends to a mutual friends party. However, if it is supposed to be a girl’s only night, then he should also be able to give you that trust.
In a relationship, you have to give the other person your full trust and let them take care of it. A human can never fully trust another human being, but we just have to give our trust to make relationships and society function. Without trust, a relationship simply cannot function harmoniously. A lack of trust breeds insecurity, anger, frustration and it ruins the chance for the love between you to grow and mature.
Personally speaking, I’ve been fine with my girlfriend going out to a girl’s night. All of her girlfriends have a boyfriend and it wasn’t about going out to find single guys. If my girlfriend’s friends were single and looking to find a man, I know that my girlfriend wouldn’t be interested in going. Additionally, my girlfriend would rather have me come along to most things, but I am fine not to attend everything with her. Sometimes, it’s just not necessary or relevant for me to go and I’m fine with that.
You need to get clear on what things you and your boyfriend should attend together and alone and why. You should also tell him to give you his full trust and you will give him your full trust. It’s a risk that a couple needs to take if the love is going to have a chance to mature into something more significant (i.e. a marriage or lifetime relationship).
Cheers
Dan
Hey man me and my girl have been totogether for a year now and before me.she had a lot of pics w guys and hahas always been a drinker .. Sometimes she would even say I ddon’t remember some.nights .. And she’s been clubbing and out early in the relationship without me .. She has came to my house after before really drunk and a gguy’s number saved that I never seen ..what would u do?
Hey Julio
Thanks for your question.
It’s hard to say whether she has cheated, but there are clues. Her saying that she doesn’t remember some nights is one and her saving a guy’s number is another. If a woman has a boyfriend and isn’t open to cheating on him, she won’t take another guy’s number. That said, she could have taken the number just to get him to leave her alone. It’s hard to say without seeing her behavior in person.
In a relationship, you have to give a woman your full trust, but you still have to be aware of the red flags when they pop up. Personally speaking, if I was in your situation, I would keep seeing other women because it doesn’t sound like she considers you to be “the one” for her. Sounds like she may be still open to looking for another guy.
Again though, it’s hard to say, because I am only judging her based on your comment. In reality, she might be the most trustworthy woman in the world and may just be going out without you to hopefully make you jealous enough to propose to her. You will have to assess things based on what you’ve experienced with her so far.
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan
My girlfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 2 months. We’ve been arguing a lot lately and she decided to move back home. We came to terms that she will only stay over on weekends because she wants to have time for herself and to be with her friends who are single to go clubbing. We also schedule days when to see each other because she wants to be able to miss me more and not see me as much. She’s been going clubbing every week so far and never once invites me out because she assumes that I do not like it. When I ask her to go clubbing with her she tells me “No it’s a girls night out sorry” … how many girls night out do you friggen need?!?! I do not know her friends and the type of personality’s that they have because we never hung out and I’ve only met them once. My girl tells me guys hit on her at the clubs and try to dance with her but she tells me she pushes them away.. I don’t know if I believe her. How would you handle this type of situation?
Hey Jay C
Thanks for your question.
She is going to cheat on you. That is almost a certainty in this case. If I were you, I would break up with her. You are either going to break up with her now and move on, or you are going to get the same phone call I got (watch this video: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/get-your-ex-back-super-system.html) where she tells you that she has cheated on you and is now breaking up with you.
If she is going out with her single girlfriends all the time, she isn’t trying to miss you. She is trying to find a replacement. Plain and simple.
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan, I am female but I have a problem with my boyfriend for not letting me go clubbing. He doesn’t like that and doesn’t want to come with me, i asked him milion times.. But yesterday we had a huge fight. He told me if I go, he will not treat me the same. He thinks that the other guys will flirt with me, he is not comfortable with the fact that there will be so many guys around me and I know that i will not even drinking or i will not do something bad like cheating him. What should I do?
Hey Nina
Thanks for your question.
If clubbing is an essential, “must do” thing in your life that you absolutely cannot do without, then you have to do it. In life, you’ve got to trust your gut instinct and do what you think is best for you now AND in the long run.
I mention the long run because sometimes, we reach a point in our life where we need to CHANGE. We need to stop behaving like we used to, stop doing what we did when we were single and start doing what is necessary to keep a relationship together for life.
My girlfriend (who recently became my fiance http://www.themodernman.com/blog/why-i-decided-to-accept-my-girlfriends-marriage-proposal.html) met at a club. During the first 3 months of our relationship, we went clubbing (and got wasted and had an awesome time dancing and partying with friends all night) about twice a week. It was awesome. So much fun.
Yet, we then started to get bored of it. Suddenly, it didn’t really feel like it was how we wanted to live our life. So, we moved to a new city and away from our many clubber friends and started afresh. A year later, we got two kittens…another year later and we are engaged and now we’re wanting to start a family.
We look back on our clubbing days with fond memories, but we are now so excited about the joy we will experience by having a family. It feels like the right thing to do because we both love each other completely and have each other’s back 100%. We are a duo, a team and we are keen to keep building our life together.
So, in your case, you really need to ask yourself what you REALLY want. Are you ready to settle down with your boyfriend and leave the party scene behind? Are you willing to make that sacrifice for the love that you share? Do you think that your love will grow over time? Will it be worth more to you than dancing and drinking in a club a few more times before possibly breaking up?
Cheers
Dan