Dating in the modern world has become increasingly complex.
In today’s world, women (and men) are a lot more demanding than they used to be, and ideals of meeting “The One” have been replaced with, meeting “The One who will give me what I want.”
As one 24 year old contestant on If You Are the One, one of China’s most popular television dating shows put it, “I would choose a luxury house over a boyfriend that always makes me happy without hesitation. And my boyfriend has to have a monthly salary of 200,000 yuan ($32, 336.57).”
But is this normal? Is this what happens when a woman is in demand? Like with anything in life, scarcity creates value, so does the same apply to women? Do women demand money when they are in demand?
It’s All About Supply and Demand
The case for supply and demand is no more prevalent than in China. In 1979 China enforced a “one child per family” policy. Initially this concept was a great idea and definitely helped slow down the population boom that was threatening to destroy the county’s economy.
However, in China, there has long been a tradition favoring sons over daughters. The common explanation for this is that in rural families having a son meant more help on the farm.
Also, traditionally, regardless of whether they are from rural or urban populations, sons are preferred because they are expected to be the primary financial support for their parents in their retirement.
According to Chinese custom, a daughter becomes part of her husband’s family when she gets married, which for one-child parents means no financial support in their old age. These beliefs have led to many Chinese families aborting fetuses if they discovered they were having a baby girl, or, simply abandoning a baby if it was a girl.¹
But what does this have to do with women demanding money when they are in demand? A lot!
In poorer times in China, a typical woman would be happy if a man had two arms and two legs and could work on the farm. That way, they could both survive and hopefully have enough food and resources to raise a family.
According to sociologists, China is now expected to have an “extra” 35 million Chinese men by 2020², and this is having a big impact on relationships. Women are now a commodity in China and they know it. For Chinese men to actually get married these days they need a lot more than two arms and two legs.
In fact, according to a report which surveyed 32,000 people and was jointly issued by the Chinese Research Association of Marriage and Family and the All-China Women’s Federation, more than 70% of single women in China said that they would not get married to a man who did not own his own home.
According to the survey, 50% of the women ranked financial considerations on the top of their “must have” list for a prospective husband – even higher than considerations such as good morals or a good personality, which didn’t even make it to the Top 3.³
In 80 interviews conducted by a film crew in Beijing for the purposes of making a movie on the subject, Chinese women were asked, “How much money does a man need to have in order for you to marry him?”
Some of the not-so-surprising answers were as follows:
“Man without money is garbage.”
“Monthly income over 10,000, I think this is the most basic in a big city.” “New house… car… then ok.”
“I feel no house means not secure, therefore house is required.”⁴
However, as shocking as this may sound to some guys, this is not just an isolated problem that is only happening in China. Women naturally do this all over the world. In countries where there is a high percentage of overweight or obese women, the beautiful women naturally play very hard to get.
Unfortunately this can create problems for guys who don’t know how to behave around beautiful women. In China for example, where the average salary for urban workers in the private sector is about 2,000 RMB per month, meeting these requirements is practically impossible.
This is leaving many Chinese men feeling angry and resentful, and a lot of them are beginning to shun marriage altogether.
In fact, things have gotten so bad that in a bid to stop Chinese women from marrying for money, or a new house, China’s Supreme Court has now ruled that the person who buys the family home, or the parents who advance them the money, will get to keep the home if the couple gets divorced.⁵
Guys in other countries are not so lucky. Many guys who feel insecure and uncertain around beautiful women often resort to either avoiding beautiful women altogether and “settling” for relationships with ordinary and even ugly or fat women, or they try to meet the demands of these beautiful women, putting themselves under extreme stress.
When the Shoe is On the Other Foot
However, this is not the case everywhere. There are also many countries where the opposite rule applies. In countries such as Russia, Latvia and Hong Kong, beautiful women are “a-dime-a-dozen” as the saying goes, MEN are the commodity, and beautiful women don’t have the power to use their looks as a bargaining tool to get more value from men.
Let me explain what I mean…
If you ever seen a drop-dead gorgeous woman out on a date, or married, to a guy you would consider to be a loser, chances are you’ve thought to yourself, “Why? Why is she putting up with that guy? She’s so gorgeous she can date any guy she wants!” or, “What has that loser got that I don’t? Why would a woman like her date a guy like him anyway?”
The answer is actually quite simple: In countries where men are scarce, this “ugly, fat, mean” guy is considered a catch. He can have a beautiful woman AND treat her badly because HIS value to HER is higher than HER value to HIM. He knows, (and she knows), that if she complains about how he’s treating her he can find another 10 gorgeous women to replace her instantly.
This is no more prevalent than in Russia where men have a monopoly on the beautiful women of their country. According to Elena Krivovyaz, an editor in Moscow for the Daily Telegraph, Russian men have become more confident, while Russian women are more insecure than ever before.
Krivovyaz says, “When something or somebody is rare, then it’s of higher value. This circumstance provides men in our society much freedom and power to dictate the rules, which are more convenient for them. I’ve noticed that being a man in our society is way more prestigious and even safe.”
Essentially, not only do Russian men have their pick of beautiful women, they can also beat them, abuse them and cheat on them knowing that the women in Russia will tolerate whatever they dish out because finding another man is almost impossible.⁶
In Hong Kong women are faced with similar problems, and although they’re not prepared to settle in the same way as the Russians, Hong Kong’s women are now seeking out the advice of professional love coaches to boost their image and mannerisms and make themselves more attractive to prospective husbands.
Plastic surgery is also highly sought out in Hong Kong. In the words of one 27-year old woman who has already had one procedure done, “Right now I’m not completely satisfied with the way I look. It’s quite hard to meet the right kind of guys, and there’s a lot of competition so you do feel a certain pressure to try extra things to make yourself stand out.”⁷
Ultimately though, when there is an imbalance between the sexes, other things begin to happen. For example, even though Latvian women are in the majority, many of them are not prepared to put up with less than what they want. That is why so many Latvian women, and women from other countries lacking in men, are going abroad and looking for rich, often older boyfriends.
Pass Me Some Sugar Baby…
When a woman is beautiful, especially when she’s in the minority, she can demand any price she wants and she knows that she will get it. This is why so many foreign beautiful women flock to America or the United Kingdom in search of a “sugar daddy” to pay for their lifestyle.
Many will exchange their good looks for gifts, cash and even a visa. Once these women get what they want they can then dump their sugar daddies. Of course, by that time they have earned enough via gifts, jewels, trips, clothes, etc, or they have had a baby with their “sugar daddy” and can now claim child support.
And this is not just something foreign women are doing to snag a rich American or British husband.
Being a “sugar baby” is now becoming common practice, especially amongst younger American women. According to Leroy Velasquez, the PR manager for SeekingArrangment, a website that pairs wealthy older men with younger women in hopes of fostering a “sugar daddy-sugar baby” relationship, 44% of the sugar babies registered on the website are college students.
College students seem to be opting for this type of arrangement so that they can use their “sugar” to pay their college tuition, for rent, to cover student loans and to pay off their credit card debts.⁸
Watch Out For the Piranhas
It’s one thing to have a mutually beneficial relationship between consenting adults, even if those adults happen to have a 20-year age difference; however, some women are using their beauty to secure a life of leisure and free meal tickets.
According to Diane Benussi, who runs a large matrimonial law firm in Birmingham specializing in high-value divorce cases, there is now a new breed of women, which she has dubbed the “piranha women.”
Mrs. Benussi believes that there is an increasing number of women who are shying away from work and marriage and looking instead for easy financial sources; namely rich, older men.
She says, “Marriage doesn’t seem to have the same resonance it once had. Instead women want a baby. Babies are becoming a lot more fashionable – they are becoming trophies. For some women having a baby is a career move. They are paid to stay at home and look after their baby. It is a meal ticket for the next 18 years of their life.”
Mrs Benussi says that over the past 20 years she has witnessed many of these “canny” women use the court system to gain financial support for 20 years or more.
She says that these women “…know exactly where to find their targets. Many middle-aged men who are boring, with a receding hairline, bulging waist line and of course, a fat wallet, are approached by younger, beautiful women. They get suckered in and don’t see it coming.”
These guys end up paying dearly for something that was merely a one night stand, or a “sugar daddy-sugar baby” arrangement with a beautiful woman.
Once these women fall pregnant they know exactly how to exploit their target through legal loopholes that can land them a house, a car, a monthly child allowance of over $6,800 per month, and even money for vacations.⁹
What a Woman Really Wants
Yes, women demand more from a guy when they are in demand, and yes, many women use their beauty to manipulate guys into giving them what they want. However, no matter what country a woman is from, and no matter how beautiful she is, she will always be most attracted to men who behave like real men.
No matter how much in “demand” a woman is, what all women really want is a “real man.” A man who:
- Is confident and who believes in himself and his self-worth.
- Doesn’t become a victim to her beauty and therefore doesn’t place her on a pedestal above himself.
- Doesn’t let her, nor expects her, to wear “the pants” in the relationship because in the real world a woman wants to be with a man who can lead, someone she can rely on to be the man all the time.
- Has purpose in his life and is either on his way to achieving all his goals, or has already made it.
Most guys think that a beautiful woman will only be interested in them if they can “sweep her off her feet” by being super nice and overly generous. Although this behavior is fine in the movies, in the real world women regard men who behave like this as an easy meal ticket.
In the real world women are attracted to men who are alpha males. Often, guys will jump through hoops to impress a woman only to find that she doesn’t respect them, and ultimately doesn’t feel attracted to them.
Such men often fall into the trap of being a really nice guy in the hope of being liked enough by the woman that she gives him a chance to be with her. However, as Dan Bacon (founder of The Modern Man) explains in the video below, being too nice to a woman will often result in rejection…
In truth, there are many ordinary, plain guys who are walking around today with beautiful, sexy women. These guys aren’t rich and they aren’t in countries where there are more women than men.
So, what’s their secret?
These guys know how to make women feel like real women. If you know how to do that, it doesn’t matter what country you’re in, or whether there’s thousands of beautiful women or only a few; because in the end all women demand one thing… a man who knows how to make them feel the way they want to feel.
References:
¹ One-child policy. Wikipedia. Retrieved from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One-child_policy
² McLaughlin, K., E. (2013, January, 3). China and the worst-ever, man-made gender gap. Global Post. Retrieved from
http://www.globalpost.com/dispatch/news/regions/asia-pacific/china/110615/china-and-the-worst-ever-man-made-gender-gap
³ Jacobs, A. (2011, April, 14). For Many Chinese Men, No Deed Means No Dates. The New York Times. Retrieved from
⁴ (2011, December, 1). Man without money is garbage, marriage is a large transaction. China Hush. Retrieved from
http://www.chinahush.com/2011/12/01/man-without-money-is-garbage-marriage-is-a-large-transaction/
⁵ Moore, M. (2011, August, 21). China tries to stop women marrying for money, rather than love. The Telegraph. Retrieved from http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/china/8714097/China-tries-to-stop-women-marrying-for-money-rather-than-love.html
⁶ Dare, D. In Russia, a lack of men forces women to settle for less. Latitude News. Retrieved from
http://www.latitudenews.com/story/in-russia-a-lack-of-men-forces-women-to-settle-for-less/
⁷ Cox, D. (2013, December, 2). Hong Kong’s Troubling Shortage of Men. The Atlantic. Retrieved from http://www.theatlantic.com/china/archive/2013/12/hong-kongs-troubling-shortage-of-men/281942/
⁸ Bahadur, N. (2013, September, 4). Sugar Daddy Capitals Revealed By New Survey. Huff Post. Retrieved from
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/09/sugar-daddy-capitals-best-cities_n_3045119.html
⁹ Brown, L. (2012, February, 6). New breed of “piranha women” who are preying on rich men to get them pregnant, warns lawyer. Mail Online. Retrieved from
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2097019/New-breed-piranha-women-preying-rich-men-pregnant.html
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