Toxic friends are those who continually have a negative effect on your life, no matter how nice or considerate you are towards them.
While some toxic friends can add some value to your life, they usually end up causing you more problems and misery than they’re worth.
What makes most toxic people so difficult to recognize is that they’re usually quite funny, charming or cool when you first meet them. That’s how they manage to weave their way into your life, so that when their true personality is finally revealed, you are more likely to make excuses for them, cut them some extra slack or want the friendship to succeed despite their faults.
You should never hang on to a toxic friendship in fear of feeling a little lonely without him or her in your life. Having just a few great friends will bring more happiness into your life than 100 toxic friends could.
Here are 10 types of toxic friends that you should avoid or at least spend the minimum amount of time around as possible:
10. The Negative Guy
There’s nothing wrong with looking at the positives and negatives of a situation, but the Negative Friend will always focus on the negatives. No matter what good thing has happened to you, this type of toxic friend will always find a way to point out the downside or potential negatives of it.
Got a promotion? He’ll tell you how much more work and pressure you will now have. Gotten yourself a new girlfriend? He friend will remind you of your past romantic failures and why this one is just as likely to end badly.
Bought a new car? He’ll research the statistics on why the car you purchased was a poor choice and then tell you about the other cars that he thinks would have been a better choice.
In short, no matter what happy event lights a positive fire in your life, he’ll be the wet blanket that puts it out. From his perspective, the world is doomed and everyone is a lying, greedy asshole who can’t be trusted.
9. The “It’s All About Me” Guy
When you speak to this type of toxic friend, the conversation always revolves around him. Whatever is happening in his life is much more important than what’s happening in yours. He thinks he is cooler, better, smarter and more important than you, so you should just shut up and listen to him.
There is really no value in having “friends” like that in your life. Feel free to keep them as acquaintances, but life is so much better when you are only great friends with people who actually care about you.
8. The Compulsive Liar
A compulsive liar is someone who is more comfortable with lying that telling the truth. Lying is their automatic response to questions. They enjoy weaving big lies that go on for months and even years at a time.
This type of toxic friend will lie to you about anything and everything. It doesn’t matter how important something is to you, he will get more enjoyment and satisfaction out of lying to you and deceiving you than being a good, honest friend. When you catch him out in the lie, he will have all sorts of excuses for his actions, which will be additional lies. It never ends with a compulsive liar.
Relationships are built on trust. If you cannot fully trust your friend, you will never be able to have a great relationship.
You may still be able to maintain an “on again, off again” friendship, but the closeness that would share with a real friend will never be there with a Compulsive Liar Friend. You will always have your guard up and a compulsive liar and you will never know when you will catch them in yet another elaborate set of lies.
Instead of trying to make a friendship work with a friend who regularly lies with you, keep your distance from him. Don’t feel as though you can’t make friends with people who are honest and stick by their word.
For every liar in this world, you will find 10 people who are honest, loyal and have your best interests at heart. Most people in this world are good people, so don’t settle for liars who will stab you in the back when you least expect it.
7. The Moocher
A moocher is someone who always seems to want something from you, but never gives you much or anything in return.
The Moocher may not ask you for money directly, but he always seems to have forgotten his wallet or is running low on money when it comes time to pay for something.
He never offers to pick up a bill, he complains if he pays more than you on a bill, regularly takes things refrigerator or always expects you to provide him with some form of hospitality (food, booze, a place to party or a couch to sleep on).
This toxic friend is simply a deadbeat who will drain as much as he can from your wallet. A Moocher is not the type of friend you can count of in a time of need, so don’t be afraid to steer clear from his “friendship.”
When you begin avoiding a Moocher, they will usually begin hassling the next easy target they can find. The Moocher will often ask to be introduced to your friends, so he has other people to mooch from. Avoid those introductions if possible, because he will do the same thing to them.
6. The Steal Your Girlfriend Guy
No matter much you love you your girlfriend, this toxic friend will gladly give up your friendship for a chance to hook up with her. He will flirt with her right in front of you, send her private messages and even try to catch up with her when you’re not around.
Guys like this are usually desperate and insecure and will hardly, if ever, approach a woman that they don’t know. Instead of being a man and approaching a woman on his own, a guy like that tries to steal what you have.
If you tell him to stop hitting on your girlfriend, he’ll tell you that you shouldn’t be so insecure. He’ll explain that if your girlfriend really wanted to be with you, she wouldn’t be showing much interest in him.
A great friend knows that he should only act like a friend to your girlfriend, instead of trying to attract her with every seduction trick he has in his arsenal. Friends who try to attract and pick up your girlfriend are simply not trustworthy and loyal enough to be a close friend.
Explain your concerns to the toxic friend and if he changes, keep his as a friend. If he doesn’t, ditch him completely without a second thought. Friendship is nothing without loyalty and untrustworthy friends like that will always screw you over in the end.
5. The Constant Corrector
Have you ever met someone who always tries to find something to correct you about? Maybe you said a word wrong, you got the dates wrong when referring to a story or you don’t know the exact details of something.
The Constant Corrector will always be there to point out where you are wrong. You might be right 99% of the time, but he will focus on the 1%. Why? He’s insecure about his intelligence, competence and value as a human being.
In his insecure way of thinking, he feels that if he can just point out your faults and mistakes as often as possible, you will really need him as a friend because he seems to know everything.
Constant Correctors usually have little to no real friends because people just don’t feel good when interacting with them. Until a Constant Corrector changes his ways, steer clear of him. You do not need him.
Get some more emotionally balanced friends and enjoy life, rather than squabbling over trivial details or constantly having to apologize or admit that you’re wrong about little things.
4. The Malicious Guy
A malicious “friend” will secretly hope, wish even plan to make you fail. Since he is unhappy with his life and lack of success, a guy like this will want to see his “friends” suffer like him.
A toxic friend like this might intentionally encourage you to do things that will cause you harm, or to make decisions that he knows will cause you pain or troubles. If he doesn’t like to see you succeeding in a particular area, he will do whatever he can to bring you down to his level.
Having a friend like that in your life is always more harm than good. The malicious friend might seem like an innocent, charming and even loyal and trustworthy guy, but deep down, he hopes that you suffer and fail so he can feel good about himself.
3. The “I Can Top That” Guy
Whether a crisis has come your way, you’ve achieved something great or something funny has happened to you, the “I can top that!” toxic friend will talk about something that happened to him that was either worse, better or funnier – at least in his mind.
That’s fine every now and then, but the “I can top that” friend will do pretty it much every time. He wants you to think that he is better than you, his life is more interesting and that you should be so lucky to know him. He is insecure about his value to you, so he will constantly try to talk himself up.
You can usually help friends like that to become more secure by talking to them about how they always seem to want to top what you are saying. Some guys will respond to that by changing their ways, but the ones who never change should be avoided. They are usually just a huge waste of time and energy.
2. The Now You See Him, Now You Don’t Guy
This guy is only around when it suits him or when he needs something from you.
You may go for weeks or months without seeing this toxic friend or hearing from him. He won’t return your phone calls and you’ll think he’s vanished.
When he reappears (usually because his other ‘friends’ got wise to his toxicity and no longer want to hang out with him) he’ll tell you all about the wonderful adventures he’s had since last seeing you. If you ask him why he didn’t ask you to join him, he will have an excuse for every occasion.
This type of friend doesn’t really care about you and is better kept as a casual acquaintance until he matures and becomes a better man.
1. The Blabbermouth
Your first indication of trouble with this buddy is that he’s always talking about people behind their back. He loves to gossip, talk about other people’s relationships and share what he thinks they’re all doing wrong in their lives. He repeats things that he was obviously told in secret (“Listen, I told John I wouldn’t tell anyone about this, but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you knowing.”)
If you think that you will never be the target of his type of disloyalty, think again. If it will make him feel “cool” to other people, he will tell almost anyone who’ll listen about the things you’ve shared with him and what his true opinion of you actually is.
Great Friends Make Life So Much Better
I’m grateful for knowing early on that I should avoid toxic friends. One of the reasons I was able to let go of so many friends is that I started going out to approach women every weekend to get myself a girlfriend. While doing so, I made a bunch of new friends and got a lot more than just a girlfriend.
I actually discovered the secrets to success with women and to having loads of amazing friends in one’s life. Since discovering what I now teach here at The Modern Man, my life has been full of amazing women and friends.
The toxic friends that I used to give time to and even regularly hang out with, are now ancient history and I prefer it that way. Having great friends allows you to experience more happiness and success in life.
There’s also nothing better than knowing that you have a bunch of great friends who truly “have your back” are always there to help you out if you need it.
By the way…
If you’re a guy and you need a friend to help you become successful with women, then let me introduce myself. My name is Dan Bacon and I’m a dating and relationship expert.
I can teach you the techniques and give you the skills that will allow you to have your choice of women, so you can either have sex with a lot of women or find yourself a girlfriend or wife. If you’re interested in learning from me, please click around here at The Modern Man and see what I’ve got to offer you.
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When I read each of them, I feel that I have a friend like that in every category. I guess all of us have. We can’t just pick the perfect ones. But of course, it’s really bad when a friend, most especially The ‘Blabbermouth’ Friend, will just give you more problems.
I’ve had one and three combine to make what is probably the word “best” friendship ever.
Really great article. I’m sad to say that I’ve had at least one from every category. And I think I’ve actually qualified for one myself. >.<
My friend is a bit odd. He fits the profile of #1, and a #2. I know he talks about my brother and I behind our backs, but I guess that’s expected. He also doesn’t hang out with me much, and I know he started leaving to hang out with other people.
Anyways, he wasn’t that bad of a guy sometimes. One year this guy was making fun of me and he defended me. So these bad friends can have some good in them. Just wish they’d be more like that than what the list says. 🙁
What if my only friend is a toxic friend?
Find new friends:
http://www.themodernman.com/social/friendship/making_new_friends.html
There are billions of people on this planet.
Cheers
Dan
There is a big problem with me..I have that blabber mouth friend..But I cant get rid of him by taking him out of my life…because i really value his friendship…what should i do?
Hi Dean
Ask him why he talks behind the backs of other people so much. Ask him what he is trying to achieve by doing it.
Usually, people do it to make themselves feel better. However, the more intelligent and successful a person is, the less he will talk about other people behind their backs. Why? He has more important things to care about!
Give your friend the chance to improve. Yet, if he doesn’t ever change – you have to decide whether you are spending a lot of your time around someone who will probably never be very successful in life.
When you surround yourself with successful people or people who want to be successful, it usually ends up rubbing off on you. Likewise, surround yourself with unsuccessful people or people who don’t believe they can be successful and you will find it hard to stay motivated to achieve your goals.
Cheers
Dan
How can I find a true friend. I myself have some personal problems. Not explained in the ten above. I can’t able to continue my relationships for a long time.Give me some suggestions..Thanks for your excellent explanations about friends.
Hi Uden
What are your problems exactly? Why do you think you are unable to maintain your friendships for a long time?
Dan
I have a “mallicious” friend. She seems to be getting worse and worse. The problem is that I work with her and sit in the same office. She is supposedly my friend and we have even been away for the weekend together and often on night outs. She is constantly making jibes at me and at first I thought I was being over-sensitive but recently have come to realise what she says is not right. Some examples of this are when I walk in the office, she will say words like “bitch, slut, slag, cow” under her breath. When I put work in her tray she tells me to “piss off”, when I broke up from work to go on holiday she said “it’ll all be over in 2 weeks” and then proceded to send me a text whilst I was on holiday to say “it’ll all be over this time next week” and then another which just said “Ha” when i got home from my holiday. I am turning 40 this year and she never lets up about it. I am not bothered about it but she is making me think I have a problem because she never stops making jibes about it. This started the month after I turned 39 yrs old. The list goes on and on and sometimes she can be really nice and I think i have misjudged her and then in the next breath she says something nasty. I made excuses at first for her, thinking she didn’t mean it but when she does something similar to another friend she will say to me “i know i’m being a bitch but …..” so she knows full well what she is saying to us. I have literally pulled myself away from her in the last 2 weeks and am just behaving very professionally at work and keeping my head down but it is creating an atmosphere. I struggle with confrontation but have managed to say “pack it in” to her a couple of times last week when she was abusive. Any ideas why she is like this and what I can do about it?
Toxic Friend #3.5 – A ‘friend’ who never respects any of your personal belongings. Wrecks your place, your car, you name it. Ruins the things you lend him. I can’t avoid attracting these kinds of toxic friends!
This article is extremely accurate and helpful, and although written for male readers, it applies to any friendship, including a couple I have in my life right now that I am struggling to deal with (I am a woman, as you can probably tell by the name). I have done exactly what you said, and have hung on to the friendship I have for fear of losing this person even though he makes no effort to include me in his life, yet has plenty of time and attention for everyone else. Despite this, it is difficult to let some people go but your article has helped immensely. Thank you.
One of my best friends in the 1 3 4 categories. He’s really cool sometimes and others he’s a complete asshole. I can’t exactly drop him as a friend cause he’d make my life hell. What do I do?
I had a blabber mouth friend who would talk bad about anyone and everyone and insult any ideas they had or choices they made.
Unfortunately she married the son of my mom in law’s best friend, so I will continue to see her during holidays.
We had a falling out, me pulling away from her and getting into it with her, although she played the victium and “told on me” to my mother in law as if we’re 5 year olds.
She was oblivious as to why I didn’t want to be friends anymore.
Everything was a competition, she would try to counsel me in my relationship with my husband, then boyfriend, when I didn’t want her opinion or judgement on how she felt my love life was going, especially when she was constantly abusing her husband.
What was worst of all was her fake personality that came out to friends who she talked bad about when they weren’t around.
Made me sick to see how fake a person she was, and sadly I fell for it at one time.
I am blabber mouth friend free right now, but I will be seeing her for a wedding in May.
It’ll take a lot of self control to not punch her in her ugly face when I see her, especially that I plan to drink that night.
Netti get rid of that person, she is not your friend…she is probably a sociopath which we all know do not have friends, they just have victims. people who are hell bent on making you life as difficult as possible. I had a friend that was much worse… i came home from my Xmas hols one day to find all of my photographic history from school to adulthood taken…my clothes covered in car oil, furniture with deep scratches. one photo was left on my bed with my face mutilated. it was like some thing out of a movie. the police could not do anything because there was no forced entry.. but my friend was the only one who had a key to my place. because of this I was watching the person like a hawk, and caught him stealing from me at a later date.so save yourself the heartache dump her and just have a work relationship only.
“he’s always the one who hits on the hot chick and expects you to chat up her fat, homely friend while he gets the babe’s phone number. Being someone’s wingman and distracting the unattractive friend is a two-way street. A real friend will take turns hooking up with the hotties and distracting their plain pals”
Misogynist and unnecessary.
Hey Moon
Thanks for your comment.
Actually, you’re not entirely correct. There is no need to pick up an ugly girl if your friend is talking to her hot friend. Simply be a gentleman by talking to the “ugly” girl. Then, pick up a beautiful woman later on that day/night.
Cheers
Dan
I have a friend who expects gifts whenever I see her and she just doesn’t even talk to me. But when we do, she only talks about how she is “fat” and “ugly.” And I still continue to treat her as a Queen so she won’t cry and tell everyone I’m a jerk. Whatever.
Hey John
She’s not a “friend” of yours, she’s an “acquaintance” or “someone you know.” Friends are people whom you share mutually positive and beneficial interactions and experiences with.
Cheers
Dan
Once again, spot on. I cleared out a lot of people like this. Thanks Dan.
Dan,
I seem to befriend a lot of people that I eventually come to realise have bad character, unable to see other peoples view points, stubborn, selfish, self-centred, show bad social behaviour infront of others behaving moody etc, I orginally thought I was on the end of such behaviour because I wasn’t seen as being that valuable bit wimpy etc but eventually realised they will always be like that no matter who you are the problem is these tend to be the friends I’m the most concerned about losing because at least in my case they’re the more social cooler and exciting people to hang with, the people in my life that I consider to have good character are the people that I’m not that excited to have in my life. I guess my question is what causes people to have bad character and some to have a heart of gold? I know its got nothing to do with insecurities because some of the people I know who are insecure are saints.
-Billy
Hey Bill
Thanks for your question.
This is a difficult topic to think about without being negative. Personally speaking, I have a lot of great friends now and life is good. However, it wasn’t always that way. Back when I used to expect a lot from people, I used to be disappointed by them all the time. Eventually, I realized that you just need to love people and accept them for who they are, faults and all. I don’t bother trying to bicker or argue about small things, but I do address any issues of disrespect, etc.
You can’t expect a friend to have perfect character with you just because you’re friends. Why? Most people (including me) aren’t perfect. In fact, it’s by knowing that most people aren’t perfect that you can just relax and let people be themselves. Ever since doing that many years ago, I’ve had many friends comment on how they feel as though they can be their true self around me and that I don’t judge. It’s true – I just people for who they are. However, only the friends who have the best character get to see me and talk to me more often. I don’t go out of my way to see people who are simply “takers” and don’t give anything to the relationship.
Cheers
Dan
Funny, I am 30 sitting home thinking do I have such high standards for the friendship roles I need filling or am I better off with a bunch of users, liars, blabbers, and the list goes on etc…? Well, I googled something to that effect and found your page…. LoL… The same is very true in female friendship and well it still is sad. I will say to this day that I would rather have no friendships than a bunch of jacked up friendships draining me of time, energy, emotion, and money. I had a friend who pretty much drained me of all of the above and what was funny about this person was all the friends she kept from youth on up. Being the way she was it just amazed me, but made me realize that she would keep people in her life just say she had x number of friends. I am not saying we have to get rid of everyone, which I did cause the toxicity was killing me more than the supposed friendships were contributing to my life. So, I am in a place of trying to start fresh in my thirties with people that may not be perfect, but are not draining, toxic, leaches. Best to luck to all the Men and Women who are in the same place in life. Also, never settle for less, even if it will mean one more person to fill a space in your life!
Hey Mel
Thanks for adding your opinion.
A bit of advice, now that you’re looking to start afresh: Choose your friends wisely and then don’t expect too much from them. Love people without expecting anything in return. Don’t give too much to the point where selfish people take advantage of you.
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan
I too had a toxic friend as well which I’ve known him for almost 10 years!
He never was positive about life & never acted his own age.
Categories 3, 4 & 7 best describes this former friend which I ended the friendship a week ago. He tried to pressure me into filming him doing that drinking game called Nek Nomination(google it to find out what it is). When I refused, he kept bombarding me with text messages & even threaten to come to my house.
I ditched him & unfriended him on all social networks without any reason since he failed to respect my decision. Since then, I have felt much better about life & now I truly have positive friends that care & respect my decision.
Hey Amrish
Nice. That was an alpha move. He’ll respect you more the next time he has a chance to interact with you.
Cheers
Dan
Thanks Dan
From now on I will choose my friends wisely & screen out those who are over negative about life etc.