What to actually say to get your ex back depends on the stage of the break up that you’re going through.
For example: What to say when she’s breaking up with you, what to say to her the next day, a couple of weeks after a break up, a couple of months after or what to say if you and her have already broken up many times before.
So, what I’m going to do now is give you examples of what to say in each of those situations.
1. When she is breaking up with you
When she is breaking up with you and says, “I don’t want to be with you any more. It’s over” what can you say to her?
In that situation, the best way to handle it is to not beg, plead or try to convince her to give you another chance. Instead, you should just accept it.
For example: “Okay, I accept your decision. If that’s what you want, then that is what we’ll do.”
Of course, if you’re one of the guys who have already broken up with your woman many times before, you’ve probably already played that card. You’ve probably already accepted the break up during a previous split with her.
The technique of accepting the break up will usually work once or twice, but it’s not something that can be relied on to always work every time you and her break up. The first or second time you try it, a woman will usually miss you and send you a text or call you and say that she misses you.
Yet, what if you’ve already played that card with your ex, or you can’t do that because you and her have been broken up with for a while? Let’s look at the example of things to say to get your ex back…
2. If you speak to her the next day
If you speak to her the next day on the phone or in person, the best thing to say is, “Hey, we’ve broken up now, but at least we can be friends” and let her see that you’re not chasing after her or begging for another chance.
A better way to approach the conversation with a woman after a break up is to talk about the mistakes you’ve made and apologize for it, without asking her for another chance.
For example: A guy was dumped by a woman because he was insecure, too protective, too jealous, needy and clingy.
So, what he can say is talk to her in a way where he’s not trying to get back with her, but he is just going to show her that he understands where he went wrong and the reasons why she has broken up with him.
[Smile and say in an easy-going manner] “Look…I think the break up yesterday was totally necessary. I mean, I understand where you’re coming from…I don’t know what I was thinking…I was being overly-protective of you….I really haven’t had much balance in life and I was too focused on our relationship and was clinging on to you, instead of going after what I want in life in terms of my career and ambitions, which would have allowed me to lead a more balanced life.”As long as he says something along those sorts of lines, the woman will see that he has ALREADY changed the way he thinks. You should never try to get an ex back by saying that you WILL change or that you’re going to change if she gives you time or gives you another chance, because most women simply won’t accept that.
Some women (usually young women or women who don’t have much relationship experience) will give a guy another chance on the basis that he is promising to change, but most women won’t.
When a break up happens, most women will have gotten to the point where they’ve had enough.
She will have tried to be patient with her guy, but he wasn’t able to change and understand what she really needed from him to feel happy and excited to be in the relationship, so she will just say “No” when he asks for another chance based on his promise to change.
What a woman wants to see is that you already have changed and she isn’t going to have to be patient with you, or take on the role of teaching you how to be the kind of man she wants. Instead, you’ve worked it out yourself and are now being the type of man that she can respect.
Of course, it’s next to impossible for a guy to fix his insecurities overnight. However, you need to at least give her the impression that you understand why she broke up with you (i.e. because of your insecurity), which will allow her to feel as though you are changing already.
You’re not trying to just get her back with a promise of changing and instead, are already aware of the real reasons why she has broken up with you. Based on your more enlightened awareness of the real problems in your relationship with her, you are already going through a stage of transition and growth as a man.
She will be able to see that if you truly do understand where she went wrong. Watch this video for more info…
As you will discover from the video above, there are many subtle and obvious mistakes that a guy can make, which will gradually turn a woman off the idea of being in a relationship with him.
However, if you can stop making the same old mistakes and instead interact with her in a way that makes her feel respect and attraction for you, she will naturally begin to reconnect with her feelings of love for you.
3. If you speak to her 1-4 weeks after the break up
What you will say to her if you speak to her within 1-4 weeks, really depends on the break up reason.
Some guys get broken up with by a woman because they’ve taken her for granted and really haven’t shown her enough love, care and appreciation. Other guys (e.g. insecure guys) get broken up with by a woman because they’re not enough of a man for her.
If you took your ex for granted and you see her within 1-4 weeks after the break up, then you tell her about the fact that you now understand that you took her for granted. You don’t have to dwell on that subject for too long, but it’s important to briefly tell her that you understand that she broke up with you for that reason.
You need to remind her that you accept the break up and then apologize for putting her through what she had to go through. However, the apology should be said in a confident, matter of fact, easy-going manner where you simply apologize for your wrong doing and leave it at that.
Some guys make the mistake of apologizing in a way where they are looking for pity from their ex. For example: “I’m really sorry about what I did…and hopefully I can get another chance with you.”
Saying it in that way will make her raise her guard up and not trust your apology. She will assume that you’re just saying sorry to make her feel guilty and believe that you have now changed, but you’re really just trying to get another chance with her.
You don’t care that you hurt her, you haven’t learned from the experience and are just saying whatever to get her to give you another chance.
The right way to do it is to be very matter of fact about it, “Look…I just wanted to apologize. For the record – the way I treated you was wrong. You and I used to have something great and I just took you for granted…and for that, I’m sorry. I just want to tell you that. I’m not asking for us to get back together, but I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.”
What happens then is that she’s thinking, “Okay, well…he’s not desperately trying to get me back” and she doesn’t feel like you’re putting any pressure on her, so she will then open herself up to you and the potential of getting back together.
So, that is what a guy who took his girlfriend for granted would say.
How about an insecure guy who got dumped for not being enough of a man for his woman?
He would say (in a confident, matter of fact and easy-going manner), “Hey, I understand the reasons for the break up…I just wasn’t enough of a man for you and I understand that. I just want to say for the record that I’m sorry…you deserved a lot better from me…you and I had something great, but I don’t know what the heck I was doing. Of course, I understand now why you broke up with me and I accept that. I’m not asking for us to get back together or anything like that, but I just wanted to say sorry. I want to at least give you that because we had something great and what did I do? I became overly-protective, clingy and jealous…I was pathetic…but, you go through life and you live and learn…I stuffed things up with you and I, but hey – that’s life.”
By saying that sort of thing to her, she will see that you’ve grown from the experience and are not the same old, insecure guy who is begging her for another chance.
4. After many break ups
Many guys who are trying to get a woman back have already gone through several break ups with her.
In cases like that, a guy needs to really put in some effort to fix his issues and improve himself, because she will have already given him many chances before and she’s most-likely at a point where anything he says to her is going to sound like bullshit.
If he says that he understands the reasons for the break up, she’s usually going to say something like, “Well, good for you, but I’m over it” and she won’t care that he’s now worked out where he is going wrong.
She’s only going to really care if he is able to interact with her in a way that makes her feel a strong, renewed sense of respect and attraction for him. He can still tell her that he now understands where he was messing up with her, but she is only going to take him seriously if she can see that, whenever she interacts with him, he is able to make her feel differently.
If she interacts with him and he gets her smiling, laughing and enjoying herself around him, then she will know that he has changed.
However, if the same old negative tension always seems to exist between them whenever they interact, she will know that he’s still the same old guy and doesn’t yet understand how to get her feeling the way that she really wants to feel when in a relationship.
Watch this video for more info…
When a woman has broken up with a guy many times before, she will often be at a point where her friends and family are telling her to move on.
So, to give her the confidence to say to her friends and family, “No, he has changed…it’s different this time” he needs to really make an effort to improve himself and fix the issues (e.g. insecurity, commitment issues, lack of purpose in life, etc) that have been causing problems in their relationship all along.
Becoming a Better Man to Get Her Back
Whatever your ex’s reasons were for ending the relationship with you, taking steps to learn from your mistakes and become a better man is the right way to get her to see you differently and feel differently about you again.
It’s easy to do when you get the right advice, but if you try to take shortcuts by using amateur tricks that you can easily find online (e.g. avoiding her by using the No Contact Rule), you run the risk of turning her off even more and destroying the remaining love, respect and attraction she has for you.
I’ve already helped hundreds of guys to successfully get back with an ex girlfriend, fiancé or wife and I can help you too. In my popular program called, Get Your Ex Back: Super System I explain exactly what you need to do and say during each step of the process of getting your ex back.
Before we get to those sections in the program, I go through the most important part of the process, which is all about fixing your issues (e.g. insecurities, jealously, over-protectiveness, commitment issues, etc) and improving who you are as a man (e.g. making you more confident, getting you clear on your purpose in life, making you more masculine, improving your ability to make her feel lucky to have a guy like you, etc).
Getting your ex back is an exciting process that really pushes you to grow as a man.
Many of the guys that I’ve helped have told me that they’ve not only got their ex back, but got promoted at work or made a bunch of great new friends because of their new approach to life. Y
Are you ready to take the next step and finally get her back in your arms?
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Hi Dan
I recently broke up with ex girlfriend Friday. She always pointed out that she’s getting older and that the relationship isn’t moving and that she isn’t content. I didn’t want to hold her back from being where she wanted to be in life as far married with kids and career (she’s a nurse). I felt as if she was loosing respect for me and wasn’t happy with the way things were going. I basically wasnt a man with purpose. Felt the need to let her go because I felt as if I placed more importance on the relationship instead of being a man of purpose. In all actuality I want her back and made a mistake by breaking up with her and afraid that she won’t take me back. I said to her that I love you so much that I want you to be where you want to be and I don’t want to slow you down. Told her all great thing come to an end and that I’ll love you and will always love and I wish you the best. I want her back Dan! What should I do?!
Hi Chris
Thanks for your question.
It really depends on how she feels about you. How has she reacted to the break up? Is she trying to get back together with you at all? If not, you will need to go through the process of getting her back, which is explained in this program: http://store.themodernman.com/get_your_ex_back_super_system.html
It’s a 7 step system and by the 7th step, you and her will be back together in a new and better relationship than before.
Cheers
Dan
Dan,
I have an unusual story for you. About 2 and a half years ago I met a great girl in college. We had many mutual friends and through them the word spread that we had a thing for each other. I made a lot of mistakes – clingy, needy, desperate etc. We only ended up going on one date, we kissed but it was awkward. A month later she broke it off with me. I was crushed. I behaved like a little boy and when things were fine i dragged up the past and ruined any trust she had for me. after college we tried to stay in touch but it wasn’t happening. The last time we seen each other we never spoke and it was quite awkward. I have learned a lot, I bought all of your programmes. I have not done nowhere near as much as I should have done i.e. what your programmes suggest, but they are excellent and everything has been spot on. I blame myself for my own inaction. Here’s the question, if i do act and combine them all can i then apply the super sytem (thats if i still want chance with this girl) to get a second shot with her? My career has calmed down a bit, the studying phase has eased so I have more time. That’s not supposed to be an excuse. I am giving myself a timeline of 2 months and I plan on using the particular method you suggest in get your ex back system to get her to notice me. And in that time I will get new women and who knows as I said I may not bother with her at all. Dan, your thoughts please?
Best regards,
Joe.
Hey Joe
Thanks for your question.
Yes, you can get another chance with her, but in this case (seeing that you only went on one date and had an awkward kiss), you are going to really need to put the techniques from Get Your Ex Back: Super System into action. You can’t half do it. When you interact with her, she has to be able to see, feel and hear the new version of you.
She will test you (e.g. by acting like she isn’t interested, being a bit cold, etc), but human emotions can change in an instant when the human is presented with something that sparks the change. What that means is that you need to use the techniques from GYEB Super System to get her to feel the emotions I talk about in the program. Then, when you interact with her again, you need to use techniques like flirting to get her to feel a renewed sense of sexual attraction for you.
Good on you for learning everything so far. Fingers crossed now that you put the advice into action.
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan
I got your program about two weeks ago and managed to get my ex to meet up with me using the approach you advised.
So we met up and hooked up that night back at her place and she said that she wants to take it slow. She said she wants us to be back together for sure but wants us to take it slow.
What should I do to take things slowly with her? What does she mean?
Paul
Hi Paul
Thanks for sharing your success so far. Much appreciated.
About taking it slow: Essentially, she is trying to say to you, “Don’t become needy…don’t make me feel like I am doing this for you…don’t make me feel smothered.” Think back to what I talk about in the program about sharing love rather than taking it from her (you may need to watch that section again to get refreshed on the concept).
Focus on building on the respect and attraction that she feels for you (you may need to watch Step 7 of the program again to get refreshed on the techniques and mindsets needed to make that happen).
Congrats on your success! Maintain your belief in your attractiveness and value to her. Love her, but be relaxed about it.
Cheers
Dan
hey Dan,
my girlfriend broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. We were so in love until then out of the blue she broke up with me, and blamed it on relationship stress. Then the day after she sent me a text saying she realised she really needed me and felt like she had made a mistake and wanted to talk to me. then a few hours later she sent me a text saying that we need time apart and that she still wants to be friends. ???!!!!! how could she change her mind so quickly? I then left her alone for a week as I was to upset to talk. I started to find out information from her friends apparently she missed me and was struggling to get through each day, I texted her asking if she was ready to talk. after a while I became inpatient and began texting her again until eventually I was texting her like crazy begging her to come back to me and she blocked me ;(. I admit in our relationship I was really needy and I think after this breakup its made me realise I don’t always need her with me as much as I thought, but I still want her back. she told me through her friends she is over me and wants nothing to do with me again. that absolutely killed me. but I don’t want to move on not yet I feel like I can get her back. we were such a good couple we barely ever fought, we had the exact same personality, we loved to do the same things, we always finished each others sentences no like literally we always did that it was kind of scary haha, we even made plans for marriage and had chosen our kids names. I really want her back I just have to find a way to contact her which I have since we live in the same neighbourhood. I have bumped into her a couple of times which we just stared at each other and both walked of crying, I wish I had found your website before then. I am having some financial difficulties right now so as much as I want to I cant purchase your get your ex back super system, but I really want your help in getting my ex back not some stupid old person telling me to use non contact. so please could you give me a few more tips on what to say and do if I run into her? and how to get her to unblock me? thank you so much!!! I don’t know what id do if I never found your website cant wait to get my girl back 😀
thanks again!!!
Link
Hey Link
Thanks for your question.
It’s not so much about what you SAY when you meet her, but what you DO. You need to interact with her in a way that makes her feel ATTRACTED to you. At the moment, it sounds like you are just making her feel SORRY for you. That is not how to get an ex back.
Since you can’t purchase my system (believe me, it sounds like you really need the training that comes with the system), watch this video for some extra help: http://www.themodernman.com/blog/how-to-make-a-woman-feel-intense-attraction-for-you.html
Cheers
Dan
OMG DAN PLEASE HELP!!!!!!
update on the last comment my ex girlfriend has told my friend that if I don’t get over her in a year she is getting a restraining order im really scared im not going to get her back ;( I think ive made to many mistakes since the break up but I really want her back tell me everything I’ll listen and do everything you say in order to do that PLEASE HELP ME!!!! I CANT LIVE WITHOUT HER IM REALLY PANICING!!!!!! ;(
please please please help ;(
Link
Hey Link
Lol…one day, you will laugh at how you are reacting right now. You will realize that reacting that way is the opposite of what you should be doing. I understand though because that is exactly how I reacted when I got dumped many years ago. I didn’t know what to think or do. I was in panic mode and it turned her off even more.
An ex wants to know that you are happy with or without her. It sounds like you are making your ex feel that you need her for your happiness and that you are lost without her. That is not what she wants to feel.
When you interact with her, you have to talk to her in a way that makes her feel drawn to you, attracted to you and open to you. If you want to learn how to do that, check out my program: http://store.themodernman.com/get_your_ex_back_super_system.html
Cheers
Dan