Question: Can I Recover From a Bad First Impression I Made on a Woman?

• Faber

  Hey Dan …just wanted to say your advice is the best I’ve heard online. I bought Dating Power about 4 months ago and have been using it to live a lifestyle I never thought could happen for me…like one night stands, getting invited to parties by cool beautful women I meet at bars and having women actually chase after me during the dating phases…its pretty darn cool and I wanted to shout out a thanks to you guys! Keep up the great work

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Faber

    Thanks for your comments and feedback mate. Most appreciated!

    Enjoy the great times ahead with women!

    Cheers
    Dan

• Corey

  Hey Dan

  Great video mate

  Have been watching a lot of your videos lately and this is by far the most encouraging at this stage in my life.

  What your doing is Incredible.

  Thanks
  Corey

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Corey

    Thanks for your positive feedback mate.

    I’m glad that my videos are helping you.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Dirty Cloud

  Dan! Very inspirational! why are you not a motivational speaker? really? best video yet. I have soo many questions for you but I dont want to bombard you on these comment boxes. Can I send you emails?
  Dirty Cloud.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi DC

    Thanks for your positive feedback.

    I am happy to answer any questions here on the site so everyone else can benefit from it. I don’t answer dating advice questions via e-mail, but do answer product related queries.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Jesse

  Q1: hey dan, I noticed i get checked out a lot by women, but often, the ones that are striking or really beautiful do not respond like the rest, and they are usually the ones i like, it throws me off, why do you think this is?

  Q2: I am a good looking actor, often times i get sent to leading men auditions, i am told i have sex appeal, but i dont feel that my energy backs my looks, and when im with girls, i feel they expect this amazing super sexy guy, but i often i feel i cant deliver! or dissapoint them, its not what they expected!, ifeel that fixing this will help my love life and career as well.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Jesse

    Thanks for your questions.

    Q1: You’ll find the answer in these two videos: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/question-and-answer-video-series-part-11.html and http://www.themodernman.com/videos/question-and-answer-video-series-part-5.html

    Q2: Interesting. I’d like to help you with this, but will need more info first to provide accurate advice. Tell me: Is there a reason why you don’t project more confident energy (the energy that you believe women are expecting from you)? Do you tend to behave in a platonic way around women? If so, what is your thought process behind doing so?

    Cheers
    Dan

• Jake Desuis

  Great Video Dan, you seem very sensible and realistic too, because it really does depend on how bad the first impression was, there are some things or incidents women just won’t forgive no matter what you do.

  In addition, you made a fantastic point about yourself perception, as humans being we naturally sense and react to others energy and having those ‘alpha male’ characteristics can be applied to your lifestyle not just dating.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Jake

    Thanks for your comment and positive feedback.

    Glad you’re enjoying the videos!

    Cheers
    Dan

• shaun

  hey dan just like to say a big thankyou for all of your advice so far that has really changed the way i view the dating scene..my confidence is growing and ive now learned alot of what to do and what to avoid(being too nice,,too needy etc) however there is one big thing i would like your opinion on…

  i mean learning to improve the behaviors that women find attractive without changing who i am is great…its just that sometimes i feel like what happens when i end up dating a girl and she sees my ‘human side’as in my faults that we all have..i feel it is very easy for me to learn these behaviours which is great but at the same time im concerned it could lead me down the path of trying to be perfect which i dont believe to be a healthy/realistic way to live..

  so what im saying is do women expect men to be perfect because i fear if i make a mistake or have an ‘off day’then the girl will be like bye bye..i know this may sound daft but i still have a fear fears/misconceptions about relationships as i went through a few years that lets say really knocked my confidence in this area..anyway any advice would be greatly appreciated and keep up the good work you guys are doing men a great service!!

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Shaun

    Thanks for your positive feedback and question.

    No, women don’t expect men to be perfect. The clear evidence of this can be found in the men they are attracted to, go on dates with, enjoy relationships with and marry. Those guys aren’t perfect.

    However, while women don’t EXPECT men to be perfect, they definitely don’t WANT a man who doesn’t understand women and unknowingly frustrates them and turns them off. They would PREFER a guy who naturally and effortlessly continues to make them feel attraction, feel love and feel sexual desire. There are many mistakes that will cause a woman to lose interest or to break up with a man. Unfortunately, most modern men are unaware of the mistakes they make and they end up being dumped by their unsatisfied women. According to Wikipedia, “Women currently file slightly more than two-thirds of divorce cases in the United States. Evidence is given that among college-educated couples, the percentages of divorces initiated by women is approximately 90%”

    Similar statistics exist in most developed countries where women can get a job and support themselves and where premarital sex and divorce are not seen as shameful. Italy, for example, still has one of the lowest divorce rates in the world even though a woman can get a job and support herself. The reason that the divorce rate has stayed so low in Italy? Italy has a culture of “Families stick together and support each other” while most Western cultures are, “It’s my life and I’ll do what I want with or without my family.”

    Anyway, I could talk about the social psychology for hours. The point is: No, you don’t have to be perfect to get a girlfriend, but in an era where a woman can easily leave you (instead of having to “put up” with her husband like women of previous generations were forced to), you do need to be a man that women actually want to be with.

    In your case, with women eventually seeing your faults and losing interest – you can easily fix that by learning about all the mistakes men make with women and what to do instead. I recommend you read my ebook The Flow: http://store.themodernman.com/products/the_flow.php

    Cheers
    Dan

• elijah

  I have a question for you, i was with this gal at work we used to laugh and flirt with each other she really liked me, then she quit the job and we started talking on the phone and she finally invited me to her place she wanted to have sex but i didnt go for the kill, the second time same thing happened and then one day i tried to make a move on her and she rejected my sexual advances…….she even told me it aint gonna happen i told her that i loved her and she was happy but said that she didnt love me……….i disappeared for a week and i didnt call her she came to my neighbors place and called me i went over and we chatted she was really excited to see me but when i called her to fix a day we go out she says that she does not want to date me …….what do i do ………i used to buy her gifts but i stopped and dont do it anymore ………any advice?

  Concerned Lover

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Elijah

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    This is a classic case of a guy who doesn’t know how to proceed through The Flow of a natural, sexual courtship between a man and a woman. You do NOT tell a woman that you love her before you’ve had sex with her.

    You’re making a newbie mistake of buying a girls gifts in the hope of getting somewhere with her. Ever noticed that the guys who are GOOD WITH WOMEN don’t do that? Think it is a coincidence?

    It isn’t.

    Basically, you’ve screwed up with this girl big time and the only way you’ll get her back is by doing what I said in the video above. You need to make her SO ATTRACTED to you that she simply HAS TO have you. Otherwise, you ain’t getting nothing from her.

    You asked, “What do I do?” Start by reading The Flow. If you don’t read it, then you can look forward to similar rejection in future because to be honest, it sounds like you are making truckloads of mistakes with women.

    Also, listen to the first audio on this page:
    http://www.themodernman.com/audio_vault.html It’s called “On the process to get good with women.”

    Cheers
    Dan

• elijah

  Thanks for the advice,the thing i see with this gal is that she physically finds me attractive but i think the way i treated her at a pedestal and buying her gifts turned her away from me,i normally dont treat ladies this way am the classic bad guy never buy women gifts all the time and never tell women that i love her, infact most women tell me first before i do………..anyway thanks for the advice mate highly appreciated….cheers

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Elijah

    You’re welcome mate.

    Yes, just know for next time: It wasn’t a coincidence that when you behaved like that a woman didn’t respond well. It is not what a woman wants. Plus, doing it the way you normally do is a lot cheaper for you because you don’t have to waste money buying gifts or paying for fancy dinners! Stick to what works.

    Also, you need to know that while a woman might find you physically attractive, if you are not psychologically attractive (i.e. confident) she will lose interest. This is why we ALL see average and below-average looking men with beautiful women. It’s just the way it works.The psychological attractiveness of a man is more important to a woman than anything else.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Peter

  can i get the flow ebook and download on my computer?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Peter

    Thanks for your question.

    Yes, you can download it to your computer. We do not send out anything via postal mail – everything is all done online to make things quick and convenient. Simply purchase The Flow here and you will have instant access to download it to your computer and start reading right away.

    Enjoy the great times ahead with women!

    Cheers
    Dan

• mk

  wanted to know what you think of the nice guy vrs jerk / bad boy or if you think it is a myth

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi MK

    Thanks for your question.

    Bad boys are more attractive to women than nice guys are because bad boys display confidence and masculinity, which women find sexually attractive. However, the solution is NOT to be a bad boy. We recommend being a good guy, but ALSO being confident, masculine, funny, charming and interesting. Watch this video about bad boys: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/question-and-answer-video-series-part-4.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• Marco

  Hi Dan i’ve been wathching your videos and they are great!

  I need some advice please.
  There’s this girl i really like at college and i got her e-mail and asked her out to have some coffee, she said yes and then we met in person to arrange the date properly: the day, time and place. Then a day before our date she cancels the date telling me that she wasn’t ready to meet someone at this moment because we both were on the last semester of college and she said that it would be a distraction. Today the semester is over and i guess we both are graduates, i tried to aproach her again last week but before i could do anything she told me that she’ll be really busy with her thesis and then she’ll go for a masters degree so she’s not gonna have time for anything or anyone.
  My questions are:
  Should i believe her? Or she’s just giving me excuses?
  How should i proceed? Should i just let her go?
  We haven’t got the time to really meet each other.

  Thanks!

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Marco

    Thanks for your question.

    It sounds like you came on too strong too soon. Most women are not interested in guys who are desperate to be in a relationship with them, especially when the woman is busy. Women usually want to be in the situation where THEY are the ones who feel desperate to be with the guy. It’s very easy for a woman to pick one of the 100s of desperate guys who’d love to be in a relationship with her. However, it’s not easy for women to find a man who THEY have to try to impress to get into a relationship with.

    Watch Dating Power or read The Flow and learn how to be that guy.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Denis

  Dear friend,

  thank you for these advices. I have read your book and I watched all of your videos. Your advices have changed me a lot.

  Anyway, after all the thins I have learned from You I am aware of mistakes I have made in the past. I am changing that now. But now I have one question. There was a girl very interested in me and I had the “control”, but I was slow to take the things to the next level. And as the time passed I contacted her a lot and we would just chat and she has noticed I am very interested in her and started acting uninterested and I lost the “control”. After a while I got the impression she is not interested and I stopped contacting her. It was before 20 days. What should I do?

  Thanks for help,
  Denis

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Denis

    Thanks for your positive feedback and question.

    When she started acting uninterested, it was a test to see how much control you really had and how desperate you would become. By testing you in this way, she has discovered that you don’t value you yourself as highly as she previously thought. Women are attracted to men who are confident and self-assured. If you expect a woman to provide you with confidence by showing that she likes you, then you will often get the opposite. Women don’t want to have to “mother” a man and make him feel okay. They want you to be strong.

    To get back control, you have to remember that she does like you. You also have to stop waiting for her to help you out through the escalation phase of The Flow. Stop “chatting” with her and meet her face to face so you can KISS her. Kissing will change things from being friendly to sexual. Then, have sex with her. Sex will begin the relationship.

    Cheers
    Dan

• hugo

  hey Dan! i tested some of your tactics the other day and wallah they work like a miracle. thanks!! 😀

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Hugo

    Thanks for the positive feedback mate.

    Congratulations on your success. Enjoy the great times ahead!

    Cheers
    Dan

• Michael

  Hey Dan

  I don’t get it when you say ‘she has to be the one impressing us’ and we shouldn’t worry so much about keeping her attracted, interested, worrying about running out of things to say but if she isn’t ‘feeling it’ for us then why the hell would she want to impress us?

  Maybe at your level you don’t have to worry about that because you’ve done it but personally I am focusing on getting her to feel attraction for me if I don’t proactively work on that she won’t feel anything so I am focusing on it.

  You guys always talk about having standards but like how is that possible at the start? To be honest right now if a girl is decent looking has an ok personailty that is good enough.

  Thanks

  Mike

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Michael

    Thanks for your question.

    Yes, the aim of our advice is not for men to be average and accept whatever they can get. If you want your choice with women, you need to be the type of man that most women want to be with. That is what our advice is here for. We guide each man to rise through the levels to the mastery level of success with women. That being:

    – Choice of women.
    – Women try to pick you up.
    – No confidence issues.
    – Power and strength as a man.
    – Excellent social and interpersonal skills.

    If you don’t get yourself to a point where women try to impress YOU (rather than you trying to impress them and hope to be chosen), you will always be in a position where the woman can break up with you and ruin your life. In our world and the world of our customers, women are the ones who worry that we will break up with them and they do everything they can to impress us and keep us. A much better life to be living as a man! If a relationship does happen to end, you aren’t left destroyed for years. You simply continue on and allow the next girl in line to have a chance with you.

    If you want the power of choice, you need to become the man who deserves it and commands it. You also need to decide to have standards from the very start. Work out what you will accept for now and then build up from there. If you are willing to accept a fairly pretty woman with a nice personality for now, then so be it. You don’t have to have a supermodel girlfriend if you don’t want to. As long as she is attractive to YOU, that is what counts. Just don’t settle for average or second best – anyone can do that. The Modern Man is about you having the power of choice and being able to attract women who you once thought were “out of your league.”

    Cheers
    Dan

    • Michael

      Hey Dan

      Ok but how do you actually get a woman chasing you? By being attractive and not trying to pick her up?

      I always feel like the second you start flirting with a woman it turns into a ‘pickup’ then shes deciding if she wants to be picked up by you. Same with compliments if you tell a girl shes this or that she has the power from then on.

      Do I have to be this Mr Iceman all the time? How can you show interest without losing the power.

      Thanks

      Michael

• rohit

  Hi Dan,
         i would like to tell u about a girl
  whom i met 4 years back when we both entered in our 1st year mbbs course .And in our first meeting itself she gave me her no.on her own.then quickly we started talking freely but most of the talks were in the form text messaging and mostly regarding studies only and a little bit of caring type like good night messgs..!But after a period of one month i started feeling some kind of attraction towards her and wanted to talk a bit more than studies but was waiting for some kind of indication from her side so i keep on resisting this.but my attraction towards her was bounding like anything so i tried to flirt with her,telling her how beautiful she is by the letters of her name and the moment i messaged it she replied “flirting” and i replied ” yes” then she didn’t repld back.the next day i called her to know if there is any kind of reaction from her but there wasn’t and we ended up talking other general things as usual.but slowly the exchange of text messgs went down so i started calling her to know if there is any problem but every time i called she either end up the call in the middle of the conversation with some excuse or don’t even receive it.by the way she lives in her home with her family.in the meantime i was getting confused more and more to the extent that my whole attention was now on her forgetting everything else and so i did bad in my exams and she didn’t even cared to ask about it.Initially we used to be together most of the time in the college but then all was lost due to which i greatly became depressed.so i also didn’t tried to talk to her..this goes on for 1st year and i again did very bad in my 2nd sem but she was flourishing like
  anything..this made me very very frustrated and depressed.i felt like i have lost my all power to her and i wouldn’t live much longer if i didn’t get her,so i started looking for ways to talk to her at any cost and on 10th feb 2009 which is her birthday i decided to give her a bouquet of roses in the class itself..it was all instantaneous and i had to do this as there was no other way.BTW i am a very shy person in this regard and i have never ever approached a girl before..so it was a very difficult task for me to do ..!so i went and gave it to her straightaway,initially she resisted but as other students insisted to accept it she took it .after that i went away as everyone was laughing..then on the same day evening i called her to tell my feelings and hopefully propose her but the moment she picked up the phone she bursted on me with anger and all went wrong she hanged up telling that she has no feelings for me..but i kept on calling her for around 5-6 hrs so that i could explain why i did this to her but she didn’t picked the call..after that i felt so hopeless and helpless that i started crying and i must tell u that i have never felt like that before in my life and to compensate that i joined a peace centre for the next two years..then i stopped looking for her anymore as i didn’t had the power to do that..then my behavior suddenly changed to being sad,depressed and alone and have lost all my interest in my life.. so my friends decided to help me out getting her attention to me..so once me,my friends and she was sitting and my friend started joking about me and her for the marriage and she suddenly stared at me as if trying to catch the validation of the joke made and i looked in her eyes and moved my eyes away,thinking what would others say if they caught us and also once she pressed her boobs on my back when trying to see something from behind in class as if she was aroused and i was just totally surprised by that ..before that i used to gaze at her trying to catch her attention and if at all our eyes somehow meet she used to stare away just like ignoring me very badly.then after the incident as time goes on we started talking with each other little bit but only that much which is required in our studies..and one more reason for my depression is that there are other guys also with whom she is very friendly and i just couldn’t stop myself thinking about them..and when i called her and said that i am very depressed and tensed and asked about the other guy she said there is nothing in between them and i should also stop thinking of her.now my condition is so poor to such an extent that i have failed in my final year and sitting in my home waiting for next time but she has passd greatly(one of the toppers)and now is on duty in hospital.i also thought of picking any other girl to forget her so that i can improve my condition to concentrate on other important things in life but i couldn’t may be because of my belief that if she get to know about that then whatever chance i may be having in future will be lost or i should give her more time to think..!from above description you can see how badly i want her thats why i have given u the whole scenario of past 4 years so that u can grasp it fully and suggest whatever advice u could to help me and i also heard this is what you are passionate about.i have also read your book “the flow” but couldn’t understand exactly what to do in my own situation and i am now in no position to buy anything even when i got your book which was last try for any help i was still under debt..hope u can understand my pain and help me out of this situation i would be very grateful to u..BTW her birthday is coming on 10th feb just a reminder if u could suggest something for that..!
  – Thanks..
   – rohit,india.

• Xavier

  There’s a girl that I think may have interest in me. We talk from time to time and even hug everyday but I’m not sure how I feel about her yet. She’s very cute and all. I’m thinking of maybe asking her out to a movie on valentine’s day. Should I do it or wait until some other time?

• Asilotras

  Hello Dan

  thank u soo much for a helpfull videos and awesome website. I feel so much change in myself after following your instructions. I need advice

  sorry a bit long story but i really need help. i am 25 year old.live in UK.

  I have met with brazilian women 35 years old has daughter and divorce 3 month ago. her husband cheated her. anyway we talked each other like motn but 1 call or text for 3-4 days. we met first time had lunc went cinema drink we spent 6 hours together. then she drive me home. and she thanked to our common friend for meetin her with a guy like me and she had great sunday. after 2 weeks i asked her to gout she asked me to go her home next week. unfortuantely her mother visited her unexpectedly. but i did respect and it take us 2 weeks to meet aagain. we went club but she wanted to drink therefore she came with taxo. anyway she got drunk so fast. to be honest i wanted to have sex with her that night and i was a bit drunk as well. and u know when u drunk body becomes more sexual. and i get her my home and called taaxxi. taaxi was comin in 2 hour. she jumped to my bed and fall asleep. u know she was wearing mini skirt open boobs. but i led her to sleep like half an hour then waked her up and kissed her but i felt that she dont respond she is still sleepy i gave up. when she fall asleep i opened her cloth and touched her stomach. but then controled myslef that it is not nice and didnt touch her anymore. when she wake up ad saw her close open she got scared and angry that i didi disrespect to her. she trusted me bla bla. then i apologised but she asked me not to be drama gueen and forget about it. anyway she went home i gave her call she answered sweet and thanked to me for a lovely night. then tomorrow i texted her how is she just in order to be polite. she answered so dry as she never did it before. then i saw that she liked every comment except mine in her picture in facebook. i texted her to know whats problem. no reply. called her tomorrow no pick up. texted her twice and asked her if she wants cut contact its enough to say me. no reply. and i send her mistakenly message which her name was there,but nothing bad in this message. it was bout comment i put her pciture. after that day i saw that she limited my vision from her facebook. but didint deleted me. i texted her night why she didi it. no reply again, i was crazy already. 2 day later wednesday i texted her whether se wants to come with me to carnaval brazilian in club. she called me back and was angry. she said ** I should live her alone, she dont know me, she dont want to know me and plus if i ll insist she ll report to police** . then she called to common friend and said the same thinks even she said that whatever happens to her they should know that its cuz of me and tell to ploice. LOL . but fortunately friend made it clear that its my habit to insist , that i wnever harm to anyone and how she trust me 100 percent. soo Dan this hol story. what do u advise? how i can get her back to me? i want get her respect back

  thanks:)

• Amrish NZ

  I admit, I made a really bad first impression & I’m finding it hard to change the perception of a select few of the girls in my class.
  Today I did a acting workshop & I sat next to one of those girls whom is a model.
  The minute I sat next to her, she got up & changed her seat & her friend did the same.
  I don’t understand why they do this & it kinda hurt as well knowing that they did this.
  They even sometimes glare at me as well 🙁
  I took it a bit personally & thought they were cold heartless women even though I didn’t mean to think of them that way.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Amrish

    They will stop acting that way when you consistently display confidence. From all your comments, it seems as though you are a guy who is afraid to show his sexual interest in women, but you would also be coming across with a needy vibe as though you are hoping the girls will like you. Re-read the new edition of The Flow until it sinks into your head that it’s not about getting girls to like you, it’s about […find the answer in The Flow].

    Cheers
    Dan

  • Michael

    Amrish buddy I wouldn’t worry about those girls, sounds like they need a good slap.

    They’re just superficial and stuckup there are plenty of women who are attractive and also decent human beings and who treat people with respect even if they don’t find you attractive or appealing. If you use the flow and those girls suddenly start taking an interest in you (which they will) don’t give them the time of day you deserve better than those girls.

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Michael

      That’s a fair comment you gave there mate (apart from the slapping bit…lol). I agree – the girls are probably a little bitchy and may not be the nicest people in the world. However, those girls would not be treating a confident, masculine guy in the same way. Think about the naturals you’ve seen – they are respected, liked and wanted by women. Whereas wimpy guys are often mistreated, ignored or even picked on. Unfortunately, that is how humans behave across the globe, so Amrish needs to learn to impose his masculinity and be respected by women.

      Expecting women to like you when you feel weaker than them is like expecting a ball to roll up a hill. It’s just not how nature works.

      Cheers
      Dan

    • Michael

      Hey Dan

      Not an actual slap more of a mental slap! 🙂

      Just on that Dan thats quite interesting you mention that why do people behave in that way? You say human nature which I agree with but like I don’t treat people badly that I percieve less cool than myself, any theories as to why people do?

      Be interesting to know.

      Cheers

      Michael

    • Dan Bacon

      Hey Michael

      Lol…okay, cool – thanks for clearing that up. Good to hear that you’re not a wife beater in the making! (Joking)

      Why some people behave like that: “We’ve all had different upbringings” would be an obvious answer, but the more refined answer would be to point out that their bad behavior is usually driven by an insecurity or a need they feel to prove themselves. You can’t get everyone to behave like nice, welcoming people, but you can control how you feel, react and respond. We teach guys to have the independent confidence they need to remain strong no matter who they encounter. Additionally, when you become the confident, masculine, genuinely good and “cool” guy we talk about – people show you respect and you encounter less problems than if you were nervous, too nice or wimpy.

      Cheers
      Dan

    • Amrish NZ

      I agree what you said Dan, I do need to show those qualities that women find attractive but it will take me time since I have no experience with women.
      Even so, I won’t ever treat those females like they are nothing if I was a natural or a masculine man.

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Amrish

      Yes, that’s correct mate. You don’t have to become a bad person if you become attractive to women. The Modern Man approach to life and women is about being a genuinely good guy, but also having the type of confidence/balls that women find attractive and other guys respect. Think about it: The good guys who are also confident and masculine are respected by the most amount of people and wanted by the most amount of women. It’s not the innocent nice guys or the bad boys.

      About your lack of experience with women: Approach and talk to more women. I’d recommend you try the 30 Day Challenge that comes free with 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend.

      Cheers
      Dan

• Daniel

  Hi there Dan!

  I need guidance:

  At my university I saw a girl that I became intressted in, so checked her out whenever I saw her. Some days later I noticed that she suddently started to check me out too. The next week, when I was passing through the local café (which is actually run be the students themselves)She was sitting at a table,and when I passed by, we looked at each other and both smiled. Moments later I regretted that I didn’t approach her since she obviously showed interest.

  The other day she was one of the workers at the café. As I approached their counter to buy something, our eyes met, and she said hi to me in a happily, friendly way. I responded while looking her in the eyes and became extremely happy afterwards while on my way to a lecture. Later on when I was sitting at the café, we would check each other out frequently, but not while the other one was looking.

  Some days later she worked there again, but as I noticed her presence, I immediately got very nervous. In fact, I couldn’t finish a sandwich I bought there just because she was nearby. During this lunch, just as the time before, we checked each other out frequently, but not simultaneously. Later on that day, I encountered her while she was filling up more coffee, she asked something like “oh, is there enough coffee”? And I answered in an outstretched, stupid way “what?”
  (Extremely nervous). I didn’t get any respond, although her whole face was behind a cabinet door.

  Later on the same day, I sat down to eat some food, she passed by and we said hi to each other, but this time we both acted quite more “hostile” to each other and the situation had escalated to some sort of uncomfortable situation. We didn’t really mind each other anymore, I still hadn’t approached her.

  I was in love with her but extremely frustrated, which made me discover “the modern man”. I bought the flow and finished it through. And now after 2 weeks school break, she was working there again. This day, I was sitting with some fellow students, confident and in a good mood. And one time I was looking at her (in a confident way), and she looked at me, but then looked away quite quickly.

  How screwed Am I actually? Are there any things in the flow that you would refer me to? I’m not that in love with her anymore, but I do think about her every day.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Daniel

    Thanks for your question.

    The situation isn’t screwed, but hold up a little with your feelings bro. You’re talking about being in love with a girl you hardly know anything about. It’s more of a mental fantasy than love.

    You asked, “Are there any things in the flow that you would refer me to?” Lol…ahh, YES – go through the 4 steps! What are doing? Go and talk to her and go through the 4 steps of The Flow. She wants to feel ATTRACTION for you when you talk to her, so make sure you actually follow the advice you’ve learnt in The Flow. Quite frankly, it doesn’t sound like you are using ANY of the techniques from the book. You have to use the techniques to get the results. You’re currently approaching the whole thing incorrectly (i.e. stealing glances at her, falling in love with her before you’ve even properly attracted to her, building up a fantasy version of your relationship with her in your mind instead of making something happen in reality, etc).

    Walk up and talk to her and use the techniques. If you do that, the next reply from you will be a success story. If you don’t use the techniques, you’ll be telling me how you stuffed it up. An important technique you need to use is the “Assume Rapport and Attraction” technique. Read that section over and over until you get it. Then, use it!

    ….waiting for your success story.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Matt

  Hi- my ex girlfriend broke up with me almost 2 months ago now. During the nine months we were together she had two small “breaks” lasting up to a week. Both of those times she initiated contact with me and we got back together. This time she has not initiated any contact with me, but has retuned my calls the 2 times I’ve called. The reasons for this break up are the same as the prior times. She is still not over her divorce and is still in love with her ex husband, even though she knows he doesn’t want her anymore. She told me she can’t get over him with me around …needs time to herself. She’s always been very honest with me and even now when we talk the chemistry and connection that initially attracted us to each other is still there. Asking for your advice on what I can do to get her back and this time for good. It hurts losing her because she was more than a lover she was my best friend. Thanks for your help…

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Matt

    Thanks for your question.

    Honestly? I think you should watch Better Than a Bad Boy. I’m not saying that just to promote my product, I’m saying it because if you were using the approach to relationships that I explain in that program, her ex wouldn’t compare to you. A woman can have had 50 ex boyfriends, but it is the boyfriend who has her heart that she yearns for. If you don’t know how to capture a woman’s heart, you’ll always be playing second fiddle to her ex’s.

    It’s hard to give you any more advice without knowing more about how you approached the relationship with her, who had the power, etc, but I’m assuming you have made some pretty common mistakes like most guys do, otherwise she wouldn’t want to break up with you like that all the time. If you don’t have the budget to invest in yourself and learn what I teach in Better Than a Bad Boy, at least do yourself a favor and read the questions and my replies under this article: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/can-you-get-your-ex-girlfriend-back.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• rob

  how to get out of the friendzone
  we have dated 3 or 40 time and just talk over a drink till really late
  she says she want to hang out and says im cool but doesnt see me more than a friend
  how do i change that

  this chick i really like she down to earth
  and just so cool and i can see that we can have fun together
  how can i change her veiws of me to be a man
  i first thought she was shy and reserved but she has been on a few dates between or catch ups im hopeing they dont work out and she this im the one

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Rob

    Thank for your question.

    She doesn’t see you as more than a friend because you’ve been focussing on BEING HER FRIEND, rather than making her sexually attracted to you and then kissing her: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/the-kissing-drug.html

    There is a simple, 4-step process that you need to go through with a woman if you want to go from a conversation, to kiss, sex and into a relationship. I call it The Flow and I think it’s a book you should read as soon as possible.

    Cheers
    Dan

• rob

  hi yes i ordered the flow
  i want to kiss her for sure ,
  we went on a date 10 yrs ago
  and i saw her on face book and she asked to hang out with me so we went for a drink
  then i did the text to hang out again and just to say have a nice day.
  she said i see you looking for a Gf but she says she only want to hang.

  she has a date this tonight but want to hang out next week.

  i did say that i wanted to be friends first and just go with the flow,
  this girl i like is just super cool
  nice doesnt tart her self up she is just super fun .
  but i asked her what is her type and she doesnt know. so is it possible to win her have her craving me. is there a way to do it with out going in for this kiss

  why when i really liek a girl i dont have sexual feeling for her (ones that i see a future with) but when i do like a girl
  i can kiss them fuck them get them to do dirty in bed room. or in public

  man ive lost my Mojo in my 20’s i was fucking a chick on the bonet of my car in public i just didnt give a shit. but as ive grown older 39 i want to respect a women maybe have a family etc ..

  how can i turn the tables on this girl and get her wanting me be the one she wants
  she saud she cant find mr right and how do i become that 🙂
  i dont want to mind fuck her and play games. i want to be the man that she needs

  can i contact you privately somehow as i need to ask about some personal details about something

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Rob

    Thanks for your question.

    You are trying to recover from making a bad first impression, but you are not doing it correctly. You sent a text to say, “Have a nice day?” Where in The Flow do I advise that?! Dude, you need to start attracting her and stop trying to be a nice friend.

    Actually, I just went to check when you bought The Flow and it was when you made this last comment. Read it first Rob. You need to get educated and then use my advice. Talk to her on the phone exactly how I recommend in The Flow. Start attracting her and stop trying to be a nice friend. That is NOT The Flow.

    Cheers
    Dan

    P.S. You may have royally screwed this one up though. I recommend you start attracting her by using the advice from The Flow, but you may need to start looking at other women as options because this girl doesn’t seem interested based on your unattractive behavior so far. If you want to turn this around so she craves you, you absolutely must follow my advice properly. Don’t only use what you learn in The Flow 50% of the time – use it all of the time and things will turn around.

• rob

  i have started reading
  and started the smiling chest up thing
  and even as stores etc i try and say to the guys n girl hows your day been etc and not just pay and say thanks i feel a little stronger and empowered just with in a day

  how do you stop the obsessing and thinking over the girl you like
  ps she doesnt think im shy she said that before .

  ps one night we went out together
  and a young 20 yo girl was trying to crack onto me in front of her
  maybe i should of left the girl i like and gone off with the young chick
  but i didnt
  i am a very good looking guy work out own my own biz but just amd shy when i really like a girl

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Rob

    It’s great to hear that you’re already experiencing big changes and haven’t even finished reading The Flow.

    About your question: You get a life, that’s how. I explain how to completely avoid falling into the trap of obsessing over a girl to the point of becoming needy, desperate, insecure, jealous, etc in Better Than a Bad Boy. It’s not something I can teach here in the comments. I have to reserve that advice for guys who purchase Better Than a Bad Boy. It took me 7 years to work out what I teach in that program. Lots of research, testing and perfecting went into ensuring the advice would work for everyone immediately. Since releasing Better Than a Bad Boy, guys have been flooding this page with success stories and sending me e-mails to say thanks.

    Cheers
    Dan

    P.S. No, you didn’t need to leave your girl to speak to the younger woman. You don’t need to play such games when you are what women refer to as a “real man.” Being the real man that all women are desperately looking for is what Better Than a Bad Boy is all about.

• Fistoz

  Greetings Dan
  I have proceeded to making a connection on the first date. The interest on her part was so intense, she was not even closed, she opened up immediately, she even told me it was my smile that made her open with me so much. I was flirtatious, humorous and a lillte cocky. I want to setup a second date. I need advise on my lifestyle – I am a smoker, she doesn’t know yet, she is not comfotable with smokers. How and when do I reveal my lifestyle? Should I return to sparking an attraction if her response to my lifestyle is negative? Thank you.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Fistoz

    Thanks for your question.

    A woman will put up with almost anything a man does (or wants to do) as long as she respects him, feels attraction for him and loves him. If you are trying to please her and approaching the beginning of the relationship in a way where she has control, you are asking for trouble. You don’t need her permission to smoke. You smoke if YOU want to and then she accepts it.

    Read: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/who-should-wear-the-pants-in-a-relationship.html Stop trying to impress her and just do this: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/the-kissing-drug.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• Paul

  Hey Dan ,

  Looking to pick up one of your programs after I screwed up royally with a girl I really liked recently . Although I’ve made similar mistakes before this one was definitely the final straw for me . It ties in with the topic of the video so here goes :

  I live in the UK and met an Italian girl last February . She was applying for an internship and we just met randomly outside a restaurant . Anyway , I asked for her number and we met again for lunch and then for dinner . We clicked pretty much straight away and although she didn’t get the job we did keep in touch through email/Facebook . She initiated most of the conversations online and on several occasions asked when I was going to come over and visit her , she even gave me her Italian phone number without me asking for it . As it happened she was working in the same city in Italy that I have an apartment in so I finally decided to go and see her . Most of the messages we were sending had some mild flirting so it was pretty much implied that the mutual attraction was there and that something was going to happen . So we met up after she finished work on the day I arrived , had a drink , talked , watched some tv and generally just had a good time . Next day she asked me to help her with an English application letter , which I did , and after we had a beer and sat on the couch . She put her head on my shoulder , I put my arm around her and eventually we kissed briefly . After that we just watched a movie but didn’t kiss again . So far so good in my view , but then then started a gradual , epic implosion . At around 1 a.m she said had to leave because she had work in the morning , so I asked her to stay . She said she had to go , so I asked more persistently . Eventually she left and we met the next day for dinner with some of her friends and then back to mine for a drink , where I again asked her to stay over , but she said she couldn’t as she had work . The next day I asked her to dinner but she suggested going out with her friends instead . I was a bit frustrated so I asked her straight out , through FB chat , if I was wrong to kiss her . We met the next day and she explained that things were complicated in her life so she couldn’t get into a relationship ( which was true as she was moving to France to start a new job ) and also that she wasn’t just looking for just sex . Anyway I said I understood , and asked her for dinner that night . Later though she told me she couldn’t come , but asked me if I wanted to come out with her friends . I didn’t go though and instead thought it would be a good idea to stay in and write her a long detailed , sensitive email about how I felt about her . She replied that it was a really nice message but that she really wasn’t looking to get into anything . The day I was leaving we arranged to meet for a short walk . I told her that I liked her a lot and wanted to see her again and that I didn’t mind having to fly to see her when she moved to France as I have a flexible job . She repeated what she said about her life being complicated but said that once she’d moved and settled into her new job she’s think about it . We left on good terms but for some reason I thought it would be a great idea to send her a detailed message later that day repeating everything I’d said to her earlier and telling her that if she wasn’t attracted/interested in me that was okay she could tell me but that if she was she should tell me . Even worse I added ” Okay I think you’re getting tired of my messages so I’ll stop now ” at the end . This after we agreed earlier that day that she needed time to get things sorted in her new job/country . Well , I got a message back pretty quickly in which she said that she wasn’t looking to date or get into any sort of relationship but that we could still talk to each other about what’s going on in our lives from time to time . I must have come across as so desperate and pushy . When I met her in the UK we had gotten on so well and I had projected a friendly , calm persona ; she was the one who gave me her number and repeatedly asked me to come and see her . But then I blew that whole image and now she probably thinks I’m just some desperate, needy type of guy . I just want to know is there any coming back from this or have I messed up too much . I do like this girl , so I hope I haven’t completely ruined the opportunity of a relationship .

  Cheers for any advice ,

  Paul

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Paul

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    When I read the first part of your story, I was thinking, “Hmm, this guy sounds like a bit of a natural with women.” However, as I kept reading, it became increasingly obvious that you become needy with women because you’ve got the wrong idea about what women want and you also don’t know how to properly prioritize a woman in your mind. Telling her that you’d be willing to fly to another country just to see her – wow, you’ve certainly got things the wrong way around Paul. It is the WOMAN who wants to be saying that to YOU, not hearing it from you. Read: How Neediness Destroys Your Love Life

    By the way, it’s not entirely your fault…

    These days, a lot of guys see hopelessly romantic, male characters chasing after women and doing anything and everything for the woman in “romantic comedy” movies and think that women actually want guys to behave like that in real life. However, as you have now experienced, there is a big difference to the dramatized scenes of a Hollywood movie courtship and how things actually play out in real life. TV sitcoms and movies get male characters behaving like that because people find it entertaining and they go and watch the movie or watch the TV series. The guys (who have no idea about what women really want) are delighted when the sensitive, nice guy wins the girl over in the end. The women are delighted because the woman is in the position of power the whole time and it ends up being a cute love story that they can cry over.

    It’s not real life though, it’s entertainment. If you behave like the male characters in romantic comedy movies, don’t expect things to all be sweet and lovely and everyone to live happily ever after like they do in the movies. In the real world, women are turned off by needy guys and they react like your girl did.

    About turning your situation around and getting another chance at a relationship: You’ve royally screwed this one, so anyone who tells you that you get back her back quickly will be lying to you. You have a chance of getting her back IF she can see HUGE changes in you as a man. The next time she interacts with you, she’s going to want to see that you understand how a woman wants to be treated during a sexual courtship and that you will consistently let her be the one who is chasing you. If you give her the gift of the never-ending chase that she secretly yearns for (yes, most women won’t tell you that they want a guy to make them work for his attention. They will tell you that they want a nice guy who tells them how much he likes them before they’ve even had sex, takes them out on many dates and is patient about getting to sex), she will then open herself up to your courtship.

    About you kissing her being the WRONG thing: Absolutely NOT. You should have kissed her earlier and MORE and you should have escalated to sex. Her comment about not “just wanting sex” is what women ALWAYS say so they don’t look slutty. However, me and other guys who are good with women ALWAYS have sex with women who say, “I’m not usually like this” or “Wow, I’ve never had sex this quickly before.” Women say that to protect their image in your eyes. Read: The Kissing Drug

    About the product recommendation: You should definitely watch Better Than a Bad Boy. Use the advice from that program and you will never find yourself in such a situation again. Neediness will become non-existent for you. Women will be desperately drawn to you and won’t want to lose you or leave you. This woman you mention will be able to begin respecting you again as a man. From there, her attraction will begin coming back and if you can be consistent, she will then open herself up to sex and love with you.

    Cheers
    Dan

    • Paul

      Hey Dan ,

      Cheers for the quick reply . Agree with pretty much everything you said there , looking back I definitely have a tendency to become needy with women ( even if initially I give a good impression ) , which hasn’t turned out well in the past . It’s like if things don’t start going well quickly , I start to get nervous/impatient . And I guess to a certain degree I have bought into that whole romanticised image of the sensitive guy willing to do anything for a girl .

      I appreciate the honesty about my recent screw up , I definitely think I messed up big time , and I’m guessing it’s going to take quite a bit of time to repair the image she has of me . Definitely not going to just throw in the towel however , that’s not how I operate . Anyway , think I’m going to go with Better Than a Bad Boy , sounds like it’s best suited to correct the mistakes I keep making .

      Also have to say that I never realised that when a women says something like ” I’m not looking for sex” that she’s looking to protect her image . I just take the comment at face value and give up , one more thing I’ve got to learn it would seem !

      Thanks again mate ,

      Paul

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Paul

      You’re welcome mate.

      Yes, as Ben from The Modern Man often says, “Pay more attention to what a woman does than what she says.” Women have to say all sorts of things that men don’t have to say, simply to protect their image in your eyes.

      I hope to hear a success story from you sometime soon. Enjoy the program and the great times ahead with women!

      Cheers
      Dan

• Moses

  I have a girl friend for about 3 years now, but she doesn’t want me to mention going to private place with her, she is always angry with men, according to her, she is not lucky with men in relationship that is why she is behaving that way, she always want to do things her own way,I want to have sex with her and the little teaching I heard from you, I now have confidence to disagree and confront her now and I am touching her when talking with her now, pls what is the way forward bcos I have spend time,energy and money. I will get some of your materials soon, I appreciate your teaching is helping and encouraging. Thanks.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Moses

    Thanks for your question.

    It sounds like she doesn’t actually want to be with you and is simply waiting for (what she sees as) a better man to come along. You have most-likely made a lot of mistakes in the early part of the relationship that have caused her to lose respect and attraction for you. Now, she only partially loves you. She has not fully opened her heart to you.

    If you want to get her to open her heart to you, fall madly in love and respect you as a man, you need to be the man. You mention that from the free tips I provide on the site, you are already growing in confidence. If you want to experience confidence and results 100 times more powerful than that, you will need to invest in my programs. I will never teach the secrets from my programs for free on the site. That information is reserved for customers only. To fix your problems and turn your situation around, you should watch Better Than a Bad Boy.

    Cheers
    Dan

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