Question: How Do I Get the Confidence to Approach Women?

• khalid

  i like this vidio
  by the way i need to know about confidence becaus for real that is my proplem no confidence iam sure i have some but not enough any way thank u for this vidio and i learned some thing usful for real 🙂

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Khalid

    Thanks mate and you’re welcome!

    Enjoy the great times ahead with women.

    Dan

• LionsDen

  Great video. This does help alot.

  • Dan Bacon

    Thanks LionsDen!

• reno

  Dan you mention that if you are not trying to pick women up, you’ll be able to pick women up. sometimes it works of course, but not really for me. i had no anxiety whatsoever and didn’t really care about the outcome and all of that. the results were nothing special at all. confidence doesn’t really do all that much. at least i don’t know it to. and i am handsome. i am at ease. i certainly don’t try to please.

  are you talking about kind of training your subconscious mind perhaps?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Reno

    Thanks for your question.

    You are missing the most important part of ALL, which is Step 4 in my ebook The Flow. That being: YOU need to escalate/take things to the next level. Don’t expect the woman to grab you and start kissing you, or lead you away by the hand and into a room to have sex. YOU still have to move things forward.

    Understand?

    Read The Flow to understand the full process behind our system for success with women:
    http://store.themodernman.com/products/the_flow.php

    BTW: The reason you’ve seen it not working is that the guy is doing it wrong. You’ve also seen it WORK, right? Yes, that’s a guy who knows what he is doing. Most guys will NEVER know this stuff, so don’t expect to see most guys doing it…most guys try to pick women up and give all their power to a woman in the hope that she will choose them.

    Listen to what this guy did by using the Dating Power advice: http://www.themodernman.com/she_called_him_stupid.html

    Dan

  • Johnny

    Hi, Dan…! my name is Johnny & im 19 year’s old. I’ve had a let of bad luck with beautiful & sexy Women. I decided that enough is enough, so I wanted 2 find advance, I looked online & I came across your website. Dan you give great advice 2 everyone, you say that anyone can get the Women they want, so my question is im in a Wheelchair & its hard 2 find Love or even have Casual Sex, even though I have alot confidence. So my question in can I find love even though im in a Wheelchair…!? & can you give me any advice…!? (^_^)
    From: Johnny

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Johnny

      Thanks for your positive feedback and comment.

      Yes, you can find love, sex and a relationship, but you need to get out there and mingle with women who will accept a man in a wheelchair. I recommend you listen to 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend. While you won’t be able to succeed in a one or two of the environments we explain (e.g. at a strip club), you will be able to succeed in most of the environments (e.g. mixed sports team, adult learning class, etc). You need to be realistic though and go for women who will accept a man who is (permanently I assume?) in a wheelchair.

      Regardless of whether you can approach and meet women in all of the environments we provide advice for, it will provide you with valuable information that you can apply to other environments. For instance, in one of the examples we talk about meeting women in a bookstore and explain all the “Dos and don’ts” of talking to women in such a quiet environment where people don’t normally talk to each other. You can use the same insights to talk to women in an elevator, a quiet waiting room, etc.

      Cheers
      Dan

• Jared

  Just listening to you encourages confidence in me Dan. Note I mean that plutonically lol.

• drishan

  i have another question; When your talking to a woman, how do you take the conversation from just general socialising to a sexual conversation so as to keep her constantly attracted to you over the period of time ?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Drishan

    Thanks for your question.

    You should be flirting FROM THE START of the conversation, not later. You don’t try to create sexual tension after you’ve been chatting for a while…because by that time you will usually already be in the friend zone.

    You need to focus on sexually attracting a woman FROM THE START, not later. Doing it the other way is how all the nice guys try to do it…the nice guys who don’t get any action.

    There is a natural “Flow” that a man and woman need to go through in order for the “sparks to fly immediately” and for “something to happen quickly”. If you don’t know what The Flow is, read my ebook:
    http://store.themodernman.com/products/the_flow.php

    Cheers
    Dan

• Bret

  Wow, very powerful advice, Dan. I’ve been reading and listening to your products for at least a couple years now, and I’ve seen some incredible results when I manage to get things right. The problem I’ve been having lately is maintaining the confidence and not getting the rush of anxiety that ultimately kills me. So I often get very down and feel like giving up when things aren’t going well. Your cave man analogy stuck in my head and saved me. Just knowing that the anxiety will eventually go away gives me what I need to power through this rut. In fact, last night I was able to get into the right frame of mind. I went out for some drinks and could not believe the positive responses I was getting from the women I came across. The facial expressions you mention when making eye contact is extremely powerful. I made a conscious effort to do just what you were describing and for the first time ever, I had women wanting to talk to me and wanting me to come dance with them, etc. with virtually no effort whatsoever. Wow! It wasn’t awkward, just calm, relaxed and a mutually good time. For what seems like very subtle, minor differences what a big change! Thanks Dan.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Bret

    Thanks for your comment.

    Awesome that you put it into practice. That is what we keep saying here at The Modern Man: USE our techniques and you will get results.

    BTW: The reason you’ve been going back into your old ways and getting the rush of anxiety again is that you are not using the techniques we teach. It is as simple as that. When you use the confidence system we teach in Dating Power, it is impossible for you to NOT feel totally confident and free of any anxiety when you want to approach a woman.

    Just like you have used the free technique that I gave away in the recent Q&A video, make sure you also use the ADVANCED confidence techniques that we teach in Dating Power. Not sure if you own Dating Power already though…if not, send me an e-mail and I will give you a half price link since you’re already a great customer.

    Cheers
    Dan

    • Bret

      Dan,

      It is good to hear back from you. I’m also glad you made the recommendation for trying dating power. It must have been about three years ago that I got the flow, about a year after my ex (we were engaged) left me for another guy just few months before the wedding. At the time I had no idea what I was doing right and what I was doing wrong. I went from a nice, shy boy to a bitter angry a-hole nearly over night.

      All I had to go by up until then was the crap you see on tv and only half good (mostly bad) advice given my my mom and older sister. I was pretty shocked by what I found in the flow and later in the ultimate guide to conversation. That’s when things started to make sense and I finally understood why things seemed to go well when I wasn’t really trying with my ex and why they would go to crap when I did. Since then, I honestly cannot emphasize how much I’ve changed as a person. I’ve done so many things since then I never could have imagined myself doing before and have been much happier overall.

      I would have to say that focusing on the things you teach, experimenting with them, and changing the way I think has been the key to getting where I am. So thank you very much for teaching the methods and sharing the information you do. I would appreciate it very much if you could send the half price link to dating power because I’m certain there’s much more I can learn from it. Thanks again Dan.

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Bret

      Thanks so much for sharing your positive feedback and experiences using our products.

      Like we always say: Use our techniques and you will get results with women. Enjoy the great times ahead with women!

      Cheers!
      Dan

      P.S. Sorry to hear about your fiancé doing that to you. Man, that would have hurt…! Lucky you didn’t have children with her…would have been worse if she did it after that. Glad to hear you’re on a better path now. Believe me, your confidence and skills with women will continue to get better and better when you are using the right techniques and mindsets. There are many great times ahead for you.

• Ray

  Hey Dan,

  Just wondering i hear alot of people say looks aren’t that important when it comes to getting girls it’s got to do with confidence ect ect.
  Could u tell me the truth in these kind of statements and your thinking?

  Thanks alot.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Ray

    Thanks for your question.

    I actually made a video response for you about this, but the video camera has malfunctioned. Very annoying because it was a great explanation and approx. 15 minute vid! Will buy a new camera in the next week or so.

    In the meantime, here’s a quick text response:

    How OFTEN do you see a GOOD-LOOKING or VERY PRETTY girl/woman with a guy who is NOT good-looking?

    ALL THE DAMN TIME.

    So, are looks important? I’ll let you decide.

    What is important? What WILL get you the girl? I explain that in The Flow: http://store.themodernman.com/products/the_flow.php

    Cheers
    Dan

• Jesse

  Hi Dan

  Great video!

  I didn’t really know where to post this and I know you get enough whiners on here or people making excuses BUT I’m interested in intelligent girls and I’ve recently moved to the United Kingdom with my family I always think girls get turned off by my accent (I come from Alabama) some girls find it ‘cute’ obviously but the majority of girls just think i’m ‘stupid’ what can i do about this? I know you guys say that this kind of crap doesn’t matter and I know that but I do think theres actually something to this.

  Thanks

  Jesse

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Jesse

    Thanks for your question.

    What makes you think the “majority” of women think you’re stupid because you have an accent?

    How many single, intelligent women have you actually approached and attempted to pick up?

    Dan

• Samuel

  Hi Dan!

  this video is packed of advice i know will be helpful to me.

  however i still have a problem: i got the flow. i use the techniques. i get amazing response from women but i am wondering i should go about approaching a mixed group on campus and eventually getting the phone number of the girl i’m after.

  Thanks

  Sam

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Samuel

    Thanks for your comments and question.

    Yes, we can help with that exact situation. We provide step-by-step strategies for meeting women on campus section 11 of 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend. Stu (from The Modern Man) was “King of Campus” (so to speak) when he was at uni and admits her probably spent too much time hooking up with women and not enough time studying.

    He explains how to approach, attract and pick up women in that environment.

    You’ll also be able to use the techniques when on campus that you learn from other sections in 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend. Examples: Section 2 is about meeting women in classes or courses (adult learning courses, etc), section 8 is about meeting women through friends and section 19 is about meeting women at house parties.

    We talk A LOT about approaching groups in 21 Ways: http://store.themodernman.com/products/21_great_ways_to_get_a_girlfriend.php

    Cheers
    Dan

• Art

  Hi, I like the material, thanks.
  I’ve asked on a few sites, but never gotten an answer about how to handle getting shot down if a girl tells you she’s not single?
  Ie. how do you make a retreat and still save face?
  Cheers, Art.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Art

    Thanks for your positive feedback and question.

    You aren’t getting “shot down.” She’s simply telling you a fact. You’d tell her the same thing if you had a girlfriend.

    If the woman says it, but DOESN’T actually have a boyfriend and is trying to let you down lightly, you can say, “Okay, I’m happy that I at least gave it a try and came over to talk to you. I think you’re cute, so I had to at least come and speak with you for a bit. It was nice meeting you anyway, okay?” …and she’ll be real nice after that. Then just leave.

    Above all, remember this: It is ONLY awkward if YOU think it is awkward. For example: Some people think it is embarrassing and awkward to kiss in public, where others don’t care and do it without a thought. Some guys think it is awkward to talk to a girl and not get her number…other guys see it as normal (because not all women are single and it is impossible for a guy to be compatible with every girl he meets and vice versa) and they just talk to another girl.

    Most of the problems that guys have with women are a result of incorrect or ineffective mindsets, which is why we created this program: http://store.themodernman.com/products/mastery_methods_and_mindsets.php

    I recommend you check it out. There’s no need to ever feel awkward, nervous or anxious around women. It is unnecessary. Mastery Methods & Mindsets will remove all the unnecessary fears from your thinking and replace it with calm, positive and relaxed confidence.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Johann

  Hey Dan,
  I’m writing this as a question to mindset #1 (in Mastery Methods & Mindsets) that people don’t care about you nearly as much as you think they do. Even so, 3 things I do really stick out (esp. the 1st one): 1) dressing nicer than most guys 2) not wanting to get tied down to a cell phone and 3) not always wanting to drive somewhere just because I can (but rather ride a bike).

  I would rather use just my home-phone because I don’t like everyone being able to contact me wherever, and I bike so I can get fresh air and not waste money (it’s only a mile, though I can still drive if I want). Using some of your other techniques I will be able to pull off my first and third problems easily. Could I possibly turn the cell phone thing around to create mystery, or should I just break down and get one?
  Thanks so much

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Johann

    Thanks for your question.

    To put it simply – you think too much. Really, being successful with women is not that complicated. Be confident, talk to women and move things forward with them.

    About the 3 things you do that really stick out…

    No cares if you have a cell phone or a home phone…having both or just one is not going to get you laid by women. Likewise, women who you haven’t met don’t care if you ride a bike or drive a car.

    What is important if you want results with women? Approaching, displaying confidence, talking and then moving it forward to a phone number, kiss or sex. Everything else is irrelevant.

    A lot of guys who suffer from social anxiety, nervousness or shyness around women (and people) are usually just unnecessarily narcissistic. They think that the small details of their lives matter to other people. Sure, sometimes they do matter in fleeting moments or when necessary, but none of it has anything to do with being successful with women.

    Stop thinking so much and just approach women.

    Cheers
    Dan

• isk

  Hi Dan.

  thanks bro..
  im quite more confidence right now…
  can make eye contact and smile when see hot women.)
  thanks a lot Dan.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Isk

    Thanks for your positive feedback.

    Yes, one of the first parts of becoming confident with women is experimenting with making eye contact and smiling. Most guys are surprised to see how well women respond. Next, you have to start approaching women. If you’re not ready yet, try this: http://www.themodernman.com/stop_approaching_women.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• Dirty Cloud

  Dan! Dude! what you just told Johann was gold all of its own! You should charge for that comment. I also think too much Johann. I think the small stuff matters when it doesnt. “What is important if you want results with women? Approaching, displaying confidence, talking and then moving it forward to a phone number, kiss or sex. Everything else is irrelevant” If u want to put up a web site that helps men get with women, that paragraph is all you need! thanks dan
  -Dirty cloud.

  • Dan Bacon

    Cheers mate.

    Yes, the clients that I coach in person (I’m taking a break at the moment, but here’s the page detailing the courses) often ask me, “If you could sum it all up, what would you say” and I reply, “Be confident, talk, move it forward.”

    It’s like the “See Do” method we explain in Mastery Methods & Mindsets – there is no need to think when you want to approach. You see and simply do, which then gives you no time to worry, come up with excuses or start feeling nervous. The next thing you know – you’re talking to a woman and THAT is what is going to get you results. A lot of guys wonder why they don’t have a girlfriend, but if you look at their life for an entire month you’ll see that they don’t even talk to many women to give themselves a chance. It’s like wanting to watch TV, but never turning it on and then wondering why you haven’t seen any good TV shows lately. Seems obvious when you look at it that way. So, to everyone reading along: Approach and talk to women!

    Cheers
    Dan

• Zuma

  Hey Dan

  Thanks for your awesome video!

  You are so right about that confidence can regenerated by doing approaches without the intend of picking up women. Just a casual small talk here and there along with positive responses from women. The mind will adjust to all the positive responses. Dan, let me tell you i have lost a lot of my confidence due to bad experiences in the past. So today i was in university with my buddy and playing pool, 3 girls were sitting and looking at us. Suddently, one girl came up to me and asked me if they could play pool with us sure, i said. And it felt really good because that girl was only 20 or something, but she came to me to ask if they could join. Ok. Then i decided to engage conversations with women in all ages. i ended up having personal chats with women on work. From transaction to interaction. ages from 18 to 45. It felt good. I felt like a had accomplished something today. – Zuma

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Zuma

    Thanks for your positive feedback.

    I waned to point out something you said in your comment, “The mind will adjust to all the positive responses” Exactly! Well done. That is where the power is. The more positive experiences you have approaching and talking to women, the more “evidence” you will get that you CAN do it. That then results in increased confidence. As a side benefit, you’ll find that you also have an increased sexual drive and more mojo for life in general.

    BTW: Yes, it does sound like you accomplished something. Gathering evidence like that is a critical part of the Confidence Building Process we explain in Dating Power. It sounds like you’re on the fast track to easy, natural and consistent success with women.

    Cheers
    Dan

• DC

  Hey dan do you think it is ok to go out at night to bars and socialize by yourself? I have some friends who like to go out but most of the time I am by myslef. Second is it ok to go out to the bars by yourself and just drink water when your broke and cant afford a beer? hahaha I know I sound like a loser. thx

  DC

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi DC

    Thanks for your questions.

    Yes, after years of only going out to pick up women with a wingman or with friends, I actually prefer going out alone now. It is much more efficient in terms of pulling one night stands, which is what I’m into these days.

    Well…it never really is a “one night stand” in the true sense of the term. Why? My biggest problem with women is that they all want to get married and have babies with me within a month or two of meeting me, so I prefer to have multiple girlfriends and I try to keep it purely sexual and only a little bit “boyfriend/girlfriend vibe.” When the girl gets too attached, I go and find new ones…, but the previous ones never seem to fully go away anyway. Last night I had a girl over who I’ve broken up with 6 or 7 times now and she keeps coming back. Make up sex is always good, so I don’t mind letting her come over for a night here and there.

    Anyway, I digress! If you want to make more friends for going out to approach, check out this article: http://www.themodernman.com/social/friendship/making_new_friends.html

    Also, listen to 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend. Many of the ways to get a girlfriend also put you in a position where you make lots of new friends.

    About the your question of buying drinks to not look cheap – NO ONE CARES. Read this: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/articles/quick_fix_report.html

    If a girl asks why you’re not drinking, you don’t have to lie – simply tell her that you’re not drinking that night. However, you don’t have to divulge all the details about not being able to afford drinks. That is unnecessary. It’s like a girl saying, “That’s a nice shirt” and you replying, “Oh, well yeah it’s nice but it was only $10″…just say “Thanks” (or use one of the flirting lines I include in The Flow) and keep chatting.

    Cheers
    Dan

• andrew gharib

  Hey guys, I have been reading the flow for around a year or so. It took me quite a long time to get the ideas down and for the concepts to sink in. I was in a long term relationship that ended very sourly, and I didn’t date anyone for over a year. As a result, I had no idea what to do to attract women. Very slowly, I changed my thinking patterns, and started thinking high status. I also worked on affecting my attitude with my thoughts (positive thoughts) and worked on flirting. I started approaching many women. After getting a few numbers, and going on dates, I was finding, for the first time, that many women weren’t good enough for me. It came to me that I would always settle for whoever came along. The Flow helped me set much higher standards for myself, and gave me loads of confidence when interacting with women. After rejecting several women, I found one that I’ve recently met, and have great chemistry with. We flirt, joke around, I bust on her and she loves every minute of it. The Flow helped me the most with dealing with rejection and women’s slight resistance to my advances. I also worked on my social skills and using social proof to attract women. That stuff is incredibly powerful. I met a woman through a friend, and through flirting, body language, and putting my best qualities forward, we’ve had 2 great dates with a 3rd on the horizon. The dates were full of fun and flirting. Thanks to you guys for helping me find myself again!

  Andrew in Canada

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Andrew

    Thanks so much for sharing your success with using The Flow techniques!

    It’s awesome to hear that YOU are now selecting women instead of taking whatever you can get. The irony is that when you have standards and DON’T accept every “half decent” woman who shows interest, MORE women become interested than ever before. Instead of making you try to live up to their standards, the tables turn and they and they try to impress you to win your approval. Whereas the desperate guys who want ANY woman and are willing to do whatever they can to impress a woman end up getting nothing at all.

    Enjoy the great times ahead!

    Cheers
    Dan

• matt

  Arent you contradicting yourself in this video a little?The reason I say that is because you’re saying you should go in with the vibe of just having a social interaction rather than trying to pick her up doesnt that go against what you’ve said in previous videos of making sure you have a sexual vibe and being flirty rather than being the super nice,polite guy?Thanks Matt.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Matt

    Thanks for your question.

    There’s no contradiction. Simply a misunderstanding on your part, so maybe I should have made the point clearer in my previous comment.

    If success with women was as simple as saying “be social”, no guy would have issues with women.

    Flirting and having a sexual vibe is essential for attracting women. If you are being social, but interacting with women in an unattractive way they are obviously not going to be interested. Additionally, flirting and having a sexual vibe is not all you need. Again, if it was that simple, every guy would have a girlfriend and I wouldn’t be typing this right now.

    Regarding “not trying to pick her up” – that ONLY works if you actually make her WANT YOU by being attractive and creating a dynamic where she feels that she’d be lucky to be with you. Why would a woman care about a man who doesn’t try to pick her up if she doesn’t actually feel any attraction for him? Again, if success with women was a simple as not trying to pick them up, every guy would have a girlfriend.

    Do you know what you need to work on (personally) to improve your success with women? Listen to this to find out. When you know what you need to fix, you can focus on that, get it done and then get on with your life.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Tony

  Hey Dan question about confidence and high status that you talk about in The Flow. Is high self confidence such as a high opinion of yourself the same thing as being high status? You mentioned how if you convey TOO much confidence, you can end up being obnoxious and arrogant. and if your too high status than others, people will think your an arrogant prick as well. Are status and self confidence the same thing or are they linked together in any way?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Tony

    Thanks for your question.

    Yes, status and confidence are linked together, but are not the same thing.

    Confidence (noun): Belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities. Certainty.
    Status (noun): The position of an individual in relation to another or others, especially in regard to social or professional standing.

    Confidence in yourself is different to how you perceive yourself in relation to others. Additionally, just because someone is confident, it doesn’t mean they will perceive themselves as being above others (in terms of social status) or that others will see them as high status. A person can be confident, but still convey low status in social situations.

    In terms of taking status too far, I explain that in The Flow. People who have high status and use that power correctly, don’t places themselves way above everyone else. It’s about placing everyone on an equal level to you, but with you being slightly above. Ironically (for those who are afraid to convey high status), people respect, admire and like people more when they convey slightly higher status.

    Men who display slightly higher status in social situations are more attractive to women. Men who go overboard and place themselves way above others end up looking insecure to many and are disliked by many, but are still attractive to some women who like arrogant men. The right way to use status is to place yourself SLIGHTLY above others. That is how the most respected men in the world do it.

    Cheers
    Dan

    • Tony

      ok, yeah this is just something that i’ve really been thinking about for a while because i noticed that when i FEEL really confident, i notice that i start to percieve myself slighlty above others in terms of status. While you did mention that you can be confident and feel lower than someone and that confidence and status are not the same thing, is it kind of like a “2 sides of the same coin deal” where you can use a level of confidence to achieve high status?

• Amrish

  One female friend of mine thinks that she can give me better advice on getting a girlfriend then compare to the advice you give here on this site.
  Of course I don’t believe her but she thinks otherwise.

  What are your thoughts on that?

  • Dan Bacon

    Lol…tell her to write up her top 5 tips and we’ll see.

    Cheers
    Dan

    • Amrish

      Thanks Dan

      That made my day, I look forward to more of your vids.
      So far, after watching these vids, has helped me understand women much better

      Don’t worry, I will ask her to write her top 5 tips on getting a girlfriend lol

      I need to ask another question, do you do any seminars of your programs here in Auckland NZ?

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Amrish

      You’re welcome mate. I’m glad to hear my videos are helping you.

      Regarding doing programs in New Zealand: No. Why? Dating Power was the result of over 5 years of research and 3 years of seminars (see photos here). Only after all of our techniques had been thoroughly tested for years (listen to how we tested everything on women and with 100s of clients for 3 years) did we decide to record it on video. Now that it is recorded and available as Dating Power, there is no need to do it again.

      If you want to learn from us in person, we do run courses, but we are currently taking a break from courses. Check out the page here for prices and information: http://www.themodernman.com/lifestyle-course.html Also, make sure you listen to the 2 audios on the top right of that page. Very interesting!

      Cheers
      Dan

• mark

  Hi dan
  i am a mechanic and this is how i sse aproching a woman is like tuning a engine don’t overcook it or it will blow up in your face treat her with respect and look listen and learn that way you will get the best out of it/her. yes?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Mark

    Thanks for your question.

    Interesting analogy. I don’t think you can “overcook” a woman’s attraction for you though. In fact, continually increasing a woman’s attraction for you is what you should do, especially as the relationship goes through it’s stages. However, if you’re talking about during an initial conversation and guys who try too hard to get a woman to like them – yes, you don’t actually need super crazy levels of attraction to get a woman interested. So, tune the engine of her attraction nicely and then take her for a ride.

    BTW: About treating women with respect. Yes, The Modern Man approach is actually to be a confident, modern gentleman…but, not an overly polite, wussy, super nice gentleman who doesn’t flirt and doesn’t escalate to kissing and sex. If you’re being overly respectful to a woman in an attempt to win her over, she will lose interest because she will see you as being desperate. The only women who like desperate guys are the women who want a weak man that they can manipulate. However, even then, the woman won’t ever truly love him.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Janno

  You point some very interesting points man.

  In fact, everything you just said is so true—-I do feel like that rhetorical caveman and so far, my experience with those “toasters” ain’t too well. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve made it a point to avoid beautiful and attractive women, and I don’t think that it will change anytime soon. I don’t feel very motivated at the moment. I’ve read your e-book, and really it all makes sense, but too much has happened in the past that I don’t feel that anything will change in an instant. Maybe one day I’ll take a shot on those “toasters” again. Just not today.

• Jesse

  Hey Dan havent heard from u in ages mate whats going on. anyway mate ive read the flow, wtch the datin power dvd and got the 21 great ways to get a girlfriend audio. And I am getting better at intercting with women.

  Anyway here comes the story I know this one chick at University likes me because im being humorous and flirting with her a bit. She showin signs of interest in clusters by her prolonged eye conatact, her askin me lots of questions and the feminine way that she acts around me. Anyway she sent me a message that made no sense. so i replied her message with “btw ive got a break tomoz sometime in the afternoon i was wonderin if u wanted to catch up for a chat.” to which she replied “haha ummmm cant catch up am only at uni 2 days a week monday and wednesday u ditched me today :p”. to which i replied “hahah you know what they say bro b4 hoes :p. but yeh catch up on monday then.” to which she replied hoes???? kiss my ass :p nah full day. At this point i was preety frustrated because i knew she was interested in me but she was really playin hard to get. so i replied with
  “stop playin girl i know u wanna c me again so meet me at the kebab store at 12 on wednesday :). to which she replied ill c 🙂 no prmises i have like an 8 hour day… i dnt vene know this kebaba place that ur in love with. Dan mate im in a dilemma how do i get a girl thats interested in me and playin hard to get to go out on a date with me.

  i want to thank u for the flow its counsel is really practical and has helped me to be a bit more adventurous in conversation. people r sayin that i walk arond with this smirk on my face and am gettin really confident lol. So thanks heaps.

  cheeres jess

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Jesse

    Thanks for your positive feedback and question.

    Well, it doesn’t sound like she’s playing very hard to get. She’s just being a girl. If you continue taking the lead and moving things forward, she will eventually submit and go along with it. However, just make sure you don’t end up acting feminine and saying something like, “Aww, come on…pleeease meet up with me” Stay in control, stay strong and don’t let her push you around.

    BTW: It actually sounds like you’re doing a pretty good job with it, but you need to realize that NO GUY is going to compatible with EVERY woman he meets WHEN he meets them. Sometimes, girls are too busy or not in the right frame of mind for a new relationship and sometimes you are too. If you want to have lots of women in your life, you need to talk to more women and create more opportunities instead of sticking to just one girl. Believe me, if you were having sex with other women you wouldn’t be so worried about this particular girl.

    So, here’s what you should do:

    1. Keep pushing forward with her, but make sure you don’t get all “Come onnn…pleeease” or “Why are you treating me this way?” with her. Just relax, be a man and maintain control of your emotions.

    2. Get her chasing you. Watch the section “Making Women Chase You” in Dating Power over and over until you understand it AND start doing it properly.

    3. Have sex with other women in the meantime. Trust me, the confidence you get from that is irresistibly sexy to women, so don’t be surprised if this particular girl starts chasing and trying to get some of YOUR time.

    4. Focus on being more masculine. In your message to her you said, “btw ive got a break tomoz sometime in the afternoon i was wonderin if u wanted to catch up for a chat.” Why did you say “sometime”? Be more specific and say “at 2pm” for example, because it sounded to me like you would meet her at ANY time she suggested. For instance, if she said 3pm and you had a class, I got the impression you might skip it to meet her. Don’t be like that. Respect yourself and women will too.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Jesse

  Thanks Dan for your lengthy response your right. I should of been more specific and to the point and not worry about whats going on with her. Ive just got one more question. I was at a party the other night and managed to get alone with a stunning brunette. We had a good laugh about things and i could tell she was attracted to me by the way she was moving in closer to me and her prolonged eye contact. After interacting with her for ten minutes or so she introduced me to her female friends. And i was thinking awesome this is great i am in here. One of my mates then pulled me aside and told me she was a LESBIAN!!!! LOL. So i stopped interactin with her. So heres the question: When she introduced me to her friends was she keen on gettin me a tight hook up with one of them?

• Dr. vishve mohan

  Thanks Den,

  it is good to listen to you, confidence is required in all the action of man and specialy in talking to the woman of one’s choice.I want to know , how one can know the woman love or like the man in real not faking to get the favours from him.the woman may also exploit him knowing that he is vulnerable due to his high social status

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Dr Mohan

    Thanks for your question.

    It’s not about trying to work out if she loves you or not. Love usually comes later, with the exception of “love at first sight” and two people having a unique chemistry together. First you have to determine if she is sexually attracted to you. Then, you should have sex with her and decide whether you like HER…not the other way around. If you let the woman be in control of the courtship, she will make you earn it by taking her out to expensive dinners, buying her gifts, waiting for sex, etc. I have sex with women on the first date (or first night I meet them) and then decide if I want to continue. This results in women trying to impress me and become my girlfriend, instead of me trying to romance the woman so she is open to sex.

    I recommend you read The Flow and learn how to properly approach a modern, sexual courtship.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Mamun

  Hey Dan,
  Thanks for sharing the video. I have a question to you. I have a friend who is conservative. I want to have sex with her. I have tried several times but she says that she is not interested in premarital sex as it is prohibited in religion. So what should i do now to impress her and come out from the concept?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Mamun

    Sorry mate – I don’t get involved in religious stuff. My only advice would be to either wait until you marry her, or find a new woman.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Anrich

  Hi Dan

  My ex left me recently and i lost most of my “game” when it comes to women. I looked all over the internet for the best advice when it comes to women and i must say from everything ive read and heard your advice is the best. I just have one question and problem. When i see a hot women that id want to go talk to, i literally just dont know what to say. How the conversation would go and so forth? I’m not confident enough to know that if i go speak to her i will be able to carry the conversation for long enough and in the end get results. What advice do you have for me?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Anrich

    Thanks for your question.

    Yes, that’s what happened to me too. Listen to this to hear what I went through and how I recovered: http://www.themodernman.com/why_women_cheat.html

    Basically, the answer for you is that you need to learn how to keep a conversation going and keep it interesting. Here’s a bunch of free stuff for you to get started with:
    http://www.themodernman.com/videos/question-and-answer-video-series-part-1.html
    http://www.themodernman.com/having_an_interesting_conversation.html
    http://www.themodernman.com/laugh_listen_lead.html
    http://www.themodernman.com/how_to_talk_to_women.html
    http://www.themodernman.com/stop_running_out_of_things_to_say.html
    http://www.themodernman.com/5_conversation_killers.html
    http://www.themodernman.com/keep_a_conversation_going.html
    http://www.themodernman.com/videos/behind_the_scenes_conversation.html
    http://www.themodernman.com/women_scan_your_conversation.html
    http://www.themodernman.com/what_is_conversation.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• Lee Lewis

  Hey Dan, just seeing you talk in the video I can already get the sense that approaching women, having interesting and fun conversations, flirting and teasing just work for you. I really do wish I had that confidence.

  I actually had some opportunities earlier in the week when me and my roommate were at target. I saw some pretty attractive women there and I didn’t say hi or anything. I know I am better than that. Much better. Yet I continue to wimp out. I can’t blame anyone but me.

  I will try what you said in your video. Just go up to a woman and just talk with nothing in mind, but having a nice short, and flirting filled conversation. At the same time demonstrating masculine qualities that are very attractive to women. Thanks for the great video and keep up the good work.

  Lee

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Lee

    Thanks for your positive feedback mate.

    Yes, you can have permanent confidence in your abilities with women by going through our Confidence Building System in Dating Power. That is how I achieved the confidence I now have and how 1,000s of other guys have since watching Dating Power.

    In the meantime, just approach. Don’t hesitate. Just do it. You’ll enjoy it, believe me.

    Cheers
    Dan

    • Lee Lewis

      Hi Dan, thanks for the reply. I was just wondering if I should get The Flow first, or Dating Power first? I’m looking to take advantage of your free offer and was just wondering where shouldI start. I really want to get this part of my life handled and you have great products that seem they can be very beneficial to me. Thanks again and I will just do it and approach. I’ll give you an update on how that goes.

      Cheers
      Lee

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Lee

      You’re welcome mate.

      I’d recommend Dating Power for you.

      Cheers
      Dan

• Seven

  Hi dan
  Thank you for your great efforts and time ,it’s been several months since i found this website ,
  i have watched all your videos i have read many books on seducing woman and being a dominant male and it worked for me alot , , i’m still pushing forward , i’m having some success with women but sometimes i get rejected , a friend of mine told me that i’m being a jerk with women ,i’ve became the opposite of the nice guy.
  I’m a little bit confused ! what do you think ? am i doing somehing wrong ? I feel good about tha way i handle my self around women , but this jerk thing is really confusing me !!
  please reply , and thank you for your time .

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Seven

    Thanks for your question.

    Being a jerk is not the secret to success with women. Most guys are good guys and they have girlfriends, but you don’t even though you’ve been approaching women. You don’t have a girlfriend because you’re not truly confident and women can see right through the act you’re putting on.

    Someone like you needs to watch Alpha Male Power and get real with what you’re doing.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Dan

  Hey, Dan! Great videos! I have a question. I have never dated a woman, but I have a girl that I talk to online. Problem is, I’m worried about meeting her and I’m afraid that I’ll become shy and lose the confidence that I had (and lose her in the process). Also, I’m 18 years old and she is my first girlfriend. Any advice would be great. Thanx in advance! – Dan.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Dan

    Thanks for your positive feedback.

    About your situation: Mate, she isn’t your girlfriend yet. Don’t get ahead of yourself. You’ve got to kiss her and start a relationship first and then you’ll get to that point.

    If you’re worried about losing confidence and becoming shy, you need to fix that first. Just read this, use the techniques and you’ll be more confident than you’ve ever been in your life: http://store.themodernman.com/in/58e9e6c

    Cheers
    Dan

• Jose

  Hey Dan

  Nice video there, just reading along the articles – I’m new to the modern man.

  I’ve watched a lot of confidence videos, here and lots on other sites too, but none seem to really help me. I’ve lost a lot of confidence in my life through bad experiences, to name a few – with women, the one time i approached and got rejected badly, totally blanked me, and this other time in a social situation where a few guys were bantering about going to this place to meet women, and someone said I’d be ‘stretching it’ by even trying and the others started laughing, that hurt really bad – but my below average looks suggest otherwise either – im only a 5 at best in terms of looks. Even though my bad experiences were some time back, it still affects me now, I just can’t seem to overcome it man; the loneliness, the idea of not having a girlfriend in my life is getting unbearable now, you can never imagine, I know.
  Also I’m the type that gets self-conscious when like walking through the mall or in public places with lots of people, this is so frustrating it just won’t go away, I don’t even want to feel like this!
  I’ve tried everything man, heck even stopped watching porn and masturbating (I read somewhere this a big factor in social anxiety and a lot of other negative things) for well over a month now, but I feel pretty much the same inside, about myself, and in social situations.
  I don’t know what else to do, can you help me Dan? Any advice? Would really appreciate it.

  Thanks
  Jose

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Jose

    Thanks for your question.

    This says it all, “with women, the one time i approached and got rejected badly” Why? If you are not a confident guy and you approach women, they will reject you in most cases. Why? Women are attracted to a guy’s confidence and turned off by insecurity, nervousness and other emotional weakness. Additionally, if you don’t even know what to say or do when you approach women, then you will have most-likely made all sorts of mistakes that caused the interaction to feel awkward.

    Building confidence with women is a step-by-step process and the fastest way to do it is by using our Confidence Building System in Dating Power: http://store.themodernman.com/products/dating_power.html

    You mentioned watching videos on other sites and none of them really help you. That would be for one of two reasons:

    1. You watched the videos and didn’t use the advice. Instead, you just hoped that you’d find a magic technique that fixed everything during one video.
    2. The advice you got was from an amateur or fake “dating guru” who isn’t even confident or successful with women in his own life.

    If you want to be truly confident and successful with women, you need to learn from a guy who actually transformed himself from a shy, nervous guy who sucked with women into a confident, alpha guy who has his choice with women. That is me. You also have to use the advice that I give you.

    Cheers
    Dan

    P.S. Read this: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/theres-no-such-thing-as-rejection.html

• Richie

  Finally realised that i need to actually work on my confidence and self esteem issues before working on getting better with women. Any suggestions?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Richie

    Great realisation, but just know that your confidence will build as you begin to learn more about this topic. Many guys get my ebook The Flow, feel a huge boost in confidence, put the advice into action and approach women, hook up with new women and then cruise all the way to the mastery level. However, some guys get my ebook, feel a huge boost in confidence, don’t put the advice into action and then slip back into their old ways.

    That is why we always focus on confidence and mindsets in all of our programs at The Modern Man. Our focus is to build and maintain your confidence and then take it to the highest level possible. That way, nothing can stop you and you will take action (e.g. approach women, escalate to a kiss with a woman you know already, etc) whenever you feel like it. We always provide techniques on what to say and do around women, but the most important thing is how to think. If you need help building your confidence, we explain that in step-by-step detail in Dating Power when discussing our Confidence Building System: http://store.themodernman.com/products/dating_power.html

    Building confidence and getting rid of your self esteem issues is a step by step process. You have to go through certain stages of thinking to transform yourself into a confident guy. Watch the video at the top of this page: http://www.themodernman.com/success/successful_thinking/3_common_habits_of_successful_men.html

    Cheers
    Dan

    • Jose

      Hey, thank you for the response.

      I know that I don’t have much confidence – the main thing, I’ve never had confidence in myself before, and I can only blame myself, I have probably caused myself to be not confident, because 3-4 years back during my high school and college days I never put much value on socializing; I used to think ‘oh this pointless talking and chatting again’ and I totally regret that now and feel so stupid, and am feeling the consequences now.

      When you first started out, you must’ve had SOME confidence right? I mean you got yourself a girlfriend even though it was by luck, because when I see really a hot girl, I just freeze, I don’t know why, but I do, and just hate it afterwards.
      Also I’m just worried – if I do get started and get going – I’m not super talkative like you, ben or stu; I think this affects my confidence a lot too knowing that I won’t be able to keep up a conversation with anyone I meet, I even struggle to hold conversations with my friends and family.

      Anyways after a long hard think for a few days, I came to the realization, it hurts to admit, I need more social help than the average person.
      So I’m confused on where to start, how to start. Any suggestions?;

      Thanks again
      Jose

    • Dan Bacon

      Hey Jose

      Thanks for your question.

      When I got lucky and scored my girlfriend (all explained here: http://www.themodernman.com/why-learn-from-me.html), I was a bit tipsy after a few drinks at a party. Kissing her was pure luck, because she was also a bit tipsy and just went with it. The confidence I had back then was basically non-existent when it came to women. I had confidence in myself in terms of my intelligence, my relationships with my friends, etc., but when it came to women – I was full of self-doubt, nervousness and anxiety. I pretended to be confident around women, but they saw right through it. For instance, all a woman had to do to make me squirm/lose confidence was give me an unimpressed look, say she wasn’t interested or behave in any other challenging way and I would doubt myself. She would then see right through any act of confidence I was trying to put on.

      As for you: Learn, put our advice into action and go through the process of becoming confident and naturally successful with women. The Four Stages of Learning explains how:

      1. Unconscious incompetence: You don’t even know that you’re doing it wrong.
      2. Conscious incompetence: You know what you’re doing wrong.
      3. Conscious competence: You can do it correctly, but you have to think about it while doing it.
      4. Unconscious competence: You can do it correctly without thinking about it.

      Currently, you are at difference levels of competence in terms of what it takes to a confident man and be successful with women. When you learn the right things to do and then get used to doing them correctly, you will then begin to become a natural at it. You will eventually get to a point (where I am and have been for many years), where you just do everything correctly without even having to think about it. Picking up women, maintaining a great relationship and being confident all the time becomes natural and automatic.

      Cheers
      Dan

• Jose

  Thanks for the reply again.

  I occasionally wonder if I’ll be able to get this area sorted; I have confidence in other things I do, things that I enjoy, with close friends, etc, but when it comes to women and socializing it seems like a totally different feel, to succeeding and being confident, it’s really hard.
  I find it silly that you have to get ‘one over’ someone to be seen as the higher socially status person; the savvy type women are the worst, always making fun of people and being mean. I just find it all stupid and insensible, but then again maybe it’s down to me being introverted and not assertive enough?

  Also I heard you have to be a good socialist before you even half a chance with women so I’m thinking of improving my social side first before approaching women and stuff, do you think this is a good strategy, or can I improve both in sync?

  So I’m thinking of getting started with dating power and the ultimate guide to conversation, but a question Dan: How is it that some guys are really witty in social situations, and others are not? I think you show that in the jam session in your conversation program; is there a secret to it? Because it seems you have it or you dont kind of thing and not something that can be taught/learnt.
  Looking forward to your reply.

  Thanks
  Jose

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Jose

    Here’s a Tweet I wrote a long time ago that applies to you and any other guy who is procrastinating before beginning his journey to success with women:

    If you want to achieve something, but it seems like it'll be a big challenge for you, start by taking one step towards it. Then take another

    — Dan Bacon (@Dan_Modern_Man) December 4, 2012

    About all of your questions in that comment – just get started my friend, all the answers, techniques and methods are in our programs. Don’t try to work this out before getting started – that’s what our programs are for. Just sit back, listen/watch/read and we will explain everything for you.

    Cheers
    Dan

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